Make Sure To Put Your Toys Away Or You'll Never Get Into A Good College

Last week we told you about Springtown, Texas ISD Superintendent Mike Kelley's determination to paddle him some of that sweet sweet post-pubescent booty. You may have gotten the impression that we were not in favor of professionally trained educational professionals who decide that the best way to get kids to learn is to beat them, and you wold have been correct. Personally we prefer more subtle forms of behavior management such as the random quiz--given three days in a row, no more, no less. Then wait two days and give another. Also there is the dinner time call to the parents, very effective with certain parents, and of course, The Home Visit. Ah, what memories that brings back. the tears, the curfews, the promises...and no bruises.

So, slapping kids around is not what we'd call a sound pedagogy for children. For adults, however...we're not so sure.

With school in full swing across the United States, the littlest students are getting used to the blocks table and the dress-up corner - and that staple of American public education, the standardized test. A national push to make public schools more rigorous and hold teachers more accountable has led to a vast expansion of testing in kindergarten. And more exams are on the way, including a test meant to determine whether 5-year-olds are on track to succeed in college and career.

OK, so what test is specific enough that it can determine whether a five year old boy is on track to be a policeman, a fireman, a cowboy or an astronaut since those are the most popular career paths at that age. And why subject five year old girls to this test? Just check the box labeled princess and that will pretty much cover it. 

Paul Weeks, a vice president at test developer ACT Inc., says he knows that particular assessment sounds a bit nutty, "but we've pretty much maxed out the market for selling tests to the other grades, so profit margins, you know"?

Asking kids to predict the ending of a story or to suggest a different ending, for instance, can identify the critical thinking skills that employers prize, he said. "Of course, their ability to predict when they are five can be totally different by the time they get to 18, after they've been taught and stuff, but hey, that just means they'll need another test!"

"There are skills that we've identified as essential for college and career success, and you can back them down in a grade-appropriate manner," Weeks said. "Even in the early grades, you can find students who may be at risk. Or at least our tests will show them at risk. Who knows what's really going on at that age."

Opponents counter that testing puts undue stress on 5- and 6-year-olds and cuts into the time they should be spending playing, singing and learning social skills. They also contend that most tests for kindergarteners are unreliable because the children have short attention spans and often find it difficult to demonstrate skills on demand. "Which is why we need more tests, only shorter," Weeks said. "Say, what if we tested playing, singing and social skills? That could work. We really don't care what we test."

Kari Knutson, a veteran kindergarten teacher in Minnesota, has seen the shifting attitude toward testing play out in her classroom. During her first two decades of teaching, Knutson rarely, if ever, gave formal tests; kindergarten was about learning through play, music, art and physical activity. These days, though, her district mandates a long list of assessments. This week, it's on to math - and a seven-page, pencil-and-paper test. "It's supposed to show them what they'll be learning in first grade," Knutson said. "Like they really care."

"But don't you see?" Weeks asked. "That's the beauty of it. The tests aren't for the kids anyway. They're to create fear and confusion among the adults, so we can sell them more tests. You people really don't get marketing do you?"

Friday Hound Blogging

We're thinking of renaming FHB "Who's Bashing Tucson Greyhound Park This Week?" Frequent reader(s) of this blog will know that Track CEO Tom Taylor and his wacky sidekick Dr. Joe "Needles" Robinson (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) are about as welcome in polite society as a scabes infestation...erm...we mean know that we have reported on the festering boil that passes itself off as TGP here, here, here, here, oh and also, too look here and here as well.

Are you getting a feeling there's a pattern developing?

If you answered yes reward yourself with the beverage of your choice, sit back and enjoy this week's installment of How Big A Clue Do You Need, Tommy?

You might hear those words in promotions for the sport of greyhound racing, but there are other words you won’t hear: fractures, pulled muscles and lacerations. Injuries are the dark side of racing.

Well, actually we hear about injuries quite a bit but we have a feeling this is just your way of saying you're about to lay one upside old Tommy's head, so do go on.

Tucson Greyhound Park (TGP) CEO Tom Taylor has told 9 On Your Side over and over that the welfare of dogs is paramount.

The windup.

But does the track always put those words into action?

And the pitch.

9 On Your Side obtained a number of state reports that suggest otherwise. The Arizona Department of Racing documented 68 injuries at TGP over the course of just two months this year.

 It's a long drive to deep center...back...back...

More alarming is what greyhound caretakers told investigators about track conditions. Among their complaints: people in charge of the track and running the tractors “didn’t care;" unmaintained dirt near the inner rail caused dogs to get their toes broken; and the fast dogs pulled muscles from running on heavy sand.

 And it's outta here. Once again Tommy's credibility as anything other than a heartless shill for a barbaric practice thankfully dying a well deserved death vanishes into the clear Arizona air like a fart in a windstorm. Let's round the bases with a flourish:

The Department’s Chief Greyhound Veterinarian found that injuries are “consistent with poor track surface conditions.”

Well, that's got to sting Tommy, huh?

Taylor talked to 9 On Your Side in the past, but declined to be interviewed for this story, citing death threats.

HaHaHaHaHa! Death threats?  Dude, people already know who you are, what you look like and where you work. What'd they tell you? "If you say one more stupid thing about how you put the welfare of the dogs first, we're coming for you. And we mean it this time!" That's pretty funny Tommy. Unless...you're talking about the death of TGP aren't you? Then that's PRETTY FREAKIN' AWESOME!!

Now, in the intrests of being fair and balanced, since Tommy declined to favor us with some sort of hypocritical, bald face lie about how the dogs are cared for at this time, we'll bring you a hypocritical, bald face lie he told in the past:

“Everything we do here at Tucson Greyhound Park is what is good for the greyhound,” Taylor said in an August interview. “These dogs are athletes and we want to treat them that way. We have to give them the best because if we give them the best, then they race the best,” Taylor said.

 And no, Tip, Tommy's head didn't explode when he said that, although we did notice his eyes bugged out a little.

Tip is a four year old boy who did all of his racing in Alabama and Arkansas. He raced 91 times and won 11 races, but he never got beyond Grade C which means even though he was winning occasionally, he wasn't generating enough bucks to warrant keeping him around. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Welcome To Tomás de Torquemada High

Back in the day, when we were but scurrilous trainees in our local educorporate training facility, our scurrilousness would occasionally come to the attention of the educational technicians and we would be unceremoniously perp-walked down to the Principal's lair and an official school sanctioned pedagogically approved butt thumping would be applied to our miscreant backside. Usually said application of what passed for the latest in educational theory vs-a-vis classroom management would be handled by none other than the aforementioned Principal himself, along with little homespun aphorisms concerning how to live the proper life, delivered between swats.

For the record, this did not make us better citizens, only more sneaky.

Well, we tell you this because, having gone on to earn our daily bread serving in the church of reason, we had just assumed that beating students, like bleeding patients, was a practice that has been assigned to the dustbin of history. Apparently we were misinformed.

Officials at a Texas high school plan to ask their board tonight to change a policy requiring that spanking punishments be administered only by employees of the same gender as the student to receive the punishment.  "The vibrations from paddling those bony old boy butts hurt my hand. Every once in a while I need to wallop on some bodaciousness to avoid carpal tunnel or something,"said vice principal Buford J. Smellings III. "I mean, we take our disciplinary responsibility very seriously here."

Taylor Santos, a well-regarded student and athlete at Springtown High School, near Fort Worth, Texas, chose to be paddled as punishment for allowing another student to copy her homework.  Her mother, Anna Jorgensen, agreed to the punishment as long as her daughter was OK with it, but was surprised the spanking was administered by a man. As far as Jorgensen knew, she said, school policy mandated that males spank males and females spank females. She said her daughter's buttocks were red and appeared blistered due to the force of the spanking.

