Monday, July 30, 2012

Romney! Motto: Unlikable On At Least Three Continents

OK, so The Mitt goes to Britain where he promptly insults the British. Then he goes to Israel where he promptly insults the Palestinians. This is an improvement because at least he's learned not to insult the people whose country he is in. Instead he insults the people who are occupied by the people of the country he is in.

This is what's known as establishing your foreign policy bona fides.

Next up, Poland where he plans to insult the Russians.

Oh well, on the bright side at least he had to fly to Europe and the Middle East so, you know, no dog strapped to the roof.

Also. Too, Mitt loves socialist health care. Except when he doesn't.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog recognize the ultimate futility of purpose in the face of a chaotic universe where entropy grows faster than the interest on Romney's off shore accounts...erm...we mean recognize the name Rory Goree, philosopher, scientist and Captain of the overlords.

Well, Mr. Goree has just added another accomplishment to his long career of...ah...his long career of....OK that's not really the point now. The point is that Jan Brewer, governor of Arizona has appointed Mr. Goree to the Arizona Racing Commission, which even though it's mostly about horse racing still has to have one greyhound person on it because Tucson Greyhound Park, the last track in Arizona might decide to have a race or two even though the legislature told them it would be really, really, really OK if they didn't and in fact if they wanted to turn the whole place into a Senior Center, or a  Water Park, or Used Car lot, whatever, it's fine.

But did they take the hint? Sometimes these overlords, man. We mean, whole states pass laws saying we don't want you, and the overlords are all like "S'up dude? Where you want us to set up?" Here's a ticket man. Go catch a ride on the clue train. So anyway somebody had to be on the Racing Commission to represent the overlords and Mr. Goree was chosen, which is sort of like being asked to be the pitching coach of a T-ball team.

Now for those of you who may be thinking this is some kind of political patronage job, you can put that thought right out of your minds because Mr. Goree had to qualify for the post, just like, you know, that time he applied for the Drive Through Window position at the Taco Joe's. Yeah, yeah so that didn't work out so well, but in his defense nobody told him the window had to be opened before you passed the customer's purchase out to them.

Anyway, to get appointed to the Racing Commission, Mr. Goree had to submit his resume which we here in the marbled halls of IM Central have come into possession of, and would like to share with you now as part of our new regular feature which we just made up called Get To Know An Overlord.

Under Education Mr. Goree lists United States Navy, Highest Rank: E5, (1993). Now, we're sure some of you are confused by this as E5 is a designation and you would have expected a listing under "Education" to refer to some sort of credential like high school diploma, or Bachelors Degree, or in Mr. Goree's case the third grade completion certificate he got when he turned 18, but in his defense, this is Arizona we're talking about, home of Russell Pearce and Sheriff Joe Arpiao so you can see how the term "Education" might be difficult to comprehend.

Besides, this is greyhound racing we're talking about. Who cares about education? We need a man who has had a long a varied career in the field. Someone who knows the industry inside out. Someone who has experienced greyhound racing first hand at all its levels. This is bound to be Mr. Goree's strong suite:

United Greyhound Racing, Director of Welfare and Advocacy, 2001 – Present

Greyhound Pets of America:

President, 2002 – 2011

Vice President, 1999 – 2002

 Um...OK. Dude has worked two jobs in greyhound racing, neither one of them specifically associated with a track. Well, one and a half jobs is probably more accurate since he worked both jobs together for ten years. And that "Director of Welfare" gig, wasn't that during the time when 140 greyhound disappeared from Tucson Greyhound Park? Wasn't that when the cruelty scandal at Tucson Greyhound Park broke? Wasn't that when the track had to shut down for two weeks because of an outbreak of a "mysterious respiratory disease?" Wasn't that during the time eight dogs died from heat stroke during transport? All when Rory Goree was "Director of Welfare?"

Well, yes, yes it was, but all the resume is supposed to do is list Mr. Goree's jobs. It doesn't have to say whether he was any good at them or not, right girls?

