Montana! Motto: Off Our Meds And Right As Rain

We're coming to you today from the That's Just What They Want You To Think Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. TJWTWYTT is a wholly owned subsidy of the Acme Aluminum Foil Corporation (home of the Ultracap, Blocks mind control rays used by all government agencies and discovered alien races), in partnership with This Is All Because Of Fluoride, Inc.

It seems some of the boys in Montana have been spending a little too much time in the Fortress of Solitude.

Members of the group who were allowed out on day passes presented the county officials with a questionnaire/agreement last week that included a petition signed by about 175 loco residents. The cover letter on the questionnaire said the document was designed to serve as an affirmation to county residents that the officials will abide by their oath of office and uphold both the federal and state constitution both of which the group wants to ignore, suspend, revoke and just generally forget because THERE ARE VOICES IN THE WOODS OUTSIDE THE FORT!!

The letter was signed, “A representative of those who attached their names but we ain't signin' nothin' cause the terrorists will steal our identities.”

“We are a group of concerned citizens,” Robert Gairing of Stevensville said. “I’m a concerned citizen … as that, we need to know definitively whether or not our public officials will defend their oath and our constitutional rights and be willing to take positive constitutional action on our behalf by ignoring the constitution."

The questionnaire includes 10 points on a variety of topics, including:

• The requirement of all federal employees and other U.S. representatives to obtain written permission from the sheriff with the support of the county commission prior to approaching any county citizen.

"Don't want none o' them federal employees and other U.S. representatives cooties," Gairing said.

• Prohibiting mandatory vaccinations.

"That there makes ya inter one o' them gay fellers," said one letter signer. "Real men don't need none o' that anti biotic. Why, one time me and old Jesse was out a huntin' and he fell offa his horse. Broke his leg in two places. I give him a shot o' whiskey and told him to walk it off. He's just fine today. You'd never know he had a wooden leg.

• Prohibiting entrance into the county by all employees of the federal Environmental Protection Agency.

"That's just another word for comminist," Gairing said. "Probly fags too."

• Requiring the sheriff to form and command a county militia composed of able-bodied citizens 18 and older. “Women must serve, but not in a combat capacity unless the men are in danger of being overrun.

"We got to be ready when them hispaniards come looking for their land back," Gairing said. "Now, havin' the wimmen in the fight don't set well with me, but my Mabel, she can shoot the ear off a fly at fifty paces and it'd sure give me a comfort to know she was back there case old Santa Ana had some tricks up his sleeve."

The questionnaire said that failure to comply with the county official’s “lawful obligations” will result in an immediate suspension and a grand jury hearing. When asked who would serve on the Grand Jury, the group’s founder, Mona Docteur, said "Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson."