Friday, August 03, 2012

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Department of Visual Aids here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The DoVA is a division of the For Our Illiterate Friends Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of the Why Do You Think They Put Pictures Of The Food On The Menu Company.

See, every Friday we bring you news from the wacky world of the overlords in which they  proclaim their love and affection for the and in which we then point out that the gulf between their  words and their deeds to say this politely...measured in parsecs. Case in point: We all know how the overlords like to pontificate on the care and feeding greyhounds get at the track because athletes, massive investments, partners, so forth and what not. But then something like this comes along:
Goosebumps has been one of the most successful Angle Park greyhounds in recent years, with an impressive 26 wins around the state’s premier circuit. However her last place finish on June 28 would be the final appearance by the diminutive speedster, after suffering an injury that forced owner/trainer Matthew Payne to call it a day.
It's interesting that trainer Matthew Payne got to "call it a day" while Goosebumps got to die. We're sure he was grieving his loss as Goosebumps breathed her last. His loss of income that is.
Overall, Goosebumps will end her time with 63 starts for 30 wins and 12 placings in a career spanning almost 2 years at banking nearly $50,000 in the process.
Well, it's a tough business you know? Trainers can lose money and stuff.
On Friday July 6th track officials were eventually forced to cancel the last race after four dogs sustained broken hocks in four separate races. The injuries were treatable but judged potentially career ending and in order to protect profits - rather than protect the dogs themselves - all four dogs were destroyed at the track.
OK, you get the picture. Overlords tell anyone who will listen how much they care for the greyhounds trapped in their kennels, then off the dog when it looks like its cash generating capacity has run out. We take a brief moment out of your day on Fridays to point out this...ah...disparity in the hopes that somewhere, someone, perhaps an overlord,  might come to the conclusion that his or her chosen field of endeavor is at odds with well, pretty much everything that makes humans human and not two legged scorpions all with the empathy of a Black Mamba having a bad day.

Frankly though, we have to say we haven't been all that successful--there is this guy, but we're pretty sure he just figured things out on his own--so like all teachers do when encountering reluctant learners, we're adapting our lesson plan.We ran across a nice visual aide the other day which sums up in a graphic way, what we have been saying about the wholesale abuse and cruelty visited upon innocent living creatures in the name of profit...erm...we mean greyhound racing. Please feel free to share. Click to view the IMAX 3D version.

OK, just so there's no misunderstanding, overlords, that top row? That represents the particular zip code of delusion in which you spend the bulk of your days. That bottom row? That's where people still connected to reality find themselves. Oh, and in case you're wondering where we stand on the issue: Click for the steroidal version.

We'd like to close this week with a special shout out to friend of the blog Rory Goree whom, you may recall was recently appointed to be the third wheel on the Arizona Racing Commission. Mr Goree, we hope any marks left by the spanking you recently received by the Governor's staff for your...erm...unfortunate pubic comments have healed and you have learned your lesson. As you say, "as a racing regulator appointed by the Governor, I realize that I must be more careful in my public statements."

So true, Mr. Goree, but we wouldn't worry much about it if we were you because your tenure on the Commission is going to be a race between when the Governor finally realizes what a loser she's appointed and fires you, or the one remaining track in Arizona closes and your position becomes moot.
What do you say  Craigie? Want to engage in a little wager as to which comes first?

Craigie Murphy is a very happy, friendly boy. He loves to be around people and other dogs. He does well in his crate and is housebroken. He loves to go for walks and he loves everyone he meets while out walking. He is also cat safe. He has learned to go up and down the stairs. He is a squeaky toy spaz. When he hears squeaky toys, he will “plow” through the other dogs just to get to the toy. He is also a collector. He will empty the toy box and bring things to his bed. He is a counter surfer and since he is so tall, this is an easy task for him but his foster parents are working with him on this issue. Craigie Murphy is used to being by himself while his foster parents are at work so he would do fine in a working home. He would be fine in a home with children of any age. He loves playing with the other dogs in the foster home so he would probably do best in a home with another dog for company. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.


greygarious said...

I heard that attaching an empty gallon plastic jug to the collar, so it gets in the way, is a good
training aid for counter-surfing, digging, and fence-jumping. A couple of ounces of sand or coins -
just enough to keep the jug hanging under the throat - may be necessary. But Craigie looks like he's justified in unapproved snacking - at least until his ribs get a little more padding ! ;-)

Breaker said...

Hey Barton, your attempt at Dennis McKeon-style writing is a complete failure. Keep entertaining with your ignorance. We all need a good laugh on a Friday afternoon.