We're doing something a little different this week. Last week we were involved in a rescue that brought 15 dogs from a kennel in Alabama up to Michigan. Two of those refugees, V's Get Reel (top) and DK's Bug Tussle made their way to the marbled halls of IM Central, where, as you can see they quickly adapted to their new surroundings. V and Bug as we call them, have fit right into life around the old homestead, and while they are still technically in foster mode...well...let's just say we've "failed" fostering before. For more information about these dogs, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

The Devil Went Down to Providence

Frequent reader(s) of this blog savor the sweet, sweet smell of decay in the garden of orphaned hopes...erm...we mean know that when Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal was in college, one of his after school jobs was exorcist. Now, you may think that's a trifle odd, but if you're going to be a republican who looks like Bobby Jindal, you can pretty much write off any of those wingnut welfare internships because the white guys have already hoovered them up. Well, and a couple of girls too. It's not like the republican party isn't a big tent party or anything, you know.

Anyway Steven Spielberg, or somebody got drunk and decided to produce an homage to little Bobby's run in with Beelzebub and it is well and truly weird. And that is our professional opinion as aficionados of the well and truly weird.

OK, gut reaction? Great flick. It had action, chicks and while nothing got blown up or set on fire and nobody got naked (although the Koren chick had her boobs tickled--by the Demon or Bobby, it's not clear) most of the elements of modern day cinematic excellence were there, but we have a few questions.

While it's true that the Archangel Michael curb stomped Old Ned back in the day and sent him howling off to the nether world, it seems--if you listen to just about any modern day preacher still sober enough to talk--that his guerrilla campaign since then has pretty much fought General Jesus to a standstill. So we're just wondering, given that the omniscient, omnipotent forces of right and good have been held off for lo these many millennia, how could a bunch of geeky kids with no professional training bitch slap the Prince of Darkness like that?

There also seems to be some sort of unresolved back-story here as well. Apparently little Bobby and the vessel of Satan have some sort of past together. Is this somehow related to the possession? Was the Son of Perdition trying to get at little Bobby through his girlfriend? Had the Antichrist approached Bobby directly at a previous time to tempt him over to the dark side, and failing that gone after his squeeze for revenge?

And while we're on the topic of Bobby, Amy Grant causes little Bobby to have a fap attack? Seems like Belial could have used that to his advantage, maybe promised Bobby she'd do a Playboy spread if he threw over the Lord or something.

We also have some concerns about the merry band of spiritual warriors Bobby hooked up with, we mean, there's some kinky stuff going on there man. Penis rings? Come on. He didn't learn about that while he was earning his 100% attendance certificate at Sunday school.

But as, um, as askew as this stalwart band of revelers are, they still do almost all of the heavy lifting. For most the of film Bobby's over against the wall looking like he's about to pee his pants. Hardly the image the governor of Louisiana should have.

OK, it's Louisiana, we take that back, but our point is it seems Bobby was more an onlooker here while his compatriots shooed the Tempter in Chief out of his old girlfriend.

Side note: Don't think they'll be getting back together.

Great ending though. It says the girl who shared her corporeal form with the Wicked One later became a catholic. Yep, joined Pappa Ratzi's posse.  So who really won?

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Fox News! Motto: We're Running Out Of Ways Not To Say He's Blaaaack!!!

So President Oblackman had the temerity to suggest that we live in a series of interconnected communities, and thus no man is an island, entire to himself. Well, we wouldn't mind it if Rush Limbaugh was an island entire to himself, but we digress.

Predictably, those who disagree with Oblackman's policies (did we mention he's one of...them) took issue with the part of the quote that they could carve out and cut off from the rest of what the president said. Not really news so far, since every time the president even burps someone accuses him of wanting to send Hoveround Americans to FEMA camps where they will be forced to gay marry Saul Alinsky if they want to avoid the death panel. And Fox News has always been particularly adept at this strategy, often throwing ethics, scruples and any passing regard for the truth to the four winds for what can only be described as a untethered roller coaster ride through Pat Buchanan's fever dreams.

But this time, they've really outdone themselves.

Kilmeade: Clara, how do you feel about the President saying that you needed help to start this business. And just speak from — speak from within. All right, you know what? Let’s switch over to —
Younger sister Eliza yawns. Clara begins to speak.
Kilmeade: Why don’t you answer that one?
Clara, age 7: I would say that’s rude because we worked very hard to build this business. But we did have help.
Kilmeade: And your help came from?
Clara, age 7: Our help came from our investors, our dad and stepmom, along with other friends and family.
"Friends and family." Yeah and maybe the public school teacher who taught you how to spell lemonade too? It doesn't even matter that the criticisms in any way, you know, criticize anymore. If anything, this is more about the president being right when he said it takes a village to make a success.

