Friday Hound Blogging

OK, we're going to get right to the point. How stupid is Florida? More specifically, how stupid is the Florida Legislature? More specifically still, how stupid is state senator Jack Latvala? Apparently, more stupid than Iowa, but not as stupid as Christopher Grieb. We mean 20,000? Come on Griebster man, nobody says that. Use your Google dude. Check it:

Thousands of dogs are killed every year when they are no longer profitable Thousands of greyhounds are still killed every year. Because several states do not keep adequate public records, there are no verifiable statistics on the number of dogs killed nationally. Estimates range from 3,000  to 8,567.  In 2011, the National Greyhound Association acknowledged that there are “no cumulative annual records” available regarding the ultimate fate of racing greyhounds.

That's what Grey2K says. And the reason they say that is because the National Greyhound Association, which was founded in 1987 "to ensure the welfare of racing greyhounds on the farm, at the track and upon retirement" doesn't really know what happens to greyhounds after their careers as profit centers are over. Of course, as authors of a blog whose connection with reality is tenuous on a good day we understand that making stuff up is a lot more fun than actually dealing with the facts. Our excuse is Stoli though. What's yours?

But back to our story.

Florida had a chance to get out from under greyhound racing which pretty much everyone in the state thought was a no brainer. Well, everyone except that Latvala guy.

Suddenly, Latvala — a Clearwater Republican — called for a point of order. He told chair Joe Negron, R-Stuart, that the amendment wasn’t germane to the bill and that it violated a “single-subject” requirement. Negron turned to Rules chair John Thrasher, R-St. Augustine, who agreed with the call. Based on Thrasher’s ruling, Negron then struck the amendment from consideration.

 "Hey, don't blame me" Latvala told reporters after the session. "I just learned about points of order and I was trying it out. My son got me a copy of Robert's Rules for Christmas. Did you know meetings have rules? Crazy huh?"

Yeah, well we're all for education here in the marbled halls of IM Central there Mr. Latvala, but in this case we're thinking you might have been better off if you'd stayed stupid because now, instead of giving the state a chance to get out from under the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit, by leaving in the injury reporting part, you made it so even more people will learn how cruel, callous and barbaric the "sport" is. Don't expect a Christmas card from the overlords this year bud.

See, you should have taken your cue from Iowa.

A bill that would end greyhound racing in Council Bluffs but allow dog owners to continue operating a track in Dubuque was placed on the legislative fast-track Thursday.

"Fast track." Did you catch that part? Iowa is all like, we're gonna drop racing like a hot rock, like a bad habit, like third period French. You're going down like a blind roofer, like a fat kid on a seesaw, like a one legged man in a butt kicking contest, like...well...you get the picture. Everyone gets the picture. Um...almost everyone.

The other $36 million will be used to help the Iowa Greyhound Association lease the dog racing track in Dubuque and attempt to keep greyhound racing alive in Iowa. The current racing arrangement with the Dubuque casino would end in October. The greyhound association would then negotiate a five-year lease for the track and begin running it; the group would have an optional five-year extension.

 "Optional five year extension." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Greyhound racing without subsidies? Without tax breaks? Without customers? Oh wait, you don't have any customers now. Our advice? Forget the lease and just pay week to week. That way you won't be so far behind when you close down in June, right Shotgun?

I was quiet at first but not timid or shy. Now I am getting curious of everything and just love being in a home for the very first time. I am very friendly with everyone I meet. I love to give my foster mom kisses. I am very social. I love dogs of any size and I love kitties too. I am housebroken. I don’t mind being in my crate if need be. I can go up and down the stairs. I am trying to learn to play with toys but I don’t quite understand yet what to do with them so I just pick them up and then put them back down. I love to be in the company of either my foster mom or one of my foster four-leggers. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know the secret to happiness is lowered expectations...erm...we mean know that we have often taken the overlords to task for their dysfunctional relationship with the maths  so when we ran across their latest expectoration and noticed that they had graduated from an inability to figure percentages to trying their hand at the expurgation of statistical data we were intrigued.

The first thing we noticed is that the little overlord missive is published by an organization called PRWeb which apparently is a site that, for a fee, will post your press release. Sort of like a blog, except you have to pay them (note to self: find people who are desperate enough to send us money to post things on our blog). We also noticed that of the four people shown in the pair of photos on the PRWeb site, two appear in both, which leads us to believe that the PRWeb enterprise is located in someone's basement, but leave that be, it doesn't matter right now.

In an effort to be fair--or maybe just to find another reason to laugh at the overlords' attempt at refutation--we thought we'd do a search to see if any media outlets had picked up the press release. After all, thinks us, greyhounds are big in the news right now, especially in Florida and  just because the overlords paid to get someone to listen to them, doesn't mean they don't have something of value to say yes it does we're just fooling with you. Anyway, our search turned up two responses: zip and nada.  No newspapers. No tee vee. No radio. No leaflets put under the windshield wipers of the cars in the local Walmart. Nothing. Bupkus. Well, unless you count the postings on the overlords' own sites then yeah, it's all over the web, but really folks, that's sort of informational masturbation don't you think? Little icky.

So what could be the problem? The topic is certainly newsworthy as it's been all over the papers and local tee vee stations. We decided to take a closer look.

Live attendance and wagering at Florida’s greyhound race tracks are experiencing steady growth, according to the Florida Division of Pari-mutuel Wagering reports that live betting (handle) was up 11.4% state wide in November, with a handful of tracks performing well above the state average.

 OK, not to be picky or anything but when you say "steady" that means, well, steady, as in over time. So if the November handle was "up," what was it up compared to? October? The previous November? Since you threw a buck fifty in the till? Not very enlightening, but what else you got?

The state’s Gambling Impact Study reports that the Florida greyhound industry produces an estimated $ 200 million dollars in tax revenue.

Oh overlords! You're so cute when you try to be rational. We believe that when the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit finally goes the way of New Coke and the AMC Gremlin there will be a career for you picking cherries. It's true the report said what you quoted, but it also said:

Greyhound racing is a “dying sport” that has been hemorrhaging revenue for years, according to a study of commissioned by the Florida Legislature.

More specifically:

The first 307-page report, released last week, gave an overview of all aspects of the state’s gaming industry, but painted a particularly bleak picture for facilities that offer greyhound racing. “Handle,” or the total amount wagered, has plummeted over the past two decades. “Total handle for the 13 facilities that ran greyhound racing fell from $933.8 million in [fiscal year] 1990 to $265.4 million in [fiscal year] 2012, a decline of 67 percent,” the report read.

 See the difference here overlords? Your "up" isn't connected to anything, but the report's down is connected to years. Twenty. Two. Years. Now there's a steady for you Bucko. Twenty-two years and nothing but drop. Don't get much steadier than that. We'll give you one more chance though. What's your big finish?

Reports of greyhound racing’s declining profitability are often one sided and purposely do not take into account that a number of tracks have closed in the past twenty years. In 1993, there were 18 greyhound tracks operating in Florida. Today, there are 13. The smaller industry pool in 2013 versus 1993 naturally shows a decline.

 Well sure, if by "decline" you mean the number of tracks, but we're talking dollars here dude. So if you have less tracks chasing the same, or greater, amount of bucks, shouldn't each track's take have been increasing rather than decreasing over the years? You know, the less people that want a piece of the pie, the bigger each person's piece is. Sorry to lay the heavy duty statistical vocab on you there Mr. Overlord sir, but it looks like your statistical analysis skills could use...some...well...statistical analysis skills, right Valentino?

Handsome young beefcake new in town looking for love. Not set in my ways yet, I am very flexible! Nothing but time on my paws since I officially have no plans to be gainfully employed. Looking for that comfy couch and someone to snuggle. Call me! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Empire Strikes Out Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The ESOD is a division of the I Know You Are But What Am I Company, a member of the Rubber Glue Consortium.

