OK, Quit With The Applause

We're going to be dimming the lights on this blog. Not shutting them off entirely, but as the bard said, "There Are More Things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio. ... Than are written of in your blog," and while we're not sure why anyone would name their kid Horatio, we have to admit, we get the point.

Ironicus was about pointing and laughing because when the stupid is thick and the idiots are thicker it's all we could do--other than crawl in a hole and pull the good earth over ourselves. But if we've learned anything on this blog it's that there are more people out there who deserve not to be allowed into adult society than we have fingers to point, or strength to laugh.

So we're taking a different tack as it were, an alternate direction, another path. Two thoughts diverged in a silly blog, and we sat on a stump and yelled at the birds. Or something, we may not be remembering that correctly. Anyway,  come visit if you like, but notice we said dimming the lights, not turning them off. We'll be back from time to time to direct a digit and share a guffaw because, as the bard also said, "Though age from folly could not give me freedom, It does from childishness." Well, occasionally anyway. It's not a perfect system, you know? Oh look, Louis Gohmert is talking. Let's go over...OK, OK. Maybe next week...

Friday Hound Blogging

Oh you think March Madness is about basketball? Reader Please. Well, maybe in some places like here in Spartanville (65 - 54 IN YOUR FACE VALPO!!) but in Texas march madness is what the overlords are experiencing because those daggum latte sippin', tree huggin', Birkenstock wearin', animal rights wackos have come to town and just upset the apple cart.

• As many as 700 dogs are kept at Gulf Greyhound Park, in small cages that are barely large enough for the dogs to stand up or turn around.

• Between 2008 and 2011, a total of 1,507 greyhound injuries were reported at Gulf Greyhound Park. The most commonly reported injury was a broken leg, and other reported injuries include puncture wounds, lacerations, paralysis and a fractured skull.

• Like other states, dog racing is dying in Texas. The total amount gambled on greyhound racing has declined by 61% since 2007, while dog track attendance has fallen by 52%.

• In recent years Texas greyhound trainers have been cited for animal neglect, cruel live lure training, and dog race drug positives.

• Greyhounds are fed raw "4-D" meat from diseased animals that has been deemed unfit for human consumption as a way to reduce costs.

• Six greyhounds died in 2012 at Gulf Greyhound Park from an apparent outbreak of the dog flu.

And they're Yankees to boot!

Now, to add insult to reality, the local newspaper picked up on the story (subscription required, but don't bother, we'll use our mad inter toob skillzz to bring you the naughty parts:

Racing dogs spend most of their lives, as much as 22 hours a day, warehoused in stacked cages measuring 3 feet tall, 3 feet wide and 4 feet deep, according to the report.

The groups also take issue with the practice of feeding racing dogs “4-D” meat. The name comes from a U.S. Department of Agriculture designation of meat from cattle that were “dead, dying, disabled or diseased” when they reached the slaughterhouse.
“The meat from these carcasses is boned, and the meat is packaged or frozen without heat processing,” according to the USDA’s website.

Even cast in the best light, greyhound racing is an inherently cruel form of entertainment, the groups argue.
The report notes that between January 2008 and December 2011, dogs suffered 1,507 injuries at Gulf Greyhound Park. The most common injury was broken legs at 19 percent, followed by other fractures at 12 percent, torn muscles and ligaments at 15 percent and pulled muscles at 15 percent.
During the same period, 56 dogs either died from or were put down because of injury, according to the report.

Perhaps the bottom line for the animal welfare groups is a general decline in attendance and amounts gambled at Texas dog tracks.
Attendance at Texas dog tracks has fallen 45 percent, from more than 450,000 visitors a year in 2007 to slightly more than 250,000 in 2011, according to the report.

Industry leaders have testified that the future “looks very bleak” for Texas dog racing without slot machines at dog tracks, according to testimony quoted in the report.

Did we mention they were Yankees?

Well, as you might imagine this put a burr under the saddle of Gulf Greyhound Park General Manager Sally Briggs who got her Word-A-Day calender out, sharpened her best pencil (and not the eraser end either like last time) and fired off a missive to the local paper. If you're wondering why none of the other managers at greyhound tracks in Texas joined her crusade, it's because there are no other tracks in Texas. Apparently, everything is bigger in Texas, except greyhound racing.

