Friday Hound Blogging (Monday Edition)

Let no one say that this blog isn't light on its feet. Nimble, we mean. Agile, quick, adroit, springy, fleet. Able to thread a needle at 30 paces. Stop on a dime and give you nine cents change. Turn a 90 degree corner using only 85 degrees.

OK, so not so nimble getting to the point, which is, last week we stepped away from our usual Friday routine of bringing you news from the exciting world of industrialized animal exploitation for a special edition of FHB in which we brought you the comedy stylings of Tom Taylor, Tucson Greyhound Park CEO and General Manager and Joe "Needles" Robinson, (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) in which they tried to explain why it was necessary (and good for the dogs too--they always come first donchano) to truck them off to the city of Tucson and shoot them full of steroids.

Apparently their explanation was less than effective because the City Commission of Tucson is considering an ordinance that in essence says, Nuh Uh. Not here either Bucko. Now, all of this has been incredibly upsetting to overlord Elaine Summerhill who recently took to the inter tubez to elucidate the many failings of the proposed ordinance (no link--the stupid would melt your circuits). Let's listen in shall we?

I cannot believe anyone would be so stupid to fall for the animal rights agitators, Grey2K BS, and the 100 veterinarians, who have issued an "edict" that all female racing greyhounds are to be forbidden access to birth control.

Now, if you have an IQ higher than a salt shaker you're probably thinking, Wow, how can one sentence have so much wrong in it? Where does one start? Let us help you parse this little gem of  discombobulation.

First of all, you can forget about the Grey2k reference. This is what's called "boilerplate." Whenever anything in the world happens that in any way shows the overlords in a less than favorable light it's always Grey2K's fault. Sort of like when you were taught in grade school to start a letter with a salutation like Dear. The overlords start everything they write with GREY2K!! BLORT!! SPUFF!! KAAK!!!

And yes, in the second part of the sentence overlord Elaine does imply that she knows more about how to care for greyhounds than 100 Vets, but she also reveals that she doesn't know the meaning of the word "edict." In her defense though, edict is a seventh grade vocabulary word, and as her third grade completion certificate proudly describes, she never made it that far. She also apparently doesn't grasp the concept of birth control because the injections are not to reduce the chances of unwanted litters of puppies, they are...well...let her explain:

For at least 40 years, the administration of estrus suppressants to greyhound bitches has been standard operating procedure for actively racing greyhounds. Let me tell you why you do not want bitches coming into season in a racing kennel.  It's simple, really...  young male greyhounds, which are bred to be fiercely competitive and in peak physical condition, bursting with athletic vigor are horny. If the bitches come into season, and please note they ALL come in together, it puts the dogs under tremendous stress.  Really, most of you already know as it is basic "Dogs for Dummies" material.  If giving estrus suppressants are made illegal, there will be dog fights, physical battles for dominance and the right to breed.  That's bad but it is natural.  It is also unavoidable if bitches in heat are in close proximity.

See? The overlords need to disrupt the natural cycle of the dogs with drugs because...money. Can't have that many dogs in that close of proximity have let them be, you know, natural and stuff.

The rest of her letter is a story about how she lost a female dog who was attacked by the other female dogs while out in the exercise pen. Not really sure what that has to do with her point about steroid injections as we have to assume such a staunch advocate on interfering with her dogs' normal cycle would have had all her females injected.

Seems more like an example of too many dogs in too small a space and poorly supervised, but that was probably Grey2K's fault huh Serenade?

Serenade is a three year old girl who, as a racer was a miserable failure. She raced five times, never even came close to winning  and was booted. As a friend and companion though she's first rate, plus since she's only three she didn't have to be injected with steroids as much so the chances of her developing any of the side effects* from steroid use are small. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

*The Medical Director of the Humane Society of Southern Arizona said such steroid injections can cause serious side effects. “Most commonly, it can affect the liver and cause swelling of the liver and also hepatitis,” said Dr. Karter Neal. Long term, Neal said steroids can inhibit the dog’s immune system or cause birth defects like hermaphroditism.