You'll Have To Speak Up If You Want To Be Heard Above The Gunfire

We're coming to you today from the Department of Cognitive Dissonance here in the marbled halls of IM Central. the DoCD is a division of the My Personalities Don't Talk To One Another Company, a wholly owned subsidy of Self Awareness Is A Liberal Plot, Inc.

After the recent tragedy in Tucson it occurred to some of our leading political lights that maybe calling for your opponent to be blown up, dismembered or shot in the head probably wasn't the most productive of approaches when addressing a group of people who confuse penis and pistol and make up for the shortcomings of the former by purchasing larger models of the latter.

"Civility" became the watchword around the corridors of power and abroad in the land and, proving that psycho-pharmaceuticals are in fact effective, even some of the stomp and scream until you get you way, we came unarmed this time crowd toned it down a little. "Some" being the operative word here, which of course implies that "some" did not.

Here at RedState, we too have drawn a line. We will not endorse any candidate who will not reject the judicial usurpation of Roe v. Wade and affirm that the unborn are no less entitled to a right to live simply because of their size or their physical location. Those who wish to write on the front page of RedState must make the same pledge. The reason for this is simple: once before, our nation was forced to repudiate the Supreme Court with mass bloodshed. We remain steadfast in our belief that this will not be necessary again, but only if those committed to justice do not waiver or compromise, and send a clear and unmistakable signal to their elected officials of what must be necessary to earn our support.

See, now when you stake out a opening position in an argument that says in effect that you care so much about human life you're going to kill people who disagree with you, it sort of complicates the response for those who may want to discuss issues like the beginning of life and a woman's right to control her own body sans firearms. Also, there's a reason the Second Amendment is, you know, second and the one about free speech first. Has to do with a functioning democracy and whatnot. Just saying.

On a related note, we mention with sadness a recent article bemoaning the fact that our children isn't learning. Well not to think critically anyway.

As professional educators we feel obliged to point out that one is not born with the ability to think critically, but learns it as one matures. One of the most effective and efficient methods by which this skill is imparted from one generation to the next is through the use of role models.

You see where we're going with this, right? When the youth look out across the society we have built for them and see the Rush Limbaughs, the Sarah Palins, the Michelle Bachmans, the boys at the above discussed blog, well, probably we should be thankful they can tie their own shoes and leave it at that. Also. Too.

Friday Hound Blogging

Our old daddy used to say that some mornings you wake up and find out the cat has peed in your shoe. We're thinking that's what it must be like for the overlords these days as the opening frames of the new year haven't been very kind to them. The biggest problem--well besides the fact that people view greyhound racing with about the same degree of enthusiasm and excitement as they view a vomit souffle--the biggest problem is that citizens have taken to writing about the fact that the overlords tend to have a habit of being a tad too optimistic when describing how Utopian the life of a racing greyhound is. In fact, the distance between how the overlords describe their little slice of doggy heaven and what people who have all their wits about them actually see is generally measured in parsecs. This has caused a couple of states to outlaw greyhound racing entirely and several others to fall all over themselves running from the industry when the one remaining track in that state finally breathes its last.

Well, far be it from the overlords to let a little thing like reality come between them and the chance to suck a buck or two off the back of an innocent animal. The problem is, since making animal exploitation your career doesn't require higher order communication skills, most of the people (and we use that term loosely)  in the industry have the language prowess of a banana slug.

Enter Gary Guccione the overlords' go to guy when it comes to explaining why taking cruel advantage of the fabled speed and skill of the world's oldest breed of dog to keep yourself out of the labor market is actually a good thing. Well, good for the overlord. The greyhound has three options when no longer able to pay his or her owner's way: death, medical research, or adoption.

Anyway, as we mentioned last week, Mr. Guccione has been pretty busy lately responding to folks who want to know how, in a society where people have evolved to the point that they can walk upright, we allow such heartless barbarity to continue. Mr. Guccione?

Linda Robertson’s Dec. 28 story, Dog racing is running its course, on greyhound racing, was a bittersweet, but fair, look at the current status of the sport. Despite claims by animal-rights activists to the contrary, the real reason for the decline in greyhound racing has more to do with competition and changing lifestyles. The enormous expansion of other gaming opportunities from coast to coast has greatly increased competition for the entertainment dollar.

OK let's see if we got this. You're saying the fact that you kill thousands of greyhounds every year simply because they can't run fast enough, injure thousands more, sell (legally and illegally) untold numbers for medical research--some of which is terminal--that the real reason greyhound racing is dying is because you don't have lights that flash and buttons to push? Is that it?

The demographic of greyhound-racing customers has magnified the impact of these social changes. As baby boomers near retirement age, the next generation of gamblers is a generation born and raised with computer keyboards at their fingertips. The gambling world — greyhound racing included — will have to adapt to this demographic shift by finding new ways to attract younger, tech-savvy customers.

Ooo..."demographic." That Word-A-Day calendar is really paying off, huh Mr. G? Also, we're not so sure you want to attract a "tech-savvy" crowd either. See "tech-savvy" people might just Google greyhound racing and if you do that, guess what the first hit is. Yeah, Grey2K, the animal rights wackos...er...activists. You sure you want that to be the first thing someone reads? Might be better to just stick with the people you have, you know, the people who don't have all their teeth.

One thing is certain. Greyhound racing has made tremendous strides in ensuring the health and safety of racing greyhounds from the farm to retirement and adoption. Today, we’re close to meeting our goal of 100-percent placement of all adoptable greyhounds.

Aw, now Mr. G. we've had this talk before. You know math is not your friend.  Back in 2008 you said that more than 90% of greyhounds got adopted when actually it was closer to 60%. Then last week you said it was nearly 95%. Well, maybe you do have a point because Ronnie Williams' dogs are out of the adoption pool so that may bring the numbers down somewhat.  Hey, any truth to the rumor that you're going to make him your National Adoption Coordinator? Well, after he gets out of prison that is.

In addition, we’ve worked diligently to strengthen our internal controls, raise the bar on animal-welfare standards and weed out those who fail to care for greyhounds responsibly.

Good for you Mr. G. Then you can get rid of the folks who did this and this  and this and this and this and this and this and...you know Whiskey, if Mr. G really does "raise the bar on animal-welfare standards and weed out those who fail to care for greyhounds responsibly" it looks like there won't be anyone left to stick you in a crate for 22 hours a day. Breaks your heart huh?

