Friday Hound Blogging UPDATE: Fat White Guy EXPOSED*

We're coming to you today from the Stephen Spielberg wing here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The Stephen Spielberg wing is part of the Ed Wood School of Film and Media Studies and is located next to the  Plan Nine From Outer Space Museum and Gift Shop.

It seems the overlords have taken a cue from MTV 30 years ago and made a video, or as they explain:

This documentary explores the claims that greyhound racing isn't safe, that it is an heartless enterprise for the greyhounds and that it is unprofitable. We cover everything from distortions to outright lies. Take 15 minutes and learn about how Greyhound racing stacks up against more 'respected' animal organizations. We think you will be surprised.

Well, if by "documentary" you mean a fat white guy in an ill fitting shirt and something on his face trying to be a bead talking for 15 minutes while exhibiting the body language of someone who just witnessed a cow explode, but let's not quibble over production values. The title of the video is Greyhound Racing: The Facts, Myths and Grey2k Lies EXPOSED.

Now, we don't claim to be Hollywood directors, or independent filmmakers or anything, but that title is a little odd. We mean, sure lies need to be exposed, but myths are usually just explained, and facts...well...are facts and that's about it, so we're not quite sure where you are going with this dude, but whatever. So we popped up some popcorn, refilled the Stoli and settled in to see what the fat white guy (he never gives his name) had to say.

Right away FWG gives it to us straight. Greyhound racing isn't dying because it's unpopular, it's dying because track owners would rather use slots because the profits are higher and costs are lower, and since people are too stupid to realize what a great time betting on greyhound racing is, they'd rather play slots. Also too, lazy. Interesting opening gambit, thinks us. Insult the landlord and the people who you want to attract back to the track all in the first 48 seconds.

Next up, the obligatory swipe at Grey2K. Did you know that Grey2K doesn't spend all its money on adopting greyhounds after they've been used up by the industry? No way. Instead they spend their money on bringing an end to the industrialized commodification of innocent living creatures. Where are their priorities FWG wants to know. Instead of focusing on the symptom, they're going after the disease. OK, we're not sure here, but we think FWG just exposed a fact.

 And what attack on Grey2K would be complete without mention of the ever evil Christine Dorchak. FWG tells us that Ms. Dorchack (who is evil by the way) clams that not all greyhounds are adopted after their period of exploitation has ended, and some are, in fact, retired with extreme prejudice. Nothing could be further from the truth and to backup that claim FWG cites statistics from the NGA. Now, we appreciate that the overlords have at least learned to respond to claims against their industry by attempting rationality, but using the NGA as a source is like Governor Christie hiring a law firm to "investigate" his role in Bridgegate. In addition, as we have pointed out previously, the overlords' relationship with math is...um...how to say this politely...dysfunctional on a good day.

Then we move on to a long section we like to call "Can we change the subject please" in which we learn that stray and abandoned animals also suffer and die. Looks like FWG exposed another fact. The implication here seems to be since more stray and abandoned animals die than greyhounds, you should leave racing alone. We're not quite sure you can quantify cruelty to your advantage dude, and anyway, sad as it is, those abandoned and stray animals are victims of circumstance, whereas greyhounds are victims of design, having been born and bred for exploitation.

Finally, we are treated to some myths about greyhound racing, or as they are more popularly known: industry talking points. The video fails to address the biggest myth of all though, and that is more than 95% of greyhounds are adopted after their racing career is finished. What do you think Tiffany? You seeing 95% of your old racing buddies at the dog park?

Our Tiffany was named after the famous Tiffany diamond. Having moved into a foster home, our sweet girl is being molded and refined. How beautiful the end result? That will be determined by the family she chooses. This sweet girl loves to play with her kitty housemate, her heart open to the possibilities of other species...even people! OK, really- she was already clued into people but is finding life in a home suits her. Tiffany told us she is getting a little bit of a late start so will need lots and lots of love and petting. She is looking to settle down in just the right place. Are you the right home for this lovely jewel? For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

*UPDATE: We found out that FWG is really Brett Mason who says his friends call him "puppy chow for obvious reasons." OK that's not obvious to us, unless it has something to do with the chow part. Dude, back away from the buffet a little sooner, will you? You're scaring the children.

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, much as the overlords complain about it, we think government over site of their...erm...sport is a good thing. We mean, with all the tens of dollars changing hands daily the temptation to focus on the money instead of the care of the units...uh...dogs must be great. The overlords are only human according to the rumor going around so an outside entity watching over them is a good way to keep them true to the real reason they got into the industrialized commodification of innocent living creatures for profit: Love for the greyhounds. And that's why when we saw this story concerning the regulatory response to the recent statistical anomaly that resulted in the retirement with extreme prejudice of the unit designated LNB Night Mare we were intrigued to discover how the Arizona Department of Racing was going to, first of all, help the overlords through their grieving process and then help them get back to the business of loving the greyhound breed.

The death of a dog during a race at Tucson Greyhound Park about a week ago prompted requests from Tucson News Now to the Arizona Department of Racing for copies of kennel disposition logs and the track roster.  Such requests could show when dogs are injured, adopted, or put down.  But the department said that it doesn't maintain those records. "You think we want to know what's going on out there?" asked Bill Walsh, director of the Arizona Department of Racing. Are you nuts? The place is a hell hole," he continued. "As long as they keep signing my paycheck I have no reason to have anything to do with them."

OK, not the response we were looking for, but perhaps there is some technical regulatory reason for all this that we as mere citizens don't understand because we don't have the years of training and experience it takes to be on the ADOR Board. Can you explain for us Susan Via, a greyhound welfare advocate?

"They deliberately do not inquire so they don't have to give the information out to the public."

 Oh come on now Ms. Via. Surely it's more complicated than that. Why, these people are entrusted with the welfare of highly trained athletes in whom a lot of money and time has been invested. Surely it is in everyone's best interest to make sure that investment has the best conditions, the best food and the best care available, is it not?

She said that a bill that has passed the state Senate and is headed to the state House of Representatives would make that pre-emption of local authority official and make the track off-limits to city or county authorities such as Pima Animal Care."There's nothing South Tucson, or the county, or even PAC could do, as a county agency, to go in and investigate any complaints of dogs being left without veterinary care, dogs without water, dogs that are sick, dogs that are injured, dogs that are dead."

 "Right," said ADOR director Walsh. "That's our job. Well, it's supposed to be our job, but like I said, I'm not going anywhere near that dump. It's too depressing what with all the drunks and losers hanging around. And then there are the people that bet on the dogs."

Well, that is a point Mr. Walsh and we certainly don't envy your responsibilities in this matter, but maybe you should have thought of that before you dropped out of  Walmart Greeter School. Surely there must be someone out there with the insight to solve this dilemma.

Representative Ethan Orr said that he thinks that he can remove not only the increase in authority that the bill gives the department, but also increase the department's accountability. "Anytime you get information out, you're not only making the racing more viable but you're protecting the dogs and frankly, the people that work at the dog track"

 Excellent idea Mr. Orr. A partnership among the local governing units and the ADOR all of which leads to a better, safer life for the greyhounds who have been conscripted to earn money for the otherwise unemployable. Who could argue with that?

The director of the Department of Racing said that the department cannot take a position on proposed legislation that might require him to do his job until the state employment compensation board rules on his claim that lack of moral fiber is an identifiable disability.  Tucson Greyhound Park general manager Dale Popp could not be reached for comment. His office stated that he is A) out of town through the end of the week,  B) in a meeting, or C) kidnapped by aliens.

Boy, we're thinking if that legislation goes through old Popp is going to wish C was the correct answer huh  Charlie Brown?