Now, as near as we can tell, the letter hasn't been published, but because of our mad investigative skillzz, we have obtained a copy which we will now share with you as an example of the intellectual acumen, rhetorical expertise, and logical prowess inherent in the heartless exploitation of innocent animals for profit industry...um...we mean greyhound racing.

The March 17 story on Texas greyhound racing shows how animal rights activists present their propaganda claims as fact, even when those claims defy logic and common sense.

Gotcha right there animal rights wackos. If there's anyone who knows about defying logic and common sense, it's an overlord. We mean, these are people who've watched tracks close all over the country, greyhound racing get outlawed in several states, and abandoned by state governments in others, yet they can say, "The world of Greyhound racing is alive, well and growing."

Racing greyhounds must be well cared for in order to perform at their best.

OK, that could be true, except what usually happens is a dog is brought in, raced until it doesn't make money, they booted and another dog takes its place. So we have to remember that when overlords talk about their industry, it's the fantasy version they are describing, not the one where dogs die every day.

Similarly, greyhounds are turned out for exercise 4-5 times daily in order to ensure that they remain in top condition. When they’re not racing or exercising, they prefer to rest...

Ha! What do you say to that animal rights wackos? The overlords have such a bond with the units...erm...dogs that they know what they are thinking! Hey, what if we asked to them to find how how the dogs feel about risking life and limb every day so the overlords can stay out of the workforce. What do you think they would say?

 Yeah. That's what we thought.

Good nutrition is another key to the health of racing greyhounds. The meat they consume is the same highly nutritious meat used in the commercial pet foods most of us give our pets every day.

And by "most of us" they mean people who don't like their pets very much. 

Skin diseases, allergies, immune deficiencies, liver and kidney disease and cancer are some of the chronic health issues facing pet owners today. Mounting research suggests unhealthy ingredients common in many brands of commercial food may cause these chronic diseases. A growing number of veterinarians have reported that diets rich in fresh, whole, healthy foods have made a remarkable difference in treating chronic disease, and in helping to prevent disease in healthy pets.

On the bright side, the overlords usually don't keep a dog around long enough to see the results of 4D food, so no harm no foul, right?

Veterinary records show that injuries occur in fewer than one-quarter of one percent per 1,000 racing starts. The vast majority of those injuries are relatively minor, allowing the dogs to return to racing after a week or two.

Whoa, math! Can't argue with numbers, but here's our question: The overlords can tell us right down to the second decimal place how many dogs are injured, but when it comes to telling us how many of those injuries are serious, the best they can do is say the "vast majority" aren't. Break your calculator there, Ms.  Briggs?

When a return to racing is not possible, the greyhounds transition successfully to life in an adoptive home.

Right. Well, except for those who don't. Bet you're glad you were in the lucky category, huh  Dino?

Dino is a very friendly and playful boy who loves kids of all ages. He follows his foster mom all over the house.He doesn't  mind the crate once he's in there. Dino gets along well with large dogs and cats but hasn't had a chance to meet any small dogs yet, but since he likes the kitty that’s in his foster home, he probably would do well with small dogs too. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Maybe for The Next Anniversary The Bush Administration Could All Go On A Nice Cruise. And Get A Norovirus

Man. Has it been ten years already? What is the tenth anniversary anyway? Nobody seems to agree. Some say tin, some aluminum, some diamonds (we're thinking the first two suggestions come from the gifters, and the third from the giftee).

Well, protocol aside, we'd be willing to call it even if the Iraqi's would just pony up for the cost of the war like they are supposed to. Of course there has been some inflation. Originally the price of capturing all of Saddam's weapons of mass destruction was $700 billion. Turns out we will spend about $6 trillion (if you count things like missing arms and legs). A little higher than we expected, but that does include the gratuity.

We can understand why the Iraqi's have been late with their payment though. Since we gave them a free and prosperous country they've been busily trying to blow it to pieces, restore levels of corruption to pre-invasion levels, and just generally make each others' lives miserable. Sort of like the republican platform, but without the sense of humor.