Whiskey is very sweet and loving. He is eager to get attention and will push the other dogs out of the way to get it. He love ear rubs. He is a smart boy and quickly learned to climb stairs. He likes to play with squeaky toys, but is generally pretty mellow. He likes to touch you with his nose and is a very nosey boy. He also roos.  Whiskey would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 10 an up – he has not been around any younger children yet. He is good with other dogs and would probably be happiest with a family member who is home more often or with another dog in the home. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Silver update: Silver is settled into her foster home in the eastern part of Michigan, where she is not really enjoying the cold, but does find favor in the couch and the treats.

Update: cf  (scroll to Kathy Pelton)

And The Lord Spaketh Unto Us And Sayeth, "Hope You Like Vegetables"

We're coming to you today from the Fox Muldar Room here in the marbled halls of IM Central. Now, we're sure some of you out there think the world is an orderly place, following the laws of nature and being all like down with fundamental physical properties and whatnot. You probably think gravity exists even though you can't see it.

Foolish person.

Prepare to have your belief system stood on its head. Prepare to question everything you ever learned in school. Prepare for the rapture. Read this and weep:

Does the Death of 200 Cows in Wisconsin Confirm Biblical Prophecy?

Well, of course it does. What other possible explanation could there be?

Some Christians, including online theologian Paul Begley in Indiana, believe the animal deaths were divined from above as a sign the end of days is approaching.

Now, for those of you not familiar with holy stuff, you should know that Indiana is like the vatican of the Midwest, and Paul Begley isn't just a theologian, he's an "online theologian" which is like being the pope of cyberspace or something.

The death of cows, birds and fish in particular seems to follow the prophecy set out by the Bible in the Book of Hosea, and are said to result when man turns his back on God. "By swearing, and lying, and killing, and stealing, and committing adultery, they break out, and blood toucheth blood," the prophecy goes.

Oh we know what you''re thinking. You're thinking wait a minute Ironicus, people have been swearing, lying, killing, stealing and committing adultery since there have been people. In fact god already flushed the whole place once. That apparently didn't work so his plan B is to off some cattle?

Sinner please. You doubt the efficacy of Yahweh's plan? Let's see how much you enjoy your evil lifestyle when you're eating Tofu burgers and drinking soy milk.

On The Bright Side: American Idol Was Picked Up For Another Season

Ah, the holidays are past us, the election is but a dim memory, hopefully we're done with assassination attempts so now the new Congress can get down to business. And there's a lot to be done, too. Unemployment is still high, people are being thrown out of their homes at record rates. Sometimes illegally we might add. Energy costs are rising again threatening what little recovery we can see, and of course fighting wars half way around the world is becoming a bit of a drain on our resources. Well, a bit of a drain on the resources of the Chinese we should say  since that's who we're borrowing most of our money from, having gone broke ourselves one or two wars ago.

This is what you call the proverbial full plate, is it not? So, what are our elected leaders, these statesmen and women politicians going to tackle first? Perhaps they'll surprise us all and go after the crumbling infrastructure in this country, or help out the 99'ers for whom the social safety net ran out a while back and whose numbers are growing every day.

Tell us, oh leaders who tread in the footsteps of inspirations like Washington, Jefferson, Adams, Lincoln and Roosevelt. Whither goest this country under your firm and well reasoned guidance?

The highly anticipated vote Wednesday to repeal the health care reform bill will make headlines and count as a promise kept by House Republicans.

 Whoa. Caught us a bit off guard there, keepers of flame of liberty and justice for all. So the first lady's campaign to get people eating healthy and exercising has paid off? Americans are no longer in need of health care? Is that what you are telling us, oh guardians of the American traditions of equality, fairness and equal opportunity?

But in the end, it’s really just for show.

Oh. We see. Well, on the bright side, maybe that could be America's new motto. Seems fitting. Wonder how you say it in Latin.

Don't Know Much About History...Even Less Biology

People often ask us, given the experience we had as inmates of the educorporate training facility in our neighborhood, why we chose the particular career path that we did. It's an intriguing question and we're not sure we know why ourselves. Truth be told, we started out in an engineering program at a small Midwestern private college, but after two years decided to transfer to a larger public university. We put ENG. on the transfer application under major, but the university people thought it meant English and enrolled us in a teaching program because, seriously, come on, what else are you going to do with an English degree? At first we wondered what we were doing in Romantic Literature instead of Differential Equations, but by the time we figured it out it was almost time to graduate so...whatever.

We share that little tale with you by way of introducing a couple of news items that slooshed by us on the intertubes the other day. First up, one of our colleagues in the profession who has the unenviable task of talking about sex to teenagers.

“She stood in front of the students,” district spokesman Jeff Puma said. “If you can picture a body builder flexing his arms and having his hands [above head level] out to the side, my hands would be the ovaries, my arms would be the fallopian tubes, and so on.” Students are asked to stand and repeat the gestures and the words that go along with them.

Hmm...participatory education techniques involving ladyparts. This isn't going to end well.

Robert King of Crystal Lake certainly has found fault with his son’s teacher. It all centers on something the students of Jacqulyn Levin apparently have dubbed “The Vagina Dance,” and which the Illinois Family Institute has described as set to the tune of “The Hokey Pokey” and decried as “puerile,” immodest and disrespectful.

OK, the kids are the ones calling it "The Vagina Dance" and the parents (well, parent) are the ones that can't handle it. Who's got the hangup here?

King said his son objected to participating, and both he and his son objected to him being “forced” to participate.

 Now, see, while it's probably true old dad needs more to do, we have to conclude that son has made a serious tactical blunder vis-a-vis survival in high school by telling him. Think about it. Any high school boy who doesn't go at least five miles out of his way to join a discussion about female biology; who doesn't stretch even the most innocent of remarks until it is some kind of double entendre; who doesn't know at least six people who can score the latest issue of Playboy is going to be thought of as gay by all his fellows and a few of the girls in his class. Sorry kid, them's the breaks. On the bright side, now you can wear those Astro Boy pajamas your mom got for you without embarrassment.

Our other tale of woe doesn't involve any specific teachers, yet, but given the history of current interactions between citizens with strong need for anti-psychotics and legislators who were dropped on their heads as children, we can only assume it a matter of time.

Regarding education, the material about two dozen tea party activists distributed said, “Neglect and outright ill will have distorted the teaching of the history and character of the United States. We seek to compel the teaching of students in Tennessee the truth regarding the history of our nation and the nature of its government.”