Sweet and lovable Charlie Brown is affectionately called "Chuck" at his foster home. Chuck is a bit shy at first meetings. Fortunately he does not take after the unlucky Peanuts character he is named after, no Lucy yanking the football! And Good Grief! This fellow has been a huge success with house rules! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

What's Your $9 Million Compared To My Lack Of Marketable Skills?

We're coming to you today from the You Don't Say Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The YDSD is a division of the What Was Your First Clue Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of Where'd You Park The Squad Car, Sherlock? NA.

Recently, as we were crawling around the interwebs we happened to make the acquaintance of the following headline:
  

Greyhound tracks in Iowa are hurting, which worries breeders

Our first thought was Obamacare is making medication more affordable and accessible and America is finally ending its long dark night of struggling against an unremitting gale of misfiring neurons and has made for the calm, clear waters in the bay of rationality. Buoyed by this thought we investigated further. 

Most afternoons you can find Meyer “Mickey” Coren in front of a simulcast TV at Bluffs Run, sipping Diet Coke from a plastic cup, smoking a cigar as dogs scramble around the track outside. He usually bets $100, mostly on simulcast dog races but also on the greyhounds that race here every afternoon except Mondays. “It gives me a nice place to go, where if I don't win, I don't lose too much,” he said. “I can smoke a cigar and drink pop and shoot the breeze with the other degenerates,” said Coren, jokingly.

OK, first of all, $100? How often does he usually bet $100? Mostly? Sometimes? Is $100 the total of all he has bet since he's been coming to the track? What does his wife think about this as she clips another coupon for canned beans from the newspaper? What about his children when they wonder what happened to their college fund, and his grandchildren who open their birthday cards and find a coupon for free fries at the track bar and grill? More importantly, how does he manage to get home alive after the other patrons realize he actually has cash on him?

And second, while we applaud the writer for trying to soften Mr. Coren's image by inserting the adverb "jokingly"  to make it seem like his characterization of himself and his compatriots as "degenerates" is a bit of self deprecating humor, we're talking about a man who regularly spends money to watch innocent living creatures risk life and limb while he sips a beverage that may contain carcinogens and inhales toxic gasses. "Degenerate" probably fails by half in its verisimilitude when we consider how this guy should be described.

Now we're a ways into the article and our faith in the efficacy of Obamacare to deal with the plague of untreated wackadoodlism that has spread across the land is somewhat shaken because we still don't know what finally unlocked the breeders' ability to see the noses that have been camped in front of their faces for the last, oh, say 25 years.

Bo Guidry, general manager of Horseshoe, said the casino loses about $9 million per year on dog racing. “People just choose where they want to spend their entertainment dollar. Twenty years ago ... there weren't that many options, and now there are plenty of options. One happens to be casino gambling.”

Whoa! Nine million dollars! At that rate even if Mr. Coren did bet $100 a day he'd have to come to the track for, let's see...divide by pi, carry the four, take the last train to Clarksville...man that's 90000 days. OK, the article said Mr. Coren is 71, so he's going to be coming to the track until he's just shy of 320 years old. Hope the track has some handicap parking close to the door.

We notice, however, that Mr. Guidry is the general manager of Horseshoe and not a breeder, so we're even farther into the article and still we haven't discovered why the coffee has boiled long enough to finally raise the breeders from their slumber.

“It's a relationship. We need them, and they need us,” said Darren Flahive, 47, of Council Bluffs, a 25-year dog trainer.

Thank you for your input Mr. Flahive, but if the casinos are losing $9 million a year, they need you like a submarine needs a screen door. Plus, you're a trainer, not a breeder. Next please.

And when casino operator Harrah's bought Horseshoe and Bluffs Run in 2001, the decline in popularity of dog racing was already underway. “They knew what they were getting into. They knew dog racing was not a profitable business,” said Jon Stidham, 49, who raises greyhounds in McClelland, Iowa, and provides dogs for Bluffs Run.

Finally. Thank you Mr. Stidman, who raises greyhounds in McClelland. At last we discover what the breeders are worried about. Let's see if we have this straight. Racing was losing money in 2001 when the casinos bought into the business. They've continued to lose money in the intervening 13 years and because they are a for profit company (and you are a no profit chain around their necks) they are about to make a perfectly legitimate business decision to boot your scrawny buttocks off the gravy train. Is that what's bothering you bunky?

Looks like Obamacare still has a lot of work to do.

Greyhound Racing! Motto: There Is No Australia

Every once in a while we here in the marbled halls of IM Central are privileged to read the story of how an overlord became an overlord. These stories usually involve some sort of epiphany--a kind of St Paul on the road to Damascus experience--or head injury. One or the other, or maybe both, we don't know. Anyway, the point is the tales tell how a seemingly normal person in possession of all of his or her faculties suddenly comes to the conclusion that the commodification and exploitation of innocent living creatures for profit is something that ought to be done by people who consider themselves...well...people. Take Amy Cochran for instance, her story is fairly typical.

Okay whoa. Hang on a second.  You're anti-racing. I get it, but you're so full of smoke I can't see the ground in front of me.  Being used by people? Suffering? Forced to race? Do you even know what you're talking about? Have you spent time with trainers, owner, operators etc?

 See, the problem here is that facts can be very bothersome, so if you're going to be an overlord the first thing you have to do is clean out your mental closet of everything you've ever read, or that people have told you, find some trainer somewhere that isn't overtly shipping dogs off to oblivion and decide that person represents the entire industry. Sort of like deciding a Malayan Blue Krait would make a good pet because the one you saw today didn't bite you.

I have never SEEN a greyhound suffer at the hands of their trainers. And I certainly have never SEEN a greyhound "forced" to race.

Umm...Amy? We have never SEEN Australia either, but we're pretty sure it's there because we've read about it, seen pictures and met people who claim they've gone. Although we do appreciate the caps because you kind of helped us make the point in step one.

The track crates, and yes they are crates, are nicely constructed and roomy. I can curl up in one of these crates and have room to spare. I’m no small woman either. I'm five foot nine and twice the weight of the average male greyhound. So trust me, if I'm comfortable in one of these crates...

Now that's very scientific of you Amy, and we are sure your desire to be "curled up" in a crate had nothing to do with the quart of Vodka you have to drink to get you through your day, (Not that we blame you. Coming to work every day to a job that institutionalizes cruelty and injures and kills hundreds healthy dogs each year has got to put a strain on the old conscience. Best to keep it heavily medicated)  but here's our question: Would you have been as "comfortable" if you'd had to stay "curled up" in that crate for 18 to 22 hours? OK, to be fair, since you're twice the weight of a male greyhound, let's try the experiment again. You go get "curled up"in the crate for 9 to 11 hours then go out for a quick jog around the track and back to being "curled up" in the crate. Let's do that for a week, what do you say? It's for science, Amy.

The truth is when you "train" a greyhound to chase, all you are doing is encouraging a natural instinct. You walk or give the greyhound a ride to the track, hold on to the dog’s collar, and when the fast moving, white, fuzzy toy goes flying by, you let them go. The greyhound will either chase it, or he won't. The dogs that do chase it go on to race. The dog that doesn't is placed for adoption. It really is that simple. There's no abuse there.

 Not to quibble Amy, but dumping unprofitable dogs and expecting people who suffer from congenital empathy to come along and pick up after you may not be abuse, but it's not the most altruistic thing you've ever done either, especially for those greyhounds who aren't lucky enough to find an adopter, and there are a lot of those, aren't there Amy?

Another farce, their diets. These dogs are athletes.  Their diets are designed to give them the nutrients their bodies demand.  There's nothing wrong with red meat, chicken, pasta, veggies, omega three, and vitamin supplements. Hell, that's what dog food is made of. It just doesn't come in kibble form. Why? Do a bit of research. When you cook food it loses its nutritional value, and these greyhounds, these athletes, need every ounce of nutrition to meet their body’s demands.

