Friday, September 06, 2013

Friday Hound Blogging **Now With Added Sarcasm For Your Weekend Pleasure

We're coming to you today from the Department of Perceptual Reality here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The DOPR is a division of the It Depends Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of the Commitment Effect, Inc.

It seems the overlords are in a tizzy because some animal rights wackos have collected a whole bunch of information about the state of greyhound exploitation in West Virgina, and to make matters worse they went and wrote about it. Now you might think, what's the big deal? People write about what soulless bags of wasted protoplasm the overlords are all the time. It doesn't seem to bother them. Of course, if you're a soulless bag of wasted protoplasm, self awareness is probably not a trait you have much experience with, so that may explain a lot. Anyway, what's different about this time?
In the last five years, there were more than 4,700 greyhound injuries at West Virginia's two dog-racing tracks and more than 1,400 of those injuries were catastrophic, career-ending injuries.In those five years, from January 2008 to June 2013, 289 greyhounds died or were euthanized at West Virginia's two dog tracks, according to an analysis of state records by an animal rights organization.West Virginia spends nearly $30 million annually on greyhound racing, providing prize money and state funding for dog breeders.
Yeah, yeah yeah. Dogs dying. Dogs being injured. We've heard it all before. Heard it in Arizona, heard it in Florida, heard it in Iowa. A fella's got to make a living right?  We mean, if you ran a restaurant and you dropped a plate and broke it, would that be worth an article in the paper? It's the same thing with greyhound racing. Heck, dogs dying unnecessarily  usually doesn't even inspire Rory Goree to get out his Word-A-Day calendar and try to sound coherent.
Grey2k recently completed a study of greyhound racing in West Virginia based on information from the state racing commission received through a Freedom of Information Act request. Sam Burdette, a dog breeder and the president of the state greyhound association, says that Grey2k distorts the truth.
Oh we get it. So those facts Grey2K collected aren't really facts, right? Those dead and injured dogs? Just faking it to get out of work. Or maybe, just maybe--what about this: The dogs are in cahoots with the Grey2K people. The whole thing is just a plot to make the overlords look bad. We mean think about it. Greyhounds are friendly, loving outgoing animals for the most part. A few well placed dog treats and you've got a friend for life. Is that what we're talking about here?

 "The dogs are not treated cruel,(sic) or that's not prevailing in the industry. If they aren't suffering from an untreated injury they  are exercised and they are adopted when they finish racing," Burdette said. "Unless they're sold for medical research, or killed."
State regulations mandate that the greyhound crates where the dogs spend much of their time be a minimum of 44-by-32-by-34 inches in size. "A cage is 34 inches high, a large greyhound is 30 inches at the shoulder," said Christine Dorchak, the president of Grey2k. "They can't even stand up."
Burdette sees it differently. "There's sufficient room in the crates for the dogs to stand up and maneuver as long as they don't lift their heads above their shoulders," he said. "And what have they got to look at anyway? Have you seen the inside of a kennel? Place looks like an abandoned coal mine most of the time." True dat Sammy boy, but what about the dead and injured thing? Where's the distortion there?

Grey2k says that dogs are let out in a pen four times a day for about half an hour each time, meaning they spend 22 hours a day in their crates. Burdette says that those let out times are sometimes as much as an hour and that the dogs are raced once a week and sometimes exercised in between races. "So at best they're spending 16, 18 hours a day in their crates." He said. "I don't see what there is to get so upset about. I work in an office and live in a home, so I spend 16 - 18 hours a day inside too."

Yeah, we can tell by your pasty complexion, but like we said what about that other stuff? Undistort that for us, OK Sammy?
Burdette says you need to view the injury numbers in the context of the number of races. "There's seven cards a week, times 15 races per card, times eight dogs per race," Burdette said. That gives you more than 3,000 chances each month for a dog to get hurt at Mardi Gras and more than 400,000 chances for a dog to get hurt at either track over the five-year span that Grey2k examined.
Ah, we get it. So if you just think about injuries as occasional statistical occurrences instead of an instance of inflicting pain and suffering on an innocent living creature they stop being acts of meaningless cruelty in the service of profit and become random anomalous events. Well, that certainly does make them easier to think about if you happen to be the one doing the inflicting, but for the rest of us? Meh. Not so much. What about you Buddy? You ever been a random anomalous event?

I am a very friendly and reserved boy. I am a little shy but am getting used to being around people of love me and I am getting used to living in a home. I am very affectionate and laid back. I am a little nervous when dogs bark at me. I can’t live with kitties and I’m not sure yet about small dogs because I have not met any. If you have a small dog and would like to meet me, I would have to meet your small dog also so I can see how I do. I love everyone that I have met and love to be petted. I don’t mind being in my crate and will go in to take naps. I love to go for walks and do really well on the leash. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

**UPDATE! UPDATE! Can't start the weekend without one final insult:

The overlords have been complaining of late that people have been unfairly pointing out that no one comes to watch the greyhounds risk death and injury to keep their masters off the workforce. As proof they offer photographic evidence of "packed houses" like this one:


Hey overlords, if that's your idea of a packed house, you're doing it wrong. That's no packed house amigo. This is a packed house:


2 comments:

Angela said...

Loved the article, loved the sarcasm!! But this plight isn't singular to only race-dogs, this is also a plight of the Spanish Galgo that after their hunting days are over, which is rather young are hung from a tree---because as the Spanish hunters have said they aren't worth a bullet. Oh and if you were a worthy hunter you get hung from the higher branches but if you were so-so you get to do the piano man from the lower branches, a few inches above ground with your back paws.
Kudos for your article!!

Robert Gross said...

Fred, have you ever considered writing while sober? Your incomprehensible dribble is quite the laugh. I guess that's the great thing about the internet; halfwits like you have a place to make a fool of yourselves.