Friday, April 17, 2015

Friday Hound Blogging

Well, let's see. What part of the crumbling facade that the overlords have erected to shield them from the real world is raining down on their pin-like little heads this week? Oh look! The free market is coming to Florida, something the overlords have demanded for a long time, but now that the beast of unfettered competition is about to be loosed upon them they're all like "maybe we didn't think this through." Dude. For reals. Should have talked to the overlords in Des Moines.  Those guys haven't even opened yet and they're already begging for a $5 mill bailout. So what's going on in your little corner of the fetid, decaying fever swamp called greyhound racing?
Rep. Matt Gaetz, R-Shalimar, and Rep. Jared Moskowitz, D-Coral Springs, said it is time for the Legislature to sign off on “decoupling” and allow kennel clubs, like the one in Orange Park, to decide whether to continue racing dogs. “This is about businesses being able to make a decision for themselves,” Moskowitz said. “Florida, for all the talk about free enterprise, for all the talk about liberty, for all the talk about not having government in the way of over-regulating, Florida actually mandates that a business runs its business like it’s 1997.”
"Oh if only we could go back to 1997," Jack Cory, a lobbyist representing greyhound breeders and dog trainers said. "I mean, that was a lousy year too, but since then the bottom has fallen out. Revenues down more then 66%. It's like people don't come to the track anymore, you know?"

Oh we know overlord Cory, we know. Why, to the casual observer it might seem the people with souls have taken a look at the wholesale exploitation and commodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit and said "You guys need to get a life, we're out of here." Of course since we aren't versed in the ins and outs of the exciting world of greyhound racing (Fun for the whole family--until we kill another dog in front of your kids) we're sure we are misreading the situation. Perhaps since tracks are closing all over the country at a rapidly increasing rate, people just don't know where to go from one week to the next.
Gaetz and Moskowitz were adamant that they aren’t pushing to end greyhound racing all together, but they believe the state should not tell tracks how much racing they have to do.
"We believe the number of races a track does should be determined by the customers, not the state," Gaetz said. "Of course, since the tracks don't have any customers that sort of tells you what the demand is."
Both lawmakers also argued that recent reports about greyhound deaths and injuries make the case that it is an outdated sport that does more harm than good. Collectively, 13 racing tracks in Florida reported 192 deaths between June 2013 and December 2014. Orange Park Kennel Club had the second highest number of deaths at 23 during that period.
"Oh, sure. Shut us down because we kill and injure dogs in a fruitless attempt to stay out of the labor pool," Cory said. "Is that the kind of America you want you children to grow up in?"
Cory said the state regulates dog tracks and most greyhounds don’t run more than twice a week. He said the “decoupling” issue is simply about whether the Legislature will allow dog tracks to convert to casinos without nearby residents’ approval via referendum, as other types of gambling expansion have required. “All of them want to become casinos; they want to do away with pari-mutuels and they want to become casinos,” Cory said.
When asked why track owner were so eager to drop greyhound racing and convert to casinos Cory replied, "Because that's where the money is. These guys are in business to make a profit. You think they want this giant leech of greyhound racing on their necks sucking money away like Dracula on steroids? Wait, did I just say that out loud?"

Umm..we're afraid you did there Mr. Cory sir, but on the bright side it's the most honest comment you've made all week. You agree with that Jett?


Jett is a two year old male who can live with cats and small dogs, and will need a canine companion. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, nothing ticks off the overlords more than when their dirty little secret leaks out into the larger society of fully functioning human beings. And by dirty little secret we of course mean the wholesale exploitation and cruel comodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit.

But Ironicus, you say, their dirty little secret has been leaking out for years now. In fact we are all teary eyed from that vile stench that has been off gassing from the bilious festering boil that is greyhound racing. This it true astute reader(s) of this blog, but what we are talking about is when some previously non-affiliated organization or business suddenly steps forward and says to the overlords through their actions "you guys are whack and your industry is a barbaric travesty that is an open wound on the soul of humanity!" Or words to that effect. Case in point: Recently the Whole Foods outlet in Arlington Virginia agreed to donate 5% of a day's sales to the Grey2K Education fund.