The war actually started before Ironicus became Maximus, but we do remember our first ever post dealing with it. Turns out we were pretty prescient, huh, spreading the blame around like that. The only group we left out was the press but you can't really blame them for blowing the whole government oversight, watchdog thing because that's the year Queer Eye for the Straight Guy debuted. Game changer man, game changer!

Get The Next Scene Set Up And Send That Bearded Guy Over There To Get Me A Latte

We have to admit we haven't been watching the Bible miniseries on the tee vee because, well, we know how it ends. SPOILER ALERT: Jesus gets whacked and a few days later goes all zombie on Mary Madalena's holy buttocks causing her to be the first person in history to exclaim, "Christ! You scared the bejesus out of me!"

Now that's if you believe Mark's version, which he later wrote Mary out of entirely. Matthew and John just had Jesus pop up near his tomb, but Luke had SoG first appear near Emmaus, several miles from Jerusalem. Unfortunately no one in Emmaus would confirm nor deny Luke's report, so the authorities are hoping someone saw something and will contact them at 1 800 Saw Jesus.

All of which has nothing to do with why we are writing this. Our sole purpose here is to once again use our mad catechismic skillz to correct what is obviously an egregious error on the part of the series Director, one Mark Burnett.

TV mogul Mark Burnett is convinced he felt the presence of God while filming new religious epic The Bible in the Moroccan desert after a timely gust of wind swept through the set after a speech by Jesus Christ.

 Mr. Burnett seems to think that the omnipotent, omniscient, eternal ruler of the universe would visit his little movie set and, just at the right time, puff a puff of wind through the set so they didn't have to turn on the wind machine. Now, Mr. Burnett we can't say for certain if Jehovah visited your little set or not, but we do know one thing, if the god of Abraham had appeared in your desert DO YOU THINK HE WOULD BE WORKING AS A GRIP! Gaffer maybe because of that whole let there be light thing, but Grip? Not a chance. Plus he'd probably want more than scale to work with you and just between you and us, we'd pay it. Look what happened to the Egyptians when they told Moses no. Just saying.

Friday Hound Blogging

Our old daddy used to say, "sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue." Recently in Arizona (see item 5) the overlords were trying to open up a simulcast facility so that the rubes who weren't coming to the track would have another, closer place not to go to and lose the rent money two dollars at a time betting on which greyhounds would be lucky enough to make it around the track without breaking something, or even more inconvenient for those investing their social security in a particular unit, dying.

See, this is where the industry is now, trying to to take over abandoned storefronts, throw up a tee vee or two and call it progress because even the overlords have figured out no more tracks will be opening, and as the ones left die off, the few remaining people stupid enough to want to go to a track will have to travel farther and farther to find one.

Even someone like overlord Tom Taylor ( who, btw, has the mental acuity of spray paint. His momma had him tested.) can figure that out, so he was trying to get an OTB place opened up at a local restaurant, which seemed like a done deal until:

Subject: Re: Agenda item 5 - Off track betting in Oracle

Good Morning....

The owner of the Oracle Inn has withdrew this item from the agenda....so the BOS will be removing it for good (unless sometime in the future he brings it back)...but for now he is not interested in having this at his establishment.

Sheri

 

Sheri Cluff

Clerk of the Board

P.O. Box 827

Florence, AZ  85132

So, to paraphrase our old daddy, Greyhounds, pigeons. Taylor, statue. That's a good look for him, don't you think Beth?

Beth is a very sweet and loving little girl who loves everyone she meets. She loves to be petted and wags her tail a lot because she is so happy. She loves other dogs and is cat safe. She knows how to go up and down the stairs and is housebroken. She does not mind being in her crate. She loves to go for walks and is great on the leash. She loves the older children she has met but has not met any young children yet.  Beth would be fine in a working home. Even though she has not met young children she would do well with well-behaved children of any age. She would be absolutely fine as an only dog in the home but loves other dogs so would also do well if there were other dogs. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Three Branches Of Government: Executive, Legislative And Unmedicated

OK, so when we're driving down the street and we see a police car, we expect that its occupant will know that we need to match our speed to that number on the sign, and if we are, will let us pass unmolested. If we go to the doctor we expect him or her to know which end of the stethoscope to insert into his or her ears before determining whether we should make any long term plans. And when we elect a politician to some political office, we expect that person to have some sort of understanding of the political process.