Well now that's true Amy. Of course if you were to cook the food you feed greyhounds you would also lose Salmonella spp, Campylobacter jejuni, and Escherichia coli, which can cause  diarrheal disease and death, but on the bright side, dogs who die in the kennel don't need to be adopted.

If you crate and work, how many times does your dog go out to relieve himself? How much exercise does he or she get? Track dogs are turned out 4 to 5 times a day to relieve themselves. They are exercised every day either in the sprint pen or on the track.  I guarantee you, these dogs are in better shape, physically, mentally, and emotionally, than your pet greyhound.

Hey Amy. You said you became an overlord because you had never SEEN abuse, but since you've never SEEN our greyhounds, how do you know what mental, physical or emotional state they're in? Just wondering.

Can you say you truly understand the dog’s needs, what it requires, and not what you think it requires?  Because, I'm here to tell you many people don't.  Your dog, greyhound or otherwise, doesn't operate on human rules or have human needs.  He is a dog, a greyhound, and his needs, wants and desires are very different from your own.

Huh. Thanks for clearing that up Amy. We didn't realize that a greyhound needs, wants and desires were to make you a profit. We thought they were dogs, you know, animals that like to "bark, prance, play bow, and wag their tails.  In short, they are goofs." Too bad you have to dump all those "goofs" when they no longer have the need, want or desire to make money for you isn't it?

"But what about euthanasia?"  Well, I hate to break it to you, dogs, cats, cattle etc. are not human. And despite your moral objections on the subject, euthanasia is --and always will be -- an appropriate medical treatment to end the pain and/or suffering of an animal.

Not to nit pick or anything Amy, but when a dog no longer makes money for you, it isn't the dog that is suffering, it's your bank account. Might want to think that through a little more.

If you’re going to end racing.  Fine.  Stand up and put your money where your mouth is.  HELP THE DOGS --the ones that you and your cause are putting in the line of fire -- instead of having someone else clean up the mess you've made.  You want to talk about and stop unnecessary euthanasia, then stop putting hundreds and thousands of dogs at risk.

 Yeah, uh Amy? About that whole "mess" thing. Maybe rampant over-breeding, leading to dumping non-winning dogs faster and faster as you scramble to get a smaller and smaller piece of an ever shrinking money pie is contributing to the problem. Perhaps if you want to yell at someone who is putting dogs in the line of fire, you should check out your mirror. Just a suggestion.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall the limitless horizons and boundless potential of youth now shrunken to a crippled dystopian landscape of empty dreams and cold rain...erm...we mean will recall we have several times discoursed on the overlords' use of sophisticated statistical analysis to elucidate for those of us who believe injury and death are bad things how little we actually understand about the fast-paced excitement of industrialized animal exploitation.

Apparently, LNB Night Mare didn't get the memo because she went and made herself a statistic at the Tucson Death Camp for Greyhounds.

On Friday, during a race at Tucson Greyhound Park, one of the dogs bumped the electrified inside rail and died.  The track manager Dale Popp has called that an unfortunate statistical anomaly resulting in product loss.  But Tucson City Council member Steve Kozachik said that records from last June through January show about nineteen dogs that "pulled up" during the race, or fell, and were not reported injured.  These records do not list any specific injury to those dogs, unlike other reports of broken toes and other injuries.  But Kozachik said that these incidents should not be left out of reports to the state, since those dogs never raced again.

"Well there can be a lot of reasons a dog doesn't race again besides injury," Popp said."Maybe they ran off to join the circus, or got kidnapped by aliens. Ever think of that?" Mr. Popp also pointed out that it is not uncommon for dogs to quit racing due to religious conversion. "A lot of these dogs become Baptists, and you know how they feel about gambling," he added.

"Every one of these injuries was substantial enough so that the dog never raced again.  That's the bottom line.  So, if these were the last races for these dogs and the stewards noted them in their own reports, they were significant enough that the owners either adopted them out or just got rid of them," said Ward 6 Tucson City Council member Steve Kozachik. "Now, unless you can find a bunch of aliens, or Baptist missionaries around who suddenly have a pack of greyhounds in their front yards, I think it's pretty safe to assume that Popp's paycheck is signed in greyhound blood."

South Tucson city Commissioner Luis Gonzales said that while regulating the dogs is up to the state racing commission, he is drafting a request that when the investigation is complete, the commission will tell South Tucson the results.  The city will then decide what if any actions are appropriate, and a building inspection because of that electrified inner rail could be possible. "We're hoping to add it to our list of ordinances we don't do anything about," Gonzales said.

Yeah. Well, with friends likes these, huh Bolt?

 Here is your chance to experience many greatest minutes of your life loving this very affectionate and eager to please fellow. Bolt is a curious boy who loves to be where the action is! He starts each day off prancing and wiggling in excitement that his people are waking! Bolt is in foster and doing well with house rules and gets along well his brother. Who is ready for some new greatest minutes? For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Department of Journalistic Ethics here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The DOJE is a division of the International School of Parrot Reporting, a wholly owned subsidy of We Report? You Decide. Corporation.

It seems that in the blizzard of information blanketing the nation concerning the giant sucking sound you hear that is the torrent of money falling in to the black hole of greyhound racing as it slowly collapses in on itself, one local news outlet has managed to remain blissfully unaware of the last, oh say 25 years:

Taxes on Greyhound racing in Florida put about 24 million in the state treasury each year. Some are pushing to end the sport, and thousands of jobs and millions of dollars are at stake.  Of course that 24 mil is down from $76 million in 1990, and actually it's not $24 million anyway as last year only about $1.5 million was collected, but you know, one number is as good as another when you're just filling air time.

Using reports to the state would show 70 dogs died last year, animal activists are pushing lawmakers to end dog racing, and by "animal activists" we mean anyone who thinks dogs dying in a futile quest to suck a few more bucks out of a dead industry is a bad thing.

Breeder Gene Gurley, who has been a Greyhound breeder since 1961, counters that it doesn't make sense for him to mistreat his dogs. When asked to comment specifically on the issue of dogs dying, Gurley glanced down his page of talking points and said, "How about 'all dogs get adopted.' You like that one?"

And Jack Cory, who represents the breeders in front of Florida legislators, says the 70 dogs who died make up less than one percent of all the dogs that raced in Florida. He blames tracks for the majority of deaths and injuries. "We're the real victims here," Cory said. If those tracks didn't make us race our dogs on their unsafe surfaces we could keep the animal rights wackos off our backs."

Now see there Schroeder? Don't you feel bad because you ran on all those unsafe tracks and made nice Mr. Cory get yelled at?

Schroeder is 2 1/2 years old. He is good with cats and small dogs.  For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

People tell us we're too hard on the overlords. Ironicus, they say, just because they are reanimated bags of stillborn worm effluvia who were dropped on their heads as infants and lack the gene for compassion giving them all the empathy of a wounded scorpion is no reason to cal them names.

Well, OK. In the interests of Fair and Balanced we'll entertain that thought. What would be a good reason to call them names? The fact that they're trying to keep a dead industry alive so they don't have to go out and get real jobs? The fact that everybody is getting tired of propping up their dead industry? The fact that even other aspects of the gambling industry don't want to have anything to do with their dead industry? The fact that even people who aren't involved in decisions about their dead industry are getting involved just long enough to say, "Dump these losers. It's a dead industry." 

Wait, you don't have to choose. Even better, why don't we let one of the overlords speak for himself. We mean, why should we expend all that energy pointing out the obvious when every time an overlord opens his or her mouth they do a much better job than we ever could explaining to people that the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit is a career choice just below Satan's chauffeur. Take it away Dick (no pun intended) Adler:

This article had one of the most sensationalist and misleading headlines I've ever seen in "Florida's Best Newspaper." I mean, an article about greyhounds dying at the tracks that used the word "Died" in the headline? What kind of irresponsible journalism is that? What's next? Articles on the sports page that have headlines telling us which team won? That way lies madness I tell you.