Now generally the phrase Grey2K by itself is enough to cause overlord apoplexy ( see Iowa, Des Moines, Pg 1 pgh 13) but then you go and add education into the word stream and it's spittle flecked rants all around! Take overlord Deby Guffy for example:
Many retired racing greyhound owners were wanting to comment on this abhorrent, ignorant fundraising participation. Whole Foods - shame on you for deleting their posts . Shame on you for ignoring the facts of the life if a racing greyhound. Educate yourselves by going to greyhoundfacts.org Whole Foods- you owe an apology to millions of retired racing greyhound owners, breeders, trainers and others. We won't forget.
First of all, kudos to overlord Guffy for spelling the word abhorrent correctly. She seems to have a bit more on the ball grammatically than overlord Betty Carlson-Jameson who blurted:
You WILL be losing customers! and (sic) is that not your botom (sic) line?
 *Deep English teacher sigh* Another student sleeping in class the day they talked about modification. On second thought though, since this is a topic that usually comes up around the fourth or fifth grade, perhaps overlord Carlson-Jameson had already left school at that point, having attained all the skills and abilities she would need to pursue a career in animal exploitation. If that's the case, let us be the first to inform you overlord Carlson-Jameson that, aside from the spelling and capitalization errors, the way your sentence is written it is saying that the bottom line of Whole Foods is losing customers. Or, to put it in a form you may find more understandable, Whole Foods WILL lose customers, and that is their botom line. No need to thank us for the clarification. It's what we do.

Now let's get back to overlord Guffy for a moment who entreats us to educate ourselves by visiting a site called greyhound facts. Being curious types here in the marbled halls we took overlord Guffy up on her invite and went to learn some greyhound facts. We learned that greyhounds like to play with toys, which, while we have no doubt is a fact left us wondering about some other, perhaps more relevant facts like how racing greyhounds are fed, how they are injured and killed, and how they are abandoned. Couldn't find those facts. Nosiree. Nowhere to be seen.

Next to hurl a loogie was overlord Lesley Roberts Tierney Ezkovich who suffers from a surfeit of names.
I have an adoption group, a real adoption group in the New Orleans area, set us up with a fundraiser. 
Apparently overlord  Lesley Roberts Tierney Ezkovich etc. and so forth doesn't quite grasp the idea of fund raising. Perhaps it's because she is used to receiving handouts from state coffers and casino profits instead of actually trying to earn her way. You know, when you've been on the dole for as long as the overlords have and you meet someone who actually has to work to get money it can be confusing.

And finally we come to overlord Dee Dee Avila who has learned a thing or two about the world as a result of the fundraiser:
I didn't realize grocery shopping and politics go hand in hand unless food related.
Of course overlord Avila, of course. Why didn't we see that? Grocery shopping is food related. That explains why, during the last presidential election, no matter how carefully we went through the produce section we couldn't find Romney's position on the Middle East problem. Thanks for clearing that up. What about you Smoke? You ever go looking for parimutuel regulations in the canned goods aisle?


Smoke can live with cats and small dogs but we don't yet know if he can be an only dog. For more information about these dogs, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday, April 03, 2015

Friday Hound Blogging

Here we are on the cusp of the second most important christian holiday. Well, the catholics celebrate it too, but you know...fish eaters and stuff. And all that Latin. Who does that? Still, the wine is nice. And the costumes. Brightens up the proceedings, don't you think? Not big fans of the Holy PE though, prefer to take our Jesus sitting down. Where were we? Oh yeah, the death and resurrection of the Big JC. And speaking of death and resurrection, frequent readers of this blog will recall the clarity of vision with which they once saw the path of their lives now become blurred and the way forward much less certain and fraught with missteps and stumbles...erm...we mean will recall the overlords in Iowa who pledged to resurrect the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit from the legislative death it suffered at the hands of people with souls. So how's that going?

