Thursday, March 31, 2011

This Is Starting To Get Too Much Like Work

We're coming to you today from the Abundance of Fools Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The AOFD is a division of the Too Stupid To Fail Company in association with We Don't Need No Education, LLC.

Usually we spend the pre-cocktail hours of our day wading through the digital effluvia to select a particularly knarly floater to offer up for your shock and awe. Lately though, it seems some sort of laxative has been added to the national discourse because whenever we lift the lid on the intertoobz we are greeted with a species of feces that seems to multiply faster than hoverounds at a Glen Beck appearance. To wit:

Exhibit A
In a 5-4 ruling, justices overturn a jury verdict awarding $14 million to John Thompson, who had sued then-New Orleans Dist. Atty. Harry Connick Sr. because prosecutors hid a blood test that would have proved his innocence in a murder case.
Now, we're not legal scholars or anything, but we're pretty sure Prosecutors are supposed to uphold and defend the law, not break it, but we may have missed a memo somewhere or something, so maybe it's a new policy. Could be something to do with how hard the legal system has to work to keep the bankers out of jail.

Exhibit B
A bill that would prohibit sanctions against teachers who promote discussion of alternatives to prevailing scientific theories - criticized by some as a backdoor means of promoting creationism - was approved by the House Education Committee Tuesday. Rep. Bill Dunn, R-Knoxville, sponsor of HB368, said it will simply promote "creative thinking."
"Creative thinking," huh. So that's what the kids are calling blind adherence to bronze age dogma these days. On the bright side, China is about to surpass the US in scientific output. Wonder how that happened.

Exhibit C

Speaking with the Scranton Times-Tribune on Tuesday, freshman lawmaker Rep. Tom Marino (R-PAthetic) expressed mixed opinions about the Obama administration’s actions in Libya. He told the paper that he “supports” the intervention, but wishes that the administration had consulted with Congress first. Marino, a member of the House Foreign Affairs Committee and the House subcommittee on issues related to African foreign policy, then posed an odd question:
“Where does it stop?” he said. “Do we go into Africa next? I don’t want to sound callous or cold, but this could go on indefinitely around the world.”

Hmm...dude must have gone to school in Tennessee.

We may have to start another blog just to keep up.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

We Now Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Blog

OK, so we went and elected a clown car full of Teabaggers to offices all over this country because we needed us some of that fiscal discipline and American Idol finals were starting so who had time to, like, listen to these guys or anything? And say what you will about a bunch of people so delusional and lacking in self awareness they have their own chapter in the DSM, they are out there as we speak disciplining the fiscal. Right into the ground. Unfortunately, when it comes to other issues, like say law and order...well...not so much.
In a stunning twist, Gov. Scott Walker's legislation limiting collective bargaining for public workers was published Friday despite a judge's hold on the measure, prompting a dispute over whether it takes effect Saturday.
"Judges? We don't need no steenking judges," Senate Majority Leader Scott Fitzgerald (R-etard) said. "Now shut up and give me all your e-mails.
After the restraining order was issued March 18, Secretary of State Doug La Follette sent a letter that same day to the reference bureau rescinding earlier instructions to publish the bill Friday. "I further instruct you to remove all reference to March 25, 2011, as the publication date and not to proceed with publication until I contact you with a new publication date," his letter said.
"Hey. It was in all the papers," Fitzgerald said. "Everybody knows about it so it's law. Don't you read your history? It's the same as when the Founding Fathers took the Declaration of Independence out of the Bible and published it in the Wall Street Journal. Just be thankful we didn't publish that shoot on sight law we passed when all those pansy democrats ran to Illinois.  I think the governor just stuck it up on the bulletin board down by the cafeteria so that really didn't count or anything, except if someone saw a democrat in the buffet line."
In a memo to Assembly Minority Leader Peter Barca, an attorney for the nonpartisan Legislative Council said that the legislation would not become law based on Friday's action. That's because although state law provides for a separate role for both the reference bureau and the secretary of state in publishing laws, the section in state law on when legislation takes effect refers only to action by the secretary of state, the memo said.
"Look, there's too dang many laws about laws around here," Fitzgerald told reporters. "The people elected us to do some serious fiscalizing and once we get rid of the unions and that's what we're gonna do. Then we're gonna take a close look at them child labor laws. Kids got too much time on their hands today and once we kick out all the brown pep...I mean illegal immigrants we'll need someone to do those jobs."
Howard Schweber, a professor of political science and legal studies at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, said Friday's actions amounted to "entirely uncharted waters."
He said that the action Friday didn't remove the possibility that the Supreme Court could take up the question of the restraining order against La Follette. He questioned how the justices would react to a publication step being taken before they had made any decision.
"You know, I'm beginning to wonder if we even need a Legislative Branch," Fitzgerald mused. "It don't say nothing about it in the Constitution."