Derby Lane runs eight programs per week, with 15 races per program, for a total of 120 per week, or almost exactly 500 per month and still the track loses money like a drunken sailor with holes in his pockets. With eight dogs in each race, the total comes to 4,000 entries per month, or 28,000 in the seven months covered in the story which proves the point we've made all along that greyhounds love to run when we make them. Add in schooling races and the total rises to at least 30,000. Of that number, there were 12 deaths, and I'm not sure all of those were race-related because it doesn't count if the dog dies off the track. Even if they were, that amounts to a death rate of 0.04 percent (four one-hundredths of 1 percent), which is an incredibly good safety record. Yet it didn't even rate one sentence in the massively slanted article. It's like your reporter was more concerned with the well being of the dogs than our ability to manipulate statistics and I ask you, is that what journalism has come to today?

It should also be noted that the gaming camels would not even have gotten their noses under the tent if greyhound racing didn't provide a ready-made venue. Just look at other states that don't have greyhound racing. Do you see any gambling casinos in those states? I didn't think so. And now they want to bite off the hand that enables them to feed. Well, to be fair, bite off the hand that's dragging down their profits by requiring continual subsidies to stay afloat, but let's not quibble over semantics.

Finally, the vast majority of retired greyhounds are either adopted or return to the farms and it doesn't matter  that by now you know that isn't true because we're going to keep saying it anyway. One hundred percent of mine that aren't killed get adopted through the excellent adoption programs that exist, both locally and nationally. This is possible because retirement is an ongoing process of avoiding responsibility by dumping perfectly healthy, but money losing greyhounds on the public, with a limited number being retired at any one time as I rotate my inventory. What do you think will happen if every racing greyhound is suddenly "retired" at the same time? Unfortunately, I think the answer is obvious. Obvious because it's a stupid argument. First of all all greyhounds would not be retired at the same time, even if they were the public outcry would force the authorities to step in and protect the dogs like they did when Dairyland closed. So the whole argument is idiotic, but hey, I'm an idiot so you've got to give me some points for consistency.

The article may have done enormous — and needless — damage to both the greyhound racing industry and the greyhounds themselves. Well, actually publicizing this sort of thing helps the greyhounds because it raises public awareness about an inherently cruel and barbaric industry, but since no one gives a rat fart for the industry I'm just hoping some of that compassion will rub off on us.

Yeah, well nice try there Mr. Adler, but we're thinking it's gonna be a no go on the compassion thing, right Gryffindor?

Gryff's tail never stops wagging. He is always cheerful and smiling. He loves a good scratch on his hindquarters and a  friend to play and snuggle with. He is an outgoing and friendly guy who is always ready to go anywhere and do anything with you! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Department of High Energy Responsibility Avoidance here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The DOHERA is a division of the You Made Us Do It Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of Why do You Keep Looking At Us Like That, Inc.

If you follow the news you may have noticed that the last week wasn't very kind to the overlords in Florida, due to a new regulation that forces the overlords to report inventory breakage...erm...we mean greyhound deaths at the tracks. As you may imagine, when people with souls read that a greyhound dies every three days at a Florida track they were a wee might upset and took their ire out on the committed, caring professionals who care for the units...erm...greyhounds.

Well, never one to accept a responsibility they can dodge, or face up to the fact that the heartless exploitation of innocent creatures in the futile quest for profits reflects a moral compass better suited to a scorpion, they immediately took to the nearest media outlets to defend themselves by, you guessed it, blaming someone else.

The Florida Greyhound Association and its affiliate, the National Greyhound Association, are defending the treatment of the racing dogs in response to an article in the Sunday Miami Herald and Tampa Bay Times that reported that 74 dogs have died on race track property since the state started keeping records in May.

"First of all we resent the media hype surrounding this issue," said Jack Cory, lobbyist for the Florida Greyhound Association. "These dogs didn't 'die' at the track. They were simply retired with extreme prejudice, that's all."

"1(sic) early death of a Greyhound is to (sic) many, BUT unfortunately accidents and illness happen with death resulting everywhere in Day Care Centers,'' Cory wrote.

"I'm sure we've all been touched by the sight of a pre-schooler coming out of the far turn, tripping over a loose shoelace and going down," Corey continued. "It's unfortunate. It's sad, but it's part of life."

"Nursing Homes, Hospitals even at DCF where 432 Children died from Abuse and Neglect in 2012. I am not comparing a Greyhound to a Child but accidents and illness do happen with death resulting!

Who hasn't been affected by the sight of eight octogenarians getting their walkers tangled in the first turn and going into the wall, or hospital patients losing control of their hospital beds on the backstretch and crashing into one another, or foster children forced to race in extreme weather conditions? It's heartbreaking, but it happens.

They are unfortunate and many could be stopped with our 3 point safety plan!"

When asked to detail the points in the safety plan Corey gave this breakdown:
1. Stop passing transparency laws
2. Don't allow media or regulators on the tracks
3.  Take our word for it

Later Corey's office issued a press release in response to the newspaper stories spreading across the state.

 The Division of Parimutuel Wagering (PMW) does NOT have a Report! Instead they have 212 pages of emails and faxes, many of them confusing. We mean dogs are dying and getting injured all over the place every day! Who can keep track of all that?

Not one case was opened for animal abuse or neglect. Not one! The Florida Greyhound Association and the National Greyhound Association have a zero tolerance  for any animal abuse and neglect. Now, killing an animal outright in the service of profit for us, that's a different story, but abusing, or neglecting? Not us buddy.

There were over 8,000 racing Greyhounds in Florida during 2013 unfortunately 70 of them died,  but that was less than 1%. What other warehousing operation can boast of an inventory breakage rate of 1% huh? Just name one.

This is very sad but should not be exploited by out of state radical "Animal Rights" groups, for political or fund raising purposes,  that condoned the killing of 250,000 Shelter Pets in Florida last year. I have no idea how that last phrase fits with the first one, but the point is CAN WE CHANGE THE SUBJECT PLEASE?

 If Live Greyhound Racing were reduced or eliminated these 8,000 beautiful Greyhounds would be put at risk of becoming someone's pet.

 Over 50 % died because of the Track Related circumstances and Track Managements Failures! 37 Greyhounds died because of Track Related circumstances and the Track Management's failure to maintain their Compound properly. Legislation may be necessary to stop track owners from making us race our dogs on their tracks.

The Florida Greyhound Association and the National Greyhound Association have a very strong safety and inspection program on the farms. Sure, when they get to the tracks it's a crap shoot as to whether they'll survive or not, but on the farms they're safe.

Hmmm...we never thought of that. See Charlie? If you had just stayed on the farm you wouldn't have risked getting killed or injured every time you raced, so it's your fault!

Charlie is playful, happy, and curious about the world around him. He is very affectionate, adaptable, and loves to go on walks/car rides and is very happy meeting new people at meet and greet activities. Although Charlie gets along very well with his two other doggie roommates, he is not currently prepared to be introduced to a home with cats or other small animals. Charlie would do best with another dog and an active family (without young children) that will include him in their activities. He has a problem with sleep startle and his foster family is working very hard with him to overcome this problem. Charlie is looking for a patient, loving, stable, and committed forever family that will be invested in helping him reach his fullest potential. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Read more here: http://miamiherald.typepad.com/nakedpolitics/2014/02/greyhound-industry-responds-.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://miamiherald.typepad.com/nakedpolitics/2014/02/greyhound-industry-responds-.html#storylink=cpy

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Read more here: http://miamiherald.typepad.com/nakedpolitics/2014/02/greyhound-industry-responds-.html#storylink=cpy

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Friday Hound Blogging

Hey, you remember back in school when you had that crush and you wondered if the feelings were mutual? Remember how you would rack your brain trying to decode whatever the object of your affection said, or did (or didn't do)? Perhaps you even went as far as to write the classic note "I like you. Do You like me? Check one: Yes.   No.   Not Sure.   Don't make me get a restraining order." OK that last may be more particular to our experiences with affairs of the heart, but the point is, sometimes it's wicked hard to discern people's feelings.