Apparently, the people in Oklahoma don't have as rigorous a set of requirements.

Still smarting over last year’s ruling upholding Obamacare, freshman Rep. Jim Bridenstine (R-(not)OK) dismissed the idea that the Supreme Court decides whether or not laws are constitutional. "Why would anyone think the Supreme Court has anything to do with interpreting the Constitution?" Bridenstine asked.

"Just because the Supreme Court rules on something doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s constitutional," he continued. "Do you think any of the Founding Fathers ever expected a black man to be president?"

So what we have to do as a body of Congress is say, “look, just because the courts” – and I hear this all the time from Republicans – they say that the court is the arbitrator and after the arbitration is done, that’s the rules we have to live under and we can go forth and make legislation given those rules. That’s not the case. A perfect example if Obamacare. Obamacare is not constitutional. I mean, have you looked at the man? Does he look like someone you'd want your daughter to bring home for dinner? Does he look like the kind of person who will make constitutional laws? Maybe laws about that there rap music, or laws that say you can wear your pants down around your ankles if you want to, but laws that affect white people? Not on your life."

Now, before you hurt yourself banging your head on the table, we have to tell you this is not the stupidest thing ever said by a republican, or any semi-sentient species for that matter. No, that honor belongs to another republican, representative Joe Barton, who was also the fellow who apologized to BP for all the inconvenience the government was causing them after they destroyed the Gulf. Yeah, that stupid. Top that Bridenstine.

Impertinens, Sed Facile*

We don't usually watch the tee vee news, but when we do, we drink Dos Equis. Muchos Dos Equis. That being said, we must admit to having the misfortune to be in the immediate vicinity of an operating electrical audio/optical reception device on several occasions since the recent unscheduled dismount of the Successor of the Prince of the Apostles and we've noticed the talking heads who inhabit the aforementioned moving picture boxes seem obsessed with matters catholic.

This has given us pause. What's the big deal thinks us? Sure there are approximately 78 million mackerel snappers in America, but that means there are about 212 million citizens who wouldn't know their dominus from their vobiscum. Plus most of the candle snuffers in these here formerly United States don't much listen to the old guy anyway.

Odd. We mean, here's a bunch of old dudes getting together in what's basically a museum (oh, now there's some ironicus for you, no?) to pick the next old white guy who will spend the rest of his life wearing funny hats and being politely ignored, and these Walter Cronkite wannabes are on the story like Karl Rove on a billionaire.

But the problem is there is no story. Since no one pays attention to Peter's posse in between popes, the press, and especially the American press have no idea what to report, so they're reduced to making it up as they go along. Want to know the front runner? Well, we have no idea, but if we did, this is what we'd say...Want to talk about the impact on church policies that the new pope will have? Well, we don't know much about how the church operates, but if we did...Oh, and PERVS!!! but you already knew that.

So what they're left with is a horse race they can't handicap, policies that they're not familiar with, and are mostly insignificant to their viewers anyway, and most of it is done in Latin.

This is what's been leading the news lately.

An aside: What ever happened to SEQUESTAPOCALYPSE?

Then it hit us, this is the perfect story for the modern corporate media. An "election" without all those pesky policies and positions to get in the way of gossip, innuendo and jockeying for position. It's the perfect storm of vacuity, irrelevancy and intrigue! Oh, now if only one of the cardinals would have a gaffe, like saying 47% of catholics don't care who the pope is, or maybe if one of the cardinals is discovered to have an offshore bank account, or a half brother in Africa, or is being backed by a shady group of billionaires. Man! That's Pulitzer stuff right there.

If this goes on for a while they might even try to learn Latin.

*Irrelevant, but easy.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog remember when the future was a bright path under a cloudless sky and the dark and sinister clouds gathering on the horizon were hardly noticeable...erm...we mean will remember friend of the blog, overlord and knockabout scientist Rory Goree. Now, when last we visited Mr. Goree he had just been appointed to the Arizona Racing Commission due in no small part to the strength of his resume and his record as United Greyhound Racing, Director of Welfare and Advocacy, not to mention his full throated defense of the First Amendment. Also too, the cogency and professionalism of his arguments when facing the animal rights wackos.