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Oh, And Another Thing

We'd like to chew a bit more on that knuckle of gristle we threw out yesterday. Yeah, yeah, we know what you're thinking: Ironicus! You're going to carry a consistent thought for more than the time it takes to freshen your drink? What, did the liquor store burn down?

Ha ha, very funny. Give us a little credit, OK? Sometimes reality can penetrate our Stoli powered shields to the point where when we sit down to commit blog we can only stare at the screen in a stupor as the sociopathy washes over us like runoff from a broken waste containment lagoon.

OK, the stupor part may not be connected to the sociopathy part, but you get the picture.

Take our home state of Michigan for example. The city of Pontiac is without a police force, Jackson has lost most of its fire department, rural counties are planning to let paved roads go back to gravel because they have no money for upkeep, Monroe has laid off all of its public school teachers for next year (they promise to call some back), Detroit public schools are seriously considering class sizes of 60 students. So what does our newly installed republican governor suggest to "reinvent" Michigan? Cut money to schools because hey, why not? They'll  all be privatized pretty soon anyway and when the unions are broken teachers will work for $1.37 an hour and have to take out a loan to get a bottle of aspirin if they get sick. In other words, paradise!

So you'll forgive us if we didn't watch President Muslim explain to us how wonderful it was that we'd found more brown people to bomb into freedom. We had a nagging feeling that it would just be a replay of one of Bush's speeches, but with more syllables and less mispronunciations.  Bottom line: Sameo sameo.

Now, we don't mean to rag on the Kenyan Usurper too much  because we expected he would disappoint us. All politicians disappoint once they get elected. The thing is, Barry Hussein didn't disappoint us for the reasons we expected. See, we knew he'd never get half his proposals past the republicans, but we really felt that he was a guy who cared about stuff and might actually, you know, try to help keep America from turning into a third world nation with a first world military that's got an attitude. Instead he hires the bankers who got us into this mess to fix it, and it's not even a work release program either because these guys are never going to see the inside of a jail cell.Then he ramps up a war that even the Russians were smart enough to figure out they couldn't win. But when it comes to pushing policies that will get people back to work, or help them stay in their houses, all he's got are some encouraging words. Multi-syllabic words to be sure, but try buying a loaf of bread to take back to your refrigerator box under the highway with a video of one of his speeches sometime.

And you just know the dude would have made a great Senator. See, they plan and plot and argue and maneuver and just generally beat ideas to death with language, then throw down a vote  and may the best man win, but a president, he's out there man, he's like all there is, you know? Executive branch and all that. Try a little executing from time to time. Just saying.

We do appreciate having a president who can walk and chew gum at the same time though, someone who holds a book right side up when he tries to read, and can actually name a philosopher when asked instead of believing that all Western thought flows from the ruminations of some backwoods Jewish apocalyptic preacher, but we wonder why, when it comes to responding to republicans who want to make the IRS into the abortion police, or make workers have to decide between fighting for a living wage and feeding their children, he's all like, republicans, let's compromise: you tell me what you want and I'll give it to you. Bipartisanship FTW!!

To be fair, we'll admit that these are complex and convoluted issues that probably far exceed the meager capabilities of our Stoli addled brain, and we  understand that when  our governor tells us he has to shift the tax burden here in the state from businesses to poor people so the businesses will have more money to create jobs with, he's only telling us the same thing the Feds have been telling us for, what, the last thirty years or so. We probably should give up trying to figure these things out for ourselves and just listen to our betters.

Oh, btw, if you're driving through Michigan anytime in the next few years, better stick to the main roads. Some of those county roads are going to have pot holes so big they'll have their own eco-systems.

Monday, March 28, 2011

In Which Ironicus Unburdens

Those of you with lives probably haven't noticed this, but there's been a perceptible falloff in our posting schedule these last couple of months. Now, we could say it's because we're busier at work, but if you've read more than two posts over the life of this blog you'd know that was a lie.

Actually, that may be a little true because as frequent reader(s) of this blog know, we earn our keep toiling in the bowels of the local educorporate training facility, and when we're not teaching students to wipe their butts with pages torn from the bible and gay marry their aborted fetuses instead of learning to read and write, we're having our chauffeur take our butler down to our private accountant so that our bloated paycheck can be deposited in an offshore account to avoid paying taxes. And all this time you thought is was greedy bankers and scruple free hedge fund managers that wrecked the economy.

Nope. It was teachers, and not just teachers, all public employees. We're like the New Black Panthers, man, nothing but walking, talking intimidation. You pay us what we want, when we want and how we want, and maybe, just maybe we'll show up for work now and then, and don't go crying to us about you can't afford it either. You know who else said he couldn't afford it? Hitler.

Oh, and benefits.

Now, we're not really sure when public employees became the most powerful and feared segment of contemporary society, but it has caused us to rethink bloody Marys as a breakfast choice because we sure wish we could have picked up on this turn of events earlier, especially since it appears we've been found out by the new American heroes: Republican governors.

And as if that isn't enough, everywhere we look it seems our years of slowly strangling lady liberty are coming to an end. Besides ending the free ride for working people, there's the revoking of child labor laws, rewriting the First Amendment for Christians, getting those brown people out of the country, and of course the new war. All are examples of America returning to her roots and her core principals.

Someone once said satire is anger turned sideways, and lately we've been turned sideways so much we've got a crick in our necks, so you'll excuse us if we get a little depressed some days when we get up, switch on the intertoobz and see the country we've worked so hard to wreck all these years snatched from our living wage, education is a public good, free speech, nation of immigrants, war is not the answer clutches.

So close, man. So close.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent readers of this blog know we don't often surrender our little digital soapbox to guest posters. (You were expecting some sort of non-sequiter there weren't you? Go ahead, admit it, you think we're so predictable).

Anyway, we were poking around in the Texas legislature the other day, making our displeasure known regarding HB 1451 which is a puppy mill regulation bill. A puppy mill regulation bill that specifically excludes greyhounds. To wit:
Sec. 802.003.  APPLICABILITY OF CHAPTER. (a)  This chapter
does not affect the applicability of any other law, rule, order,
ordinance, or other legal requirement of the federal government,
this state, or a political subdivision of this state.

       (b)  This chapter does not prevent a municipality or county
from prohibiting or further regulating by order or ordinance the
possession, breeding, or selling of dogs or cats.   

       (c)  This chapter does not apply to an animal regulated under
the Texas Racing Act (Article 179e, Vernon's Texas Civil Statutes).

Notice the bolded section. Yep. All dogs are created equal...except for greyhounds. Now, we've had this talk before, but it doesn't seem to have penetrated certain legislative crania, so we were contemplating dispatching a little missive to the Lone Star State detailing our concerns in our unique Ironicus Maximus way when we ran across the literary stylings of one Elizabeth Fritz.

Now, we don't know Ms. Fritz personally, but when we read the letter she wrote to the Texan legislators responsible for this latest foray into irrationality, we wish we did. See for yourself:

Dear Representative Thompson and Members of the House Committee on Licensing & Administrative Procedures:

Hello!  Let me introduce you to my dog, Gunther Augustus!