 "Well, what did you expect," said vice principal Smellings. "You have a meeting with the 'Board' of education, it's gonna leave a mark. Besides, chances are she's probably going to end up in an abusive relationship anyway. This is Texas, you know. Might as well get used to it. And no, I did not yell 'who's your daddy' when I hit her."

"The Texas Education Code and our local policies state that if a parent or guardian does not want corporal punishment administered to his/her child, for each school year the parent or guardian must provide the district a separate written and signed statement to that effect. Otherwise, the use of corporal punishment is permissible," Mike Kelley, superintendent for the Springtown Independent School District said in a statement. "We like to call it our opt out of the 19th century program."

The day after her daughter's paddling, Jorgensen called the vice principal to complain, but was told it was "normal for her bottom to look like this after receiving swats."

The vice principal added that he had no idea about the same gender swatting, Jorgensen said. "The District is always sending out those policies and guidelines," Smellings told reporters. "Who has time to read all that stuff?"

Another student, Jada Watt, said she mouthed off to the same male vice principal, and received the same punishment, which was observed by a male police officer. Her mother, Cathi, said she "wasn't expecting a bruise." "Two men giving her a swat behind closed doors, that is creepy," she added.

 "I remind you that we are educational professionals," Smellings said. "So there is nothing creepy about  me and some minimum wage rent-a-cop taking a minor into a room, bending her over a desk and playing a little Ina Gadda Da Vida on that scrumptious, little booty. Wait, let me rephrase that."

Springtown ISD Superintendent Mike Kelley told WFAA that he will ask the board to eliminate the requirement of same gender spanking.  He said the same-sex spanking policy can be difficult to observe in smaller schools where aren't enough female administrators around to mete out punishment to female students.

Whoa. "Same sex spanking?" Sounds like some of those San Fransisco values have sneaked into the Texas Education Code.

Springtown ISD Superintendent Mike Kelley leaves the School Board Meeting

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the When It Rains It Pours Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. WIRIP is a division of the Blood In The Water Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of Mene, Mene, Tekel, u-Pharsin, NA.

As reported in this blog, the overlords in Tucson have found themselves in a spot of bother of late. First the legislature says, Dude. Race or don't race, we don't care. Then Dr. Joe "Needles" Robinson (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) gets busted trucking the dogs into Tucson proper to shoot them up with steroids and the city commission is all like "Go somewhere else to break the law, ya freakin' embarrassment to Veterinary Medicine." And all this after several visits to the track by the local tee vee talking heads to interview track CEO Tom Taylor and get his explanation of why the welfare of the dogs always comes first.

As you may imagine, that didn't turn out so well.

Now, a normal person might think, "Dag! dealing with this many hassles to continue to provide industrialized animal cruelty to the people of Arizona is just not worth it, wonder if Walmart greeter school is still accepting applications," but one thing you can say about the overlords is, they aren't normal people.

After weeks of public scrutiny, the Tucson Greyhound Park won't be injecting female dogs with steroids any more. Instead of injecting the dogs with testosterone to prevent estrus, the track has decided to become female-free. CEO and general manager Tom Taylor said the track won't be accepting any more female dogs and expects the track to be all male in about a year and a half.

 Oh wow, the first all greyhound fraternity. What will you call it? I Beta Buck? Busta Bona Day? I Broka Leg? Iota Bank A Bunch? Man, the possibilities are endless here. But Tom, what happens to the girls in the mean time?

He said the current female dogs at the park will be allowed to go into heat. While in heat, the dogs will be separated and will not race for approximately 30 days.

Wait, aren't the girls already separated from the boys?  Even if they aren't in heat, you know how guys are, just a bunch of old hound dogs. Well, in this case literally hound dogs, but it sounds like what you're saying is nothing is going to change except the girls will be stuck in their cages even more when they're in heat. Why not just spay them and get it over with?

Taylor said spaying the dogs was not an option because it presents a serious risk to the dogs' health. "We've been advised by veterinarians across the country that this is the best course of action," Taylor said. "There's too much danger in spaying a female greyhound.

Now Tom, just because you talk to Joe "Needles" Robinson (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) every day and he went to Mexico once does not mean you've talked to Veterinarians all over the world. Besides, if spaying is so dangerous, how come so many people recommend it?

Now that you mention it though, if you did go the spay route, Joe "Needles" Robinson (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) would probably be the one doing the surgery huh? OK we see your point.

Fewer dogs mean fewer races and Taylor said he is uncertain if the track will survive if it can't find enough dogs to maintain a sustainable number of races.

Bummer. Still, the only other option is honest work so we have to give it to old Tom, not going to enter the labor pool without a fight. So, heat problem solved. Now can he get on with the business of exploiting innocent creatures for profit, meddlers and animal rights wackos?

Despite housing more than 700 dogs, Tucson Greyhound Park hasn't licensed any of them in 60 years. County records show there are only three licensed greyhounds listed in South Tucson, where the track is located. According to the city of South Tucson's animal ordinance, for every unaltered dog kept within the city for 30 consecutive days each year, owners must pay a $45 licensing fee.

 Holy crap! It's like these people just don't want you around or something. OK, Tom? Dude, let us give you a hand. Here's five bucks. Why don't you go buy a clue. Maybe you would like to tell him where to go Jazzy.

Jazzy will be two years old next month. She only raced nine times, so not the most profitable investment for the overlords, which meant she was booted early--a lucky break for her and the person who decides to offer her a permanent couch. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Next Up: Ann Asks For A Divorce

This has to be good news for John McCain.

Tim Pawlenty quit as co-chair of Mitt Romney's presidential campaign on Thursday to become one of Wall Street's top lobbyists in Washington. "Well, actually he quit three weeks ago," said a Romney aide. "We just noticed it today. Not the most dynamic guy in the organization if you get my drift."

Yeah, but he's pretty good at quitting.

"It is an honor to call Mitt and Ann my friends," Pawlenty said in a written statement released by the Romney campaign. "Calling Mitt my boss? Not so much. Dude's a walking talking car crash, know what I mean? It's like working for Donald Trump, but with a better haircut."

"Tim Pawlenty is a dear friend," Romney said in the same statement. "But he's part of the 47% now, so kiss off T Paw. You're getting bupkus in a Romney administration."

"You've got about as much a chance heading a Romney Administration as I have winning the nude version of America's Got Talent," Pawlenty replied.

"While I regret he cannot continue as co-chair in this (vulgar unprintable phrase) people are referring to as  'my campaign,' his new position is in an office with glass walls so people will at least know he's in the building," Romney said.

Romney passed over Pawlenty in his search for a vice presidential candidate, eventually settling on Congressman Paul Ryan. Pawlenty had been discussed as a possible running mate for Sen. John McCain in 2008, but the veteran lawmaker picked Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin instead.

"Thanks for bringing that up," Pawlenty said.

Smarts? We Don't Need No Stinking Smarts

So the old newspaper saying goes dog bites man, that's not news. Man bites dog, that's news. OK, not being trained in the journalistic science of journalism or anything, explain to us where this headline came from:

Rick Santorum tells audience that ‘smart people’ will never be on his side

Well...Duh.

"We will never have the media on our side, ever, in this country," Santorum said, according to video posted by Right Wing Watch. "We will never have the elite, smart people on our side, because they believe they should have the power to tell you what to do."

Yeah. We'll leave aside for the moment the fact that if you're by definition not a smart person, as you have just stated, you could probably use a smart person to tell you what to do. You know, things like don't eat dirt and come in out of the rain. Stuff like that.