The Telegraph Herald reports the Iowa Greyhound Association reduced the schedule because it didn’t get as much funding as it had hoped.
Hmmm. Looks like they got the death part down pretty well, but resurrection? Mmmm Not so much. It's obvious that there's some nefarious malefactor at work here. We mean, this was the overlords' big chance. Finally they were free of the burdensome government and the shackles placed upon them by the casinos that had supported them all those years. Finally they could tell the public the truth about the cruelty the greyhounds suffered, the depravity of the overlords and the constant risk of injury and death as the dogs were forced to chase after a smaller and smaller prize in a zombie industry that should have lain down and died years ago...ah...we mean finally the overlords could tell the public about the exciting sport of greyhound racing. Fun for the whole family! Finally, the overlords could tell the story their way and restore greyhound racing to its former glory. It was an exhilarating time.
Live dog racing could have a home in Iowa for the next few years, a state commission said Thursday in issuing a license that gives a trade group authority to run the soon-to-be last dog racetrack in the state.
 Oh come and stand in awe of the bright star that has arisen in the heavens! The stone has been rolled away and the tomb is empty! Hope and promise fill the air like the sweet, sweet scent of  Hyacinth in the spring. Could you not smell it IGA president Bob Hardison! It was the intoxicating aroma of success!
"This dedicated fund is more than enough to cover operations for live racing for the first five year lease the IGA will enter regarding the facility,"  Hardison said.
Of course it was! Of course! More than enough. Why as soon as you were to throw open the gates to the numberless crowds clamoring for their chance to watch greyhounds break their legs, their backs, get electrocuted or have heart attacks, all while losing the rent money at $2 a throw you would have created a perpetual motion machine of profit. Dubuque wold have become the shining city on the hill to all the other overlords and even the animal rights wackos would be forced to admit to the lies, misrepresentations and fabrications they had used to slander your noble calling.

What happened then, IGA president Bob Hardison? Did someone look through those gates and see that the numberless crowd consisted of six guys, two of whom were homeless and just looking for a place to get in out of the cold? Did someone point out that your calculations were indeed correct, but there was significance to the fact that your numbers were appearing in red ink? What led to this IGA president Bob Hardison:
The Iowa Greyhound Association is looking to claim nearly $5 million from a supplemental fund in an effort to help live dog racing in Dubuque.
 It is not a good sign that your business is five million in the hole before it even opens IGA president Bob Hardison, not a good sign at all. But you have a plan, don't you  IGA president Bob Hardison? A way forward. A solution.
The Iowa Greyhound Park won’t hold Saturday night races in its inaugural season. The track will still hold racing Wednesday and Friday nights, as well as Saturday and Sunday afternoons. The association says it will now start live races mid-May; it had planned to start at the end of April.
Yes, yes, of course. We should have seen it. It's brilliantly simple. In order to make the money you need to operate, you'll be open less.  Nothing wrong with that plan huh Clyde and Omar?


Have you ever wondered the effect Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum had on Alice when she sees them in a forest? Twins are very close and seeing that greyhound style is delightful. Clyde & Omar were littermates and have been together for most of their nine years, so wherever you find one, the other one is usually close, doing the same thing whether it’s keeping you company while watching TV, asking for some much appreciated TLC, or enjoying the yard outside. And do they ever enjoy the cooler weather as they can help their foster brother survey the property from a shady spot and keep those pesky rabbit neighbors under control! Then rattle those leashes and they are more than ready to head out and keep you company on a walk – you never know when one of those neighbors might actually be The White Rabbit! Clyde and Omar are true “make you feel good” boys, gentle and affectionate, just being with them is enough to make you smile – perhaps even like a Cheshire Cat! Canine Blood Heros…Ask why that makes them special! For more information about these dogs, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Plain As The Nose On Your Face Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The PATNOYFD is a division of the Somebody Buy These People A Clue Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of Stupid Is As Stupid Does, LLC.