It seems the overlords who infest the corridors at the Arizona Department of Racing have had enough of it being pointed out that when it comes to doing their job of overseeing the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit, they have had about as much impact as a republican at a NOW convention.

Well, no more. You tree hugging, Birkenstock wearing, vegan, animal rights wackos have ragged on the hapless morons at ADOR one time too many, and now they're fighting back.

The Department of Racing asserts that while it has made sure to keep its authority in regulating dog racing to maintain consistency at the track, that does not mean that dogs are being treated with steroids.

OK, admittedly, we don't sprechen ze overlord very well, but it sounds to us like you're saying just because we're doing our job doesn't mean we're not doing our job. Which seems to us to be the linguistic equivalent of looking in the mirror and watching yourself pick your nose. We would ask you to clarify, but we're afraid you would, and bedsides, given that you never actually did your job anyway, this seems to us to be a welcome change in your regulatory philosophy, so please do continue.

A letter from the department earlier this week in response to a previous story said that allowing Tucson Greyhound Park to inject dogs with steroids would be in violation of a 2008 South Tucson initiative that bans steroid use.

Ah. Logic. So what you're saying is, it's your job to enforce regulations, and the City of South Tucson has this regulation therefore, ipso facto, Carpe Diem, and caveat emptor, enforcement. Right?

A written response from the department information officer said that it has invested thousands of dollars to test for all drugs in the dogs, which includes steroids. Part of the letter states: "As a result of our testing procedures, we are confident that currently there are no dogs running at Tucson Greyhound Park that are using steroids or other performance enhancing drugs."

 Bam! There you go then. Using geometric logic and obfuscatory skimble-scamble, the overlords have conclusively shown that if you ask them if they are doing their jobs, their response can somehow be construed as yes. Who can argue with that?

This would be a change from correspondence from the department under previous directors, according to greyhound advocate Susan Via, who drafted the 2008 South Tucson initiative. "They said it was common practice.  In one report, they said that all the trainers admitted giving it to their female dogs at Tucson Greyhound Park after the ordinance banned it and yet they refuse to find any violation or do anything about that obvious violation of law," Via said.

OK we think we see the source of your confusion here, Ms. Via. Apparently when you hear the overlords responding to queries about doing their jobs, you expect the truth. You seem to have forgotten who you are dealing with. These are overlords, Ms. Via, the same people who tell us what a wonderful life the greyhounds have in the kennels; how they are elite athletes whose safety and well being is the top priority; and how they are so well regarded they are practically members of the family. It's a common enough mistake because overlords look like people; they sound like people; and they act like people. Which just goes to show that soulless zombies do walk among us, right Hoss?

I am a very smart boy and eager to learn. I love to go for walks and do very well on my leash. I love to play and enjoy being with my foster pack. I am housebroken and do well in my crate. I am learning to go up and down the stairs. I am friendly with everyone I meet. I have even done well with the older children I have met. I get along well with dogs of all sizes. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, we've been thinking about last week's post...erm...excuse us, last week's hard hitting documentary exposing myths, facts and lies in greyhound racing, and not just because we're trying to figure out how Mr. Mason goes around with a dead chipmunk on his face. No, we've been mulling over something he said early on in the documentary--if by documentary you mean my wife gave me a video camera for Christmas, but she made me promise no sex tapes, so let's make a video about greyhounds.

Early on in the video Mr. Mason mentioned that the real problem with the drop in attendance at  greyhound racing tracks wasn't the public's growing revulsion at the injuring and killing of innocent living creatures, or the fact that the whole industry was based on the commodification of greyhounds who were unceremoniously dumped on the public when they were no longer profitable--if they were lucky. No, the problem with greyhound racing was that the track owners had abandoned it for more lucrative shores, namely slots and poker.

Well, if that's true, that's pretty unfair thinks us. We mean, here the track owners invite the overlords to come and set up shop, they provide housing, material assistance and certain amenities. It's almost like the track owners are welcoming the overlords into the family, then, as soon as the they quit making money they're unceremoniously dumped and the owners are off in search of another profit center without as much as a fine howdy do.

How heartless is that? How cruel, to treat the overlords as if they were nothing more than an means to an end. Outrageous. There must be some protection for the overlords, some redress of their grievances. You can't just throw them out on the street and expect someone else to clean up the mess, track owners, you have certain...obligations. We know. Since gambling is regulated by the state this is a perfect time for the legislature to step up and offer some protections for the overlords, right Florida state senators Eleanor Sobel, and Sen. Maria Sachs?

In a rare concession, the Florida Senate Gaming chairman on Thursday acknowledged that it is unlikely lawmakers can reach agreement on a sweeping gaming bill this legislative session but they will pursue a bill to begin the end of greyhound racing in Florida.

Ha! See there owners? You can't just pretend that you care about the overlords then toss them off without even a fare thee well when they stop making money for you. Now you'll have to deal with the potential end of greyhound racing all together. You'll have to...wait, what?

“Even if comprehensive reform is not in the cards for this session, we need to keep trying to find a graceful transition away from greyhound racing,'' Florida Senate Gaming chairman Garrett Richter said. "Industry representatives concede today that it’s a dying sport" and a gaming report commissioned by the House and Senate called the sport "loss leaders."

 OK this isn't going the way we thought it would. If the government won't help, the overlords will have to turn to the fourth estate. Is there a crusading journalist out there with a highly developed sense of right and wrong and the courage to speak truth to power? What about you, Tom Rohwer of the Daily Nonpareil?

Iowa lawmakers have their own plans to end dog racing in the state, but would prefer the key players involved reach their own agreement.

Booya! See there owners? If you can't work out a way to end greyhound racing, the legislature is prepared to step in and end it for you! OK, now that we think about it, that may not be the solution the overlords are looking for.  Well, maybe this topic is too hot for a local journalist. Maybe the overlords need the national media to step in and right this wrong before it's too late. What about you, NPR reporter Greg Allen, can you bring the reach and resources of National Public Radio to bear on the overlords' plight?

On a weekday afternoon at the Mardi Gras Casino near Fort Lauderdale, Fla., most guests are inside at the relatively new card tables and slot machines. Outside, at the 5 p.m. post time, only about a dozen people are in the grandstand. Greyhound racing, a sport in decline, is still hanging on, mostly in Florida. But a bill gathering steam in the Legislature may hasten its demise.

Hasten its demise? Holy crap, it's worse than we thought. There's only one thing left. We need to start an adoption program for overlords. If we work hard at it we can get 95% of overlords adopted when their track closes. What do you say Linda? You got room on your couch for an overlord?

I am a very happy, goofy and silly girl. My foster family had to work very hard to get this photo of me because every time someone wants to take my picture all I want to do is give them kisses. I love to give kisses. I wag my tail all the time because I am such a happy girl. I have been very friendly with everyone I have met. I learned to go up and down the stairs on my first try. I love to play with my toys. I get along great with my foster mom’s Greyhound. I have not met any small dogs or cats yet so I am not sure how I am with them. I have not had any accidents in the house. I love to go for walks but I need to work on my leash skills. I do very well when I’m in my crate.  For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging UPDATE: Fat White Guy EXPOSED*

We're coming to you today from the Stephen Spielberg wing here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The Stephen Spielberg wing is part of the Ed Wood School of Film and Media Studies and is located next to the  Plan Nine From Outer Space Museum and Gift Shop.

It seems the overlords have taken a cue from MTV 30 years ago and made a video, or as they explain:

This documentary explores the claims that greyhound racing isn't safe, that it is an heartless enterprise for the greyhounds and that it is unprofitable. We cover everything from distortions to outright lies. Take 15 minutes and learn about how Greyhound racing stacks up against more 'respected' animal organizations. We think you will be surprised.