 It's as if whenever the president says anything, words have to come out of some people's mouths that are supposed to explain why he's wrong, but they don't, and the people saying them don't seem to know it, or to care if they do.
 Take a 4 and a 7 year old, coach them up on what to say, then put them on national TV to "criticize" the president's quote which you took way out of context anyway. Yeah, that's a good lesson to teach kids about how a democracy works.

Come on Fox News. Just use the N word and get it over with.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

And While We're On The Topic

Picking up on the thread of yesterday's post, or perhaps more accurately picking at the scab of yesterday's post, senator Jon Kyl (R-What else?) took himself to the Senate floor to decry the president's new found, if somewhat lukewarm populism:
President Barack Obama should stop talking about the middle class because it turns people against rich Americans, who should be embraced as the Michael Jordans of the U.S. economy, Sen. Jon Kyl (R-Ariz.) said Monday.  Declaring that the use of the phrase “middle class” is “misguided and wrong and even dangerous,” Kyl argued in a Senate floor speech that Obama is “spreading economic resentment [that] weakens American values” and ignoring “the uniquely meritocratic basis of our society.”
Meritocratic? You trying to tell us Willard's boys earned their place in the 1% on their merits and not because old dad dropped $10 mil on them? You trying to tell me little Georgie Bush wouldn't have ended up behind the night desk of a Seven Eleven out on highway 60 instead of in the White House if his daddy hadn't been Big George Herbert Walker (Son of Prescott) Bush?  And don't even get us started on Dan (would lose a debate with a box of hammers) Quayle's son Ben who has distinguished himself in the House of Representatives by earning the title "Not as Stupid as Louie Gohmert."

America is about as close to a meritocracy as champagne is to a red eyed tree frog. Obviously this is another pronouncement from the senator that "was not intended to be a factual statement," or as we like to say, Kyl is talking again.

By the way, senator, we think the word you were looking for wasn't meritocracy, it was oligarchy. Just trying to help.

Monday, July 23, 2012

This Is Why We Drink, Chapter 14,354,268

Former Arizona State Sen. Russell Pearce wrote a missive Saturday highlighting the collective failure of the victims of the Aurora, Colo. massacre to stop the shooter who left 12 people dead and nearly 60 wounded in a movie theater.
The only good thing about that passage is the word "former" in front of Russell Pearce's name. At some point in the last few election cycles the phrase "best and brightest" got changed to "disturbed and dumb" and people who, in a rational universe, would not even be allowed to operate power tools have been placed in charge. It is therefore no surprise to read:
Had someone been prepared and armed they could have stopped this "bad" man from most of this tragedy. He was two and three feet away from folks, I understand he had to stop and reload.
Because it is a long established fact that the only thing that can make a situation with a lot of bullets flying around a confined, darkened space with hundreds of panicked people better is more bullets flying around a confined, darkened space with hundreds of panicked people.
Where were the men of flight 93????
We had not been aware that there were no women on Flight 93. Perhaps if we went to gender exclusive theaters we might prevent something like this from happening in the future.
All that was needed is one Courages/Brave man prepared mentally or otherwise to stop this it could have been done.
Well, a courages man is hard to find, former state senator Pearce, we all know that. Perhaps all the courages men went down with Flight 93.
Lives were lost because of a bad man, not because he had a weapon...
Right. Because if he had walked into that theater with, say a slingshot and not enough legally purchased  firepower to support a battalion of Marines, instead of all those people being dead and injured today someone might have lost an eye or something.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent readers of this blog know that reality is the tiger that lurks in the bushes trying to convince you it is just a harmless house cat...erm...we mean know the name Gary Guccione, designated Word Monger for the overlords. By dint of the fact that he has not only a Word-A-Day calendar, but a thesaurus as well, he's been the go to guy for the rest of the overlords whenever the truth gets out...uh...we mean whenever animal rights wackos distort and misrepresent the deep respect, admiration and affection the overlords have for their units...ah...dogs.