"So our colleges and universities, they're not going to be on our side," he added. "The basic premise of America and American values will always be sustained through two institutions — the church and the family."

Umm...Rick? What about colleges associated with churches? You know, like Notre Dame? We once dated a girl from Notre Dame. Dropped us like a bag of hot rocks for a pre-med student. Seems pretty smart to us. Oh, and what about Liberty University? That's the university whose name is plastered all over the backdrop during your speech?

During his campaign for the Republican nomination, Santorum got some blowback after saying President Obama was a "snob" for promoting higher education. "President Obama once said he wants everybody in America to go to college," he said at the time. "What a snob." He walked back that comment after it was criticized by some Republicans, saying in a CNN interview that the remark was "probably not the smartest thing."

Ooh! Ooh! Let's show off our smart elite college education here and use a syllogism to explain why you shouldn't be surprised that you say dumb things:

Values Voters are not smart.
Santorum is a Values Voter.
Santorum is not smart.

For all you Values Voters out there who won't understand that because, you know, what Rick said. We've got a translation for you: Obama is a Kenyan Muslim who wants to force you to gay marry a socialist in a Sharia ceremony. Also, too. No guns.

Hope that clears it up.

Romney/Ryan 2012! Motto: If We Win 47% Of You Will Have To Move To Canada

OMG!! OMG!! OMFG!!!11!!!1! It's the whitey tape.



Wait, that's not Michelle Oblackma. That's M. Mittington Mitteroy III. Jeeves! Cut the power to the servants' quarters. If they see this there'll be hell to pay.

Now here's our question: how could anyone except some dissolute millionaire who lives in a gated community somewhere even half way consider the idea of voting for this walking bag of scorpion droppings? The melanin infused races figured this out long ago, but even if you're a Bubba, if you're getting social security, or are on medicare, our are just working some crap job somewhere and occasionally getting food stamps because you get laid off all the time, you've got to know this guy doesn't give a rat's ulcerated rectum about you, and if by some mystery of the universe he gets elected is not going to lift an expensively manicured finger to help you and most likely will back policies that make your pitiful life even worse.

Bonus douchebaggery: Mitt says his comments are accurate but not elegantly stated. How do you elegantly tell a senior citizen who worked all his or her life and lives on a pension now and pays no income tax that he or she is a whiny victim reliant on government handouts and by implication an irresponsible leech on your bank balance?

Sheriff Arpaio Call Your Office

Frequent reader(s) of this blog are haunted in the deep and silent night by the filmy specter of commitment, and lie restlessly in their beds, nearing blessed sleep, but watching it flit soundlessly away as they long for the morning and the warming rays of rationalization...erm...we mean will recognize the name Sheriff Joe Arpaio America's Sheriff ^tm. Now, we have to admit when we introduced you to Sheriff Joe we figured, well, Arizona, you know? Something about the dry heat apparently acts on the normal firing of neurons in the brain and produces cascading failures which result in, well, Arizonians.

However, that explanation no longer fits the facts as we have discovered Michigan has its own version of Sheriff Joe.

Eaton County Sheriff Mike Raines is part of a burgeoning nationwide movement that sees the county sheriff as the last line of defense against an overreaching federal government.

And all this time we thought the Sheriff's job was to catch criminals and such.  Eaton county is just a couple of counties over from the World Headquarters of IM Central and we have driven though the Duchy of Raines on several occasions and have been guilty of overreaching the limits on vehicular velocity. Good thing we aren't the federal government.

The sheriff has the power to stand in the way and can help restore the U.S. Constitution as the “supreme law of the land.” Silly us. All that time we spent in Civics class learning that it was the ultimately the Supreme Court that decided how to interpret the Constitution and here it was Sheriff Mike all along. Wonder if Scalia knows that.

Raines said it would be his duty to turn away a federal agent from the county — including an Internal Revenue Service auditor — if the agency was “overstepping (its) bounds.” When asked how the IRS could overstep its bounds, Raines said he wasn't exactly sure, but he basically "just don't like them revenuers."

“A lot of people think they’re losing their rights,” Raines said in a recent interview. “If we can get back those rights, one county at a time, it would be better for all the people in the U.S.”

Uh, Sheriff Mike? A lot of people think Mitt Romney killed Osama bin Laden, so that may not be your strongest argument.

Raines was among nearly 100 sheriffs from across the country who earlier this year attended the Constitutional Sheriffs and Peace Officers Association’s first-ever convention in Las Vegas. A second convention, also in Las Vegas, is scheduled to begin today. Raines said he is not able to go. Organizers expect about 75 sheriffs who weren’t at the first convention to attend. There are more than 3,000 sheriffs in the U.S.

Hmm...a 100 Sheriffs out of 3000, and about 75 make it to the convention. The rest are getting their medications rebalanced we suppose, but we're thinking professional journalist, trained the the journalistic science of journalism Kevin Grasha, author of this article doesn't know the meaning of the word "burgeoning."

One particular right Raines and other “constitutional sheriffs” focus on is the right to bear arms. They believe it’s in jeopardy. “Get on the news, and you’ll find there’s always been a threat to take Second Amendment rights away,” Raines said. “There’s always been a threat out there.” He wasn’t specific, but said he’s heard about legislation that would take away Second Amendment rights.

 In Sheriff Mike's defense, we often see stories on the news that are not specific. Why just the other day we saw one that was about a tiger cub being born at a local zoo. Now, that wasn't specifically about them coming for your guns, but you never know.

The constitutional sheriffs association’s founder, Richard Mack, was sheriff in Graham County, Ariz., more than a decade ago.

Wait, this whole movement was started by a sheriff from Arizona? Back to our original theory.

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, you have to give the overlords credit. Rather than admit no one wants to have anything to do with the industrialized animal cruelty from which they draw their meager incomes, they keep telling themselves if they could just find that one angle, that one idea, that one connection with people times would be better. It's a hard slog. Take the overlords at Hall Green Greyhound Stadium for example. They face quite a challenge.

Greyhound racing has been a familiar part of Northern British working class culture, and it is one of the few elements of that culture to escape a renaissance in the last 20 years. Sadly, it has remained resolutely uncool.

"Resolutely uncool." Well, that's one way to put it. Certainly if you walked up to any odd bloke on the street and said, "Bloke. How'd you like the chance to spend an evening in a broken down old facility with people who don't have all their teeth watching greyhounds risk severe injury and death and lose money too?" That bloke is likely to say, "That's resolutely uncool man."

You see the problem.

Well, the folks at Hall Green Greyhound Stadium are not giving up.

Hall Green Greyhound Stadium is leading the way in this relentless charge into the new. The changes at the Hall Green Greyhound Stadium have widened their audience far beyond the traditional greyhound racing fan base. Now people from all walks of life are visiting the stadium, and it is continually being recognized as one of the best things to do in Solihull.

Yeah. Well the population of Solihull is less than 95,000. You can get more people than that in the football stadium at the University of Michigan, so we're thinking the competition for things to do isn't that intense, but do go on.

The main change in perception has come from the new restaurant. Food available at greyhound stadiums has traditionally been a long way from haute cuisine, but the restaurant at Hall Green has completely defies those prejudices by serving up a culinary offering that is being widely described as one of the finest places to eat in Solihull.