Well, when you bring that much expertise and talent to your job, it shouldn't take long for your contribution to be noticed, so let's see what impact overlord Goree has had on the Commission, shall we?

We have now learned that shortly after we reported this troubling information about dogs racing on little rest, dog track regulators changed their official Daily Stewards Report forms. Sometime between July 2012 and January 2013, the Arizona Department of Racing made the following changes:

• It stopped publicly reporting the number of dogs that had raced on only two days of rest. Instead, the new form contains a check box titled "Dogs on 2 Days Rest Approved."

• It stopped publicly reporting whether there had been a "track safety meeting" that day.

• It removed an entire section of the Daily Stewards Report titled "Racing Comments." This is where regulators had been reporting on serious greyhound falls and other race incidents.

• It stopped publicly reporting whether any official hearings had been held at Tucson Greyhound Park.

 Now, this level of efficiency and transparency would be difficult to achieve even for someone with the expertise of Mr. Goree were it not for the support of a dedicated team and his boss, Arizona Department of Racing Director William Walsh, who is Obi Wan to Rory's Luke as Walsh's response to requests under the Arizona Public Records Law seems to be "these are not the documents you are looking for." Especially since we've shipped them off site.

Oh snap! You see what he did there? Pretty soon whenever anyone requests any documents referring to how greyhounds are treated at the track they'll get a sheet of Commission letterhead with the date...and that's it! You see, if no one knows how many dogs are injured or killed, how many race without adequate rest, or what a godawful shape the track is in, those things really aren't happening. That's like totally existential, right Buddy?

Buddy is a very friendly but a little shy around new people. He is a little nervous when dogs bark at him. He loves to be petted and doesn't mind being in the crate. He will even go in on his own to take naps. Buddy loves to go for walks and does really well on the leash. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Rand Paul Thinks That Buzzing Sound May Not Be Due To The Fact He Didn't Take His Medication

Oh, looky looky here. Rand Paul took to the floor of the Senate yesterday to engage in an old fashioned filibuster designed to block the nomination of John Brennen to the CIA. Typical republican obstructionism, and who better to obstruct than crazy old Rand Paul.

So what are you going to talk about Randy baby? How health care is slavery?  How we could do away with the criminal justice system if everyone would just accept Jesus Christ as their personal lord and savior? How the UN is going to come and take all our guns?  Come on Senator Gonzo, lay it on us:

“I rise today to begin to filibuster John Brennan’s nomination for the C.I.A.,” Mr. Paul began. “I will speak until I can no longer speak. I will speak as long as it takes, until the alarm is sounded from coast to coast that our Constitution is important, that your rights to trial by jury are precious, that no American should be killed by a drone on American soil without first being charged with a crime, without first being found to be guilty by a court.”

HAHAHAHAHA! Drone strikes on American citizens here in the US. What a loon. Where do republicans find these guys? Do we even need to respond to that Mr. Holder?

The Obama administration believes it could technically use military force to kill an American on U.S. soil in an "extraordinary circumstance."

See, Randy boy? We don't know what you've been smoking, but, wait what?

Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.), who had asked whether the Justice Department believed President Barack Obama had the legal authority to order a targeted strike against an American citizen located within the United States. The Obama administration, Holder said, rejected the use of military force where "well-established law enforcement authorities in this country provide the best means for incapacitating a terrorist threat." But in theory, it'd be legal for the president to order such an attack under certain circumstances, Holder said.

 Holy crap! We thought robot bombs were for blowing up brown children in foreign countries, but right here in America where collateral damage could be a MacDonalds, or an adult bookstore? Are you serious? When did Dick Cheney rejoin the administration?

"For example, the president could conceivably have no choice but to authorize the military to use such force if necessary to protect the homeland in the circumstances like a catastrophic attack like the ones suffered on December 7, 1941, and September 11, 2001," Holder continued, referring to the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor and the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon.

