Thursday, January 21, 2010

Thus God Said Unto Moses, Remember The Screen Printers And Hold Them In Your Hearts

OK this has us a little worried. See, Michigan, home state to the marbled halls of IM Central, is right next to Ohio, and as we have discussed before, god is not the greatest aim. We're just afraid that there's a hurricane or an earthquake coming with Uniontown's name on it, and we're going to become collateral damage. Anybody have Pat Robinson's number?

Of course with a name like Uniontown it was only a matter of time anyway before the deity got his smite on, being all upper management and stuff. Don't find nobody singing Pete Seeger songs in the bible you know. Just saying.

Well, we might still have a shot at avoiding getting caught up in a plague of Westboro Baptist Church groupies. It's all up to the kids.
The district last month voted to temporarily remove God's name from the statement, leaving it at "We value: Responsibility, honesty, respect, integrity, commitment, and religious freedom". That isn't good enough for High School Juniors Mackenzie Muchalk and Alex Looney. They are preparing to literally mount a fight in the name of God to maintain the statement as it was written.
Heh heh. His name is Looney. Oh, this is going to go well.
Muchalk and Looney are selling t- shirts at cost that read "We value a belief in God" on the front and "They can take his name out of our mission statement but they can NEVER take Him out of our hearts."
Ah, the sweet sweet intersection of spirituality and retail marketing. This is why Jesus died on the cross and now you can own your very own piece of a genuine replica of that cross with accompanying certificate of authenticity for three easy payments of $39.95 plus shipping and handling. Call now, this once in a lifetime chance to own a piece of history can't last long! Offer void where regulated by heathens.
Muchalk says the hope is to have a room filled with people wearing the shirts at the next school board meeting on February 8th. "We just want to stand up to who we think of as bullies" she said, "to tell them its not really going to change anything."
Right on sister! Tell it! The last thing bullies want to hear is that changing stuff isn't going to change anything, so go ahead bullies change away. We won't be changed at all by your change and that's why we're all here tonight in these cheap t-shirts.
Muchalk realizes mounting a legal battle will cost money and hopes the community will rally with her to fight against the change, but not at the taxpayers expense. "I can get the free legal aid or if people in our community step up, which I know there have been people who have said they are going to pay for this for us, then I definitely think its worth it to fight it."
Hey, you think changing stuff that hasn't changed is cheap people? Time to step up. If we don't change this back to the way it was before it didn't change then what's next? CHAOS, that's what! Satan in your living room! People marrying box turtles! Universal Health Care! Wake up America!
Muchalk and her mother, Stephanie, say writing "God" into the value statement does not promote any particular religion. "When they first started selling these t-shirts one of the first two people who bought them were Muslim, so you know we aren't talking a christian God it just says a belief in God".
Well, god and cash. That mooslim money spends just as good as the god fearing kind. You think Jesus just left all those shekels laying on the floor after he chased the money lenders out of the temple? What do you take him for, Buddha?
"They want to come here and tell us what to say in our mission statement, that's fine but if we choose to believe in God then that's what we believe" said Junior basketball player Logan Wartman".
Wartman. Ha ha ha. OK we're beginning to see a pattern here. You kids are playing the adults, aren't you?
Jennifer Spohn, the parent of a high school student, also thought the name of God should remain in the school district's statement. "When it was put in the mission statement it wasn't just put in there by accident" Spohn said. "It was voted on by a wide amount of people, different religious backgrounds, some atheists some religious."
Unfortunately the atheists voted no and had to be run out of town right Ms. Spohn? We mean after all, what would Jesus do?

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