Being "one of the finest places to eat in Solihull" is probably similar to being the best ballerina in Boise, but seriously dude, a restaurant? That's your big idea? OK, OK, it's a good restaurant but even if you're sitting down to Italian Herb Crisps topped with balsamic glazed tomato salsa followed by Linguini Alfredo marinated pasta noodles with mushrooms tossed in a white wine garlic sauce and you top it all off with a Caramel Fig Crepe, all while sipping on a fine Rasteau 2011 Ortas, Côtes du Rhône Reserve, when you look out the window and see dogs flying through the air, breaking their legs and fracturing their skulls, it's bound to have a bad effect on the ambiance, know what we mean?

You'd be better off shutting down the track and going with the restaurant. Just saying.

You got to give the people what they want, like the Palm Beach Post.

We’ll reallocate the space we save to give you more information about the topics you have told us you care about most, such as football — pro, college and high school —baseball and pro basketball. For example, when conference play begins in college football, we’ll print conference standings every Monday.

See that? Giving the people what they want. And what was it that the people apparently didn't want that got its space "reallocated" away?

Starting Monday, the Palm Beach Post no longer will carry entries or results for greyhound racing at Palm Beach Kennel Club.

Oh. Um...OK bad example, but it does point up the importance of good community relations between the track and its neighbors. Take Tucson Greyhound Park in the city of South Tucson  for example. They didn't take the time to explain to their neighbors the benefits of injecting female greyhound with steroids to interrupt their cycles and so the City Council passed an ordinance outlawing the practice. Luckily, the overlords learned their lesson and when they began trucking  the dogs into the city of Tucson to skirt the ordinance, made sure to explain themselves and that was all the difference.

The city of Tucson has joined South Tucson in banning the use of steroids in racing dogs.

 So, the lesson here is make the investment in a little PR and educate...wait, what?

The Council then voted unanimously to ban the practice.

 Oh. Apparently the people of Tucson think greyhound racing is resolutely uncool. What's that you say Stardom? They should just tear the place down and open a Burger King? Do they serve wine at Burger King?

Stardom Aim is a very sweet boy. He was somewhat afraid of people at first but he is warming up to them now as he is finally around people who are loving and caring towards him. He is playing with toys, especially the stuffed animals. He is curious and interested in people and then can become outgoing once he gets to know people. He is housebroken and does not mind going in his crate. As Stardom Aim does not mind being in his crate, he would do well in a working family. He would do best in a home with no children or older well-behaved children due to his slight nervousness. He would also do best with other dogs in the household. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

In Which Ironicus Spots A Similarity

Responding to the killing of Ambassador Chris Stevens and three of his staff, Fox News Bafflegabber Ralph Peters had this to say:

"They kill four of ours, you kill 400 of theirs." Isn't that always what the evil Nazi Commander says in every bad WW II movie when the partisans have managed to blow up the truck full of troops he sent to shoot up the local orphanage?

Romney/Ryan 2012! Motto: It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time

So, there's a terrible tragedy in Libya and Bob 2.0 decides to make some political hay out of it. Turns out he zigged when he should have zagged though because the statement he bases his attack on actually was issued before the attack.

Don't you hate it when that happens?

Well, it's not like this is the first time this has happened and it probably won't be the last, so we have to figure team Mittbot is pretty good at damage control by now.

But the embassy's statement was issued before violence broke out—prompting Democrats to claim Romney launched a misguided political attack. Asked whether he "jumped the gun" in attacking Obama before he knew all the facts, Romney defended his response, insisting the administration's initial statement was "reiterated" after the embassy in Cairo had been "breached" and the administration stood by the "inappropriate" statement for hours.

Yeah, except no. Here's what the President said:

I strongly condemn the outrageous attack on our diplomatic facility in Benghazi, which took the lives of four Americans, including Ambassador Chris Stevens. Right now, the American people have the families of those we lost in our thoughts and prayers. They exemplified America's commitment to freedom, justice, and partnership with nations and people around the globe, and stand in stark contrast to those who callously took their lives.

I have directed my Administration to provide all necessary resources to support the security of our personnel in Libya, and to increase security at our diplomatic posts around the globe. While the United States rejects efforts to denigrate the religious beliefs of others, we must all unequivocally oppose the kind of senseless violence that took the lives of these public servants.

On a personal note, Chris was a courageous and exemplary representative of the United States. Throughout the Libyan revolution, he selflessly served our country and the Libyan people at our mission in Benghazi. As Ambassador in Tripoli, he has supported Libya's transition to democracy. His legacy will endure wherever human beings reach for liberty and justice. I am profoundly grateful for his service to my Administration, and deeply saddened by this loss.

The brave Americans we lost represent the extraordinary service and sacrifices that our civilians make every day around the globe. As we stand united with their families, let us now redouble our own efforts to carry their work forward.

OK, so another day, another blunder. Time to move on, right?

While Romney stood behind his initial criticism of Obama, not everybody on the Romney team appeared to agree. In an interview with National Journal's Major Garrett, John Sununu, a top Romney surrogate, said the campaign should have been more cautious. "They probably should have waited," the former New Hampshire governor told National Journal. "You look at the way things unfolded, you look at the timing of it, they probably should have waited."

Peggy Noonan: "I don't feel that Mr. Romney has been doing himself any favors in the past few hours." — @CPHeinze via web

 MSM CW on Romney: "One of the most craven and ill-advised tactical moves in this entire campaign," says Halperin. http://t.co/... — @GrahamDavidA via TweetDeck

 If you think the eye-rolling at Romney is just coming from the MSM, call up some Republican foreign policy hands.— @BuzzFeedBen via TweetDeck 

Romney appears to have launched a political attack even before facts of embassy violence were known. Then uses day to issue vague FP vision
— @davidgregory via Tweetbot for iOS

In the House and Senate, top Republican leaders refrained from mentioning Obama, and instead offered messages of sympathy, unity and even praise for the State Department.

A joint statement from three of the Senate’s most prominent foreign policy hawks, Sens. John McCain (R-AZ), Lindsey Graham (R-SC) and Joe Lieberman (I-CT), took a similarly measured response that acknowledged that the full story of what happened on Tuesday had not yet emerged.

Ruh Ro. Hey professional journalist, trained the the journalistic science of journalism Gary Langer, looks like you're going to need to make another late night visit to those both registered and certain to vote.

Journalism! Motto: Fitting Square Facts In A Round Narrative Since 1980

OK, we don't claim to be professional journalists, trained in the journalistic science of journalism or anything. We are not the keen observers and steely eyed watch dogs of the fourth estate, or any estate for that matter. In fact, any place with estate in its name probably wouldn't let us through the door, but the point is, it was our--non-professionally trained and unjournalistic to be sure--opinion that the whole purpose of  professional journalistic journalism, written by professional journalistic journalists, was to make things clear to those of us who were not fortunate enough to be professional journalists, trained the the journalistic science of journalism. So we read headlines like this:

Obama Leads Romney By 5 Points In Ohio After Conventions

And this:

Obama maintains post-convention lead over Romney

And this:

Gallup: For First Time Since April, Obama Reaches 50 Percent Mark In Head-To-Head With Romney

And this:

Poll: Obama Opens Up 10-Point Lead In Minnesota

And we think...hmm...apparently the keen observers and steely eyed watch dogs of the fourth estate have discerned that President Obama is leading Mitt Romney. Well, after all they are the professionals thinks us, trained to ferret out trends and pull meaning from the cacophony of an election year. Then along comes professional journalist, trained the the journalistic science of journalism Gary Langer who tells us:

Obama Gains a Convention Boost - But Not Among Likely Voters

Oh, head snap! Has professional journalist, trained the the journalistic science of journalism Gary Langer discovered something his colleagues have missed? Is he even more steely eyed than his steely eyed colleagues of the Fourth Estate, so much so that he has risen to the Fifth Estate? Eagerly we perused his article, hoping some of his steely eyed steeliness would rub off on us.