An honorable goal. Certainly the citizen with a deep and abiding understanding of the goals and aspirations of this great nation would be in a better position to cast votes that would preserve and extend the promise made by the founders. What exactly do you have in mind?

The material calls for lawmakers to amend state laws governing school curriculums, and for textbook selection criteria to say that “No portrayal of minority experience in the history which actually occurred shall obscure the experience or contributions of the Founding Fathers, or the majority of citizens, including those who reached positions of leadership.”

Um...what?

Fayette County attorney Hal Rounds, the group’s lead spokesman during the news conference, said the group wants to address “an awful lot of made-up criticism about, for instance, the founders intruding on the Indians or having slaves or being hypocrites in one way or another.

 Darn straight. We didn't "intrude" on any Indians. Why we invited them over for Thanksgiving, or as they called it, The Pequot Massacre. Potato Potahto. And as for owning slaves, sure about 1/3 of them were slave owners, but it wasn't like they wanted to own slaves, nosiree. It was peer pressure you know? Besides, they were real nice to their slaves, especially Thomas Jefferson.

Hey, you think old Tommie did the Vagina Dance for Sally Hemings?

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, it's hard out here for an overlord. We mean, people just aren't that interested in the heartless exploitation of innocent animals for profit exciting sport of greyhound racing anymore. Add to that the average overlord has a third grade education, anger issues and no appreciable social skills, so the job offers aren't exactly falling out of the trees. And as if that's not bad enough, people have taken to pointing out in public forums that the overlords have all the compassion of a wounded scorpion and that the world would be a much better place if all the kennels were turned into sheltered workshops and the overlords trained to make trinkets for Japanese tourists.

Take well known animal rights wacko Caryn Wood who recently penned a missive in the letters to the editor section of a paper right here in the IM Central home state of Michigan.

Greyhound racing is cruel and inhumane. As you reported, racing greyhounds endure lives of nearly endless confinement in small stacked cages. While racing, greyhounds suffer and die from injuries such as broken limbs, paralysis and cardiac arrest. The greyhounds are short-term investments, valued only as long as they generate a profit. The post-racing fate of greyhounds falls to dedicated volunteer groups such as Second Chance for Greyhounds of Michigan that work tirelessly to adopt greyhounds into loving homes.

Now see, when you have stuff like that right out there in front of god and everybody you have to know that it's likely to affect the otherwise pristine and flawless image of an industry that has the abuse of greyhounds as it's major byproduct provides fun and excitement to thrill seeking fans all over the country. Trouble is, most overlords have trouble with that whole spelling and grammar thing, so when it comes to responding to attacks on their meal ticket they're pretty much relegated to grunts and gestures.

Enter Gary Guccinoe, head overlord by virtue of the fact that he graduated sixth grade, and yeah, he was 23 when he did, but let's not besmirch the man's achievement, OK?

It should be obvious to anyone with an ounce of common sense that greyhounds would not be able to perform at their best on the track if they did not receive proper care and treatment off the track. To achieve peak performance, greyhounds must be well nourished, well rested, well exercised and healthy.

 Darn straight Mr. Guccione. And for all you doubting Thomases out there, we have the video to prove it.

In fact, the excellent care and treatment that greyhounds receive during their racing careers is the main reason that most transition so successfully to life as beloved family pets when they retire.

Which explains why people from all over the country are racing to adopt a greyhound from the Tucson track.

The Grey2K member is wrong, too, about injuries. In fact, the vast majority of greyhound injuries are minor, permitting the dog to return to racing in two weeks or less.

Darn straight. And those dogs are gonna keep getting injured until they get it right.

We salute the hundreds of adoption groups that put their political views aside in order to work with greyhound racing for the benefit of the greyhounds.

Oh, we're with you there Mr. Guccinoe sir. If it wasn't for all those people picking up the dogs you dump when they can't make your trailer payment anymore, you'd be hip deep in carcasses. Ain't that right  Molly?

Molly is a two and a half year old girl who raced in Florida. We don't know much else about her except that she only raced seven times, never finishing higher than third and was dumped, so she's probably lucky to be alive. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Silver update:  Silver would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 10 and up. She is good with other dogs and would probably be fine as an only dog.

We Really Feel Sorry For Any Gay People With Parakeets

We're coming to you today from the If You Think That's Weird, Wait Until You Hear This Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. IYTTWWUYHT is a division of the What Have You Been Smoking Company, a wholly owned subsidy of WTF, Inc.

It seems to display his ire with the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell, Yahweh has been offing birds.

Well, there’s something interesting we have been watching – let’s talk about this Arkansas pattern and say, could it be a pattern? We’re going to watch and see. But the blackbirds fell to the ground in Beebe, Arkansas. Well the Governor of Arkansas’ name is Beebe. And also, there was something put out of Arkansas called "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" by a former Governor, this was proposed, Bill Clinton. As so, could there be a connection between this passage Hosea 4 and now that we’ve had the repeal of the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, where people now legally in the United States have broken restraints with the Scripture because the Scripture says in Romans 1 that homosexuality is not allowed.

Now, we aren't professional logicians or anything, but even we can see it's pretty hard to argue with that chain of reasoning.  It's the classic Aristotelian Syllogism:

Take something that happened

Add something else

Conclude that one caused the other

Plus, as we have pointed out before, sky daddy isn't the greatest shot, so smiting fowl in Arkansas is better than, say sinking Cuba, which, given this guy's track record, isn't totally out of the question.

It could be because we have said it’s okay for people who commit these kinds of acts to be recognized in our military for the first time in our history, there is a potential that there is something that actually happened in the land where a hundred thousand drum fish died and also where these birds just fell out of the air.

 Ooo! Ooo! Let us try lady Pastor prophet Jacob, let us try:

Some birds died

Some fish died

Conclusion: god hates the Air Force and the Navy

Must not be any homos in the Army, but that leads us to another theological dilemma Reverend J. If god shows his pleasure in a particular branch of the armed forces by not killing off random animals, how is it that Navy has won the Army Navy game the last nine years in a row? Maybe the big el jefe in the sky should be whacking linebackers instead of drum fish.

In Which Ironicus Is Just Not In The Mood

You know, we're really not too interested in whether Jared Loughner was conservative, a tea bagger, a liberal or a Martian. Dude was crazy, man, and all this talk about  who put him up to it is a neat little way of avoiding the real issue which it how this society has abandoned people with mental illness because we don't believe in the illness part of mental illness. Think it's a character flaw or a scam or something.