And sometimes it's not.

Proposed legislation would phase out dog racing over the course of several years. Iowa's two remaining dog tracks -- Mystique Casino in Dubuque and Bluffs Run in Council Bluffs -- would pay a combined settlement of $70 million to greyhound breeders. $15 million would come from Mystique, which operates as a non-profit organization owned by the city of Dubuque, and the remaining $55 million would come from Harrah's, the private company that owns Bluffs Run.

 Seventy million dollars top make the overlords go away. Seventy Million! That's like putting a check the size of Montana next to NO. And $70 million's more money that the overlords make in...well in forever because the overlords don't make money.

“It’s not a business model that can sustain itself on its own,” said Bo Guidry, executive director of Harrah’s and Horseshoe casinos. “Since 1991, wagering in Iowa on live greyhounds has declined by 95 percent. We are being forced to subsidize an industry that has passed its time.”

Well, technically Mr. Guidry, greyhound racing isn't a "business model" at all. It's the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for minimal profit that causes untold suffering, injury and death to thousands of greyhounds a year by treating them as commodities without rights, feelings, or needs so that a handful of scruple-free losers can avoid gainful labor, but let's not quibble about the terminology right now and get back to that $70 mil you're willing to pay to send the overlords to Walmart greeter school.

Guidry said that for nearly two decades his casino has had to provide up to $10 million a year in subsidies to keep the track running with nothing in return.

Now that's a little harsh Mr. Guidry, don't you think? We mean, it's probably not true that you got nothing in return.  There's the devaluing of property around the tracks, the increase in crime, the urban blight, the drunks and drug addicts. OK, so that's not the kind of experience you want customers coming to the casino to have, but look at the bright side...OK there is no bright side. Seventy mil is cheap, let's get these losers out of here, right Reputable?

I am a very laid back, handsome boy. I am very friendly. I love everyone I meet. I need to be coaxed into crate a little bit but once I’m in there, I’m okay. I’m very curious, inquisitive and smart. I’m very gentle at taking treats. I haven’t yet seen a cat or a small dog. I am fine with my foster’s mid-size dogs. I love playing with my squeaky toys. I am learning how to go up and down the stairs but I still need to work on it to get better. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Cloud update: Cloud is adopted! Happy forever couch dude!

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall a time before the current ice age when the earth, now barren, windswept and empty was once lush, green and fecund...erm...we mean will recall the name O'Donnell which to greyhound racing is like the name Ford to automobiles, Harley Davidson to motorcycles, or Boehner to incompetence.

And speaking of incompetence, that brings us back to the current O'Donnell in the news, one James "Barney" who seems to think that the mere fact that a person is deceased should not preclude that person from carrying out his official functions.

One of the largest greyhound kennel operators in the state used the signature of a dead Miami veterinarian to forge the vaccination records of dogs racing in South Florida, St. Petersburg and Jacksonville, according to a complaint filed last week by state regulators.

First of all we have to give credit to the state regulators for actually attempting to regulate. This represents an important departure from their usual approach to oversight which might be best described as laissez faire except when they're not paying any attention at all.

But back to our story. It seems James  "Barney" has come to the attention of somnambulant regulatory officials both for what he wasn't injecting his dogs with, and for what he was.

Last year, during unannounced inspections, state investigators found syringes in his kennel which they said tested positive for a variety of anabolic steroids, including testosterone, boldenone, and androstenedione.

 "Hey, testosterone, rabies vaccination. How am I supposed to know the difference?" James "Barney" said. "My Vet died you know." Well, that is a point JB. Didn't you get a replacement?

O’Donnell said Vega’s assistant assumed care of the dogs. “After Dr. Vega died [the assistant] said, I’m taking over,’ I said, `Alright.’ And he came and vaccinated the dogs.”

It turns out the "assistant" was actually one of James "Barney'" childhood friends. You know, the kind that only he could see?

O’Donnell said in recent weeks he began looking for the assistant now that questions are being raised. “Right now I’m trying to find the man and I can’t find him,” he said. “I’m trying to find him to see if he is still alive too.” O’Donnell said he just assumed the man was legitimate. “He used to come with Vega and then sometimes he’d come alone, if we had vaccinations sometimes he’d show up by himself,” O’Donnell said. Was he a licensed vet himself? “I can’t answer that, I never asked him,” O’Donnell admitted. “I never asked to see his credentials.” O’Donnell said in hindsight that was a mistake.

Hey, don't be so hard on yourself James "Barney." After all, if you think about it, you're whole career is based on not asking too many questions. Questions like what's in the food? Where are you taking these dogs? Is that leg broken? Sometimes it's better not to know, right? Well, better for you. For the dogs, not so much.

Investigators also claimed they found an unknown substance inside two Absolut vodka bottles. Although clearly suspicious, investigators from the state’s Department of Business and Professional Regulation never bothered to have the contents analyzed.

"Truth be told, Wally emptied the bottles on the way back to the office," a spokeswoman for the agency said. "Guy has a bit of a drinking problem, but you would too if your job was to watch over a bunch of losers, idiots and sociopaths like we do. Anyway he's no worse for wear as a result. In fact he's been looking pretty buff lately."

Maybe he can get on with a major league baseball team. So what are you going to do about old JB now that he forced you to leave the coffee shop and drive out to his kennel.

The state is now asking an administrative law judge to revoke O'Donnell's license to race greyhounds and fine him $96,000.

Whoa! $96,000. That's some serious coinage right there. But dudes, JB is 84 years old. He's been an overlord all his life and he has two things to show for it: Diddly and Squat. You'll be lucky to get 96 cents out of the guy. Wait, maybe his friends in the industry can help out.

The operators of the racetracks in Jacksonville and Hallandale Beach said they have suspended O'Donnell's contract as of Monday morning, banning his dogs from racing there.

Oh now that's just piling on right there. Won't anyone stand with James "Barney?" After all the guy's been an overlord for 60 years. Think of all the contributions he made to the industry in those 60 years. All the sacrifice. OK, so it was the dogs that did all of the sacrificing, but let's not quibble. Is there no one who will come to James "Barney's" aid?

Gary Rutledge, lawyer for the Derby Lane in St. Petersburg, said that track's contract is with O'Donnell's wife, Pauline O'Donnell, who has not been charged and her dogs will continue to race.

Kudos to you Mr. Rutledge! Finally someone who truly understands the credo of the greyhound racing industry: Anything for a buck. "We're a small industry and so we're like family," Rutledge said. "The Manson family, but family just the same." No argument here Mr. Rutledge. What do you think Willis?

I am a very happy, playful boy. I am very smart and will make a great family member. I am housebroken and don’t mind being in my crate. I get along great with small dogs. I can go up and down the stairs. I love to go for walks and play with toys. I would do well with older, well-behaved children. I have loved everyone I have met. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Cloud update: Cloud is a fast learner that strives to please. He's playful, obedient, and will lay with his head in your lap and get his ears scratched for hours.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall how the lilting voice of youth brought forth on the spring scented breeze of hope and promise is now the razor winter wind of age and disappointment mocking our dreams...erm...we mean will recall back a few years ago when we opined on the decision by Eastern New Mexico University (Motto: All Our Majors Come With Fries!) to exploit a couple of greyhounds because that was their team name, and since their teams generally suck gravel through a straw they had to give the people some reason to buy tickets.