Well, if by "documentary" you mean a fat white guy in an ill fitting shirt and something on his face trying to be a bead talking for 15 minutes while exhibiting the body language of someone who just witnessed a cow explode, but let's not quibble over production values. The title of the video is Greyhound Racing: The Facts, Myths and Grey2k Lies EXPOSED.

Now, we don't claim to be Hollywood directors, or independent filmmakers or anything, but that title is a little odd. We mean, sure lies need to be exposed, but myths are usually just explained, and facts...well...are facts and that's about it, so we're not quite sure where you are going with this dude, but whatever. So we popped up some popcorn, refilled the Stoli and settled in to see what the fat white guy (he never gives his name) had to say.

Right away FWG gives it to us straight. Greyhound racing isn't dying because it's unpopular, it's dying because track owners would rather use slots because the profits are higher and costs are lower, and since people are too stupid to realize what a great time betting on greyhound racing is, they'd rather play slots. Also too, lazy. Interesting opening gambit, thinks us. Insult the landlord and the people who you want to attract back to the track all in the first 48 seconds.

Next up, the obligatory swipe at Grey2K. Did you know that Grey2K doesn't spend all its money on adopting greyhounds after they've been used up by the industry? No way. Instead they spend their money on bringing an end to the industrialized commodification of innocent living creatures. Where are their priorities FWG wants to know. Instead of focusing on the symptom, they're going after the disease. OK, we're not sure here, but we think FWG just exposed a fact.

 And what attack on Grey2K would be complete without mention of the ever evil Christine Dorchak. FWG tells us that Ms. Dorchack (who is evil by the way) clams that not all greyhounds are adopted after their period of exploitation has ended, and some are, in fact, retired with extreme prejudice. Nothing could be further from the truth and to backup that claim FWG cites statistics from the NGA. Now, we appreciate that the overlords have at least learned to respond to claims against their industry by attempting rationality, but using the NGA as a source is like Governor Christie hiring a law firm to "investigate" his role in Bridgegate. In addition, as we have pointed out previously, the overlords' relationship with math is...um...how to say this politely...dysfunctional on a good day.

Then we move on to a long section we like to call "Can we change the subject please" in which we learn that stray and abandoned animals also suffer and die. Looks like FWG exposed another fact. The implication here seems to be since more stray and abandoned animals die than greyhounds, you should leave racing alone. We're not quite sure you can quantify cruelty to your advantage dude, and anyway, sad as it is, those abandoned and stray animals are victims of circumstance, whereas greyhounds are victims of design, having been born and bred for exploitation.

Finally, we are treated to some myths about greyhound racing, or as they are more popularly known: industry talking points. The video fails to address the biggest myth of all though, and that is more than 95% of greyhounds are adopted after their racing career is finished. What do you think Tiffany? You seeing 95% of your old racing buddies at the dog park?

Our Tiffany was named after the famous Tiffany diamond. Having moved into a foster home, our sweet girl is being molded and refined. How beautiful the end result? That will be determined by the family she chooses. This sweet girl loves to play with her kitty housemate, her heart open to the possibilities of other species...even people! OK, really- she was already clued into people but is finding life in a home suits her. Tiffany told us she is getting a little bit of a late start so will need lots and lots of love and petting. She is looking to settle down in just the right place. Are you the right home for this lovely jewel? For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

*UPDATE: We found out that FWG is really Brett Mason who says his friends call him "puppy chow for obvious reasons." OK that's not obvious to us, unless it has something to do with the chow part. Dude, back away from the buffet a little sooner, will you? You're scaring the children.

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, much as the overlords complain about it, we think government over site of their...erm...sport is a good thing. We mean, with all the tens of dollars changing hands daily the temptation to focus on the money instead of the care of the units...uh...dogs must be great. The overlords are only human according to the rumor going around so an outside entity watching over them is a good way to keep them true to the real reason they got into the industrialized commodification of innocent living creatures for profit: Love for the greyhounds. And that's why when we saw this story concerning the regulatory response to the recent statistical anomaly that resulted in the retirement with extreme prejudice of the unit designated LNB Night Mare we were intrigued to discover how the Arizona Department of Racing was going to, first of all, help the overlords through their grieving process and then help them get back to the business of loving the greyhound breed.

The death of a dog during a race at Tucson Greyhound Park about a week ago prompted requests from Tucson News Now to the Arizona Department of Racing for copies of kennel disposition logs and the track roster.  Such requests could show when dogs are injured, adopted, or put down.  But the department said that it doesn't maintain those records. "You think we want to know what's going on out there?" asked Bill Walsh, director of the Arizona Department of Racing. Are you nuts? The place is a hell hole," he continued. "As long as they keep signing my paycheck I have no reason to have anything to do with them."

OK, not the response we were looking for, but perhaps there is some technical regulatory reason for all this that we as mere citizens don't understand because we don't have the years of training and experience it takes to be on the ADOR Board. Can you explain for us Susan Via, a greyhound welfare advocate?

"They deliberately do not inquire so they don't have to give the information out to the public."

 Oh come on now Ms. Via. Surely it's more complicated than that. Why, these people are entrusted with the welfare of highly trained athletes in whom a lot of money and time has been invested. Surely it is in everyone's best interest to make sure that investment has the best conditions, the best food and the best care available, is it not?

She said that a bill that has passed the state Senate and is headed to the state House of Representatives would make that pre-emption of local authority official and make the track off-limits to city or county authorities such as Pima Animal Care."There's nothing South Tucson, or the county, or even PAC could do, as a county agency, to go in and investigate any complaints of dogs being left without veterinary care, dogs without water, dogs that are sick, dogs that are injured, dogs that are dead."

 "Right," said ADOR director Walsh. "That's our job. Well, it's supposed to be our job, but like I said, I'm not going anywhere near that dump. It's too depressing what with all the drunks and losers hanging around. And then there are the people that bet on the dogs."

Well, that is a point Mr. Walsh and we certainly don't envy your responsibilities in this matter, but maybe you should have thought of that before you dropped out of  Walmart Greeter School. Surely there must be someone out there with the insight to solve this dilemma.

Representative Ethan Orr said that he thinks that he can remove not only the increase in authority that the bill gives the department, but also increase the department's accountability. "Anytime you get information out, you're not only making the racing more viable but you're protecting the dogs and frankly, the people that work at the dog track"

 Excellent idea Mr. Orr. A partnership among the local governing units and the ADOR all of which leads to a better, safer life for the greyhounds who have been conscripted to earn money for the otherwise unemployable. Who could argue with that?

The director of the Department of Racing said that the department cannot take a position on proposed legislation that might require him to do his job until the state employment compensation board rules on his claim that lack of moral fiber is an identifiable disability.  Tucson Greyhound Park general manager Dale Popp could not be reached for comment. His office stated that he is A) out of town through the end of the week,  B) in a meeting, or C) kidnapped by aliens.

Boy, we're thinking if that legislation goes through old Popp is going to wish C was the correct answer huh  Charlie Brown?

Sweet and lovable Charlie Brown is affectionately called "Chuck" at his foster home. Chuck is a bit shy at first meetings. Fortunately he does not take after the unlucky Peanuts character he is named after, no Lucy yanking the football! And Good Grief! This fellow has been a huge success with house rules! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

What's Your $9 Million Compared To My Lack Of Marketable Skills?

We're coming to you today from the You Don't Say Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The YDSD is a division of the What Was Your First Clue Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of Where'd You Park The Squad Car, Sherlock? NA.