Really, so if we had another Pearl Harbor, instead of interring all the Asians you'd just target sushi places? Or if we had another 9/11 you'd what, take out Dearborn? 

We're not sure which is more scary, we voted for a guy who's willing to bomb his own country to protect us from a bunch of semi-illiterate religious fanatics hiding in caves around the world, or that Rand Paul is right.

If Charter Schools Are The Answer We Need Another Question

We just found out that here in the Water Winter Wonderland we have more private for profit charter schools than any other state in the union, which makes us number one in turning our children into commodities. Sure that doesn't sound like much, but when you're a state that's 13th in infant mortality, 14th in child poverty and 28th in children living in food insecure homes, being number one in something is important.

Besides, it's not like kids aren't profit centers in other states. It's the latest symptom of cancer capitalism as it metastasizes through what's left of our democracy, eating away at the social contract, replacing it with a tumor made of greed.  Oh sure, we were all told this was in the best interests of the children, but nobody much believes that anymore. Take Pennsylvania for example, where "The percentage of Pennsylvania charter schools that met academic benchmarks plummeted after the state Department of Education was forced to recalculate the performance rates." Or on a national level:

Across the 25 states in the study, a sample of 167 operating CMOs were identified for the years 2007 - 2011. CMOs on average are not dramatically better than non-CMO schools in terms of their contributions to student learning. The difference in learning compared to the Traditional Public school alternatives for CMOs is -.005 standard deviations in Math and .005 in reading; both these values are statistically significant, but obviously not materially different from the comparison (p. 6) (emphasis original)

CMO schools are part of corporate chains like KIPP schools that have the advantage of

1) creaming of top performers, 2) shoving out of low performers and discipline problems, 3) huge $$ advantages, 4) 10 hour school days, 5) laser focused test prep, etc., the rest of the CMOs can only say they are no better than the struggling public schools they were designed to replace.

So after 20 years and Lord only knows how much money, we're pretty much right back where we started when it comes to effective schools. But like we said, that was never the point in the first place. When you replace the democratic foundation of public schools with the profit and loss values of the market you shouldn't be surprised  when the kids are no better off, but the investors are.

Which recently prompted the New York Times to be shocked we tell you SHOCKED to find that:

Despite a growing number of studies showing that charter schools are generally no better — and often are worse — than their traditional counterparts, the state and local agencies and organizations that grant the charters have been increasingly hesitant to shut down schools, even those that continue to perform abysmally for years on end. If the movement is to maintain its credibility, the charter authorizers must shut down failed schools quickly and limit new charters to the most credible applicants, including operators who have a demonstrated record of success.

That just goes to show you how out of touch the editors are. They're still expecting charter schools to justify their existence based on educational outcomes, when we all know these schools will continue to exist as long as there's money to be made, which means as long as politicians are willing to play along with the scam. And it is a scam too. As the editorial says:

A study released this week by the center suggests that the standards used by the charter authorizers to judge school performance are terribly weak. It debunked the common notion that it takes a long time to tell whether a new school can improve student learning. In fact, the study notes, it is pretty clear after just three years which schools are going to be high performers and which of them will be mediocre. By that time, the charter authorizers should be putting troubled schools on notice that they might soon be closed. As the study notes: “For the majority of schools, poor first year performance will give way to poor second year performance. Once this has happened, the future is predictable and extremely bleak.

This is a variation on the extended warranty ploy. When you buy a car, or a washing machine or DVD player the salesmen tries to get you to buy the extended warranty because the product might not break until after the regular warranty is up, but we all know this is just an opportunity to suck a little more profit off of the consumer. Charter schools say just keep giving us money and maybe we'll get better in a year or two, but nothing will change because the money's still coming in and the dividends are still being paid.

In the mean time, some children will be lucky enough to get a half way decent education, some will not, but they'll all have the privilege of contributing to some corporation's bottom line and that seems to be what America is all about these days.

She Could Have Opted For The Red A

We're coming to you today from the Department of Righteous Indignation here in the marbled halls of IM Central. the DORI is a division of the As Ye Sow, So Shall Ye Reap Company, a wholly owned subsidy of Jesus Loves Me Yes He Do, But He Don't Love People Like You, Inc.