Before Gunther Augustus came to live with me in Michigan, he was Pluto Tyme, and had a long career on the dog tracks.  His papers state that he was born in Texas, then went to race in Virginia, and then wound up in Florida.  Gunther was a very fast dog, so he stayed on the race circuit longer than most.

Most greyhounds have an average lifespan of three years.  Gunther came to us at the age of eight.  

Some dogs don't make the cut and are euthanized.  Some dogs don't even have that luxury--some are poisoned, starved to death, neglected, shot, decapitated, or suffer malignant diseases that slowly kill them over time.  Your current legislation condones these acts under H.B. 1451.

A few years back, the nation watched in horror as 49 pit bulls were rescued from Michael Vick's dog fighting enclave in Virginia.  Federal prosecutors and animal welfare activists changed the fates of those dogs and worked tirelessly to educate the public about the welfare of pit bulls.  I'm very glad those dogs--victims of illegal dogfighting--got a second chance.  Those dogs were treated as animals, NOT as commodities.  

Your current legislation exempts greyhound breeders from anti-cruelty legislation, lumping these guys in with cows and pigs and chickens.  That means that breeders can use any despicable means to train and house these dogs, as well as how to dispose of them and treat them.

Imagine.  Imagine your family pet being subjected to the horrors of the racetrack kennel.  When I look at Gunther's face, I cringe to think of the atrocities to which he was subjected.

I strongly encourage this committee to protect the lives of thousands of greyhounds.  No animal--not pigs, not cows, not chickens, and not greyhounds, should be treated inhumanely.  No human being should be 'protected' from the law when it comes to cruelty towards animals.  Consider Gunther and the thousands of other Texas greyhounds your legislation has affected. 

Please make the right choice and make anti-cruelty legislation applicable to greyhound breeders and kennels.


Elizabeth Anne Fritz-Cottle, MSW
Gunther Augustus, Retired Racer, Beloved Friend
You know, Opie, we can't think of a thing to add. What about you?

Opie is a happy-go-lucky guy who is still young at heart. He is friendly, trusting, affectionate, and playful. He follows the foster dad everywhere. He will put his front legs on the bed in the morning and paw at you to be petted. Opie looks especially cute when he is feeling very alert and points both ears straight up with just the tips curled over. He also loves to sit when he thinks he hears someone near the cookie jar. Opie would do well as an only dog or with other dogs. He has lots of energy for a senior and appreciates going for a walk or playing outside. He would be happy in a working family, or one that is home more often. He would probably do well with well-mannered children. He loves to be outside, so a family that would include him in outdoor activities would be great. His size would allow him to fit well in a smaller home or condo. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from Rebel Alliance headquarters with news of a great victory! Rebel fighters have struck the Empire homeworld with a devastating blow! High Overlord Assistant to Emperor Palpatine is forced to admit Imperial forces are in full retreat:
"It's going to knock us out of business,'' said James O'Donnell, 82 a greyhound owner in Miami who has been racing dogs all around the state for 55 years.
And more great news, former Sith Lord Dan Adkins has joined the Alliance! Commander Skywalker reacts to the good news:
“Regardless of what the reason is, I think its time to give the dogs a break.” Theil said. “These dogs have suffered and died at these race tracks for generations and this is no longer a viable industry, no one is interested in it,  it is time for this to end.”
 Onward to Imperial Center! Onward to Victory! All hail Commander Skywalker! All hail Princess Leia!

Now, Miss Matty it's important that you remember, after the Empire is overthrown the Ewoks are not stuffies.