Recently, as we were crawling around the interwebs we happened to make the acquaintance of the following headline:
  

Greyhound tracks in Iowa are hurting, which worries breeders

Our first thought was Obamacare is making medication more affordable and accessible and America is finally ending its long dark night of struggling against an unremitting gale of misfiring neurons and has made for the calm, clear waters in the bay of rationality. Buoyed by this thought we investigated further. 

Most afternoons you can find Meyer “Mickey” Coren in front of a simulcast TV at Bluffs Run, sipping Diet Coke from a plastic cup, smoking a cigar as dogs scramble around the track outside. He usually bets $100, mostly on simulcast dog races but also on the greyhounds that race here every afternoon except Mondays. “It gives me a nice place to go, where if I don't win, I don't lose too much,” he said. “I can smoke a cigar and drink pop and shoot the breeze with the other degenerates,” said Coren, jokingly.

OK, first of all, $100? How often does he usually bet $100? Mostly? Sometimes? Is $100 the total of all he has bet since he's been coming to the track? What does his wife think about this as she clips another coupon for canned beans from the newspaper? What about his children when they wonder what happened to their college fund, and his grandchildren who open their birthday cards and find a coupon for free fries at the track bar and grill? More importantly, how does he manage to get home alive after the other patrons realize he actually has cash on him?

And second, while we applaud the writer for trying to soften Mr. Coren's image by inserting the adverb "jokingly"  to make it seem like his characterization of himself and his compatriots as "degenerates" is a bit of self deprecating humor, we're talking about a man who regularly spends money to watch innocent living creatures risk life and limb while he sips a beverage that may contain carcinogens and inhales toxic gasses. "Degenerate" probably fails by half in its verisimilitude when we consider how this guy should be described.

Now we're a ways into the article and our faith in the efficacy of Obamacare to deal with the plague of untreated wackadoodlism that has spread across the land is somewhat shaken because we still don't know what finally unlocked the breeders' ability to see the noses that have been camped in front of their faces for the last, oh, say 25 years.

Bo Guidry, general manager of Horseshoe, said the casino loses about $9 million per year on dog racing. “People just choose where they want to spend their entertainment dollar. Twenty years ago ... there weren't that many options, and now there are plenty of options. One happens to be casino gambling.”

Whoa! Nine million dollars! At that rate even if Mr. Coren did bet $100 a day he'd have to come to the track for, let's see...divide by pi, carry the four, take the last train to Clarksville...man that's 90000 days. OK, the article said Mr. Coren is 71, so he's going to be coming to the track until he's just shy of 320 years old. Hope the track has some handicap parking close to the door.

We notice, however, that Mr. Guidry is the general manager of Horseshoe and not a breeder, so we're even farther into the article and still we haven't discovered why the coffee has boiled long enough to finally raise the breeders from their slumber.

“It's a relationship. We need them, and they need us,” said Darren Flahive, 47, of Council Bluffs, a 25-year dog trainer.

Thank you for your input Mr. Flahive, but if the casinos are losing $9 million a year, they need you like a submarine needs a screen door. Plus, you're a trainer, not a breeder. Next please.

And when casino operator Harrah's bought Horseshoe and Bluffs Run in 2001, the decline in popularity of dog racing was already underway. “They knew what they were getting into. They knew dog racing was not a profitable business,” said Jon Stidham, 49, who raises greyhounds in McClelland, Iowa, and provides dogs for Bluffs Run.

Finally. Thank you Mr. Stidman, who raises greyhounds in McClelland. At last we discover what the breeders are worried about. Let's see if we have this straight. Racing was losing money in 2001 when the casinos bought into the business. They've continued to lose money in the intervening 13 years and because they are a for profit company (and you are a no profit chain around their necks) they are about to make a perfectly legitimate business decision to boot your scrawny buttocks off the gravy train. Is that what's bothering you bunky?

Looks like Obamacare still has a lot of work to do.

Greyhound Racing! Motto: There Is No Australia

Every once in a while we here in the marbled halls of IM Central are privileged to read the story of how an overlord became an overlord. These stories usually involve some sort of epiphany--a kind of St Paul on the road to Damascus experience--or head injury. One or the other, or maybe both, we don't know. Anyway, the point is the tales tell how a seemingly normal person in possession of all of his or her faculties suddenly comes to the conclusion that the commodification and exploitation of innocent living creatures for profit is something that ought to be done by people who consider themselves...well...people. Take Amy Cochran for instance, her story is fairly typical.

Okay whoa. Hang on a second.  You're anti-racing. I get it, but you're so full of smoke I can't see the ground in front of me.  Being used by people? Suffering? Forced to race? Do you even know what you're talking about? Have you spent time with trainers, owner, operators etc?

 See, the problem here is that facts can be very bothersome, so if you're going to be an overlord the first thing you have to do is clean out your mental closet of everything you've ever read, or that people have told you, find some trainer somewhere that isn't overtly shipping dogs off to oblivion and decide that person represents the entire industry. Sort of like deciding a Malayan Blue Krait would make a good pet because the one you saw today didn't bite you.

I have never SEEN a greyhound suffer at the hands of their trainers. And I certainly have never SEEN a greyhound "forced" to race.

Umm...Amy? We have never SEEN Australia either, but we're pretty sure it's there because we've read about it, seen pictures and met people who claim they've gone. Although we do appreciate the caps because you kind of helped us make the point in step one.

The track crates, and yes they are crates, are nicely constructed and roomy. I can curl up in one of these crates and have room to spare. I’m no small woman either. I'm five foot nine and twice the weight of the average male greyhound. So trust me, if I'm comfortable in one of these crates...

Now that's very scientific of you Amy, and we are sure your desire to be "curled up" in a crate had nothing to do with the quart of Vodka you have to drink to get you through your day, (Not that we blame you. Coming to work every day to a job that institutionalizes cruelty and injures and kills hundreds healthy dogs each year has got to put a strain on the old conscience. Best to keep it heavily medicated)  but here's our question: Would you have been as "comfortable" if you'd had to stay "curled up" in that crate for 18 to 22 hours? OK, to be fair, since you're twice the weight of a male greyhound, let's try the experiment again. You go get "curled up"in the crate for 9 to 11 hours then go out for a quick jog around the track and back to being "curled up" in the crate. Let's do that for a week, what do you say? It's for science, Amy.

The truth is when you "train" a greyhound to chase, all you are doing is encouraging a natural instinct. You walk or give the greyhound a ride to the track, hold on to the dog’s collar, and when the fast moving, white, fuzzy toy goes flying by, you let them go. The greyhound will either chase it, or he won't. The dogs that do chase it go on to race. The dog that doesn't is placed for adoption. It really is that simple. There's no abuse there.

 Not to quibble Amy, but dumping unprofitable dogs and expecting people who suffer from congenital empathy to come along and pick up after you may not be abuse, but it's not the most altruistic thing you've ever done either, especially for those greyhounds who aren't lucky enough to find an adopter, and there are a lot of those, aren't there Amy?

Another farce, their diets. These dogs are athletes.  Their diets are designed to give them the nutrients their bodies demand.  There's nothing wrong with red meat, chicken, pasta, veggies, omega three, and vitamin supplements. Hell, that's what dog food is made of. It just doesn't come in kibble form. Why? Do a bit of research. When you cook food it loses its nutritional value, and these greyhounds, these athletes, need every ounce of nutrition to meet their body’s demands.

Well now that's true Amy. Of course if you were to cook the food you feed greyhounds you would also lose Salmonella spp, Campylobacter jejuni, and Escherichia coli, which can cause  diarrheal disease and death, but on the bright side, dogs who die in the kennel don't need to be adopted.

If you crate and work, how many times does your dog go out to relieve himself? How much exercise does he or she get? Track dogs are turned out 4 to 5 times a day to relieve themselves. They are exercised every day either in the sprint pen or on the track.  I guarantee you, these dogs are in better shape, physically, mentally, and emotionally, than your pet greyhound.