Barack Obama has emerged from the nominating conventions in his best position against Mitt Romney since spring, a 50-44 percent race among registered voters in the latest ABC News/Washington Post poll.

Umm...OK. So you start off your article on how President Obama isn't ahead by telling us he's never been more ahead. Odd, but then we're not  professional journalists, trained the the journalistic science of journalism, so we probably wouldn't understand even if you tried to explain it to us.

For the first time he's numerically ahead of Romney in trust to handle the economy, the key issue of the 2012 contest, albeit by a scant 47-45 percent. Obama's seized a 15-point lead in trust to advance the interests of the middle class. And strong enthusiasm among his supporters is up by 8 points from its pre-convention level; Obama now leads Romney by 10 points in "very" enthusiastic support.

Yes, well...uh...perhaps we misread the headline.  Let's see Obama got a boost, but not really, just the best one he's ever had and one that's "very" enthusiastic. No wonder the Obama camp is putting out memos telling people to calm down. No wait, that's the Romney camp.

The 50-44 percent race among registered voters compares with a 46-47 percent Obama-Romney contest immediately before the conventions; while those shifts are within the survey's margin of sampling error, Obama is at his best vs. Romney since an ABC/Post poll in early April.

Umm...This is good news for John McCain?

Among other groups, Obama's support has reached a new high among men, while Romney is at new lows among moderates, whites and higher-income voters, all in ABC/Post polls since April 2011.

OK, we see what's going on here.  Gary Langer wrote the article, but Sarah Palin wrote the headline. Are we right? Huh, are we right?

Additionally, there's been a shift in preferences in the eight tossup states identified by the ABC News Political Unit: Registered voters in these states now favor Obama over Romney by 54-40 percent, vs. 42-48 percent in these same states before the party conventions. And in the states with mid-levels of unemployment, it's 51-43 percent, vs. 40-53 percent pre-convention, further suggesting some progress for Obama in his economic arguments.

 Now you're just messing with us.

Among likely voters - people who say they're both registered and certain to vote - the race squeezes shut at 49-48 percent, Obama-Romney, essentially unchanged since before the conventions (+2 Romney then, +1 Obama now, well within sampling error.)

We're not lawyers or anything, but if you're planning to vote, don't you have to be registered? We mean even if a person "certain" to vote, it wouldn't do them much good if they weren't registered, right?

Be that as it may, let's recap what we have learned. Obama is ahead with registered voters, among those who are concerned with the economy, among moderates, whites and higher-income voters, in eight of the tossup states and in the states with mid-levels of unemployment.

But somewhere in all those groups of people is another group of people. A shadowy group known as people who say they're both registered and certain to vote, and they favor Obama, ah not so much.We have to give Mr. Langer credit though. It probably wasn't easy to find this group among all the other groups, the economic group, the registered voter group, the racial, and income groups, all those groups Mr Langer just passed on by because he knew there was another group. A group that didn't have a voice. A group not invited to the polling table with all the other groups.

We envision Mr. Langer standing outside of a closed Doughnut shop at three in the morning. It's raining and he's wearing a khaki trench coat belted at the waist and a Fedora pulled down over his right eye. He looks a little like Humphrey Bogart in The Big Sleep. A car pulls up, its light off. The window rolls down and a man nods to him to get in the back. Inside another man puts a bag over his head and they drive off into the night.

The next thing Mr. Langer knows he's sitting in a chair in a large room. In front of him is a screen and behind that a chair. It's dark so he can't see the face of the person who enters, but its one of those both registered and certain to vote. For the next hour they talk in hushed tones, and then, as quickly as it began, it's over. Mr. Langer is once again masked, bundled off to a car and just like that finds himself standing once again in front of a closed Doughnut Shop as the car, without a license plate he notices, fades into the early morning gloom. But in his pocket is his reporter's notebook, and in that notebook are all the secrets of the group known as those both registered and certain to vote.

Thank you Mr. Langer. Thank you for your persistence, your insight and your bravery. When all those other groups go to the polls and reelect President Obama, you can at least sleep well with the knowledge that you did your part. You were their voice, Mr. Langer, the voice of those both registered and certain to vote. The last group in America that lives within the margin of error.

Friday Hound Blogging (Monday Edition)

Let no one say that this blog isn't light on its feet. Nimble, we mean. Agile, quick, adroit, springy, fleet. Able to thread a needle at 30 paces. Stop on a dime and give you nine cents change. Turn a 90 degree corner using only 85 degrees.

OK, so not so nimble getting to the point, which is, last week we stepped away from our usual Friday routine of bringing you news from the exciting world of industrialized animal exploitation for a special edition of FHB in which we brought you the comedy stylings of Tom Taylor, Tucson Greyhound Park CEO and General Manager and Joe "Needles" Robinson, (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) in which they tried to explain why it was necessary (and good for the dogs too--they always come first donchano) to truck them off to the city of Tucson and shoot them full of steroids.

Apparently their explanation was less than effective because the City Commission of Tucson is considering an ordinance that in essence says, Nuh Uh. Not here either Bucko. Now, all of this has been incredibly upsetting to overlord Elaine Summerhill who recently took to the inter tubez to elucidate the many failings of the proposed ordinance (no link--the stupid would melt your circuits). Let's listen in shall we?

I cannot believe anyone would be so stupid to fall for the animal rights agitators, Grey2K BS, and the 100 veterinarians, who have issued an "edict" that all female racing greyhounds are to be forbidden access to birth control.

Now, if you have an IQ higher than a salt shaker you're probably thinking, Wow, how can one sentence have so much wrong in it? Where does one start? Let us help you parse this little gem of  discombobulation.

First of all, you can forget about the Grey2k reference. This is what's called "boilerplate." Whenever anything in the world happens that in any way shows the overlords in a less than favorable light it's always Grey2K's fault. Sort of like when you were taught in grade school to start a letter with a salutation like Dear. The overlords start everything they write with GREY2K!! BLORT!! SPUFF!! KAAK!!!

And yes, in the second part of the sentence overlord Elaine does imply that she knows more about how to care for greyhounds than 100 Vets, but she also reveals that she doesn't know the meaning of the word "edict." In her defense though, edict is a seventh grade vocabulary word, and as her third grade completion certificate proudly describes, she never made it that far. She also apparently doesn't grasp the concept of birth control because the injections are not to reduce the chances of unwanted litters of puppies, they are...well...let her explain:

For at least 40 years, the administration of estrus suppressants to greyhound bitches has been standard operating procedure for actively racing greyhounds. Let me tell you why you do not want bitches coming into season in a racing kennel.  It's simple, really...  young male greyhounds, which are bred to be fiercely competitive and in peak physical condition, bursting with athletic vigor are horny. If the bitches come into season, and please note they ALL come in together, it puts the dogs under tremendous stress.  Really, most of you already know as it is basic "Dogs for Dummies" material.  If giving estrus suppressants are made illegal, there will be dog fights, physical battles for dominance and the right to breed.  That's bad but it is natural.  It is also unavoidable if bitches in heat are in close proximity.

See? The overlords need to disrupt the natural cycle of the dogs with drugs because...money. Can't have that many dogs in that close of proximity have let them be, you know, natural and stuff.

The rest of her letter is a story about how she lost a female dog who was attacked by the other female dogs while out in the exercise pen. Not really sure what that has to do with her point about steroid injections as we have to assume such a staunch advocate on interfering with her dogs' normal cycle would have had all her females injected.

