Monday, September 24, 2012

Welcome To Tomás de Torquemada High

Back in the day, when we were but scurrilous trainees in our local educorporate training facility, our scurrilousness would occasionally come to the attention of the educational technicians and we would be unceremoniously perp-walked down to the Principal's lair and an official school sanctioned pedagogically approved butt thumping would be applied to our miscreant backside. Usually said application of what passed for the latest in educational theory vs-a-vis classroom management would be handled by none other than the aforementioned Principal himself, along with little homespun aphorisms concerning how to live the proper life, delivered between swats.

For the record, this did not make us better citizens, only more sneaky.

Well, we tell you this because, having gone on to earn our daily bread serving in the church of reason, we had just assumed that beating students, like bleeding patients, was a practice that has been assigned to the dustbin of history. Apparently we were misinformed.

Officials at a Texas high school plan to ask their board tonight to change a policy requiring that spanking punishments be administered only by employees of the same gender as the student to receive the punishment.  "The vibrations from paddling those bony old boy butts hurt my hand. Every once in a while I need to wallop on some bodaciousness to avoid carpal tunnel or something,"said vice principal Buford J. Smellings III. "I mean, we take our disciplinary responsibility very seriously here."
Taylor Santos, a well-regarded student and athlete at Springtown High School, near Fort Worth, Texas, chose to be paddled as punishment for allowing another student to copy her homework.  Her mother, Anna Jorgensen, agreed to the punishment as long as her daughter was OK with it, but was surprised the spanking was administered by a man. As far as Jorgensen knew, she said, school policy mandated that males spank males and females spank females. She said her daughter's buttocks were red and appeared blistered due to the force of the spanking.
 "Well, what did you expect," said vice principal Smellings. "You have a meeting with the 'Board' of education, it's gonna leave a mark. Besides, chances are she's probably going to end up in an abusive relationship anyway. This is Texas, you know. Might as well get used to it. And no, I did not yell 'who's your daddy' when I hit her."

"The Texas Education Code and our local policies state that if a parent or guardian does not want corporal punishment administered to his/her child, for each school year the parent or guardian must provide the district a separate written and signed statement to that effect. Otherwise, the use of corporal punishment is permissible," Mike Kelley, superintendent for the Springtown Independent School District said in a statement. "We like to call it our opt out of the 19th century program."

The day after her daughter's paddling, Jorgensen called the vice principal to complain, but was told it was "normal for her bottom to look like this after receiving swats."

The vice principal added that he had no idea about the same gender swatting, Jorgensen said. "The District is always sending out those policies and guidelines," Smellings told reporters. "Who has time to read all that stuff?"

Another student, Jada Watt, said she mouthed off to the same male vice principal, and received the same punishment, which was observed by a male police officer. Her mother, Cathi, said she "wasn't expecting a bruise." "Two men giving her a swat behind closed doors, that is creepy," she added.

 "I remind you that we are educational professionals," Smellings said. "So there is nothing creepy about  me and some minimum wage rent-a-cop taking a minor into a room, bending her over a desk and playing a little Ina Gadda Da Vida on that scrumptious, little booty. Wait, let me rephrase that."
Springtown ISD Superintendent Mike Kelley told WFAA that he will ask the board to eliminate the requirement of same gender spanking.  He said the same-sex spanking policy can be difficult to observe in smaller schools where aren't enough female administrators around to mete out punishment to female students.
Whoa. "Same sex spanking?" Sounds like some of those San Fransisco values have sneaked into the Texas Education Code.

Springtown ISD Superintendent Mike Kelley leaves the School Board Meeting

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