And so, when well known animal rights wacko Eric Jackson had the unmitigated audacity to suggest that greyhounds being injured and killed, tracks closing and state legislatures casting the overlords to the free market winds might be indicative that all is not well in the exciting family fun sport of greyhound racing, the call went out once again to Mr. G, his calendar of power and the thesaurus of doom.
Anyone with an ounce of common sense knows that greyhounds must be well cared for in order to perform at their best. Greyhound racing has rigorous programs in place to ensure that these amazing dogs receive the high quality care they deserve.
 Well, as long as they keep winning that is. After's just say greyhounds' retirement plan is not the most comprehensive in the world, but come on Mr. G, you've been beating this particular drum for a good many years now and it's no more true now than it was then. It's what we in the industry call a canard. A tired old canard. How about some new stuff?
The rules also require that greyhounds be fed health, nutritious food, including meat that is inappropriate for human consumption but perfectly safe for consumption by animals.
Right. That's why dogs are so extensively used as animal models for humans in orthopedic, anatomical and digestive studies. As Dr. Cook (DVM, PhD) says,  "Finally, the canine digestive system is similar to the human (monogastric)..." Another tired old canard G. We're beginning to think you're just phoning it in.
It should be noted that the organization, Grey2K, does not operate an adoption program, and makes no direct contribution to the adoption effort. Instead, it lobbies and conducts political campaigns to abolish greyhound racing completely.
Oh. OK, let's see it we've got this. Because Grey2K is an advocacy group, greyhounds are well cared for. That about cover it? Well, at least it's not a canard. More of a non sequitur, but at least you're not being redundant. This shouldn't be so hard though, G. We mean defending greyhound racing, you should be able to write pages about that, there's so much to brag about, right greyhound trainer John Gammon?
“Everything’s hard in the game these days, decent dogs are harder to come by and you can’t win money like you once could..." When such a long established trainer as Gammon calls it a day it is yet another painful reminder of how difficult this business of greyhound racing has become. More will follow the Gammon route and until such time as promoters reward trainers with worthwhile contracts the trainer drain will continue and no doubt escalate.
Whoa. Come on John, it's not that bad is it? Help us out here GOBATA chairman, Martin White.
“John Gammon is one of the most respected trainers in the sport and without wishing to single him out this is becoming a step too far, the industry is collapsing like a deck of cards.“
Aw, you guys are as bad as the animal rights wackos at Grey2K. You got any proof for all this gloom and doom? 
Oxford Stadium in Blackbird Leys could be demolished to make way for new homes and flats. A public consultation is to be held next week on plans for 150 houses and 75 flats at the greyhound stadium site.
Oh sure, go all the way to England to find out something bad about greyhound racing. What's the matter, the good old USA not fitting into your prejudice?
 In 1944, greyhound races were added, making the racetrack one of the oldest continuous running racing facilities in the United States for horses and greyhounds. That was before 2008. For over 105 years, the track had survived, World War I, the Great Depression and World War II. What it couldn’t overcome was politics. Friday, the Anthony Fair Association is auctioning off everything to make room for the oil boom in Harper County. Horse barns, starting gates, the greyhound track, fences and the 108–year-old grandstand: everything that can be carried off and some that can’t will be auctioned off. The new owners of the land are going to rent the main office to an oil company and build housing for the workers on the oil fields and wind farms.
OK that could be a problem, but on the bright side it does explain why Guccione is republishing the same letter over and over, right Astar?

Astar is very laid back and friendly. He loves attention and petting. He loves everyone he meets. He is not sure what to do with toys yet. He does well in the crate and has learned the stairs. He walks very well on the leash. He gets along well with the Italian Greyhound that also lives in the home. He would do well in a home with older well-behaved children. He would be fine with other dogs in the home or as an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Did You Know That Deputies From The Maricopa Sheriff's Department All Wear Tinfoil Under Their Hats? Department Policy

Man, we just found out that President Obama is still not an American. We thought that had all been settled because hasn't he got like what, 47 birth certificates or something? Well, apparently that's not enough because Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio--who calls himself 'America's Sheriff' btw--says 47 is not enough when you're black.