Hey Amy. You said you became an overlord because you had never SEEN abuse, but since you've never SEEN our greyhounds, how do you know what mental, physical or emotional state they're in? Just wondering.

Can you say you truly understand the dog’s needs, what it requires, and not what you think it requires?  Because, I'm here to tell you many people don't.  Your dog, greyhound or otherwise, doesn't operate on human rules or have human needs.  He is a dog, a greyhound, and his needs, wants and desires are very different from your own.

Huh. Thanks for clearing that up Amy. We didn't realize that a greyhound needs, wants and desires were to make you a profit. We thought they were dogs, you know, animals that like to "bark, prance, play bow, and wag their tails.  In short, they are goofs." Too bad you have to dump all those "goofs" when they no longer have the need, want or desire to make money for you isn't it?

"But what about euthanasia?"  Well, I hate to break it to you, dogs, cats, cattle etc. are not human. And despite your moral objections on the subject, euthanasia is --and always will be -- an appropriate medical treatment to end the pain and/or suffering of an animal.

Not to nit pick or anything Amy, but when a dog no longer makes money for you, it isn't the dog that is suffering, it's your bank account. Might want to think that through a little more.

If you’re going to end racing.  Fine.  Stand up and put your money where your mouth is.  HELP THE DOGS --the ones that you and your cause are putting in the line of fire -- instead of having someone else clean up the mess you've made.  You want to talk about and stop unnecessary euthanasia, then stop putting hundreds and thousands of dogs at risk.

 Yeah, uh Amy? About that whole "mess" thing. Maybe rampant over-breeding, leading to dumping non-winning dogs faster and faster as you scramble to get a smaller and smaller piece of an ever shrinking money pie is contributing to the problem. Perhaps if you want to yell at someone who is putting dogs in the line of fire, you should check out your mirror. Just a suggestion.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall the limitless horizons and boundless potential of youth now shrunken to a crippled dystopian landscape of empty dreams and cold rain...erm...we mean will recall we have several times discoursed on the overlords' use of sophisticated statistical analysis to elucidate for those of us who believe injury and death are bad things how little we actually understand about the fast-paced excitement of industrialized animal exploitation.

Apparently, LNB Night Mare didn't get the memo because she went and made herself a statistic at the Tucson Death Camp for Greyhounds.

On Friday, during a race at Tucson Greyhound Park, one of the dogs bumped the electrified inside rail and died.  The track manager Dale Popp has called that an unfortunate statistical anomaly resulting in product loss.  But Tucson City Council member Steve Kozachik said that records from last June through January show about nineteen dogs that "pulled up" during the race, or fell, and were not reported injured.  These records do not list any specific injury to those dogs, unlike other reports of broken toes and other injuries.  But Kozachik said that these incidents should not be left out of reports to the state, since those dogs never raced again.

"Well there can be a lot of reasons a dog doesn't race again besides injury," Popp said."Maybe they ran off to join the circus, or got kidnapped by aliens. Ever think of that?" Mr. Popp also pointed out that it is not uncommon for dogs to quit racing due to religious conversion. "A lot of these dogs become Baptists, and you know how they feel about gambling," he added.

"Every one of these injuries was substantial enough so that the dog never raced again.  That's the bottom line.  So, if these were the last races for these dogs and the stewards noted them in their own reports, they were significant enough that the owners either adopted them out or just got rid of them," said Ward 6 Tucson City Council member Steve Kozachik. "Now, unless you can find a bunch of aliens, or Baptist missionaries around who suddenly have a pack of greyhounds in their front yards, I think it's pretty safe to assume that Popp's paycheck is signed in greyhound blood."

South Tucson city Commissioner Luis Gonzales said that while regulating the dogs is up to the state racing commission, he is drafting a request that when the investigation is complete, the commission will tell South Tucson the results.  The city will then decide what if any actions are appropriate, and a building inspection because of that electrified inner rail could be possible. "We're hoping to add it to our list of ordinances we don't do anything about," Gonzales said.

Yeah. Well, with friends likes these, huh Bolt?

 Here is your chance to experience many greatest minutes of your life loving this very affectionate and eager to please fellow. Bolt is a curious boy who loves to be where the action is! He starts each day off prancing and wiggling in excitement that his people are waking! Bolt is in foster and doing well with house rules and gets along well his brother. Who is ready for some new greatest minutes? For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Department of Journalistic Ethics here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The DOJE is a division of the International School of Parrot Reporting, a wholly owned subsidy of We Report? You Decide. Corporation.

It seems that in the blizzard of information blanketing the nation concerning the giant sucking sound you hear that is the torrent of money falling in to the black hole of greyhound racing as it slowly collapses in on itself, one local news outlet has managed to remain blissfully unaware of the last, oh say 25 years:

Taxes on Greyhound racing in Florida put about 24 million in the state treasury each year. Some are pushing to end the sport, and thousands of jobs and millions of dollars are at stake.  Of course that 24 mil is down from $76 million in 1990, and actually it's not $24 million anyway as last year only about $1.5 million was collected, but you know, one number is as good as another when you're just filling air time.

Using reports to the state would show 70 dogs died last year, animal activists are pushing lawmakers to end dog racing, and by "animal activists" we mean anyone who thinks dogs dying in a futile quest to suck a few more bucks out of a dead industry is a bad thing.

Breeder Gene Gurley, who has been a Greyhound breeder since 1961, counters that it doesn't make sense for him to mistreat his dogs. When asked to comment specifically on the issue of dogs dying, Gurley glanced down his page of talking points and said, "How about 'all dogs get adopted.' You like that one?"

And Jack Cory, who represents the breeders in front of Florida legislators, says the 70 dogs who died make up less than one percent of all the dogs that raced in Florida. He blames tracks for the majority of deaths and injuries. "We're the real victims here," Cory said. If those tracks didn't make us race our dogs on their unsafe surfaces we could keep the animal rights wackos off our backs."

Now see there Schroeder? Don't you feel bad because you ran on all those unsafe tracks and made nice Mr. Cory get yelled at?

Schroeder is 2 1/2 years old. He is good with cats and small dogs.  For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

People tell us we're too hard on the overlords. Ironicus, they say, just because they are reanimated bags of stillborn worm effluvia who were dropped on their heads as infants and lack the gene for compassion giving them all the empathy of a wounded scorpion is no reason to cal them names.

Well, OK. In the interests of Fair and Balanced we'll entertain that thought. What would be a good reason to call them names? The fact that they're trying to keep a dead industry alive so they don't have to go out and get real jobs? The fact that everybody is getting tired of propping up their dead industry? The fact that even other aspects of the gambling industry don't want to have anything to do with their dead industry? The fact that even people who aren't involved in decisions about their dead industry are getting involved just long enough to say, "Dump these losers. It's a dead industry." 

Wait, you don't have to choose. Even better, why don't we let one of the overlords speak for himself. We mean, why should we expend all that energy pointing out the obvious when every time an overlord opens his or her mouth they do a much better job than we ever could explaining to people that the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit is a career choice just below Satan's chauffeur. Take it away Dick (no pun intended) Adler:

This article had one of the most sensationalist and misleading headlines I've ever seen in "Florida's Best Newspaper." I mean, an article about greyhounds dying at the tracks that used the word "Died" in the headline? What kind of irresponsible journalism is that? What's next? Articles on the sports page that have headlines telling us which team won? That way lies madness I tell you.