Seems more like an example of too many dogs in too small a space and poorly supervised, but that was probably Grey2K's fault huh Serenade?

Serenade is a three year old girl who, as a racer was a miserable failure. She raced five times, never even came close to winning  and was booted. As a friend and companion though she's first rate, plus since she's only three she didn't have to be injected with steroids as much so the chances of her developing any of the side effects* from steroid use are small. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

*The Medical Director of the Humane Society of Southern Arizona said such steroid injections can cause serious side effects. “Most commonly, it can affect the liver and cause swelling of the liver and also hepatitis,” said Dr. Karter Neal. Long term, Neal said steroids can inhibit the dog’s immune system or cause birth defects like hermaphroditism.

Friday Hound Blogging

We here in the marbled halls of IM Central would like to propose a debate. Not between President Obama and Bob 2.0, but between Tucson Greyhound Park CEO and General Manager Tom Taylor and Doctor of Veterinary Medicine (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) Joe "Needles" Robinson the track Vet.

Now you might say wait a minute Ironicus, we've met Tom  Taylor and Joe  "Needles"  Robinson (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) before. Between them they have the IQ of a tablespoon, and you want them to debate?

Exactly. But the purpose of this debate would not be to defend a position, or to elucidate a policy, but to see, in a given period of time who could say the most stupid things about greyhound racing and the care given the units...erm...dogs.

Uh huh. Uh huh. Now you're saying "Whoa. That could be quite a competition." Right. We'd have to give the early edge to Taylor simply because of his experience saying stupid things about how the greyhounds are cared for. We thought he couldn't top that whole Taj Mahal thing he said a while back when he was refusing to let reporters into his kennels to look around, but we'd have to say the "birth control" explanation for why he has the dogs trucked out of the city for steroid injections has got to come pretty close. Wouldn't you agree Ward 6 Councilman Steve Kozachik?

"Those dogs are muzzled, and they're kept in kennels they can barely stand up in for something like 18 hours a day. Then you've got some moron like (track manager) Tom Taylor saying the dogs like it this way, and that people like me just don't understand how to train a dog to be an athlete."

Councilman please. Leave the personal insults to the professionals, OK? Besides, calling Tom Taylor a moron is like calling Mitt Romney's positions on the issues "flexible." It's kind of true, but it just doesn't seem to carry the linguistic oomph the situation requires. Sort of like saying Rory Goree has some intellectual challenges instead of dude's dumber than a bag of dryer lint, man.

Now Joe "Needles" Robinson (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) on the other hand, doesn't have the track record of public asininity that Taylor has, but if you listen to his colleagues in the field, you can get a sense that this guy is no slouch when it comes to embarrassing his profession, violating his oath and just generally giving Veterinary Medicine a bad name, right Arizona veterinary board Executive Director Victoria Whitmore?

Robinson has had troubles with the state veterinary board in the past. He was placed on probation by the Arizona State Veterinary Medical Examining Board in 2010 for a medical records violation. He was ordered to get a premise license for his practice and to take some continuing education classes. Robinson got the license but refused to take the classes, so his probation was extended a second year. A few weeks ago, Whitmore said, the board resolved the case by fining Robinson $1,000 in lieu of the education courses.

Well of course he refused to take the classes, wouldn't you? We mean, classes are where you go to learn stuff. Joe "Needles" Robinson (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) had the same problem in Vet school where they also wanted him to learn stuff. How much do you need to know to shoot a dog full of steroids, or look at a greyhound who just fell on the track and has a bone sticking out of its leg and say, "Yep he's done for?"

See, that's the problem with people who have never been to a track and so don't know about greyhound racing. They have all of these unrealistic expectations, right Super C?

Super C is a very sweet, patient and gentle boy. He wants to be close to you and loves attention. He is housebroken. He will go in his crate but does not like it. He is not cat safe and shows a bit too much attention to small dogs. He is a big goofy boy who runs into things and trips on rugs. Super C would do well in a working home. He would do well with older well-behaved children due to his clumsiness. He may accidentally knock small children down. He would do well as an only dog or in a home with dogs his own size. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Goode/Akin 2012! Motto: Goode for Virginia, The Rest Of Us, Not So Much

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that experience is nature's way of curbing your enthusiasm...erm...we mean will recognize the name Virgil Goode. Old Virg visited this blog a while back when he suddenly discovered that security guards around the Capitol were not under orders to shoot Muslims on sight and consequently, one had not only gotten into the building, but had brought his Quran along with him, a state of affairs that had Virg convinced made the baby Jesus cry and dropped the burka of Sharia law over the whole nation. He was not reelected.

Well, Virgil has returned and this time he's running for President...of Virginia.

Former congressman Virgil Goode Jr. has qualified for the presidential ballot in Virginia, the State Board of Elections ruled Tuesday, adding a potential obstacle to Republican Mitt Romney’s hopes of winning the pivotal state, and replacing Mitt Romney as the biggest potential obstacle to Mitt Romney’s hopes of winning the pivotal state.

Goode’s status as a longtime officeholder — he spent 12 years in Congress and 24 years in the state Senate before that — could bring him more support than usual. "I served the people of my district for 36 years," Goode told reporters. "Well, the white people anyway, but then folks came to me and said, 'Virg'--that's what they call me, Virg--they said 'Virg you need to find something else to do.' So here I am."

Goode submitted more than 20,500 signatures to the election board, far more than required, although there was some question as to whether and X constituted a valid signature. The Virginia republican party has challenged the Goode petitions on this basis and if they are successful, the number of signatures will drop to 14, including Goode's and his wife's.

“That’s absurd for [Republicans] to even make a charge like that,” Goode said in an interview. “I have to wonder about their motives in doing something like this. It sounds like they don’t want any view other than theirs out there.” When reminded that President Obama and several democrats would be on the ballot which would guarantee views other than republican "out there", Goode responded, "You talking about the Kenyan?" He got on the ballot and they want me off? This is just another example discrimination against christians."

Goode has said that he expects to take votes from both Obama and Romney, but his support is more likely to come from the GOP side. "Them democrats can read," he said, "So it'll mostly be the Bubbas that vote for me."

He is running on a mostly conservative platform, with a heavy emphasis on stemming both illegal and legal immigration. Goode also opposes abortion, free-trade agreements, minimum wage, child labor laws, rain on the weekend and the multiplication tables.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog have come to the conclusion that the ultimate achievement is to persist through disappointment until apathy is complete...erm...we mean know that we often take a few moments of your time during our weekly excursions into the noisome and miasmic morass inhabited by that particularly loathsome species of skink known as an overlord to point out that the whole thing is a scam. Also, too, rigged.

Well, this by itself has never been a major factor in the decline of greyhound racing, what with rubes being, you know, rubes and all, but now it seems that even those on the inside are beginning to notice certain, shall we say, irregularities? 

Surprisingly, the valuable €5,000 to the winner Greyhound & Petworld A1 (Bg) 525 has failed to fill, even though it was only advertised for 36 runners. It seems ridiculous that such a valuable event should fail to attract what would appear to be a very reasonable number of greyhounds.

Thirty six dogs? Thirty six is all you need? Heck you ought to be able to find 36 dogs...well come to think of it coming up with that many dogs could be a problem as you do seem to lose them with a fair amount of regularity. Of course if you didn't move them around like they were sacks of potatoes, you might not lose so many that you can't even remember their names anymore.

We're thinking that not having enough dogs isn't the whole story though, right racing enthusiast Billybob?

‘Maybe fellas are sick of making up the numbers for the bigger kennels to win these graded stakes in 28,40 and the like’. A lot of hostility towards the bigger trainers is evident.