Matty is pretty easy going. She is very mellow for a young dog. She is curious and will follow you everywhere. She is a real Velcro dog. She is learning to play with toys. Matty would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 8 and up. She is good with other dogs and would probably be fine as an only dog. She would do best in a home with a fenced yard because she is still learning her leash manners. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Your Communist, Socialist (Probably Likes Muslims) Quote Of The Day

This one's for you governor Walker:
"...where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost."
                                                                             Ronald Reagan

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Just Don't See The Humor

It occurs to us that next month is the tenth anniversary of America's ongoing quest to be the most belligerent country in history. That means kids who were in third our fourth grade then may now be fighting (and dying).

Bush injured this county severely and Obama seems content to watch it bleed to death.

Somehow we just can't find the joke in that.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Friday Hound Blogging

Traveling today so no time to take you on another fun filled trip to the overlord zoo--although we did hear that Ronnie Williams just lost his license to be an overlord.

Really Florida? The guy abandoned his dogs to die of hunger and thirst and it took you this long to figure out he probably isn't the best ambassador for greyhound exploitation racing? Oh, and they fined him $170,000 too. Hey Florida, don't hold your breath waiting for the check.

Well, like we said, traveling today so we're going to share a far different story with you which we like to call The Kids Are All Right:

Whiz Kid's Names, Ages: Junior Girl Scout Troop #30554
Whiz Kid's School: 5th graders at Mill Pond School  
Whiz Kid's Accomplishments:  As part of the Bronze Award Community Service Project, Westborough Girl Scout Troop 30554 is holding a donation drive for Greyhound Friends, Inc. Founded in 1983, Greyhound Friends in Hopkinton is one of the oldest and largest greyhound rescue and adoption organizations in the US. It has placed 10,000 retired racing greyhounds in loving homes.
After visiting the dogs, the girls decided to collect donations of old blankets, old comforters, dog food, dog toys, and basic cleaning supplies (bleach, pine sol, liquid soap, and paper towels) to give to the shelter. They decorated a pet donation box and placed it at the top of the stairs in the Westborough Public Library. Donations can be dropped there, or contact Troop Leader Marcy Lippold at 508-616-9691  or to arrange for pick-up of donations.
Whiz Kid's Key to Awesomeness: The girls saw that the dogs needed supplies and care, and they created a way to help. Their Greyhound Rescue Donation Drive will run throughout the month of March.
And here they are:
Kind of restores your faith in people huh, Cart?

Cart is friendly, outgoing, and enjoys being around people. He is playful, but calms quickly. He loves meeting people and gets excited to greet them. He is very affectionate. He loves to be petted and will snuggle with you if you sit on the floor with him. He loves to play and toss his toys. He is starting to collect items around the house, a slipper, the kitchen throw rug, etc. He is a Second Chance at Life Dog from the Coldwater Prison Program.  Cart would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 5 and up. He is good with other dogs and would probably be happiest in a home with another dog to play with him. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

And if you 'd like to know more about the good work the Second Chance at Life program is doing for the dogs, and the prisoners, go here.

Silver update: On Wednesday, Silver found a permanent couch!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Just Asking Part Deux

OK, so we get the "shared sacrifice" slogan all of our elected betters are using to try and convince us they have a plan to keep this country from sliding into irrelevancy. President Muslim used it to explain why his budget cut home heating assistance. He didn't mention it's a scientific fact poor people are fat because of all that $2 a case mac and cheese they get from Costco. That's how you pick them out in a crowd. It's just a variation of the O'Brien Method.  The point is, they've got extra layers, man, they don't need all that heat. Here in the home state of IM Central, our newly elected governor (Republican of course--all the cool states are doing it these days) has decided to remove the Earned Income Tax credit from his budget because the people who use it--namely poor families--really don't need the state to help them feed their kids and buy them clothes and stuff. Heck, mac and cheese is $2 a case at Costco, dude, and have you seen the selection of worn out jeans and sweatshirts at Goodwill these days?

Times are tough for everyone, you know? Shared sacrifice and whatnot, yo?

Now, we can understand why the Kenyan Usurper needs to cut back, having given all that money to the bankers and such, and here in the Water Winter Wonderland we understand that sacrifice is needed so businessmen can get their tax break. Jobs, you know, tide lifting all boats et cetera and so forth.