Besides, it costs money. That's what everyone says now. Can't fix the roads because it costs money. Can't have police and fire because it costs money. Can't educate kids because it costs money. Can't give people life saving medical support because it costs money.

Can still spend umpty billion gazillion dollars to chase a bunch of goat herders around the mountains of Afghanistan though.

Sometimes we think Americans couldn't pour water out of their boots if the directions were on the heel. Anyway, as usual, it takes a clown to look at the issue in a serious way.  Jon Stewart:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
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As for the main stream pundits, well, when they take time out from trying to blame the other guy, they make the same noises they always make after a tragedy like this about how this might be the catalyst to start a national conversation about how we've totally abandoned the democratic principles of  deliberation, consensus and compromise, and replaced them with a politics based on name calling, character assassination and screeching.

Yeah. That'll happen.

A South Carolina gun and accessories company is selling semi-automatic rifle components inscribed with “You lie” – a tribute to the infamous words of 2nd District Republican Congressman Joe Wilson when he shouted at President Barack Obama during a congressional speech about national health care reform in the fall of 2009.

 Guns with a political slogan etched into them. What could possibly go wrong? We think Mark Twain said it best:

Such is the human race. Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

The Pope! Motto: His Holiness Pope Tupac The First? Not On My Watch Bucko

Full disclosure: We're pretty much out of the loop when it comes to current catholic doctrine. Totally missed the memo on purgatory, got the indulgences thing all confused and we still can't figure out whether we are supposed to like Anglicans or not.
 
That being said, we have to ask does the pope, like, do anything? You know, have a job description or something. We ask because the dude seems to have way too much time on his hands.

The Pope has warned parents against giving children celebrity-inspired names and urged them to turn to the Bible for inspiration instead.During Mass at the Sistine Chapel, he said: "Every baptized child acquires the character of the son of God, beginning with their Christian name, an unmistakable sign that the Holy Spirit causes man to be born anew in the womb of the Church." He added that a name was an "indelible seal" that set children off on a lifelong "journey of religious faith".

Hmmm...wonder what Cardinal Nasrallah Sfe, of Lebanon thinks about that, or Cardinal Polycarp Pengo of Tanzania, or Cardinal Odilo Scherer of Brazil, or Cardinal Nguyen Van Thuan of Vietnam, or Cardinal Vinko Puljić of Bosnia, or...well, you get the picture. We imagine one of the things they're thinking is "I'm never gonna be pope with a name like mine."

Monsignor Andrew Faley, the assistant general secretary to the Catholic Bishops' Conference, said: "The name is not just a label but it moves us into a deeper significance of what it means to be human as revealed in the person of Jesus Christ.

Here's a little fun fact: Andrew was the saint credited with starting the Greek Orthodox Church. You know, those schism guys. Looks like Andy isn't gonna be pope either.

"Naming children after perfumes, bicycles and countries is putting a limit on their potential. They are not merchandise or commodities," Faley said. "Oh, and on the way out be sure to stop in our gift shop and pick up a St. Christopher medal, or a St. Jude statuette for your den or living room. Also, checkout the closeout price on our 8" statue of St. Francis, always a tasteful gift for the animal lover in your family."

"When I was a parish priest, if I didn't agree with the name I'd suggest they should give the second name of a saint." Faley said. Way to stand up for what you believe Padre. Course, that might also be why you went through 23 parishes in eight years. Just saying.

In Which Ironicus Offers A Civics Lesson

OK, here's the thing about a Democracy: Sooner or later you're not going to get your way. Happens to everyone sooner or later.

When it does you can whine and moan and demonstrate and write flaming letters to the editor, and call your representative, and just generally carry on until the next election.

Then we start all over again.

If you think this is messy and inefficient, you're right. It's what we call the process. See Democracy is not a noun, it's a verb.

What you can't do is shoot people when you don't get your way.

Please make a note of this.

The Strands Are All There: To The Memory Nothing Is Ever Really Lost

This is a very special edition of Friday Hound blogging. For all the joy and happiness the greyhounds bring to those who love them, their time with us is unmercifully short. A light has gone out in the life of a friend of mine, and we all stand in shadow because of it.

Vie Sweetie Pie 04/16/1998 - 11/29/2010

Next Up: Carl Sagan Gets Sainthood

Hey, his Pradaness is back, no doubt to give us an update on what the the minions are doing to reign in all the boinkmeisters running around sharing the holy rod of righteousness with the choirboys. So what's the poop pope?

God's mind was behind complex scientific theories such as the Big Bang, and Christians should reject the idea that the universe came into being by accident, Pope Benedict said.

Ah Ha! So it was god who set in motion events that led to the freewheeling 70's and caused all the trouble. We knew it! That Yahweh, quite the scoundrel.

"The universe is not the result of chance, as some would want to make us believe," Benedict said on the day Christians mark the Epiphany, the day the Bible says the three kings reached the site where Jesus was born by following a star.

Hmm...probably Beyonce, or maybe one of the Kardashians...no wait, Shakira. Had to be Shakira. We'd follow us some of that to Canaan and back yes sir.

"Contemplating it (the universe) we are invited to read something profound into it: the wisdom of the creator, the inexhaustible creativity of God," he said in a sermon to some 10,000 people. "And speaking of  invitations, I'd just like to remind you that if your local parish priest, or bishop invites you back to the sacristy to see his etchings, don't go."

While the pope has spoken before about evolution, he has rarely delved back in time to discuss specific concepts such as the Big Bang, which scientists believe led to the formation of the universe some 13.7 billion years ago.

 "Big Bang." Henh henh. Too easy, even for us.

He said scientific theories on the origin and development of the universe and humans, while not in conflict with faith, left many questions unanswered. "In the beauty of the world, in its mystery, in its greatness and in its rationality ... we can only let ourselves be guided toward God, creator of heaven and earth," he said.

 Let rationality guide us to an irrational conclusion. OK we think we see your problem.

Benedict and his predecessor John Paul have been trying to shed the Church's image of being anti-science, a label that stuck when it condemned Galileo for teaching that the earth revolves around the sun, challenging the words of the Bible.

Yeah. Let's see, Galileo condemned in 1616, John Paul became pope in 1978.  Probably going to take more than a couple of memos to get around 362 years of dogma. Just saying.