It seems the West Virginia chapter of our ongoing experiment in the Dunning Kruger effect* on governance is having some trouble figuring out the will of the people when it comes to the continued exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit.
Despite a push by the West Virginia Greyhound Owners and Breeders Association to eliminate greyhound racing and provide dog owners with a buyout, the first session of the 82nd Legislature failed to address the state’s greyhound racing fund, largely due to numerous complications on the subject, according to lawmakers.
 When asked to describe some of those complications, Senate Finance Chairman Mike Hall, R-etarded said, "Well when you have people from both inside and outside of racing telling us to end it we're not really sure what to do. I mean, on the one hand you have representative government reflecting the will of the people. And on the other hand you have us."
The session featured some discussion on the once-popular greyhound fund after a report was released by an animal rights organization in January, Grey2K USA released a report which found that subsidies from the state’s casino video lottery profits account for more than 95 percent of greyhound racing revenues. Although the greyhound industry had a $31 million economic impact on West Virginia in 2012, state subsidies accounted for $29 million, the study noted.
"Now, I know it looks like it's costing $29 million to get $2 million," Hall said. "But that's just because math is involved. You can't really expect us to use stuff like that when it comes to proposing legislation. Come on, this is the Finance Committee for crying out loud."
Following the study’s release, the West Virginia Greyhound Owners and Breeders Association introduced bills in the House of Delegates and the Senate in hopes of providing financial restitution to those who invested in the greyhound industry. The Senate bill sought a $37.5 million buyout, which association President Sam Burdette said would provide dog owners and breeders a return on their investment while also ending greyhound racing this year.
"Other states have paid us to go away," Burdette said. "I don't see why things should be any different here. Bottom line is you get rid of the heartless cruelty that we call greyhound racing, the dogs are released to live out their lives as pets rather than commodities, and those of us who sucked our leech-like living off the continued injury and deaths of hundreds of animals trapped in the meat grinder of a dying industry fade away like that heartburn you had last night. It's win win man."
Sen. Daniel Hall, R-etrograde, told the Daily Mail on Wednesday that his colleagues were conflicted. “Do you cut them off cold turkey, do a partial phase out or a buyout?” he asked. “Nobody could come to a consensus as to what was the right thing to do.”
When asked to respond to Burdette's buy out proposal Hall replied, "Well sure that's what everyone wants, it's been done in Iowa and it would solve the problem, but we need time to study it so we can find a way to screw it up."
Further complicating matters was the fact that neither the governor’s office nor the House of Delegates weighed in on the matter, which essentially left the Senate as the only body to have significant discussions on greyhound racing this year.
"It's like we're expected us to take a leadership role here," Hall said. "I didn't become a state senator so I could effect positive change for crying out loud. Why do you think the people elected me?

Our guess is because they weren't paying enough attention. What's your take Ivy?


Sweet-natured little Ms. Ivy enjoys being with people whether it’s time to play or time to relax. Did someone mention getting out the squeaky toys and a ball or two? Ivy never misses an opportunity to have fun, and will need a home with a 6′ fence so she’s not tempted to find fun outside of her yard, and even helps tidy up afterwards by taking all toys to her bed. R&R time is good too, best done with her close by–naturally– since you never know when something might come along which would require some needle-nosed attention. Great company, that’s our Ms. Ivy!! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

*h/t Michigan Liberal

Friday, March 20, 2015

Friday Hound Blogging

Now, we're not ones to take credit where it's undeserved here in the marbled halls of IM Central. Well, unless we think no one can check that is (Telling Tom Cotton the capitol of Iraq is Tehran so he'd make a complete fool of himself? Totally us. Just saying). Anyway our point is we feel we have to take some credit for revitalizing the overlord campaign against reality. Last week you may recall (if you don't really have a life) that we were lamenting the apparent surrender of the overlords to the inevitability that they were going to have to join the labor pool sooner rather than later. We can only assume that our cry fell upon the sleeping overlord hoards like poop from a flock of passing geese because no less an overlord than the oft mentioned Gary Guccione himself has this week stepped forward to once again raise the banner of clueless obfuscation and deliberate misrepresentation.