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio and his Cold Case Posse on Tuesday announced that their long-running investigation had found the long-form birth certificate released by President Barack Obama was “undoubtedly fraudulent, and since we're bilking the taxpayers for this whole sham investigation, if there's anyone who knows about fraud, it's us.”
“My hope is that the U.S. Congress will take over from here if not to further the birth certificate forgery possibility, then at least to examine the state of Hawaii’s laws in regards to the issuance of birth certificates which may be permitting untold numbers of foreign born people to wrongly gain U.S. citizenship.”
Wait a minute. You mean Hawaii is like, selling birth certificates or something? Whoa! If Osama had known that he could have bought one, moved to Fargo and opened a falafel shop. There's no way Obama would have found him in Fargo. Dude could have even voted for Romney or something.
Mike Zullo, the posse’s chief investigator and author of so-called “birther” books, said that after a trip to Hawaii the investigators found that coding numbers seen on the President’s birth certificate were not consistent with the coding required by the federal government.
 Now, we should take a moment here to point out that just because Mr. Zullo is the author of several "birther-books" (For sale in the lobby--the author will be available for autographs after the news conference) that in no way affected his impartiality in conducting this investigation for Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who even though he has no jurisdiction in Hawaii, knows that even if there are county sheriffs in Hawaii, they're all probably really from Pakistan or something because selling birth certificates.

As for the codes, these are super duper,  above ultra secret, special certifying verification sequences given to the federal government by space aliens from Alpha Centauri who were trying to keep Obama from becoming president and destroying the galaxy. Zullo was able to decipher the codes because one day, on his way home from the community mental health clinic he was given a decoder ring by one of the space aliens disguised as Princess Leila. "Help me, Obi-Wan Zullo," the alien said. "You're my only hope."

Zullo also said Hawaii Assistant Attorney General Jill Nagamine had refused to cooperate with the investigation, further suggesting Zullo was a flaming idiot without the brains god gave a tennis ball. Nagamine refused to give the sheriff’s investigators permission to see the original birth documents held by the Hawaii Department of Health "because even though this is America and you're free to be a pustulating jerk, you don't get to waste my time with your unmedicated fever dreams. He's black and he's president. Deal with it." Emails obtained by Talking Points Memo show that Hawaii officials questioned why they should take a bunch a wackaloons from Arizona seriously when the surf was up.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Think Of All The Rebuilding Jobs There'll Be After Tornadoes Fires And Floods Wreck The Country

Hey everybody, hot enough for you? We are pretty sure the bricks on the building across the street are melting. Not that we're complaining or anything. At least we don't live in the parts of the country that are burning down, or getting blown away, or swept away. Come to think of it, the fact that we have to wear wooden planks on the bottom of our shoes so the soles don't catch fire when we walk down to the mailbox is probably one of the lesser inconveniences people are going to face as the planet pin-balls between weather extremes on the way to cindering out. Too bad there's nothing we can do about it.

Oh wait, apparently there is.
The world’s scientists predicted decades ago that manmade global warming (caused by burning coal, oil and gas, cutting down forests, plus a few other large scale human activities) would mean that severe heat waves, drought and flood would quickly become more frequent … and at just the rate that they, in fact, have. — And sometimes more intense, as they in fact have.
OK, so if man made it, man can unmake it, right? It's times like these we turn to our leaders vision thing. 
In a letter sent last Friday to their Republican counterparts, Reps. Henry Waxman (D-CA), the ranking member of the Energy and Commerce Committee, and Rep. Bobby Rush (D-IL), the ranking member of the E and C subcommittee on energy and power, made what they counted as their 15th effort to hold a hearing into the matter.
Yeah baby, that's what we like, Decisive Action! Americans love a challenge. Let's roll up our sleeves and...wait, 15th request? Huh. Guess the republicans were busy protecting marriage or something, or maybe Waxman and Rush didn't say why they wanted hearings. Got to have a reason, you know. Can't just be spending taxpayer dollars on every cockamamie idea coming down the pike.
“Specifically, we request that you hold a hearing on the recent wildfires and extreme weather events the United States has experienced and the role global climate change played in these events,” wrote Waxman and Rush. They cited statistics detailing the unusually severe heat wave, droughts, wildfires, storms and floods that have struck the nation this year, pointing to scientific findings that climate change played a role in them. A new report by the National Climatic Data Center determined that the odds of this year’s extreme weather being a fluke — as opposed to the consequence of manmade carbon dioxide emissions — are extremely low.
 Oh. OK. Well, sounds like these guys have dome their homework so let's get to it guys. Like we said, America loves a challenge.
A committee spokesperson for Energy and Commerce Chairman Fred Upton (R-MI) told TPM that Republicans had already addressed the issue in a March 2011 hearing. “The committee held a hearing last year to examine related issues including extreme weather events, patterns of warming, and the attribution of climate change to human activity,” the aide said. “With 41 consecutive months of higher than 8 percent unemployment, the committee’s focus continues to be on jobs and promoting commonsense solutions that protect both the environment and the economy.”
 Focus on jobs and promoting commonsense solutions that protect both the environment and the economy, huh? Guess we missed that. Must have been right after you voted for the 33rd time to repeal the Affordable Care Act.