The Catholic Church no longer teaches creationism -- the belief that God created the world in six days as described in the Bible -- and says that the account in the book of Genesis is an allegory for the way God created the world.

Oh great. It's not enough that this guy contradicts himself all over the place, now he's talking in riddles too?  No wonder the church is only growing in places where people can't read.

Sure It's Wrecking The Planet And Killing People, But My 401(k) Has Never Looked Better

We're coming to you today from the This Should End Well Department here in the marbled Halls of IM Central. TSEW is a division of the Bought And Paid For Company, a wholly owned subsidy of Put Your Mouth Where My Money Is, LLC.

Yesterday we mentioned some of the more...um...shall we say colorful members of the incoming Congress. And by colorful we mean full on howl at the moon, run naked through the woods covered in turpentine, set the house on fire, eat your hair, scare the dog insane.

You know, characters, like your Uncle Billy and Auntie Alice? Well, before they went to the rest home and the nice lady gave them all those pills that is.

Anyway, one of the inmates patients members of the incoming circus Congress is Darrell Issa (R - ACK!! OBAMA!!).  As we mentioned in passing yesterday, Mr. Issa has proclaimed that President Obama is the most corrupt president evah! He knows this because...ah...you see...erm...well never mind he just knows, OK? It has to do with the Ganzfeld effect, quantum teleportation and the Altairians (staunch republicans by the way). You just wouldn't understand.

So one of Mr. Issas's new jobs is to oversee government regulations, you know, make sure our environment is protected, our drugs effective, our food safe. Stuff like that. And he's taking his new position quite seriously too.

Rep.Darrell Issa wants the oil industry, drug manufacturers and other trade groups and companies to tell him which Obama administration regulations to target this year. The incoming chairman of the Corporate Protection and Profit Maxification Committee - in letters sent to more than 150 trade associations, companies and think tanks last month - requested a list of existing and proposed regulations that would harm job profit growth. "Hey, didn't Citizens United tell you anything,"  asked Issa spokesman Kurt Bardella. "Corporations are people too."

The goal is to investigate the Obama administration's promise through the 2009 economic stimulus bill and other measures to create jobs, which "has gone unfilled, I guess is the most honest way to put it," Bardella said. "Well, except for the jobs it created that is."

"Is there something that we can do to try to erase that [regulatory] burden and stimulate profit creation?" he added. "Is there a dollar to be made at someone else's expense? Is there a logical practice or regulation that hurts our corporate overlords? Until you have all the facts, you really can't make a lot of determinations and judgments. Then when you get the facts you ignore them and do what the people who bought you tell you to."

"I believe for the last couple of years that the desire to protect the consumer actually took precedence over our right to guaranteed profits, at least on the House side," NPRA President Charles Drevna said. "Our right to milk each and every last cent out of the market without regard to public safety or environmental destruction has not changed one iota. [But] now that our man Issa is in charge, is there a better chance of what I would consider a more fair hearing? Absolutely."

Rosario Palmieri, NAM’s vice president for regulatory policy, and Drevna both highlighted EPA greenhouse gas controls for major emitters that went into effect Sunday. "Look, the planet's already trashed, probably," Palmieri said. "Why take it out on us?"

"These are all high-priority regulations that can cost manufacturing jobs and will if implemented the wrong way or will as currently proposed or finalized," Palmieri said."Course, if all the workers are too sick to work because of the air they breath and the water they drink, that's going to cost jobs too, but one problem at a time I always say."


Well, Mr. Palmieri has a point. We mean, if people go to work in industries making scrubbers and solar panels and all the other hardware associated with cleaning up the mess unbridled capitalism has made of the planet, who'll be left to work for him?

In Which Ironicus Embraces Excess

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know the true god is entropy and heat death our only release...er...we mean know that a few years ago we considered closing this blog up as the clown car Bush administration was leaving Washington and taking the low hanging fruit this blog specializes in with it.

Silly us. Now, a mere two years later it seems the dam of crazy has burst and the resulting flood may very well make the Bush years look like a misty summer drizzle. Don't believe us? Usually a reasonable position to take, but this time just take a look at what plopped out of the interweb onto our desk on a typical day...nay...a couple of hours we spent immersed in cyberspace. In no particular order of insanity:

Iowa Rep. Steve King wants to make sure five year olds make the right choice between abortion and coming to school packing.

Answering "I don't know" isn't good enough, King says...

On the bright side, at least doesn't get into why he thinks the Muppets are in this country illegally.

Rep. Allen West (R-FooL) wants to keep the Muslins from putting a Burka over the Statue of Liberty.

I think one of the critical things that we must come together is that there is an infiltration of the Sharia practice into all of our operating systems in our country as well as across Western civilization. So we must be willing to recognize that enemy.

West said his first clue that Sharia was infiltrating our "operating systems" was when he flicked on his computer on day and instead of the Microsoft ding he got ululation instead.

Jim Demento thinks the government doesn't need any money because he's been personally assured by the Chinese that they won't repossess the whole country if we default on our debt. "We'll probably lose the part that has people who can read," Demento said. "But I think we can save Texas and most of the south."

Well, as long as we can keep our permanent bases in Afghanistan he'll get Lindsay Graham's vote. "Are we a super power or not?" Graham asked. "What kind of super power doesn't plop itself down in someone else's country and say 'we're playing here now'?"

Booya! Senator Graham. You bet we are. Well, as soon as the sick, the poor and the old die off. A bit more extreme that Michelle Obama had in mind, but on the bright side, the country's obesity problem finally gets solved.

And it's not just at the Federal level that rationality has fled screaming into the night. States are getting into the act as well. Georgia state Rep. Booby Franklin thinks folding money is a tool of the devil.

Arizona thinks if you're white, you're all right, if you're brown, git it out of town.

Now, you might think this would be cause for celebration around the marbled halls of IM Central as we look out on the blooming year and see most of our posts are going to write themselves, leaving even more time to cultivate a fine buzz, but you'd be wrong. Frankly all this makes us a little sad, and somewhat frightened. Sad because we don't like to think that out of 308 million people we couldn't find a few more individuals not in need of serious psycho-pharmaceutical support to watch over and protect this once great nation as it declines into irrelevance, and frightened because there have to be enough other people out there with similar disorders to have elected these guys in the first place.