Oh come on Billybob. You think the bigger trainers are taking advantage of you? We are shocked we tell you SHOCKED! Surely the high degree of professionalism, expertise and sense of fair play evident throughout the entire industry should convince you it's always the rubes who get the shaft, not the players. OK, dogs get the shaft too, but it's not like that part is surprising, we mean come on. When your toaster breaks what do you do? Throw it away and get another one. When your dog quits winning, what do you do?

A mass grave containing the remains of at least seven racing greyhounds has been uncovered in Co Limerick. The Gardai know who is responsible, however as yet no prosecution has taken place.

Umm...yeah...there is that, but it shouldn't be construed to mean the overlords don't appreciate what the dogs do for them, and the dogs aren't well treated and lovingly cared for. It just looks that way because you've never been to a track and you don't know what really goes on in the industry, right Pat C?

Pat C is extremely outgoing. She is extremely sweet and intelligent and very eager to learn new things. She is cat safe and is friendly with the neighbor’s small dog. She is housebroken and is not being crated because someone is always home with her. She loves to go for walks and does great on the leash. She loves to play with toys of any kind. She will go up and down the stairs. Pat C is used to someone always being home with her but would probably be fine is a working family. She would do well in a home with children. She would do well in a home with cats and also, most likely, with small dogs. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

And In Other News: A few weeks ago we mentioned that we were going to add to our repertoire of instructional tools in order to reach out to those overlords who may find the printed word as incomprehensible as the idea that killing and injuring thousands of innocent living creatures year after year is not, in fact, a sport. Football is a sport. Greyhound racing is an abomination of the face of the earth. It is a black spot on the heart of all humanity, a sharp stick poked in compassion's eye, an open wound on the face of empathy. It is the solitary, lonely cry in the night of kindness. It is the unreturned call for mercy, the cold breath of evil, locking tenderness in an icy prison...

Where were we? Oh yeah, visual aids. Here's one for all you overlords who like to say the dogs love to run:

The Official Ironicus Maximus Guide To The 2012 Presidential Election. Part I

Greetings fellow voters and those of you trying to stay out of Issac's way. Today we begin a new series here in the marbled halls of IM Central in which we will assist you in making that quadrennial decision as to which corporate overlord you would like to be in charge of funneling your income to the job creators' offshore accounts.

Today we discuss the first NS5 to run for president, Mitt (Total Recall) Romney. Now, some have said the the whole Romney phenomenon is the result of the large pile of money Bain Capitol made hoovering up the assets of companies becoming self aware and setting forth into the country saying things like "Corporations are people too, my friend," but our job here is not to investigate the technical origins of Dr. Lanning's contribution to the American political process.

Instead we are going to provide you with a snippet of source code from the Romney basic operating program. This little snippet of code will enable you to instantly evaluate all of the positions, pronouncements, opinions, statements and utterances made by the unit currently functioning as Mitt Romney.

Now, it should be noted that we ran across this code when it was inadvertently blurted out by a Romney operative in defense of the made up charge that Obama had lifted work rules for welfare recipients.

“Fact checkers come to this with their own sets of thoughts and beliefs, and we’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact checkers,” Romney pollster Neil Newhouse said.

And there you have it. A campaign disassociated from the truth by design. A campaign where flip flopping is not a sign of cynical depravity, but a feature as much a part of the program as Mitt's attempts at humor, and his unfortunate appearances at proletariat gatherings wearing artificially faded jeans and $500 shoes.

This is what good god fearing American citizens are forced to put up with when this PC driven culture simply won't let you call a spade a spade.

Friday Hound Blogging (Tuesday Edition)

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that ennui is the space between youth and eventuality...erm...we mean know that we generally reserve Fridays for our weekly forays into that fetid swamp of delusion, disassociative disorder and dyspepsia in search of Morionem Malum more commonly known as The Overlords, and even though President Obama was not entirely successful in sending hurricane Issac to disrupt the republican convention, providing us with what is called in military circles a "target rich environment," this was just too good to wait until Friday to bring to your attention.

Last week we told you about Joe "Needles" Robinson, (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) the track "Veterinarian" at Tucson. Robinson's job is to make sure the female units stay productive by shooting them up with steroids so the natural rhythms of their bodies are disrupted. Well, what we didn't tell you was that in 2008 the people of the city of South Tucson (where the track is located) passed an ordinance banning the injection of steroids. We think it was called the "Hey Needles, Quit Shooting The Dogs Up With Steroids" Ordinance. That may be a paraphrase.

So you're thinking problem identified, legislation enacted, situation improved. Democracy in action, right? Wrong. To wit:

So what did the track do instead? Well, that’s what KGUN9 News went to check out. So we waited in a non-descript van with our cameras rolling. Low and behold, at 6 o’clock in the morning, a truck loaded with dozens of dogs arrives on an empty street. Veterinarian Dr. Joe Robinson gets to work right away, administering injections, which are perfectly legal in Tucson.

See? If the injection can't come to the greyhound, the greyhound must go to the injection. That's what the overlords mean when they say  to understand their industry you have to have experience with it, because to most people this would look like a blatant disregard of the wishes of the people of South Tucson and the dogs' safety just to score a few bucks. Hey Needles, you having any sort of problem with this obvious flaunting of the law and violation of your Veterinarian's oath?

Doan: Mr. Robinson? Can we talk to you guys about what you’re doing here?

Dr. Robinson: It’s none of your business.

Doan: Is it ethical, what you’re doing?

Dr. Robinson: Yes, it is ethical.

Doan: How so?

Dr. Robinson: You’re involving yourself in a doctor client privilege – it’s none of your business. 

Doctor client privilege...for dogs? How do they sign their HIPPA forms? And Needles, dude, come on. You're standing in the street shooting up dogs out of the back of a truck. Not exactly what the manual calls a sterile environment if you get our drift. Does any of this give you pause, a sort of what's wrong with this picture moment? OK, it's true we're not up on the latest veterinary medicine treatment protocols, so maybe we're missing something here. Let's ask some other Vets in the area what they think:

More than 100 local veterinarians signed this petition to outlaw steroids in South Tucson.

Hmm...sleeping in medical ethics class that day huh, Needles? Now, we know what you're going to say, those Vets are biased because they're all about helping animals and stuff and they have no experience with the greyhound racing industry. OK, so you tell us whom we should talk to about the moral implications of putting innocent animals at risk for profit, and skirting the law that forbids you from doing so?

After capturing video of the injections, 9 On Your Side tracked down Greyhound Park’s CEO Tom Taylor. He admitted the dogs were receiving steroids in Tucson that had been banned in South Tucson.

Doan: Some people would say that by traveling 5 miles or so that you’re simply skirting the law of South Tucson.

Taylor: I am.

Doan: So you blatantly admit that?

Taylor: Yeah, I’d break the law if I did it here. And by doing it there I’m not breaking the law.

Doan: And you have no qualms about it?

Taylor: Not at all. 

You know, we're beginning to think that when the overlords say the greyhounds receive the best care when they're racing, they don't mean it. What do you think Caroline?

Katjam Caroline is a very sweet and friendly girl. She loves everyone she meets. She loves to go for walks and play in the yard. She is very good on the leash. She is learning how to do stairs. She has not learned how to play with toys yet but she loves chewing on her rawhides. She does good in her crate; however, she does sometimes bark when her foster parents first come home so they leave her in the crate until she quiets down, which does not take long. She has had no accidents in the house or her crate. She lets her foster parents know when she has to go out. She is not cat or small dog safe. Due to her head-strong personality, she would do best as an only dog. She has not had any experience with children but, due to her personality, she would probably do best in a home with older well-behaved children or no children. She gets along great with men and women. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

What's The Frequency Yahweh?