Monday, July 16, 2012

His Accompaniment Was The Band From The Titanic

So most everyone has seen the ad where Mitt Romney sings and loses the support of the people who can carry a tune in a bushel basket demographic (also the hearing impaired community because apparently he sang so badly even lip readers ran from their televisions). Then the topper, along comes mean old Mr. Obama and decides to have a little fun at the Mittbot's expense: 

 OK so Mitt would have been better off if he had hired someone to sing for him like his wife hired someone to ride her horse for her, but this affront to the melody impaired cannot be allowed to stand so campaign Moneybuckets fired back:

Now, if you watched both videos and you're like us you're thinking Mitty boy, you do not want to get into a sing off with Obama, but then you realize it's a choice between OK so I can't sing as well as the president, and  which one of us is the liar and possible felon, and you can see why the musical route was more appealing.

We're thinking debates set up like American Idol.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know the ultimate outcome of desire is ennui...erm...we mean know that a few weeks ago we pointed out that the greyhound racing facility in Tucson, known formally as Death Camp For Greyhounds, or as the overlords refer to it, Tucson Greyhound Park, had been released from the onerous bonds of the state and allowed to freely soar into the welcoming embrace of the free market.

How'd that turn out Mr. Overlord sir?
Tucson Greyhound Park's faded aqua, pink and purple bleachers groaned not under the weight of excited racing junkies but with the wind as thunder rolled over the empty stadium. A faint recording crackled over the loudspeaker, enthusiastically welcoming a crowd that wasn't there. A black-and-white sign sat atop the betting counter: "Closed."
BOO YA!!! See what happens when pencil necked bureaucrats get out of the way and let small business thrive? Oh wait, "empty" and "closed," they aren't good, right?
Since the 1980s, the number of Arizona greyhound tracks has shrunken from five to one. But a new law allowing the reduction of live-racing days to 100 per year, from 200, could help the park stay open in the event of serious financial hardship.
OK, we're not financial experts or anything, but are you telling us that the way to to make your business successful is to cut your business in half? Please explain Mr. Tom Taylor, CEO and general manager of the Tucson park.

"It's there if we need it; it's like life insurance," said Taylor. "You never want to use it, but you want to have it. So if we just keep cutting back on greyhound racing here at the greyhound racing park, eventually we'll get to a point where we don't race enough to make some money. It's higher level business stuff. You probably wouldn't understand."

No no, we get it. The more you cut back on greyhound racing at the greyhound racing park, the more you improve your chance to make money. Sort of like golf, less is better in golf too.
Gary Guccione, the National Greyhound Association's executive director opposed the legislation. He's concerned about the impact. "Live racing is our bread and butter," he said. "Once you start cutting into that, who knows where it might stop?"
 Now, Mr. Guccione, Mr. Taylor just explained that. As you reduce greyhound racing days at the greyhound racing park, you eventually get to a point where you don't race enough and you can cover your costs, because when the track is closed you're not adding to your costs. So staying closed a lot is a sound business practice for greyhound racing parks.Get it?

Unless...OK we see your point Mr. Guccione. As you stay closed more and more, eventually you're closed for good, then to make money you might do something like tear down the track, maybe build a homeless shelter there or whatnot. Yeah, that is a point, but look on the bright side--there would be jobs at the homeless shelter. You would have an opportunity to, you know, make a positive contribution to society for a change, and that wouldn't be so bad, would it Sparky?