Oh hang on Ironicus, you reply. It's not all that bad. Democrats still hold the Senate and Obama is still president. Yeah. Like the democrats have done such a great job standing up to the preliminary crazy these last two years. We can't wait to see how they'll do when the republicans bring the full on mega-tonnage of crazy. And President Obama is likely to be...um...distracted.

We aren't even cheered by the fact that we only have to put up with this for five months, because we think, even if these people are right in their calculations, if you were Jesus--a vaguely Arab looking man--would you want to be caught anywhere near these flamers? You think Calvary was bad, try a couple of years in Gitmo.

Friday Hound Blogging

Ah, Stoli in the freezer, football on the tee vee feet on the ottoman and greyhounds on the couch. Here we sit in the marbled halls of IM Central watching the saggy buttocks of 2010 vanishing down the road to the train station, a ticket to history clutched in is age spotted hand. And what can you say about a year like that?

More tracks closed, more states decided animal exploitation wasn't a business they wanted to associate with and more overlords discovered the help wanted section of the newspaper. Still, the end of one year is the beginning of a new one and where there is youth, there is hope, so as sure as the old year seemed to continually slap the overlords upside their empty little heads with the reality that people with souls are not amused by their presence, the overlords took that as a sign that prosperity was just around the corner if they could hang on, tick-like to the backs of the dogs a bit longer.

Take Florida for instance, racing central for what's left of the industry. Things could be looking up there, right Linda Robertson?

Dog racing has been in decline for 20 years. In Florida, where 16 tracks survive, the handle, or amount wagered, on racing has dropped from about $620 million to $300 million in 10 years. Pari-mutuel wagering on dog racing, horse racing and jai alai has fallen 44 percent in the past 10 years, from $1.7 billion to $958.5 million, and state tax revenues have fallen by 55 percent as a result. The handle at Miami's Flagler dog track was $25 million last year.

See? That's not so bad. Every industry has ups and downs, so what if racing has been on a down for 20 years and shows no sign of every having an up again. When the alternative is getting a real job, you take you victories where you find them, right Juan Fra, Magic City's general manager?

``Live racing is a money-loser,'' said Fra. He's spent his entire career in the business, starting as a 15-year-old leadout who walked the dogs through the post parade to the starting line. ``I feel bad for the people on the greyhound side. Like fishermen, it's what they know. But you've got to adapt. Luckily, I love poker.''

Yeah. We played poker with some fishermen once. Got cleaned. Get it? Cleaned. Like a fish, you know? Hey the humor is subtle on this blog. Try and keep up, will you?

OK, so people don't want to watch innocent animals risk their lives on the track anymore so the overlords can make the trailer payment. What happened? Where did animal exploitation go wrong Mike Scofieldson?

Although there are no rules governing Greyhounds Racing in many countries, that doesn't stop people from drugging their dogs for better performance. In addition to that, the poor treatment with chemical enhancements has resulted into health problems as well as the rough nature of the dogs. Mistreating the dogs will have not only a negative effect on the dogs, but also the way the sport is seen around the world.

 OK we get it. When people see innocent animals being "mistreated" in ways that injure their health,and result in pain and suffering, risk, and in many cases take their lives, they get the perception that maybe greyhound racing "bad."

Where do people get crazy ideas like that?

FOX 4 drives over....spot a few dogs out for a walk...and then a security guard stops us.
Security Guard: "Well....all the management is in a meeting off site so there's nobody here who can help you."
FOX 4: "We had heard some concerns about some of the kennels. Is there anyway we can get some video in there?"
Security Guard: "No ma'am, absolutely not."

Oh. Yeah. Well, there is that. Say Silver, how would you feel about wearing a wire?

Silver is happy and loves attention. She is confident, outgoing, friendly, and well mannered. She will approach you lean against you and loves to have her neck scratched. She will under her foster mom’s computer desk to lie on her feet. She is a bit on the shy side, but is warm and loving when she gets to know you. She loves squeaky toys and loves to run in the yard. She likes to steal your socks as you are putting them on and she will also steal slippers. She takes the new found items to her bed. She is playful. When she catches a squeaky toy, she will catch it with her paws and her feet, like a seal. She has a hard time understanding when the squeaky toys no longer squeak and will continue to work on them to try to get them to squeak again. Silver is happy in the crate, lounging around the house, or laying flat out in the grass in the sun. She is a Second Chance at Life Dog from the Coldwater Prison Program. Silver would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 10 and up. She is good with other dogs and would probably be fine as an only dog. For more information about these dogs, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

 If you 'd like to know more about the good work the Second Chance for Life program is doing for the dogs, and the prisoners, go here.

Eds. Note: As this is the last hound we are going to feature in 2010, we remind you of an Ironicus Maximus tradition because we're still sober enough to remember it ourselves. In this tradition we take the last skinny dog of the year and follow her from kennel to kouch. See how we played with the letter K? That's more subtle Ironicus Maximus humor right there. Funny too. Did you know K is the funniest letter in the alphabet?

Trust us. We know about these things.

Friday Hound Blogging

Well, happy, merry, joyous day before we pretend the baby J was born. We here in the marbled halls of IM Central plan a quiet celebration copiously supplied with adult beverages, football and empty calories.

Traditions make the holidays, no?

And speaking of tradition, what say we peek in on the overlords and see if they've been naughty or nice.

Nearly two years after an anti-greyhound racing group first sought records relating to dog injuries at the racetrack in Nitro, the group says that the state Racing Commission has yet to honor its request."It's that daggone new copier we got," said Jon Amores is the new executive secretary of the racing commission. "Can't none of us figure out how to run the durn thing."

Grey2K USA which has helped spearhead investigations into racetracks across the nation, has consistently received copies of injury reports from the racetrack in Wheeling, as well as other documents relating to the track at Mardi Gras. "Yeah, Billy Bob he took them files down to that Kinkos place," Amores said."But he plum run outta dimes 'for he got done."

Amores said that the delay is partly due to significant staff turnover in the racing commission's Charleston offices.  "You got any idea how long it takes to train people?" He asked. "Why it took me almost three weeks just to find the can."

The racing commission is actively working on fulfilling the group's records request. Last week, the Daily Mail filed its own request for injury reports for the past five years. Amores confirmed receipt of the Daily Mail's request and said the records are being compiled. "I just gave Billy Bob five bucks and sent him down to the Piggly Wiggly to get some dimes."

Piggly Wiggly? He talking about you Clover?

