Thursday, December 23, 2010

Hounds Home For The Holiday

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know the holiday season is a plot by the pharmaceutical companies to create a market for mean know we here in the marbled halls of IM Central have long been long outspoken advocates for removing greyhounds from the benevolent care of the overlords and establishing them on needy couches across this nation.

Well, no more. As a result of some undercover skulduggery by the animal rights wackos we have learned that far from suffering cruel living conditions, unhealthy food and dangerous, sometimes fatal tracks, greyhounds live in the lap of luxury while under the caring stewardship of the overlords.

Don't believe us? See for yourself:

Now, we know what you're thinking. You're thinking, Ironicus, that doesn't look like the lap of luxury to us. In fact, it looks rather like a gulag, or an internment camp for enemies of the state.

See, that's because you don't know anything about greyhound racing, right Tucson  Greyhound Park's CEO and general manager Tom Taylor?
Taylor says Tucson Greyhound Park is one of the best remaining racing facilities in the country. He calls the kennels an ideal place for dogs.
Little known fact: Overlords from other tracks call Tom all the time and ask if they can send their dogs there. It's a freakin' greyhound spa man! Just ask Tom:
We asked, "Would you keep your dog like this?
Taylor said, "If it was a racing dog yes, if it was a pet no.
We asked, "What is the difference?"
Taylor answered, "One has a job and does a job and one doesn't. One has to stay in shape the other doesn't."
When asked how a dog kept in a 2 1/2 by 3 foot crate 22 hours a day could stay in shape, Taylor responded that the Jane Fonda workout video is played on a continuous loop in the kennel and the dogs are all taught isometrics so they can join in.
But since voters passed a proposition in 2008 to protect the treatment of greyhounds at TGP, by law they must be outside for at least 6 hours a day. Taylor says that is the only part that isn't ideal at Tucson Greyhound Park and that even the dogs oppose it.
Wait, you mean the dogs don't want to be outside, crowded into a fenced dirt lot in the Arizona sun  with limited water and even less shade for six hours? Ungrateful curs.
But we wanted to see for ourselves.
Taylor says, "If you walk in there you may not see the same thing they saw."
We asked to see it, but Taylor declined.
"I am not going to let the press in because you are going to show it to thousands of people and we don't know how they are going to take it. It doesn't make any sense to do that Heather. I could show you the Taj Mahal and people would say that it is too religious."
See, there's your problem right there. It's just a matter of religious intolerance. Because of its large Hispanic population, the Tucson area is primarily Catholic, but everybody knows greyhounds are dyed in the wool Presbyterians.  If only we lived in a kinder, gentler society, Mr. Taylor would personally give guided tours of the kennel, three times daily and by appointment to special groups.
We asked, "Can't we just let the people decide?"
Taylor responded, "No. They won't. They will agree with these people."
We asked, "If you have nothing to hide and are prideful then..."
Taylor said, "I could show you the Mona Lisa and you could say that is horrible."
Aw, isn't that nice of Mr. Taylor Red? He knows your taste in art runs to portraiture and the last thing you need is some bonehead Jackson Pollock fan coming through the kennel.

Red is loving, warm, cheerful, friendly, and affectionate. He smiles a lot and he wants to lean against you for attention. When you approach him, he starts wagging his tail- back and forth. He “chitters” his teeth when he is happy. He wants to shadow his foster family. He “roos” when he wants to see you. He has a big overbite which is endearing. Red would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 8 and up. He would probably do better in a home with another dog to keep him company. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

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