But before we inflict the febrile excreta that passes for thought in Mr. G's world on you we'd like to take a minute to comment on the accompanying photo of our designated interlocutor. To wit:


We're going to pass over the obvious resemblance to a mug shot as we suspect that might be the G man's primary experience with having his photo taken and just say Gary! You have really let yourself go man! We mean, check out this photo from just a few years ago:

Dude! What happened? Apparently being the primary spokesperson for institutionalized cruelty and heartless exploitation takes its toll huh? We can only imagine what changes the next few years might bring:

But back to our story:
The March 7 Viewpoint regarding greyhound racing in Florida was a typical animal rights hit job – long on misrepresentation and short on facts. Groups like Grey2K USA and the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals know that good animal care doesn't help them raise funds. There's big money in painting the industry in a negative light.
 OK, so open up by changing the subject. That's overlord strategy 3A we think. Right G? And about that "negative light" thing. Dogs are being injured and killed, abandoned and just generally mistreated. Any "light" at all on that is going to be fairly negative wouldn't you agree?
The fact is that greyhound racing has adopted rigorous animal care standards. Under the rules of the National Greyhound Association, people found guilty of mistreating or neglecting greyhounds or any other animals in their care are banned from greyhound racing for life, and others prohibited from doing business with them.
Hey, G man. Two words: Ursula O'Donnel. OK, two more: Herb Koerner. See a pattern here? 
It should be obvious to anyone with an ounce of common sense that greyhounds would not be able to perform as they do on the track if they did not receive proper care. For example, industry standards require that greyhound crates must be large enough to permit the dogs to stand, sit, lie down and turn around comfortably. It would be counterproductive to house the greyhounds in improperly sized crates, since it would affect their muscle health and impair their ability to perform when racing.
Let's see if we have this right. Your definition of "proper care" is to give the units a crate big enough to turn around in for the 18 - 22 hours a day they are in there, that about right?  But on the bright side, the dogs are only in those crates as long as they're winning. Stop winning and they're dumped and replaced by another helpless victim...er...we mean properly cared for dog.
Greyhounds are exercised for extended periods at least four times daily, probably twice as often as the average family dog. These canine athletes expend huge amounts of energy when they run, so when not racing, they prefer to rest.
Yeah, but like we said a couple weeks ago, when all you can do is stand up and turn around "resting" is about your only option. Come on now G it's starting to sound like you're phoning it in. Give us something new OK? 
The diet fed to greyhounds includes the same meat products found in most commercial pet foods, as well as vegetables and cereal. Although the meat is not suitable for human consumption, it is perfectly healthy and safe for dogs, whose digestive systems are quite different from ours.
Really? The food thing again? G! You're disappointing us dude. Cooking man, the commercial pet foods are cooked to kill the pathogens, not the crap you dump on the poor greyhounds.  Now we're depressed. We really expected more G man. After all, you're the G man! The executive director of the National Greyhound Association, the official registry of greyhound racing in the United States! The whole US bro! Act like it. The other overlords are looking to you for inspiration. Now get out there and show us your stuff!
Animal rights groups also deceive when it comes to injuries. Only a fraction of one percent of all racing starts result in injuries to greyhounds, and the vast majority
OK, OK G. G? We're going to stop you right there because we've heard all this before and it doesn't sound any different just because the executive director says it. We got to tell you man, we're feeling pretty let down. Like we said last week, we kind of miss the good old days when the overlords actually believed if they said it, that made it true, so when we saw your name on the editorial we were pretty excited, but this is stuff that could have been written years ago--probably was written years ago back when you had more hair and it's the same load of delusional obfuscation and deliberate missing of the point today that it was back then. It's over G. It's really over. Stick a fork in him Nolan, he's done.


Nolan is a one year old male who came with his sister Nelly. Nolan can live with cats or small dogs, but we don't yet know if he can be an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.