Well, to be fair we have to say that the football team went 7 -3 this year but that was mostly due to playing such stiff competition as the Air Force Academy JV team. We should also point out that they lost to the   University of the Incarnate Word (The What?) which, we understand, is a convent.

But back to our story. So president Steve Gamble (PhD, Angeline's College of Facial Massage, Class of '75) OK'd storing a couple of greyhounds on campus somewhere and trotting them out in front of a bunch of drunken fans from time to time to try and distract attention from what was happening on the field. Now, at this point you might think we are going to refer to president Gamble as an overlord. After all, he's engaging in overlord behavior, bringing a couple of innocent living creatures on campus to be marketing tools like free key-chain give aways, or 20% off coupons for the local tanning salon, and we would like nothing better than to do so. Unfortunately, president Gamble isn't smart enough to be an overlord. Say what you will about the overlords (and goodness knows we do) they at least know enough about greyhounds to recognize potential and can tell when a dog just isn't suited to their needs. Gamble, apparently isn't even that aware because one of the dogs he caused to be conscripted to the University never made it as a mascot.

So time passes as time often does and now the two original greyhounds have gotten to that age when they need to be dumped on someone else because they are no longer useful to the university. Perhaps president Gamble can reflect over these past years, and the ethics of animal exploitation. Perhaps the experience he has had opened his eyes to the fact that greyhounds are unique living creatures with rights and needs that supersede his desire to have a cute little conceit accompanying his sports teams. Perhaps president Gamble is dumber than boiled water on the moon. 

Nicknamed Deuce and Trey, the puppies will replace the male half of Vic and Tory, a pair of rescued racing greyhounds who were brought on as the school mascots in 2009.

"We think getting puppies is better than getting older dogs," said Yvonne Tillman, a member of a group of students called Hound Handlers who take care of the school’s mascots. "That way we'll get more years out of them before we have to abandon them like Vic and Tory. Sort of like buying a new car instead of a used one. You expect it will last longer before you have to junk it out."

The original Vic has been struggling with arthritis and vision difficulties while Tory never took to the mascot role. "That Tory would freak every time we brought him into the stadium," said Vice President of Student Affairs Judith Haislett. "It was kind of funny except he would pee all over the place and shiver like it was 40 below. Never did figure out what his problem was. And as for Vic, well, he's starting to cost us money now so it's time for him to move on. We're not a school of Veterinary Medicine here you know."

The mascots live in a house on Cherry Street, and have two student roommates who look after them while they are home. During the day, the hounds will be on campus, and Hound Handlers will handle them from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. everyday.

 "We figure if we set it up right the dogs will never have a moment's peace," Haislett said. "And since their handlers are all students there will be a constant turnover of people so they won't be able to get used to those caring for them, but that's OK because most of the people caring for them don't know anything about dogs anyway,"

“It is nice to be recognized with the dogs, and you get to tell the community about the dogs. Everyone thinks it is super cool,” Tillman said. "Well, except the people who think exploiting innocent living creatures for something as trivial as a third rate sports program at a minor university in the boondocks of New  Mexico is even worse than making them run around a track for a couple measly bucks."

Hmmm....mascot or racer. Which would you rather be Daisy? What's that? You feel like you've been used by others enough and you just want to be somebody's pet? Sounds reasonable, but stay out of New Mexico.

I am a very sweet, playful, and overall good dog. I love to play with my toys. I do really well when I go for car rides. I haven’t tried to go up and down the stairs yet so I’m not sure about them. I am housebroken. I love to go for walks and I don’t even pull on my leash. I need a little coaxing to go in my crate but once I’m there, I’m fine. I love the two other Greyhounds in my foster home. I have seen little dogs through the fence and I am fine with them but I would have to meet one in person to see how I get along. I cannot live with kitties. I love everyone I meet and I’m not afraid of anybody. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Cloud update: He's playful, obedient, and will lay with his head in your lap and get his ears scratched for hours.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Department of ReDUMBdancy Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The DORD is a division of the What Part Of Stupid Don't You Get Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of Put Your Stick Away, That Horse Is Dead, NA.

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall the despicable face of eventuality which, for so many years hid behind the mask of idealistic youth...erm...we mean will recall friend of the blog and Donald Trump wannabe Phil Ruffin. Mr. Ruffin is the overlord who owns the Wichita Death Camp for Greyhounds. Well, owned is probably a better word since the track went belly up in 2007 when the voters of the area told him, "Hey Phil. You think greyhound racing is an actual thing a fully functioning human being should be engaged in? Go ahead then, we're not going to give you cover by letting you use the income from slots to subsidize the continued heartless exploitation of these poor dogs for no profit." Or words to that effect.

So Phil folded his tent and now presides over the mouldering remains of his once mighty money losing empire out there off I-135 next to the abandoned strip mall. Picture a dystopian scene of broken buildings and cracked pavement under a somber sky. A desultory breeze blows old newspapers across the empty parking lot which once held tens of cars. Somewhere in the distance a crow calls out. Locals believe the place has bad Juju and won't go near it.

Well, old Phil is not one to give up easily, or maybe he can only hold one thought at at time, but whatever, instead of actually trying to do something positive with the land, he's spent the last seven years trying to convince anyone who would listen--and believe us that's a pretty small demographic--that a bright future looms for the senseless injuring and killing of innocent living creatures--if they will just let him have slots to subsidize it.

Wichita Greyhound Park operator Phil Ruffin plans to try again to get legislation passed in Topeka that would allow him to add slot machines at the park so he can reopen it.
Ruffin would invest between $50 million and $100 million to renovate the facility on I-135 in Park City if he could install the slot machines, said his lobbyist, George Wingert, on Friday.

 Mr. Wingert would not comment on the report that the $50 million to $100 million was Monopoly money, explaining that he had just taken Mr. Ruffin on as a client after getting fired from his cab driving position and deciding to become a lobbyist. "He responded to the flyer I nailed to the telephone pole over on Cedar Street," Wingert said. "So we really haven't had much time to talk yet because my mom took the message."

Wingert said there is more optimism about getting a bill passed this time because of the success of the Kansas Star Casino in Mulvane, just across the southern Sedgwick County line in Sumner County.

 "Casino style gambling is where it's at," Wingert explained. "Slots, table games, the excitement, the big payoffs. It's what people want. It's why they come out, for the total experience. There's nothing that can compare. Oh, and greyhound racing, We want to do that too. No really. We do. I guess. Like I said, I haven't really had a chance to meet with Mr. Ruffin yet, although if you ask me doing over what closed your business down in the first place doesn't seem like the smartest business move, but I'm just a cab driver...I mean a lobbyist."

Sen. Ralph Ostmeyer, R-Grinnell, who chairs the Senate Federal and State Affairs Committee, where gambling issues often start out, said he doesn’t see such a bill succeeding this year.
“That’s been an on-going deal and I don’t see that going anywhere. I don’t think there’s enough votes in the Legislature,” he said. “I’m not getting any pressure to work it.”

 "And that's why were so excited and optimistic about this legislative session," Wingert said. "At least I think it is. I really need to talk to Ruffin."

Not sure that's going to help there Georgie boy. After all, old Phil has been "excited and optimistic" for seven years now and so far all he has to show for it is several acres of urban blight. What do you think Boom?

I am full of adventure. I am a very sweet and loving boy. I love people and to get attention. I am a very obedient and easy dog. Because I am young, I get bored so I need to have some kind of periodic activity. I get along great with kitties and dogs of all size. I am housebroken. I am learning to go up and down the stairs but haven’t perfected it yet. My foster mom and dad are working with me to help me get better at it. I love to play with my squeaky toys. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Cloud update: This sweet boy loves his toys! Cloud is a fast learner that strives to please.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the When It Rains It Pours Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. WIRIP is a division of the Chickens Returning to the Roost Corporation in association with Is That Karma I See Walking Towards Me With A Big Stick, LLC.
Here's what the last week has been like for the overlords in Iowa:

The possible end of live greyhound racing in Council Bluffs picked up support from the city council Monday evening.