Clover is a little shy at times, but wriggles all over when greeting you. One of her nick names is Piggly Wiggly. She will sometimes give a little bark to get your attention. She is very sweet. Clover would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 8 and up. She is good with other dogs and would also be good as an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Hounds Home For The Holiday

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know the holiday season is a plot by the pharmaceutical companies to create a market for anti-depressants...er...we mean know we here in the marbled halls of IM Central have long been long outspoken advocates for removing greyhounds from the benevolent care of the overlords and establishing them on needy couches across this nation.

Well, no more. As a result of some undercover skulduggery by the animal rights wackos we have learned that far from suffering cruel living conditions, unhealthy food and dangerous, sometimes fatal tracks, greyhounds live in the lap of luxury while under the caring stewardship of the overlords.

Don't believe us? See for yourself:



Now, we know what you're thinking. You're thinking, Ironicus, that doesn't look like the lap of luxury to us. In fact, it looks rather like a gulag, or an internment camp for enemies of the state.

See, that's because you don't know anything about greyhound racing, right Tucson  Greyhound Park's CEO and general manager Tom Taylor?

Taylor says Tucson Greyhound Park is one of the best remaining racing facilities in the country. He calls the kennels an ideal place for dogs.

Little known fact: Overlords from other tracks call Tom all the time and ask if they can send their dogs there. It's a freakin' greyhound spa man! Just ask Tom:

We asked, "Would you keep your dog like this?
Taylor said, "If it was a racing dog yes, if it was a pet no.
We asked, "What is the difference?"
Taylor answered, "One has a job and does a job and one doesn't. One has to stay in shape the other doesn't."

When asked how a dog kept in a 2 1/2 by 3 foot crate 22 hours a day could stay in shape, Taylor responded that the Jane Fonda workout video is played on a continuous loop in the kennel and the dogs are all taught isometrics so they can join in.

But since voters passed a proposition in 2008 to protect the treatment of greyhounds at TGP, by law they must be outside for at least 6 hours a day. Taylor says that is the only part that isn't ideal at Tucson Greyhound Park and that even the dogs oppose it.

Wait, you mean the dogs don't want to be outside, crowded into a fenced dirt lot in the Arizona sun  with limited water and even less shade for six hours? Ungrateful curs.

But we wanted to see for ourselves.
Taylor says, "If you walk in there you may not see the same thing they saw."
We asked to see it, but Taylor declined.
"I am not going to let the press in because you are going to show it to thousands of people and we don't know how they are going to take it. It doesn't make any sense to do that Heather. I could show you the Taj Mahal and people would say that it is too religious."

See, there's your problem right there. It's just a matter of religious intolerance. Because of its large Hispanic population, the Tucson area is primarily Catholic, but everybody knows greyhounds are dyed in the wool Presbyterians.  If only we lived in a kinder, gentler society, Mr. Taylor would personally give guided tours of the kennel, three times daily and by appointment to special groups.

We asked, "Can't we just let the people decide?"
Taylor responded, "No. They won't. They will agree with these people."
We asked, "If you have nothing to hide and are prideful then..."
Taylor said, "I could show you the Mona Lisa and you could say that is horrible."

Aw, isn't that nice of Mr. Taylor Red? He knows your taste in art runs to portraiture and the last thing you need is some bonehead Jackson Pollock fan coming through the kennel.

Red is loving, warm, cheerful, friendly, and affectionate. He smiles a lot and he wants to lean against you for attention. When you approach him, he starts wagging his tail- back and forth. He “chitters” his teeth when he is happy. He wants to shadow his foster family. He “roos” when he wants to see you. He has a big overbite which is endearing. Red would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 8 and up. He would probably do better in a home with another dog to keep him company. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Virginia! Motto: You Can't Pull A Trigger With A Limp Wrist

Well well well, President Hopey signed the repeal of DADT today which is either the end of civilization as we know it or...um...nothing. We're going to have to go with nothing here because it has been our experience that when laws make reality legal they seldom have much of an effect on the way things go, being as that's the way things were going before the law came along, and now that there's a law things are pretty much going to be the same, except for those folks who get their groceries all in a wet bag because they can't play pretend anymore.

Add to that the fact that gays have been in the military since George Washington wore Martha's underwear in the battle of Manhattan and you've pretty much got a situation that isn't going to be changed much by the fact that everybody now legally knows what they always knew before.

Frankly, we've never been able to figure out how a guy's ability to shoot a gun, or drive a tank, or fly an airplane was affected by whom he chooses to boink in his off hours, regardless of what team he plays for because the very same people who are all verklempt that there might be queens in the trenches, aren't concerned at all with the full on horn dogs out there defending our freedom to deny other people freedom. And it's always about the guys too. When it comes to the Lesbos, well, not only do we not want to ban it, we pay good money to see it.

A hundred years from now historians are going to look back on this time and go, Man, Them. Dudes. Was. Messed. Up.

Now, we know what you're thinking, "It's not so much them fellers corn-holing one another as it is them being out a recruitn' our youngin's."

Yeah. Apparently, if you are a hetero there is no defense against the homo mojo and therefore, if we don't want to see the demise of the NFL and WWF, we need to keep the swishers away from the cream of our youth. Well, at least the guys. For the ladies...um...Jello Wrestling! Oh yeah baby!

All of which brings us to Virginia.

Delegate Bob Marshall (R-Prince WIlliam) said he is drafting a bill for the 2011 legislative session that would ban them from serving in the Virginia National Guard.

OK, first of all "Prince" William? This guy is from a district named after a prince and he wants to talk about real men being the masters of the military domain?

"This policy will weaken military recruitment and retention, and will increase pressure for a military draft,'' Marshall said.

Now hold on there just a minute, Pilgrim.  If you go a wily nilly drafting folks into the army who can bend their index fingers, ain't you gonna catch up some o' them stromos too? Sort of defeats the purpose, see what we're saying?

"After 232 years of prohibiting active, open homosexuals from enlisting in our military, President Obama and a majority in Congress are conducting a social experiment with our troops and our national security...

Darn straight there Pastor Bobby. We've been down this road before and look how that turned out.

The Pope! Motto: Got To Fix Our Message, But First, Acrobatic Strippers

Hey everybody! The popemeister's  back with reason number 4,267 why you should get off his back 'cause the peeps was boinking the choirboys.

Pope Benedict XVI said the Catholic Church must reflect on what is wrong with its message and Christian life in general that allowed for the widespread sexual abuse of children by priests. "We were going to go with 'the devil made me do it,' but that was already taken," the pope told reporters. "Turns out using god as an excuse to do whatever we want really seems to have a downside."