Derby Lane runs eight programs per week, with 15 races per program, for a total of 120 per week, or almost exactly 500 per month and still the track loses money like a drunken sailor with holes in his pockets. With eight dogs in each race, the total comes to 4,000 entries per month, or 28,000 in the seven months covered in the story which proves the point we've made all along that greyhounds love to run when we make them. Add in schooling races and the total rises to at least 30,000. Of that number, there were 12 deaths, and I'm not sure all of those were race-related because it doesn't count if the dog dies off the track. Even if they were, that amounts to a death rate of 0.04 percent (four one-hundredths of 1 percent), which is an incredibly good safety record. Yet it didn't even rate one sentence in the massively slanted article. It's like your reporter was more concerned with the well being of the dogs than our ability to manipulate statistics and I ask you, is that what journalism has come to today?

It should also be noted that the gaming camels would not even have gotten their noses under the tent if greyhound racing didn't provide a ready-made venue. Just look at other states that don't have greyhound racing. Do you see any gambling casinos in those states? I didn't think so. And now they want to bite off the hand that enables them to feed. Well, to be fair, bite off the hand that's dragging down their profits by requiring continual subsidies to stay afloat, but let's not quibble over semantics.

Finally, the vast majority of retired greyhounds are either adopted or return to the farms and it doesn't matter  that by now you know that isn't true because we're going to keep saying it anyway. One hundred percent of mine that aren't killed get adopted through the excellent adoption programs that exist, both locally and nationally. This is possible because retirement is an ongoing process of avoiding responsibility by dumping perfectly healthy, but money losing greyhounds on the public, with a limited number being retired at any one time as I rotate my inventory. What do you think will happen if every racing greyhound is suddenly "retired" at the same time? Unfortunately, I think the answer is obvious. Obvious because it's a stupid argument. First of all all greyhounds would not be retired at the same time, even if they were the public outcry would force the authorities to step in and protect the dogs like they did when Dairyland closed. So the whole argument is idiotic, but hey, I'm an idiot so you've got to give me some points for consistency.

The article may have done enormous — and needless — damage to both the greyhound racing industry and the greyhounds themselves. Well, actually publicizing this sort of thing helps the greyhounds because it raises public awareness about an inherently cruel and barbaric industry, but since no one gives a rat fart for the industry I'm just hoping some of that compassion will rub off on us.

Yeah, well nice try there Mr. Adler, but we're thinking it's gonna be a no go on the compassion thing, right Gryffindor?

Gryff's tail never stops wagging. He is always cheerful and smiling. He loves a good scratch on his hindquarters and a  friend to play and snuggle with. He is an outgoing and friendly guy who is always ready to go anywhere and do anything with you! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Department of High Energy Responsibility Avoidance here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The DOHERA is a division of the You Made Us Do It Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of Why do You Keep Looking At Us Like That, Inc.

If you follow the news you may have noticed that the last week wasn't very kind to the overlords in Florida, due to a new regulation that forces the overlords to report inventory breakage...erm...we mean greyhound deaths at the tracks. As you may imagine, when people with souls read that a greyhound dies every three days at a Florida track they were a wee might upset and took their ire out on the committed, caring professionals who care for the units...erm...greyhounds.

Well, never one to accept a responsibility they can dodge, or face up to the fact that the heartless exploitation of innocent creatures in the futile quest for profits reflects a moral compass better suited to a scorpion, they immediately took to the nearest media outlets to defend themselves by, you guessed it, blaming someone else.

The Florida Greyhound Association and its affiliate, the National Greyhound Association, are defending the treatment of the racing dogs in response to an article in the Sunday Miami Herald and Tampa Bay Times that reported that 74 dogs have died on race track property since the state started keeping records in May.

"First of all we resent the media hype surrounding this issue," said Jack Cory, lobbyist for the Florida Greyhound Association. "These dogs didn't 'die' at the track. They were simply retired with extreme prejudice, that's all."

"1(sic) early death of a Greyhound is to (sic) many, BUT unfortunately accidents and illness happen with death resulting everywhere in Day Care Centers,'' Cory wrote.

"I'm sure we've all been touched by the sight of a pre-schooler coming out of the far turn, tripping over a loose shoelace and going down," Corey continued. "It's unfortunate. It's sad, but it's part of life."

"Nursing Homes, Hospitals even at DCF where 432 Children died from Abuse and Neglect in 2012. I am not comparing a Greyhound to a Child but accidents and illness do happen with death resulting!

Who hasn't been affected by the sight of eight octogenarians getting their walkers tangled in the first turn and going into the wall, or hospital patients losing control of their hospital beds on the backstretch and crashing into one another, or foster children forced to race in extreme weather conditions? It's heartbreaking, but it happens.

They are unfortunate and many could be stopped with our 3 point safety plan!"

When asked to detail the points in the safety plan Corey gave this breakdown:
1. Stop passing transparency laws
2. Don't allow media or regulators on the tracks
3.  Take our word for it

Later Corey's office issued a press release in response to the newspaper stories spreading across the state.

 The Division of Parimutuel Wagering (PMW) does NOT have a Report! Instead they have 212 pages of emails and faxes, many of them confusing. We mean dogs are dying and getting injured all over the place every day! Who can keep track of all that?

Not one case was opened for animal abuse or neglect. Not one! The Florida Greyhound Association and the National Greyhound Association have a zero tolerance  for any animal abuse and neglect. Now, killing an animal outright in the service of profit for us, that's a different story, but abusing, or neglecting? Not us buddy.

There were over 8,000 racing Greyhounds in Florida during 2013 unfortunately 70 of them died,  but that was less than 1%. What other warehousing operation can boast of an inventory breakage rate of 1% huh? Just name one.

This is very sad but should not be exploited by out of state radical "Animal Rights" groups, for political or fund raising purposes,  that condoned the killing of 250,000 Shelter Pets in Florida last year. I have no idea how that last phrase fits with the first one, but the point is CAN WE CHANGE THE SUBJECT PLEASE?

 If Live Greyhound Racing were reduced or eliminated these 8,000 beautiful Greyhounds would be put at risk of becoming someone's pet.

 Over 50 % died because of the Track Related circumstances and Track Managements Failures! 37 Greyhounds died because of Track Related circumstances and the Track Management's failure to maintain their Compound properly. Legislation may be necessary to stop track owners from making us race our dogs on their tracks.

The Florida Greyhound Association and the National Greyhound Association have a very strong safety and inspection program on the farms. Sure, when they get to the tracks it's a crap shoot as to whether they'll survive or not, but on the farms they're safe.

Hmmm...we never thought of that. See Charlie? If you had just stayed on the farm you wouldn't have risked getting killed or injured every time you raced, so it's your fault!

Charlie is playful, happy, and curious about the world around him. He is very affectionate, adaptable, and loves to go on walks/car rides and is very happy meeting new people at meet and greet activities. Although Charlie gets along very well with his two other doggie roommates, he is not currently prepared to be introduced to a home with cats or other small animals. Charlie would do best with another dog and an active family (without young children) that will include him in their activities. He has a problem with sleep startle and his foster family is working very hard with him to overcome this problem. Charlie is looking for a patient, loving, stable, and committed forever family that will be invested in helping him reach his fullest potential. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Read more here: http://miamiherald.typepad.com/nakedpolitics/2014/02/greyhound-industry-responds-.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://miamiherald.typepad.com/nakedpolitics/2014/02/greyhound-industry-responds-.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://miamiherald.typepad.com/nakedpolitics/2014/02/greyhound-industry-responds-.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://miamiherald.typepad.com/nakedpolitics/2014/02/greyhound-industry-responds-.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://miamiherald.typepad.com/nakedpolitics/2014/02/greyhound-industry-responds-.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://miamiherald.typepad.com/nakedpolitics/2014/02/greyhound-industry-responds-.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://miamiherald.typepad.com/nakedpolitics/2014/02/greyhound-industry-responds-.html#storylink=cpy

Friday Hound Blogging

Hey, you remember back in school when you had that crush and you wondered if the feelings were mutual? Remember how you would rack your brain trying to decode whatever the object of your affection said, or did (or didn't do)? Perhaps you even went as far as to write the classic note "I like you. Do You like me? Check one: Yes.   No.   Not Sure.   Don't make me get a restraining order." OK that last may be more particular to our experiences with affairs of the heart, but the point is, sometimes it's wicked hard to discern people's feelings.