As Batman might say BOOM!

On most days the grandstand is less than 10 percent full. Sometimes there are more dogs on the track than people watching. Officials said racing doesn't make enough money to pay for the track.

Or, as the Caped Crusader might opine POW!

If you've never seen a greyhound race, you might want to head to the tracks as they may not be around much longer.

 Let's give this last one to Robin. CRASH!

As our old daddy used to say, this is a situation in which you would like to have some bad news just so you could have some good news. Things are so bleak for the overlords in Iowa they'd have to light up a candle just to see the dark. We have to believe the overlords in Iowa are so low right now they have to look up to see down. If bad news was a puddle, the overlords would be swimming in a ocean of hurt. The overlords in Iowa are so disliked, even Al Qaeda won't recruit them. The overlords are so desperate for customers in Iowa, they'll even accept bets made with monopoly money. Last week three people turned up for a race at Council Bluffs and the track reported a 110% increase in attendance over the week before. Turns out they also counted a raccoon who ran across the parking lot just before the matinee. Last weekend the tip jar in the lounge took in more money than the whole track.

But cheer up overlords. There is a silver lining. We heard Walmart has just announced a new round of scholarships to Greeter School.

Oh, and let's not forget the dogs. What do you think their reaction is Ginger? Say what? Ask Richie Havens?

I absolutely love to play with toys. I throw them up in the air and catch them and I love to squeak them. I love my foster mom’s Greyhound. We love to play together. I haven’t seen any small dogs yet so I’m not sure if I can live with them. I am cat friendly. I do well on walks and don’t pull on my leash. I am quite the lady. I love everyone I meet and love to get pets from them. I am completely housebroken and I don’t mind being in my crate. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Cloud update: This sweet boy loves his toys! Cloud is a fast learner that strives to please. He's playful, obedient, and will lay with his head in your lap and get his ears scratched for hours.

Friday Hound Blogging

Janus, the two faced god for whom January is named. He looks both backward and forward. You know, we here in the marbled halls of IM Central have long found it amusing that in America, founded on biblical principles stated in the Constitution which was written by Jesus, eight of our months and five of our names for days of the week come from pagan gods and festivals with nary a Christember, or Jesusday in the lot. We blame Obama.

This concludes your lesson in the classics for today and brings us back to Janus. When last we met our Stoli infused gaze was cast back over the concluding year in which we highlighted for you our esteemed reader(s) overlord accomplishments which pretty much amounted to avoiding any kind of positive contribution to society, so this week we thought we'd peer into the future and try to discern what to burgeoning 12 months have in store.

It's not good news folks. We mean, when right out of the box, the first headline of the year reads Greyhound Racing Has A New Foe you have to figure the line of people pointing out that overlords are to a civilized society as grapenuts are to an internal combustion engine is just going to get longer. Oh, don't bother clicking on the link, it's one of those subscription only things, so we have unleashed our madd intertoob skillz to bring you all the juicy parts:

The Dubuque Area Chamber of Commerce on Friday implored area state legislators to alter state law to allow Dubuque to end greyhound racing at the city-owned Mystique Casino. The City of Dubuque made the same pitch last month as part of its legislative agenda.

You see that overlords? The Freakin' Chamber of Freakin' Commerce is against the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for profit. The Chamber of Commerce man. The guys whose motto is anything for a buck are telling you even they can't go that low. And then, just when you think they're done pointing out that your occupation is a boil on the buttocks of the great state of Iowa, along comes the City of Dubuque to tell you that they don't mind owning the city dump where everyone leaves their garbage and they don't mind owning all the water treatment plants that take care of everyone's poop, but you have to go 'cause they can't stomach owning a greyhound track.

Dang, man! There are serial killers with more friends than you. OK, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration because you do still have one friend.

Longtime Iowa Rep. Pat Murphy, on the other hand, said he will vote against removing the requirement... "I've been opposed to the elimination of greyhound racing and here's why: I'm a twisted little man who has all the empathy of a wounded scorpion. I was raised by an ex SS officer and Lizzy Borden. My hobbies are pulling the wings off of butterflies and drowning cats."

Hmm...our advice? Don't ask him for a reference letter when you start looking for that next job. Well, for you it will be that first job, but still, not a good idea.

Iowa Senate President Pam Jochum on the other hand, remained supportive of the effort. "(Greyhound racing) just hasn't worked. It's just not something a lot of people want to do anymore, like it or not. It's just a reality," Jochum said. "There aren't enough people placing bets. Time to let it go."

Senator Jochum attributed the decline of greyhound racing to increased levels of adult literacy, improved child nutrition and assessable medical care. "I'm sure it was more popular back when people still ate tree bark," she said. "But we've just moved on, you know?"

Only one other Iowa casino -- in Council Bluffs -- has greyhound racing. That casino also seeks an end to the racing requirement.

 "You think we want to be the only place in the state that does this stuff?" said a casino spokesperson. "Cripes man, do I look like I have cauliflower for brains? Wait, don't answer that. The point is we want to be the last greyhound track in Iowa about as much as you want to be one of Chris Christie's hemorrhoids."

Yeah, well that is a point don't you think Mcconder?

Even though I am four years old, I am very playful and puppy-like. I am a very sweet boy. I am outgoing and love to follow my foster mom all over the house. I have so much fun playing with my stuffies and running from room-to-room to see what is going on. I don’t live with kitties at my foster home but I love the tiny dogs that live next door so I would probably be fine living with kitties if you have them. I get along wonderful with the two Greyhounds that live at my foster home. I am housebroken and don’t mind being in my crate. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Cloud update: This boy is a real pup, and by that we mean he's not quite two years old yet, so he's full off puppy energy. Also full of love, so if you have room on your couch this boy's for you. He's cat and small dog safe.

Friday Hound Blogging

Well, here we are once again looking at the north end of a south bound year. And what a year it has been for the overlords. A year of ups and downs, and by that we mean every time they would come up with something new to keep them out of the labor pool, reality would come along and knock it down. Let's take a whimsical trip back through 2013 shall we?

The year didn't start out so well for overlord Ricky Holloway who, in a rare moment of lucidity, realized that he was about as popular as a Big Mac at a Vegan convention, and what's worse even the other refugees from the workforce in the greyhound racing industry looked down on him. Now when people who also suck a living out of the suffering death and injury of innocent living creatures think they're better than you, well that's just got to hurt.

February brought information on the (wink wink, nudge nudge) regulating bodies of the racing industry who, unfortunately for them, drew the attention of the fourth estate. It was here that we met Arizona Department of Racing Director Bill Walsh, known in the industry as wishy washy Walsh. Mr. Walsh was the subject of a report by the local paper that pointed out, not to put to fine a point on it, he was a total, complete and abysmal failure at his job. In fact, the report concluded that his performance as overseer of the rules and regulations of racing would need to improve dramatically in order reach the level of total, complete and abysmal failure. Rory Goree, a Commissioner on the Board headed by Mr. Walsh opined that the report was politically motivated due to the fact that dogs were continuing to get injured and die at the track.

March rolled around and the fickle finger of fate having ficklely fingered old Billy moved on to Texas and it turns out Mr. Walsh was a trend setter because the dogs in Texas were getting the same level of care as the dogs under his jurisdiction--which is to say, not much. Now this wouldn't have been cause for much comment in the overlord world were it not for the fact that some animal rights wackos went and let the cat--or perhaps the greyhound--out of the bag by going and making a report about it. That did not sit well with Gulf Greyhound Park General Manager Sally Briggs who put pen to paper to explain that all those facts and statistics and evidence purportedly discovered by the animal rights wackos were simply not true because SHUT UP! Overlords everywhere applauded to cogency of her argument.