Sparky is getting more outgoing. He is a very sweet boy. He can be shy at first but warms up to his surroundings quickly. He loves to be petted. He is very playful for a nine year old. Sparky will make a wonderful pet. Sparky would do best in a home with at least one other dog since he is used to being around other dogs. He would do best in a home with someone who can show him a lot of attention since he loves to be petted. He would do well in a home with or without children. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Snoop Mitty Mitt

Hey, we learned something yesterday. The Mittbot's programmer sent him out to talk to a bunch of black folks and forgot to reprogram Panderprogram so he gave basically the same speech he gives to the mostly white crowds paid to show up at his regular appearances, and he got booed by the assembled brothers and sisters.

That's not the part where we learned anything though because come on, is there anyone whiter and more out of touch with any shade or hue not #FFFFFF and rich than Willard Richie MacWhite? No, it was after that when he was safe and sound back with his homies that we learned the thing we learned. See, he hightailed it right out of Houston, where he gave the speech, to the whitest state he could find on short notice--Montana where he said:
When I mentioned I am going to get rid of Obamacare, they weren't happy ... That's okay, I want people to know what I stand for, and if I don't stand for what they want, go vote for someone else, that's just fine. But I hope people understand this, your friends who like Obamacare, you remind them of this, if they want more stuff from the government, tell them to go vote for the other guy—more free stuff. But don’t forget nothing is really free.
 Now, what Mitt told his posse was he got right up in the grill of  people like this who are freeloading off the government and told them when his programmers finally get all the bugs out of his software that particular gravy train is going to come to a screeching halt. So, Tene Franklin, Genetic Counselor at Meharry Medical College, you better put down that 40 and start looking for a job. And you Benjamin S. Carson, Sr., Director of Pediatric Neurosurgery Co-Director of the Craniofacial Center Professor of Neurological Surgery, Oncology, Plastic Surgery and Pediatrics at Johns Hopkins Children's Center, you better quit using the want ads to wrap your blunts and start reading them. And you Oprah Winfrey you better stop giving cars away.

Man, when we found out that under Obamacare if you were an uninsured white or Hispanic woman looking for some preventative health care you couldn't get it because it was only going to blacks (and maybe only black NAACP members--we're still checking on that) well, let's just say our eyes were opened. When we found out that you could only stay on your parents insurance until you were 26 if you knew how to prepare collard greens, and couldn't be refused insurance for a preexisting condition only if you could recite the lyrics to Ghetto Dreams or Bad Girls Club it became obvious to us that this great nation is being dismantled and given away to undeserving, unappreciative freeloaders and only Mitt can save us.

Romney/Some Other White Bread Guy 2012!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

We Must Have Missed The Story About Justice Scalia's Head Exploding

Hey, the Supreme Court said Obama could continue to turn this country into a socialist dystopia complete with gay married judges invoking Sharia law by sending old people off to death camps. Or as the lame stream media likes to call it Obamacare. That slipped by us, out roaming the countryside as we were where the deer and the antelope play and the skies are not cloudy all day except from Calgary to Medicine Hat (motorcycling tip: Don't ride in hail storms).

Anyway, now that the Supreme Court has capitulated to Muslim extremism our only hope to avoid keeping almost 50 million people from getting health insurance is The House of Representatives, lead by the honorable John Boehner, or as his colleagues call him, The Orange Doofus.

Despite an inadequate sum of votes in the Senate to repeal it, House Speaker John Boehner said voting for repeal in the aftermath of the court's decision will only act to strengthen his party's resolve. "We can't have health care going out to every Tom Dick and Harriet in America," Boehner said. "There are almost nine million uninsured children in this country. Isn't it obvious we already have the best health care system in the world?"

Now, rank and file Republicans are lining up behind the speaker to show some backbone. "I don't think it's symbolic," Rep. Allen West, R-Fla., told ABC Monday evening. "Now that we know that the truth is out there that this is a tax, we need to be able to let the American people know where we stand. We didn't know it was a tax before. Well, we did, but it was more fun calling it socialism. We're serious now."