And sometimes it's not.

Proposed legislation would phase out dog racing over the course of several years. Iowa's two remaining dog tracks -- Mystique Casino in Dubuque and Bluffs Run in Council Bluffs -- would pay a combined settlement of $70 million to greyhound breeders. $15 million would come from Mystique, which operates as a non-profit organization owned by the city of Dubuque, and the remaining $55 million would come from Harrah's, the private company that owns Bluffs Run.

 Seventy million dollars top make the overlords go away. Seventy Million! That's like putting a check the size of Montana next to NO. And $70 million's more money that the overlords make in...well in forever because the overlords don't make money.

“It’s not a business model that can sustain itself on its own,” said Bo Guidry, executive director of Harrah’s and Horseshoe casinos. “Since 1991, wagering in Iowa on live greyhounds has declined by 95 percent. We are being forced to subsidize an industry that has passed its time.”

Well, technically Mr. Guidry, greyhound racing isn't a "business model" at all. It's the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for minimal profit that causes untold suffering, injury and death to thousands of greyhounds a year by treating them as commodities without rights, feelings, or needs so that a handful of scruple-free losers can avoid gainful labor, but let's not quibble about the terminology right now and get back to that $70 mil you're willing to pay to send the overlords to Walmart greeter school.

Guidry said that for nearly two decades his casino has had to provide up to $10 million a year in subsidies to keep the track running with nothing in return.

Now that's a little harsh Mr. Guidry, don't you think? We mean, it's probably not true that you got nothing in return.  There's the devaluing of property around the tracks, the increase in crime, the urban blight, the drunks and drug addicts. OK, so that's not the kind of experience you want customers coming to the casino to have, but look at the bright side...OK there is no bright side. Seventy mil is cheap, let's get these losers out of here, right Reputable?

I am a very laid back, handsome boy. I am very friendly. I love everyone I meet. I need to be coaxed into crate a little bit but once I’m in there, I’m okay. I’m very curious, inquisitive and smart. I’m very gentle at taking treats. I haven’t yet seen a cat or a small dog. I am fine with my foster’s mid-size dogs. I love playing with my squeaky toys. I am learning how to go up and down the stairs but I still need to work on it to get better. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Cloud update: Cloud is adopted! Happy forever couch dude!

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall a time before the current ice age when the earth, now barren, windswept and empty was once lush, green and fecund...erm...we mean will recall the name O'Donnell which to greyhound racing is like the name Ford to automobiles, Harley Davidson to motorcycles, or Boehner to incompetence.

And speaking of incompetence, that brings us back to the current O'Donnell in the news, one James "Barney" who seems to think that the mere fact that a person is deceased should not preclude that person from carrying out his official functions.

One of the largest greyhound kennel operators in the state used the signature of a dead Miami veterinarian to forge the vaccination records of dogs racing in South Florida, St. Petersburg and Jacksonville, according to a complaint filed last week by state regulators.

First of all we have to give credit to the state regulators for actually attempting to regulate. This represents an important departure from their usual approach to oversight which might be best described as laissez faire except when they're not paying any attention at all.

But back to our story. It seems James  "Barney" has come to the attention of somnambulant regulatory officials both for what he wasn't injecting his dogs with, and for what he was.

Last year, during unannounced inspections, state investigators found syringes in his kennel which they said tested positive for a variety of anabolic steroids, including testosterone, boldenone, and androstenedione.

 "Hey, testosterone, rabies vaccination. How am I supposed to know the difference?" James "Barney" said. "My Vet died you know." Well, that is a point JB. Didn't you get a replacement?

O’Donnell said Vega’s assistant assumed care of the dogs. “After Dr. Vega died [the assistant] said, I’m taking over,’ I said, `Alright.’ And he came and vaccinated the dogs.”

It turns out the "assistant" was actually one of James "Barney'" childhood friends. You know, the kind that only he could see?

O’Donnell said in recent weeks he began looking for the assistant now that questions are being raised. “Right now I’m trying to find the man and I can’t find him,” he said. “I’m trying to find him to see if he is still alive too.” O’Donnell said he just assumed the man was legitimate. “He used to come with Vega and then sometimes he’d come alone, if we had vaccinations sometimes he’d show up by himself,” O’Donnell said. Was he a licensed vet himself? “I can’t answer that, I never asked him,” O’Donnell admitted. “I never asked to see his credentials.” O’Donnell said in hindsight that was a mistake.

Hey, don't be so hard on yourself James "Barney." After all, if you think about it, you're whole career is based on not asking too many questions. Questions like what's in the food? Where are you taking these dogs? Is that leg broken? Sometimes it's better not to know, right? Well, better for you. For the dogs, not so much.

Investigators also claimed they found an unknown substance inside two Absolut vodka bottles. Although clearly suspicious, investigators from the state’s Department of Business and Professional Regulation never bothered to have the contents analyzed.

"Truth be told, Wally emptied the bottles on the way back to the office," a spokeswoman for the agency said. "Guy has a bit of a drinking problem, but you would too if your job was to watch over a bunch of losers, idiots and sociopaths like we do. Anyway he's no worse for wear as a result. In fact he's been looking pretty buff lately."

Maybe he can get on with a major league baseball team. So what are you going to do about old JB now that he forced you to leave the coffee shop and drive out to his kennel.

The state is now asking an administrative law judge to revoke O'Donnell's license to race greyhounds and fine him $96,000.

Whoa! $96,000. That's some serious coinage right there. But dudes, JB is 84 years old. He's been an overlord all his life and he has two things to show for it: Diddly and Squat. You'll be lucky to get 96 cents out of the guy. Wait, maybe his friends in the industry can help out.

The operators of the racetracks in Jacksonville and Hallandale Beach said they have suspended O'Donnell's contract as of Monday morning, banning his dogs from racing there.

Oh now that's just piling on right there. Won't anyone stand with James "Barney?" After all the guy's been an overlord for 60 years. Think of all the contributions he made to the industry in those 60 years. All the sacrifice. OK, so it was the dogs that did all of the sacrificing, but let's not quibble. Is there no one who will come to James "Barney's" aid?

Gary Rutledge, lawyer for the Derby Lane in St. Petersburg, said that track's contract is with O'Donnell's wife, Pauline O'Donnell, who has not been charged and her dogs will continue to race.

Kudos to you Mr. Rutledge! Finally someone who truly understands the credo of the greyhound racing industry: Anything for a buck. "We're a small industry and so we're like family," Rutledge said. "The Manson family, but family just the same." No argument here Mr. Rutledge. What do you think Willis?

I am a very happy, playful boy. I am very smart and will make a great family member. I am housebroken and don’t mind being in my crate. I get along great with small dogs. I can go up and down the stairs. I love to go for walks and play with toys. I would do well with older, well-behaved children. I have loved everyone I have met. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Cloud update: Cloud is a fast learner that strives to please. He's playful, obedient, and will lay with his head in your lap and get his ears scratched for hours.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall how the lilting voice of youth brought forth on the spring scented breeze of hope and promise is now the razor winter wind of age and disappointment mocking our dreams...erm...we mean will recall back a few years ago when we opined on the decision by Eastern New Mexico University (Motto: All Our Majors Come With Fries!) to exploit a couple of greyhounds because that was their team name, and since their teams generally suck gravel through a straw they had to give the people some reason to buy tickets.