But here's our question: When a poor person makes a bad short term decision, like say buys a smart phone he or she can't afford instead of paying down credit card debt, or saving or something, that person gets held up to public scrutiny as an example of everything that's wrong with social welfare programs and why should we be letting these people lead the life of Riley on the public dime when times are tough and yada yada yada blah blah blah whatever shared sacrifice, the end.

Yet when a business executive makes a bad short term decision that brings down his or her company, and lately the whole economy, that person gets a bail out, a tax break and a bonus.

Why is that, exactly?

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

It Ain't Democracy Until I Say It's Democracy

We're coming to you today from the Democratic People's Republic of America here in the marbled halls of IM Central where we don't have a president for life, but as soon as we get rid of the black guy we may look into it--that is if there are any states left in the union by then.

It seems the Teabaggers have discovered a problem with the voting laws.
New Hampshire's new Republican state House speaker is pretty clear about what he thinks of college kids and how they vote. They're "foolish," Speaker William O'Brien said in a recent speech to a tea party group. New Hampshire House Republicans are pushing for new laws that would prohibit many college students from voting in the state - and effectively keep some from voting at all.
Hey, wait a minute there Speaker O'Brien. "Foolish" people are probably a big part of your constituency, no? How else do you explain your election?  After all, you told everyone that you were putting jobs, economy and taxpayers at the forefront of your agenda, and what's the first thing you do? Try to disenfranchise a whole class of voters. Seems like the people who voted for you may have been a little foolish to take you at your word. Besides, what did the kids ever do to you?
"Voting as a liberal. That's what kids do," he added, his comments taped by a state Democratic Party staffer and posted on YouTube. Students lack "life experience," and "they just vote their feelings."
Oh. Well, you've got us there Mr. Speaker. This whole democracy thing would be a lot easier to manage if people who didn't agree with you weren't allowed to vote. That must be what Jefferson meant when he said, "Dissent is the highest form of patriotism."No wait. That's not the quote we were looking for. How about, "If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be."No? Let's try, "I know no safe depository of the ultimate powers of the society but the people themselves; and if we think them not enlightened enough to exercise their control with a wholesome discretion, the remedy is not to take it from them but to inform their discretion by education. This is the true corrective of abuses of Constitutional power."

Yeah, that's the ticket.

Friday, March 04, 2011

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog have succumbed to the ennui of mean know that we here in the marbled halls of IM Central have a long tradition of investigating and analyzing both sides of the complicated and complex social issues we write about so that we can bring you the most cogent and sophisticated explication of the day's events possible.

Of course, we don't claim to be perfect and we are sure there are times when we've fallen short of our standards--like every time we hit the "publish" button. Blogging sober might help our success rate, but no matter, we are here today to set the record straight. We've noticed that these last few weeks of FHB have been nothing but bad news for the overlords, which we suppose is to be expected when your life consists of leeching a meager existence, tick-like, off the backs of innocent animals which you callously use for profit, then heartlessly cast aside for someone else to pick up, like trash by the side of the road.

Of course that's just our opinion. We could be wrong.