 Now, we know that god only sends hurricanes around because Planned Parenthood operatives are building another abortoplex which they will staff with gay ACORN workers.We also know that god hits the earthquake button when he gets tired of females running around with their ankles exposed, and he turns off the sprinkler system when the flock gets too rambunctious.

OK so this is the second time in a row a hurricane has caused the republicans to postpone the opening of their convention. We find this scenario quite perplexing: If you look at who's taking the brunt of this godly pique, it's the very people who should be up there in the city on a hill pointing and laughing at the rest of us heathens. We mean, hurricanes for abortions? If there is a group of people out there more determined to wrest control of those mysterious ladyparts from their owners than republicans, we sure can't find them. And earthquakes? If there's one thing the ayatollahs and the Todd Akin political party and estrogen jihad can agree on it's that women have gotten too...out there. Working out of the home, learning to read, and this whole G spot thing? Well, aren't guys under enough pressure already? And what's with the drought? The hardest hit state is Texas where, according to Governor Perry, Jesus has a summer home.

We're not theologians and even though we've speculated on god's marksmanship before, we're not in a position to offer any definitive explanation for this curious religiometeorological turn of events except to say that Pat Robinson and all those Pat Robinson wannabes out there who claim to speak for the deity might want to buy a new edition of their god to English dictionary because it just seems to us that there's some noise in the channel if you get our drift.

Friday Hound Blogging

We often like to ponder life's great mysteries here in the marbled halls of IM Central. Why does time only move in one direction? What is the nature of the good? Do we live in a multi-verse? Will Romney ever take a position and stick to it other than money is good, more money is better?

Of course we've never been able to pierce these mysteries and after a Stoli or three we usually lose our train of thought anyway, but finding answers is not the point. Just to engage in this intellectual chess match with the universe is rewarding enough as the urge to ponder seems to be deeply characteristic of members of Homo Sapiens.

There is one ponderable that has vexed us mightily over the years though and one we have yet to make our peace with, and that is why would a veterinarian come within a half a parsec of a greyhound track? Think about it. Here are people who so care about animals they have chosen to make that their life's work. And then they sign on at a greyhound race track? That's like a priest going through all his training in the Seminary, then becoming a pimp. Now, admittedly we'll make an exception for Joe Robinson (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) the track Vet at Tucson because apparently all he does in illegally inject greyhounds with steroids so it's not like he actually practices Veterinary Medicine or anything. Come to think of it, the dogs might be better off because he doesn't try to treat them.

Well, the point is, here we have people who have taken an oath, part of which enjoins them to act to relieve animal suffering and yet they operate right there at the headquarters of animal suffering, otherwise known as a greyhound race track.

Truly a conundrum, thinks us. Perhaps Veterinarian Lisa Robinson (no relation) can shed a little light on the issue for us.

On April 21 2012 a hearing was held for Trainer Bob Gray to answer a complaint filed by ASRC Veterinarian Lisa Robinson, DVM. Specifically the Mr. Gray had been negligent in the care of greyhound "Bobby Munson."

 Oh, we get it. The Vets are there to protect the dogs. To see that they are treated properly and injury protocols are followed. Boy, we bet Mr. Gray is in hot water with the Board of Judges who rule on these issues because you know, dogs come first and all, right? We mean that's why Vets are here in the first place--well, like we said, except for that guy in Tucson. So the Board lowered the boom on this guy thanks to Dr. Robinson stepping forward and doing her job, right?

The Southland Board of Judges ultimately could not verify Dr. Robinson's accusation of animal neglect. They did, however, suspend trainer Gray for 30 days after finding him "in violation for failure to follow Southland Park's Section 1200-04 on the DNC injured greyhound policy." This appears to be an internal Southland Greyhound Park policy related to injuries.

 OK, let's get this straight. They didn't agree with Dr. Robinson that he was negligent in the treatment of his injured dog, but they did cite him for being negligent in the policy that deals with how to treat an injured dog? Have we got that?

Wow. There's another ponderable to add to our list. When is neglect not neglect? What's that you say, D. When it happens at a greyhound track?

D’s is a very laid-back, playful, sweet girl that loves attention. She loves children of all ages. She loves dogs both small and large and is cat safe. D’s loves to go for walks and is great on her leash. She is housebroken. She does well in her crate but is not crated for long periods of time. She likes to go in her crate to take naps. D’s would do well in either a working home or a home with someone there all day. She would do well with children of any age. D’s would be fine as an only dog or in a home with other dogs of any size. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Republicans! Motto: When You Absolutely Positively Have To Say Something Stupid

What has happened to the republican party? We're not talking about the crazy part. They've been crazy for years, it's just that the front men they put out to run for office had the ability to keep the voices in their heads from seizing their vocal chords while in public, well except for Steve King and Louie Gohmert, but in the republicans' defense, even if you could get medications in them, there's still a limit to what modem pharmacology can do.

Anyway, going all the way back to Nixon the primary talent republican candidates had, at least in the presence of the general public was to couch their racism, their misogyny, their xenophobia, homophobia anti-Semiticsm, or whatever other social malady they had in terms that were not blatantly obvious to those who didn't share those particular Christian based, family values.

Well, no more. Everyone has heard about Todd Akin's recent disquisition on the female reproductive system, but it's not just the top of the ticket representatives who have suddenly lost their admittedly rather tenuous understanding of  the basic tenets of living in close proximity to other humans in an organized social setting. Even as far down as your local county sheriff we find the new, public version of the republican party's sociopathy on full display.

Frank Szabo said that as sheriff, he would arrest any doctor performing elective or late-term abortions in his jurisdiction. "There is a difference between legal and lawful," Szabo said.Szabo explained the difference by referring to the issue of slavery, which he said used to be legal but was never lawful under the Constitution.

Hmm...apparently Mr. Sazbo's copy of the Constitution is missing the part before the 13th Amendment.

But Szabo may have inflamed the issue further when asked if he would use deadly force to prevent an abortion. "I would respond specifically by saying that if someone is under threat, a full-grown human being, if they're under threat, what should the sheriff do? Everything in their power to prevent them from being harmed," he said.

Wait, you would act to protect a "full-grown human being"? You think a fetus is a "full-grown human being"? Must be a graduate of the King/Akin College of Ladyparts.

When pressed about what he would do if he learned that a doctor was about to perform an elective abortion, Szabo replied he would do what it took to prevent that from happening.

Oh, you'd shoot the doctor. But only if it's Doogie Howser, right? We mean, protecting "full-grown human beings" and all.

Szabo said he would arrest doctors who perform elective or late-term abortions and bring them to the county attorney to prosecute, even if the doctors' actions were allowed under state law.

OK, so you won't shoot the doctor. Who you going to shoot then, the mother? Not really helpful to a fetus if you kill its host. Just a thought. And, we're not Criminal Justice experts or anything, but we're pretty sure you can't arrest someone for doing legal stuff.

"The county attorney would then need to follow through on prosecuting," Szabo said. "And if they choose not to do their duty and uphold the constitution, they can be brought up on charges before what is called a citizens grand jury, which is something that is not common in the United States."

Oh we wouldn't be so sure about that, Mr. Szabo. There are plenty of "Citizens Grand Juries" around.

Szabo said he doesn't have any background in law enforcement, but he said his business background gives him the experience to run for the position of sheriff.

Of course, because once you're done protecting "full-grown human beings" and arresting in people for doing stuff you don't like, there's got to be some kind of businessy thing you can do. Maybe have a sale on parking tickets or something.