Well, to be fair we have to say that the football team went 7 -3 this year but that was mostly due to playing such stiff competition as the Air Force Academy JV team. We should also point out that they lost to the   University of the Incarnate Word (The What?) which, we understand, is a convent.

But back to our story. So president Steve Gamble (PhD, Angeline's College of Facial Massage, Class of '75) OK'd storing a couple of greyhounds on campus somewhere and trotting them out in front of a bunch of drunken fans from time to time to try and distract attention from what was happening on the field. Now, at this point you might think we are going to refer to president Gamble as an overlord. After all, he's engaging in overlord behavior, bringing a couple of innocent living creatures on campus to be marketing tools like free key-chain give aways, or 20% off coupons for the local tanning salon, and we would like nothing better than to do so. Unfortunately, president Gamble isn't smart enough to be an overlord. Say what you will about the overlords (and goodness knows we do) they at least know enough about greyhounds to recognize potential and can tell when a dog just isn't suited to their needs. Gamble, apparently isn't even that aware because one of the dogs he caused to be conscripted to the University never made it as a mascot.

So time passes as time often does and now the two original greyhounds have gotten to that age when they need to be dumped on someone else because they are no longer useful to the university. Perhaps president Gamble can reflect over these past years, and the ethics of animal exploitation. Perhaps the experience he has had opened his eyes to the fact that greyhounds are unique living creatures with rights and needs that supersede his desire to have a cute little conceit accompanying his sports teams. Perhaps president Gamble is dumber than boiled water on the moon. 

Nicknamed Deuce and Trey, the puppies will replace the male half of Vic and Tory, a pair of rescued racing greyhounds who were brought on as the school mascots in 2009.

"We think getting puppies is better than getting older dogs," said Yvonne Tillman, a member of a group of students called Hound Handlers who take care of the school’s mascots. "That way we'll get more years out of them before we have to abandon them like Vic and Tory. Sort of like buying a new car instead of a used one. You expect it will last longer before you have to junk it out."

The original Vic has been struggling with arthritis and vision difficulties while Tory never took to the mascot role. "That Tory would freak every time we brought him into the stadium," said Vice President of Student Affairs Judith Haislett. "It was kind of funny except he would pee all over the place and shiver like it was 40 below. Never did figure out what his problem was. And as for Vic, well, he's starting to cost us money now so it's time for him to move on. We're not a school of Veterinary Medicine here you know."

The mascots live in a house on Cherry Street, and have two student roommates who look after them while they are home. During the day, the hounds will be on campus, and Hound Handlers will handle them from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. everyday.

 "We figure if we set it up right the dogs will never have a moment's peace," Haislett said. "And since their handlers are all students there will be a constant turnover of people so they won't be able to get used to those caring for them, but that's OK because most of the people caring for them don't know anything about dogs anyway,"

“It is nice to be recognized with the dogs, and you get to tell the community about the dogs. Everyone thinks it is super cool,” Tillman said. "Well, except the people who think exploiting innocent living creatures for something as trivial as a third rate sports program at a minor university in the boondocks of New  Mexico is even worse than making them run around a track for a couple measly bucks."

Hmmm....mascot or racer. Which would you rather be Daisy? What's that? You feel like you've been used by others enough and you just want to be somebody's pet? Sounds reasonable, but stay out of New Mexico.

I am a very sweet, playful, and overall good dog. I love to play with my toys. I do really well when I go for car rides. I haven’t tried to go up and down the stairs yet so I’m not sure about them. I am housebroken. I love to go for walks and I don’t even pull on my leash. I need a little coaxing to go in my crate but once I’m there, I’m fine. I love the two other Greyhounds in my foster home. I have seen little dogs through the fence and I am fine with them but I would have to meet one in person to see how I get along. I cannot live with kitties. I love everyone I meet and I’m not afraid of anybody. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Cloud update: He's playful, obedient, and will lay with his head in your lap and get his ears scratched for hours.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Department of ReDUMBdancy Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The DORD is a division of the What Part Of Stupid Don't You Get Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of Put Your Stick Away, That Horse Is Dead, NA.

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall the despicable face of eventuality which, for so many years hid behind the mask of idealistic youth...erm...we mean will recall friend of the blog and Donald Trump wannabe Phil Ruffin. Mr. Ruffin is the overlord who owns the Wichita Death Camp for Greyhounds. Well, owned is probably a better word since the track went belly up in 2007 when the voters of the area told him, "Hey Phil. You think greyhound racing is an actual thing a fully functioning human being should be engaged in? Go ahead then, we're not going to give you cover by letting you use the income from slots to subsidize the continued heartless exploitation of these poor dogs for no profit." Or words to that effect.

So Phil folded his tent and now presides over the mouldering remains of his once mighty money losing empire out there off I-135 next to the abandoned strip mall. Picture a dystopian scene of broken buildings and cracked pavement under a somber sky. A desultory breeze blows old newspapers across the empty parking lot which once held tens of cars. Somewhere in the distance a crow calls out. Locals believe the place has bad Juju and won't go near it.

Well, old Phil is not one to give up easily, or maybe he can only hold one thought at at time, but whatever, instead of actually trying to do something positive with the land, he's spent the last seven years trying to convince anyone who would listen--and believe us that's a pretty small demographic--that a bright future looms for the senseless injuring and killing of innocent living creatures--if they will just let him have slots to subsidize it.

Wichita Greyhound Park operator Phil Ruffin plans to try again to get legislation passed in Topeka that would allow him to add slot machines at the park so he can reopen it.
Ruffin would invest between $50 million and $100 million to renovate the facility on I-135 in Park City if he could install the slot machines, said his lobbyist, George Wingert, on Friday.

 Mr. Wingert would not comment on the report that the $50 million to $100 million was Monopoly money, explaining that he had just taken Mr. Ruffin on as a client after getting fired from his cab driving position and deciding to become a lobbyist. "He responded to the flyer I nailed to the telephone pole over on Cedar Street," Wingert said. "So we really haven't had much time to talk yet because my mom took the message."

Wingert said there is more optimism about getting a bill passed this time because of the success of the Kansas Star Casino in Mulvane, just across the southern Sedgwick County line in Sumner County.

 "Casino style gambling is where it's at," Wingert explained. "Slots, table games, the excitement, the big payoffs. It's what people want. It's why they come out, for the total experience. There's nothing that can compare. Oh, and greyhound racing, We want to do that too. No really. We do. I guess. Like I said, I haven't really had a chance to meet with Mr. Ruffin yet, although if you ask me doing over what closed your business down in the first place doesn't seem like the smartest business move, but I'm just a cab driver...I mean a lobbyist."

Sen. Ralph Ostmeyer, R-Grinnell, who chairs the Senate Federal and State Affairs Committee, where gambling issues often start out, said he doesn’t see such a bill succeeding this year.
“That’s been an on-going deal and I don’t see that going anywhere. I don’t think there’s enough votes in the Legislature,” he said. “I’m not getting any pressure to work it.”

 "And that's why were so excited and optimistic about this legislative session," Wingert said. "At least I think it is. I really need to talk to Ruffin."

Not sure that's going to help there Georgie boy. After all, old Phil has been "excited and optimistic" for seven years now and so far all he has to show for it is several acres of urban blight. What do you think Boom?

I am full of adventure. I am a very sweet and loving boy. I love people and to get attention. I am a very obedient and easy dog. Because I am young, I get bored so I need to have some kind of periodic activity. I get along great with kitties and dogs of all size. I am housebroken. I am learning to go up and down the stairs but haven’t perfected it yet. My foster mom and dad are working with me to help me get better at it. I love to play with my squeaky toys. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Cloud update: This sweet boy loves his toys! Cloud is a fast learner that strives to please.