Quite a bit has been written lately about certain...um...inconsistencies in the theology of those professing to speak for the god of the universe and his Number One, J Rule, so it's refreshing to see that, at least at one lonely outpost of all that is right and proper, the ramparts have not been abandoned to the forces of iniquity and debauchery.

In October, Teri James says her supervisor at San Diego Christian College called her to her office and got straight to the point: Was James pregnant? James, 29, of El Cajon, Calif., was indeed pregnant and she was also unmarried, a violation of school rules. She says she was fired because, as the termination letter included in the suit stated: “Teri engaged in activity outside the scope of the Handbook and Community Covenant that does not build up the college’s mission.”

"I'm up here channeling Cotton Mather while she's going home every night to the horizontal disco," said Dean of the College the Right Reverend  Buford T. Beauregard. "We had to do something. What do you think we are, Catholics?"

Whoa. Calm down there Reverend B. Nobody's calling you papists. First of all, this was heterosexual between consenting adults, right? What did the young harlot say when you confronted her?

Speaking by phone with her lawyer, Gloria Allred, James said she felt humiliated.

Her lawyer? Cripes, that can't be good. Bet you wish you'd taken President Obama's advice and let the wimmenz get at that contraception now don't you Rev?

San Diego Christian College did not respond to repeated requests for comment. The college has not responded to the suit.

 Yeah, well the pope tried that too and look where it got him. What's your next move?

After firing her, the school offered a job to her then-fiancé – they are now married – even though it was known that he, too, engaged in premarital sex.

 Oh sure, blame the guy. Like he's the one with the feminine wiles. Ever hear of Eve? Read your bible man, it's always the woman's fault.

Friday Hound Blogging

Whoa. Did you see where our week went? It was around here a minute ago, and now we can't find it anywhere. Jeez. We could have sworn we left Wednesday on the coffee table, but it's not there now. Dang, a whole week of retiring, vaginaing, sequestering and death threatening has gone by and nary a peep out of us.

Who says the level of civility hasn't improved?

Anyway, here we are at another Friday and dare we say it as denizens of the Water Winter Wonderland, another step closer to spring and the glorious time of rebirth, warm days and soft breezes moving through the slowly greening trees, now filled with the pleasant chirp and tweet of newly returned birds. Ah, a wonderous time of year.

Well, unless you're an overlord.

The greyhound racing business is on its last legs. Wagers are down at the tracks because easier forms of betting offer more immediate gratification. The industry also is plagued by accusations of cruelty. The Grey2K USA group, which opposes dog racing, reported that in 2011, a total of 855 greyhound injuries were reported to the West Virginia Racing Commission, leading to the deaths of 40 dogs. In 38 states, commercial dog racing is illegal. Only seven states even have dog racing these days. Maybe it is time for West Virginia to make that six.

Now see, poor attitudes like that are going to result in a whole bunch of  undereducated, overfed, borderline sociopaths with commitment issues entering the workforce. Well, more accurately hanging around just outside the workforce heckling passersby and just generally bringing down property values in the neighborhood.

This state's two dog tracks would have shut down 20 years ago were it not for the casino industry, which promised to prop up dog racing.

Oh that's just not fair right there. Do you seriously mean to tell us that an industry that has seen 26 tracks close across the nation since 2001, that operated at a $6.5 million loss last year,  that has been on a down hill slide for 19 straight years, that everybody and his brother are trying to get rid of needs to be "propped up?" Is that what you're trying to tell us?

OK, we can see that.

Racing was a fig leaf to mask the real goal - legalizing full-blown casino gambling, which the state has since done. The law should be changed, not necessarily to ban dog racing outright, but to allow the casinos to drop the fig leaf.

 Umm...we hope you're being metaphorical there Mr. Writer sir, because the last thing we need to see is a bunch of naked overlords, right Better?

Demand Better is a very happy and curious boy. He is on the go quite a bit as he has so much to investigate and learn about living in a home for the first time. Better is very friendly and loves to be around people. He loves to play with toys. He is housebroken. Better loves to follow his foster mom and human foster sister around the house. He gets along with cats and large dogs but hasn't had a chance to meet any small dogs yet. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.