Anyway, this week, rather than bringing you up to date on the latest drumbeats in the greyhound racing funeral march, we thought it would be only fair to hear the other side of the story, so we've invited overlord. Samuel R. Burdette to speak to you today. Mr. Burdette will tell us why greyhound racing is a "substantial industry" as opposed to an unsubstantial industry we guess, maybe like ghost hunting or something, but we'll let him explain that.
Regarding the Daily Mail's Feb. 24 editorial, "Should racinos lose dog tracks?":
No, racinos should not lose dog tracks.
So, there you go then. Thank you for clearing that up, Mr. Burdette and  this has been another episode of simple answers to simple questions. We hope you...oh, excuse us. Mr. Burdette isn't done.
Greyhound injuries during races occur at a low probability and should not raise questions about continuing.
 Whoa, science. Didn't realize Mr. Burdette was a statistician. So, you got your basic "low probability" going on here, which means those dogs that suffer and die to earn Mr. Burdette a couple of bucks are just, you know, unlucky. Tough break. That's the way the cookie crumbles. It's all probabilities man, like chance and stuff. For example, the earth has a low probability of being struck by a meteor. Course, if you happen to be under one when it does strike it sort of ruins your day.
* Regarding injuries, as presented by Grey 2K:
Grey 2K is an animal rights organization, not an animal welfare group.
Ha! Point taken Mr. Burdette. See the distinction between rights and welfare is crucial because because...erm...ah...OK, we don't have a clue what you're talking about.
It has a political agenda to outlaw greyhound racing. It does little and spends little, if any, for hands-on welfare care of greyhounds. It uses the mental concept of injuries to claim "the sky is falling, the sky is falling."
 Oh, we get it. By drawing attention to the horrific conditions greyhounds endure in your "substantial industry," by bringing public pressure to bear on the institutionalized cruelty of greyhound racing, they're not helping the dogs at all. If they'd just shut up and take the units off your hands so you can get on with replacing them that would be much better for you. Ah, we mean the greyhounds, better for the greyhounds. Gotcha.

We also understand the "mental concept of injuries" better now too. We think you've got something there. If you could just convince all those dogs with broken bones that they've  got a "mental concept" instead of an injury they could be back out there racing the next day. It's win win man!
Actually, the injury statistics quoted in the editorial are low percentages. The editorial said there were 750 broken-bone injuries over a six-year period at the Mardi Gras racetrack at Nitro. Some of these broken bone injuries represent relative minor broken bones such as a cracked toe or a slight stress fracture. Some do represent career ending broken bones.
What's wrong with racing greyhounds these days?  They break a "minor" bone or get a "slight" fracture and they're all like ow, ow ow, I can't run fast anymore. I can't make my overlord's trailer payment for him. Weenies.
A six-year period at Mardi Gras represents over 262,000 individual greyhound trips around the track. Broken bone injuries of 750 divided by 262,000 trips equals 0.0028 occurrences per trip, or a 00.28 percent probability of a bone fracture occurring per trip. Twenty-eight hundredths of 1 percent is a very low rate of incidence.
Woo Hoo! Math! Ooo, Ooo Can we try Mr. Burdette? Let us try. OK, OK. You have a 0.0005 percent chance of getting hit by lightning, a 0.0006 percent chance of drowning in a bathtub, a 0.0000005 percent chance of dying on a five mile bus trip. Course if your bus happens to be the one that runs into a tree it sort of changes your perspective, right Birthday Toy?