Rep. Raul Grijalva, D-Ariz., urged Democrats to stay on offense and trumpet the benefits of the law that are already being realized by voters, unlike the defensive posture congressional Democrats took in the 2010 midterm election."We're not going to be defensive or apologetic," Grijalva, co-chair of the Congressional Progressive Caucus, declared."Well, except when we're being defensive or apologetic because, you know, we're Democrats and that's what we do."

Rep. Rosa DeLauro, who played a chief role in passing the bill, said the GOP's attempt to repeal the law is not just about politics, but also what would be taken away from Americans already enjoying assistance mandated by law.

"Taking stuff away from people is what republicans are all about," Boehner countered. "Why do you think we're against Medicare, Social Security, Public Schools, voting. All that stuff."

"If you've got orders to take a hill, you're going to keep going until you take the hill," West, R-Fla., explained. "The American people don't want this Patient Protection Affordable Care Act. It's heinous, it's onerous. And we've got to hurry because support for the law is increasing. Once people figure out it's better, we'll be sunk and it's social security all over again. Is that the America you want to live in?"

Monday, July 09, 2012

Motorcycling Tip: In Montana Elk Have The Right Of Way

Annnnnnd we're back. Oh, like you even noticed we were gone. "But Ironicus," you protest, "we missed our occasional dose of sophomoronic humor with no shred of socially redeeming value." Flattery will get you no where.

It was a fine trip though. A little over 4300 miles through towns with names like Crazy Woman Creek and beers with names like Fat Tire Ale and Moose Drool. By the way, a local inhabitant informed us that the proper name for a moose is swamp donkey. You heard it here first.

Now we're back home and we see that we missed a gathering of our betters over at Mitbot's house of disingenuousness. Let's collect a few of the pearls they dropped on the unwashed, shall we?
A New York City donor a few cars back, who also would not give her name, said Romney needed to do a better job connecting. “We’ve got the message,” she added. “But my college kid, the baby sitters, the nails ladies — everybody who’s got the right to vote — they don’t understand what’s going on. I just think if you’re lower income — one, you’re not as educated, two, they don’t understand how it works, they don’t understand how the systems work, they don’t understand the impact.”
OK, OK. Everybody is dumb but you. Got it. Here is a lady who obviously subscribes to the money equals brains theory. You'd think if she was so smart she'd have figured out the coda to that little theory and that is  everybody doesn't have the right to vote. We do have to give her points for realizing that her own kid, who is apparently also rich, is still stupid, being a kid and all. See, you can be born into money, but the brains part doesn't kick in until you vote for your first republican.
Ted Conklin, who owns the American Hotel in Sag Harbor, told the New York Times that Obama is a “socialist. His idea is find a problem that doesn’t exist and get government to intervene,” Conklin added, his wife, Carol Simmons, nodding beside him in their gold Mercedes.
Well, that's a point Mr. Conklin. We mean, dude owns a hotel that caters to people who don't work anyway, so unemployment? No biggie. Health care? Ever hear of concierge medicine? Gas prices? Please. Smithers keeps the Benz topped off. War? Come on. People who go to Romney fund raisers don't do war. Why, even to suggest such a thing is...unseemly.
Ms. Simmons paused to highlight what she said was her husband’s generous spirit: “Tell them who’s on your yacht this weekend! Tell him!” Over Mr. Conklin’s objections, Ms. Simmons disclosed that a major executive from Miramax, the movie company, was on the 75-foot yacht, because, she said, there were no rooms left at the hotel.
Now there's the American spirit. And did the Miramax executive complain because the yacht was only a 75 footer? Of course not. One does not make light of one's fellows' shortcomings, one accepts their hospitality graciously and without complaint, even if they are beneath one, being a mere Inn keeper as it were.
Romney, for his part, said at the fundraiser that he is focused on everyday voters. “If you are here, by and large, you are doing just fine,” Romney said, according to the Times. “I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about those here. I spend a lot of time worrying about those that are poor and those in the middle class that are finding it hard to make a bright future for themselves.”
Now you're thinking "wait a minute. Didn't Romney just say he didn't care about the poor?"  Well, yeah, but that was in a different context. See with this group when Romney said he was concerned about the poor he meant folks who could only afford 75 foot yachts.

If you were like the lady from New York, you'd have got that.