While accepting responsibility for the scandal, Benedict said the abuse must also be seen in the broader social context, in which child pornography and sexual tourism are rampant, and where as recently as the 1970s pedophilia wasn't considered the absolute evil that it is today.

OK, now we're not lawyers or anything, but is, "it's my fault except for the part that isn't," and "it was all right in the 70's" really the best defense you can come up with? 

The pope made the remarks to Vatican cardinals and bishops gathered for his traditional Christmas party, an eagerly anticipated celebration featuring semi-nude acrobats.  "They were all above the age of consent," said one vatican official who asked not to be identified.

While stressing that most priests do good, honest work when they're sober, Benedict said revelations of abuse in 2010 reached "an unimaginable dimension" that required the church to accept the "humiliation" as a call for renewal. "It was like the freakin' wikileaks around here for a while," said a spokesperson for the Vatican Office of Diverting Attention.

"We must ask ourselves what we can do to repair as much as possible the injustices that occurred without it costing too much money," Benedict said. "We must ask ourselves what was wrong in our cover-up, with our entire way of configuring the whole perverts for Christ thing, that allowed this to occur. We must find a new determination in deflection and obfuscation."

Benedict has previously acknowledged that the scandal was the result of sin within the church and that the church as a result must repent for it and make amends with victims. But Monday's comments suggested that there might be some intrinsic problem with the way Christianity and its message was understood in the modern world that allowed for the abuse to fester unchecked.

Oh sure, shoot the message. It wasn't the message that was schlepping the holy rod of salvation to the kiddies your Pradaness, it was the people responsible for administering the message.

"We know of the particular gravity of this sin committed by priests and our corresponding responsibility," Benedict told the prelates gathered in the frescoed Sala Regia of the Vatican's apostolic palace. But he said the crimes of the priests also had to be looked at in today's context, where child pornography, drug use, sexual trafficking are to some degree considered normal even though an entire generation of children is being harmed.

Yeah, normal. That's why perverts, druggies and pimps get arrested when they get caught. Hey your drapiness, when's the last time one of your deviants went to jail, huh?

He said the underlying ideology of such rampant excesses stemmed from the 1970s, when "pedophilia was theorized as something that was in keeping with man and even the child," where nothing was considered good or evil in and of itself but only relative to the circumstances.

Hmm...didn't realize cadets in a seminary got a full curriculum of moral relativism and secular humanism, oh wait, it must have been that blasted  disco. That stuff could make Chuck Norris gay right there.

Friday Hound Blogging

OK so last Friday we told you about how the overlords will spare no expense to make sure the units...um...dogs are safe and have the very best care. They spent $250,000, or $400,000 or a buck thirty to totally redo a greyhound race track and how do those ungrateful mongrels show their appreciation? Well, they kept getting hurt. In fact, they get hurt more frequently on the new track than they did on the old one.

That's just spite right there.

The overlords are a forgiving lot though, especially when the choice is keep the dogs running, or get a job, so even though the inventory is still being damaged at pre-improvement rates, the dogs are being hurt because of their own stubbornness they have decided to launch another campaign to convince the public they aren't callous, heartless monsters exploiting living creatures for profit to show how much they love admire and respect the product...er...dogs. They sent a letter to greyhound adoption organizations all over North America. Well, they would have, but they forgot to buy stamps and petty cash was out because Guccione bought a candy bar again, so they hand delivered a couple to the retired folks across the street and called it a day. Anyway, here's what the letter said:

The National Greyhound Association is strongly committed to greyhound adoption because we're tired of all the wailing about what is really a pretty efficient way to reduce overhead if you don't count the fact that the dogs have to die and stuff, and is sincerely grateful for the services your agency provides for retired racers because at least we can point to that when some other bone head gets caught offing a bunch of...er...we mean streamlining his inventory.

Toward this common goal of getting us out of the cross hairs of those animal rights wackos, the NGA Board of Directors wishes to act like we care in cases where adoption organizations might be having difficulty in obtaining from the record owner a negligible portion of the expenses incurred in keeping the greyhound alive long enough to get it off our books. This includes pretending we're helping in the relocation of the future pet. A simple written notification of your situation, sent to the NGA (by mail or by e-mail), will trigger the NGA’s good wishes in all your endeavors.

Now, you're probably thinking, wow, the overlords have really gone all out for the protection of their meal ticket...um...the dogs and you wouldn't be far wrong, but the overlords aren't done yet:

In addition, we want to reaffirm our commitment to ensuring all the overlords stay out of the job market. NGA stands ready to respond to your communication whenever there is a concern about people with souls finding out you really couldn't care less about the units once they're no longer profit centers. This applies to greyhounds on breeding farms, in racing kennels, or in transit.  Quick communication can be made to NGA by e-mailing us at nga@slimebags.com or by phoning me at 785-263-4660. No collect calls please.

Ha! How you like them overlords now puppy huggers? "This applies to greyhounds on breeding farms, in racing kennels, or in transit." That pretty much covers it, no? Even in transit the overlords are looking out for the well being of those little four legged rent checks, right Lonnie and Jamie Boyle?

Eight greyhounds died in early September, likely of heat exhaustion, while being hauled across the country to Arizona, documents from the state's Department of Racing show. The eight greyhounds likely died near El Paso, documents show. The couple traveled through Tucson with the dead dogs, but never stopped at Tucson Greyhound Park to look into veterinary care for the surviving dogs, documents say.

Now will you believe the overlords when they say all that stuff about how the dogs have to be lovingly cared for; about how they're professional athletes and have to have only the best if they are going to perform; about how they're really part of the family and...oh crap.

Well, in his defense Lonnie did try to call  like the letter said, but Guccione was out of minutes so he couldn't answer. There still appear to be some glitches in the system, huh Watson?

Watson very playful and puppy-like. He has his energy in the morning, but by the evening, he is ready for a good rest. He is affectionate; he will approach and lick your hand or stand by you and lean for attention. He can launch a stuffy across the room. He plays with toys by himself and with the family dogs. Watson would be fine in a working family home, with well-mannered children, 6 and up. He is good with smaller children, but needs a little more training to control his enthusiasm around them. He would do best with another dog in the home to keep him company or with a family that has someone home most of the time. He would do best in a home with a fenced yard. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.