The racetrack has a full-time maintenance crew continuously preparing the track before each race. The Racing Commission has a full-time veterinarian to address injuries and to judge the safety of running a race in times of bad weather and to judge the track surface.
Mr. burdette? We think we see your problem. Having a Veterinarian around to say, "yeah, that dog's hurt. You can tell by the bone sticking out" is a good thing, but asking that Vet to be a meteorologist and a civil engineer, well, we're not Vets or anything, but we're pretty sure they don't teach that stuff in Vet school.
We do not agree that this is a "gruesome sport."
So, there you go then. Thank you for your time, Mr. Burdette and  this has been another episode of all your facts are irrelevant to us. We hope you...oh, excuse us. Mr. Burdette isn't done.
Quite the contrary. In no way does greyhound racing approach gruesome animal sports such as dog fighting or cockfighting, which have been outlawed.
Umm...Mr. Burdette? You sure you want to go there? We mean, if being legal is your criterion, you may have a problem. Just saying.
Our greyhounds represent a significant investment We depend on them for a livelihood. We feel very affectionate towards our dogs and do not want them injured.
Good for you Mr. Burdette. Now, if only you wouldn't constantly put the dogs in harm's way and callously dump them when they did get injured we'd be getting somewhere. Marry your thought to an action, that's all we're saying.
We have no reservation about racing our greyhounds at Mardi Gras racetrack.
Well of course you don't. You aren't the one who ends up with bones sticking out of them.
* Regarding the benefits of greyhound dog racing:
The greyhound racing and breeding industry is a source of jobs and economic support in West Virginia. We estimate over $20 million is pumped directly to the West Virginia greyhound breeding and ownership economy from track purses and development fund proceeds each year.
 Ooo! Ooo! More math. How about this: The GDP of West Virgina is about $59 Billion. So, $20 million is about 0.003 percent of the economic output. Yay numbers!
* On the agenda of animal rights groups:
Animal rights groups such as Grey 2K, the Humane Society of the United States and PETA have leaders who advocate no human control over animals - no hunting, no fishing, no pets, no animal acts, no dog racing, no horse racing and no slaughtering of animals for human food.'s hard to argue with that logic Mr. Burdette. Well, hard unless you were paying attention school the day they talked about the fallacy of the slippery slope.
Some have advocated that everyone should be a vegetarian.
Uh...OK. If "some" have, that means some have not, so do you have a point there, Mr. Burdette, or is your medication starting to wear off? Oh wait, we get it. You're trying to scare us. No greyhound racing means TOFU BURGERS BITCHEZ!!!(eleventy)!!
The real question then boils down to: Do humans have the right to control animals and use them for sporting events, pets or food?
Hey! That was pretty neat how you slipped "sporting events" in there with pets and food. We're thinking your answer is yes.
This is a philosophical question and depends on a person's own religious and philosophical beliefs.
Actually, a person's philosophical beliefs depend on his or her philosophy and that person's religious beliefs depend on his or her religion. But no biggy. Aristotle and the Pope. We get them mixed up all the time too.
Imagine a legislative bill to outlaw deer hunting or fishing in West Virginia. We doubt seriously it would become law.

Imagine trying to dodge the deer on highways after several years of no deer hunting. Imagine a bill to outlaw pets.

Imagine not having beef or fish to eat. Imagine the devastating economical impact on segments of our state with no hunting or fishing, no horse or dog racing, and no food from animals.
Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions

I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one 

Yeah, we're John Lennon fans too, Mr. Burdette. You got a point in there somewhere? We thought you were talking about greyhound racing.
Feed stores, veterinarians, parts of the food processing industry, fast food restaurants and other segments of our economy would struggle to exist.
No greyhound racing, no MacDonalds. OK your argument is becoming too sophisticated for us to follow Mr. Burdette. Where'd you come up with that?
We think that after discussion and debate over the animal rights agenda, it would be rejected by the majority. We should not fall for the rhetoric and false logic of animal rights groups. We should not outlaw greyhound dog racing in West Virginia. It could be the first step down a very slippery slope.
Er...Mr. Burdette? When you build your whole argument around a fallacy it's best not to admit that's what you did. Sort of destroys your credibility, know what we mean?  See Daucus? This is what happens when you drop out of school in the sixth grade.

Daucus is very laid back, but curious. He is affectionate; he will approach for pets and will sometimes give kisses. He likes to rub his face up and down on your legs. He is a big boy and will try to herd the humans to get his way. He will sleep on his back with his tongue hanging out. Daucus would do well in a working family home with another mid-size to larger dog to keep him company and would probably be okay as an only dog with a family that had someone home more often. He would do better in a home with larger well-mannered children, as he does not always understand his size. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Silver update:  She is a fun girl and has cockroached for the first time and has rooed once, showing her increased confidence. She hides toys in her cage or at a back door collection.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Just Asking

OK, so we just heard The Draped One has written a new book that says all Jews aren't Christ killers.

Yeah. We know. We were losing sleep over that too. Anyway, as part of his exoneration of said Jewish folks he says, "How could the whole people have been present at this moment to clamor for Jesus' death?" Benedict asks.

Good question your Pradaness, but here's a better one: If all humanity wasn't present to clamor for appletinis when Eve ate the apple, how come we all have to pay for original sin?

The Jews got to know somebody on the inside, that's the only thing we can think of.