The poet wrote that April in the cruelest month, but when you're an overlord it's hard to tell because cruelty is your career, and if you're unlucky enough to be a greyhound, well let's just say when they make you come back and race after you're dead it just doesn't get much worse.

May brought another harsh lesson to the overlords which, simply stated is don't let your alligator mouth write a check your hummingbird butt can't cash. It seems Sarasota Kennel Club Director of Racing Thomas Bowersox was queried by the local new outlet on the number of dogs he was injuring and killing each year due to the fact that he was a heartless bag of semi-animated horse feces. In response Mr. Bowersox issued a challenge to the animal rights wackos at Grey2K to come and inspect his records so they could see for themselves that not only had no dogs ever been injured or killed at his track, all the dogs who had ever raced there had gone on to lives as pets of rich people and were now lounging next to their private pools along the Costa del Sol. You know what happened next. The wackos said they'd be on the next plane, but Mr. Bowersox said that wouldn't work for him because he had a dentist appointment that week. OK they said, how about next Tuesday, but darn it all, it turns out Mr. Bowersox is going to visit his sick momma in Cleveland and won't be back until 2017.

June seemed to mark a turning point in relations between the overlords and those who were tasked to watch over them when three "trainers"  who had been caught neglecting or abusing dogs, or as they say in the industry, just another day at the office were "reprimanded." We are shocked we tell you SHOCKED to find abuse in the greyhound racing industry the board of judges wrote. This will not be tolerated they declared, especially when we can't cover it up. When asked what the reprimand entailed, a spokesperson for the board said no one was sure, and that they'd only used the word because it "sounded all legal and stuff."

In July the state of Florida realized that, not only were the overlords sucking their tick like existence off the backs of innocent animals which they used and discarded like yesterday's fish wrap, they were also sucking a fair amount of funds away from their fellow citizens prompting Michael Glenn, general manager of Palm Beach Kennel Club, in what turned out to be the second moment of lucidity the overlords had in 2013, to exclaim that "it's a dying sport and I'm a leech on the neck of society. Oh, if only I'd finished the third grade perhaps I could have fulfilled my dream of becoming a greeter at Walmart."

August sadly marked the passing of friend of the blog and top Arizona overlord Tom (This place in the Taj Mahal of greyhound tracks) Taylor who was unceremoniously put out to pasture by the owners of the track. Tom remarked he was thankful that, unlike the greyhounds, he was given a gold watch at retirement, not a lethal injection. It is not known what became of Tom's sidekick and Number One, former track Vet Joe  "Needles"  Robinson (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) who was last seen driving around Tucson in his pickup truck asking people out walking their dogs if he could give them a shot.

In September the brouhaha caused by publication of overlord care priorities first started in Texas found its way to West Virginia (Motto: Hey. We Could Have Been South Ohio But They Wouldn't Let Us) with a report detailing the injury and death rate at state tracks. Like Gulf Greyhound Park General Manager Sally Briggs before him, this prompted Sam Burdette, a dog breeder and the president of the state greyhound association to point out that the injury rates complied from state records were not really injury rates because SHUT UP! Overlords everywhere applauded to cogency of his argument.

But the year was not to be filled with unrelenting set backs and failures for the overlords because October brought forth a hero, one  Harry Findley, the millionaire (for now) savior of greyhound racing. This guy is the Steve Jobs of the greyhound industry. He's the walking talking embodiment on innovation, imagination and business savvy. When asked what he was going to do to bring success to a greyhound track that had seen nothing but failure when operated as a greyhound track, he replied: "They have certainly shown it can only be run as a greyhound track and I’m their man.” Overlords everywhere applauded to cogency of his argument.

Events swung to the philosophical in November when the City Council of South Tucson was asked to determine if a law they passed, but never enforced could be, well, not enforced. This was cause for great deliberation and reflection on the part of the City Council. Not because of the fact that a law never enforced really isn't a law at all, but because the whole thing had become public and now everybody knew the City Council was only good for keeping the donut shop across the street in business.

Which brings us to December and the close of a year that has not been kind to the overlords, and if this is any indication, 2014 isn't going to be much better, but then Karma's a bitch ain't it Cloud?

This sweet boy loves his toys! Cloud is a fast learner that strives to please. He's playful, obedient, and will lay with his head in your lap and get his ears scratched for hours. You will not be able to resist this beautiful red-fawn boy!Frequent reader(s) of this blog should make better new year's resolutions...erm...we mean will remember that on of our traditions here in the marbled halls of IM Central is that we follow the last featured dog of the year from track to couch, so you'll be hearing from Cloud again in the coming weeks. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall the promise of youth turned ashen over the years and now blown about by the desultory winds of time...erm...we mean will recall that when we last looked in on the overlords of West Virginia (Motto: We thought East Kentucky was taken) they were explaining their state of the art medical procedures and training methods because you know these dogs are highly trained athletes who have enormous amounts of time and money invested in their development and in order to perform at their best they must continually receive top notch care plus we love and respect the breed and think of them almost as members of the family. Well, if by members of the family you mean like children of your wife's first marriage who never really accepted you and go out of their way to make your like difficult with their constant disrespect, insolence and even though you bend over backwards to get along with them are noting but spoiled brats who should have their pampered little fannies blistered until they have to eat dinner standing up for a week. That kind of family.

Which brings us to today's chapter in Care And Feeding of the Racing Greyhound for Profit (because why else would you want one of these flea bags around?)

The State Racing Commission revoked the license of a Mardi Gras Casino dog track worker for alleged greyhound abuse earlier this fall. Cory Fisher admitted to pulling a greyhound down by the collar and pushing its head in a rough manner on Oct. 23, according to ruling issued by the State Racing Commission. Surveillance cameras allegedly caught Fisher abusing the dog in the paddock area of the racetrack.

"What you call 'abuse' we call standard training protocols," Mr. Fisher told the Commission. "These dogs are not pets," he continued. "They've never been thrown a ball, or given a toy, or allowed on the couch. They have no frame of reference for that experience, so to them being choked and having their faces jammed into the ground is just another day at the office."

We don't know about you Mr. Fisher, but if we worked in an office where our boss tried to choke us it would probably be an indication that someone should call Human Resources. Come to think of it, if our boss locked us in a closet for 18 to 22 hours a day, fed us diseased meat and, at our retirement party tried to give us a lethal injection instead of a watch we might want to have a word with the union Steward too.

Fisher told the commission that he was having a bad day, according to the ruling.

Mr. Fisher, seriously. If you're an overlord you aren't having a bad day, you're having a bad life.

Grey2k USA, a nonprofit dedicated to ending dog racing released a study on greyhound racing injuries in September, finding that 4,700 greyhounds were injured at the state's two dog-racing tracks within the past five years. More than 1,400 of those injuries were catastrophic, career-ending injuries, according to the study.

"Yeah, but those are injuries that happen on the track," Mr. Fisher said. "It really doesn't count when we hurt the dogs off the track, does it?"

Hmmm...so Mr. Fisher is having a bad day and he takes it out on the unfortunate unit who happened to be closest to him. Kind of gives a whole new meaning to therapy dog, huh Dew?

Are you looking for a care free girl that can let the wind blow through her ears (check her in a car with a moon roof!) and is still respectable enough to introduce to your mother? An independent girl but still VERY affectionate? A girl with the usual talents , yet also adventurous enough to try new things, such as a cake walk and walking off with the first prize? Beautiful Dew just might be that special lady to add to your life. She is in foster, doing great with house rules and has been enjoying her retirement. Come meet this special girl. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.