Friday Hound Blogging

Well, here we are once again looking at the north end of a south bound year. And what a year it has been for the overlords. A year of ups and downs, and by that we mean every time they would come up with something new to keep them out of the labor pool, reality would come along and knock it down. Let's take a whimsical trip back through 2013 shall we?

The year didn't start out so well for overlord Ricky Holloway who, in a rare moment of lucidity, realized that he was about as popular as a Big Mac at a Vegan convention, and what's worse even the other refugees from the workforce in the greyhound racing industry looked down on him. Now when people who also suck a living out of the suffering death and injury of innocent living creatures think they're better than you, well that's just got to hurt.

February brought information on the (wink wink, nudge nudge) regulating bodies of the racing industry who, unfortunately for them, drew the attention of the fourth estate. It was here that we met Arizona Department of Racing Director Bill Walsh, known in the industry as wishy washy Walsh. Mr. Walsh was the subject of a report by the local paper that pointed out, not to put to fine a point on it, he was a total, complete and abysmal failure at his job. In fact, the report concluded that his performance as overseer of the rules and regulations of racing would need to improve dramatically in order reach the level of total, complete and abysmal failure. Rory Goree, a Commissioner on the Board headed by Mr. Walsh opined that the report was politically motivated due to the fact that dogs were continuing to get injured and die at the track.

March rolled around and the fickle finger of fate having ficklely fingered old Billy moved on to Texas and it turns out Mr. Walsh was a trend setter because the dogs in Texas were getting the same level of care as the dogs under his jurisdiction--which is to say, not much. Now this wouldn't have been cause for much comment in the overlord world were it not for the fact that some animal rights wackos went and let the cat--or perhaps the greyhound--out of the bag by going and making a report about it. That did not sit well with Gulf Greyhound Park General Manager Sally Briggs who put pen to paper to explain that all those facts and statistics and evidence purportedly discovered by the animal rights wackos were simply not true because SHUT UP! Overlords everywhere applauded to cogency of her argument.

The poet wrote that April in the cruelest month, but when you're an overlord it's hard to tell because cruelty is your career, and if you're unlucky enough to be a greyhound, well let's just say when they make you come back and race after you're dead it just doesn't get much worse.

May brought another harsh lesson to the overlords which, simply stated is don't let your alligator mouth write a check your hummingbird butt can't cash. It seems Sarasota Kennel Club Director of Racing Thomas Bowersox was queried by the local new outlet on the number of dogs he was injuring and killing each year due to the fact that he was a heartless bag of semi-animated horse feces. In response Mr. Bowersox issued a challenge to the animal rights wackos at Grey2K to come and inspect his records so they could see for themselves that not only had no dogs ever been injured or killed at his track, all the dogs who had ever raced there had gone on to lives as pets of rich people and were now lounging next to their private pools along the Costa del Sol. You know what happened next. The wackos said they'd be on the next plane, but Mr. Bowersox said that wouldn't work for him because he had a dentist appointment that week. OK they said, how about next Tuesday, but darn it all, it turns out Mr. Bowersox is going to visit his sick momma in Cleveland and won't be back until 2017.

June seemed to mark a turning point in relations between the overlords and those who were tasked to watch over them when three "trainers"  who had been caught neglecting or abusing dogs, or as they say in the industry, just another day at the office were "reprimanded." We are shocked we tell you SHOCKED to find abuse in the greyhound racing industry the board of judges wrote. This will not be tolerated they declared, especially when we can't cover it up. When asked what the reprimand entailed, a spokesperson for the board said no one was sure, and that they'd only used the word because it "sounded all legal and stuff."

In July the state of Florida realized that, not only were the overlords sucking their tick like existence off the backs of innocent animals which they used and discarded like yesterday's fish wrap, they were also sucking a fair amount of funds away from their fellow citizens prompting Michael Glenn, general manager of Palm Beach Kennel Club, in what turned out to be the second moment of lucidity the overlords had in 2013, to exclaim that "it's a dying sport and I'm a leech on the neck of society. Oh, if only I'd finished the third grade perhaps I could have fulfilled my dream of becoming a greeter at Walmart."

August sadly marked the passing of friend of the blog and top Arizona overlord Tom (This place in the Taj Mahal of greyhound tracks) Taylor who was unceremoniously put out to pasture by the owners of the track. Tom remarked he was thankful that, unlike the greyhounds, he was given a gold watch at retirement, not a lethal injection. It is not known what became of Tom's sidekick and Number One, former track Vet Joe  "Needles"  Robinson (Wally's College of Veterinary Medicine and Truck Driving School, class of '95) who was last seen driving around Tucson in his pickup truck asking people out walking their dogs if he could give them a shot.

In September the brouhaha caused by publication of overlord care priorities first started in Texas found its way to West Virginia (Motto: Hey. We Could Have Been South Ohio But They Wouldn't Let Us) with a report detailing the injury and death rate at state tracks. Like Gulf Greyhound Park General Manager Sally Briggs before him, this prompted Sam Burdette, a dog breeder and the president of the state greyhound association to point out that the injury rates complied from state records were not really injury rates because SHUT UP! Overlords everywhere applauded to cogency of his argument.

But the year was not to be filled with unrelenting set backs and failures for the overlords because October brought forth a hero, one  Harry Findley, the millionaire (for now) savior of greyhound racing. This guy is the Steve Jobs of the greyhound industry. He's the walking talking embodiment on innovation, imagination and business savvy. When asked what he was going to do to bring success to a greyhound track that had seen nothing but failure when operated as a greyhound track, he replied: "They have certainly shown it can only be run as a greyhound track and I’m their man.” Overlords everywhere applauded to cogency of his argument.

Events swung to the philosophical in November when the City Council of South Tucson was asked to determine if a law they passed, but never enforced could be, well, not enforced. This was cause for great deliberation and reflection on the part of the City Council. Not because of the fact that a law never enforced really isn't a law at all, but because the whole thing had become public and now everybody knew the City Council was only good for keeping the donut shop across the street in business.

Which brings us to December and the close of a year that has not been kind to the overlords, and if this is any indication, 2014 isn't going to be much better, but then Karma's a bitch ain't it Cloud?

This sweet boy loves his toys! Cloud is a fast learner that strives to please. He's playful, obedient, and will lay with his head in your lap and get his ears scratched for hours. You will not be able to resist this beautiful red-fawn boy!Frequent reader(s) of this blog should make better new year's resolutions...erm...we mean will remember that on of our traditions here in the marbled halls of IM Central is that we follow the last featured dog of the year from track to couch, so you'll be hearing from Cloud again in the coming weeks. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall the promise of youth turned ashen over the years and now blown about by the desultory winds of time...erm...we mean will recall that when we last looked in on the overlords of West Virginia (Motto: We thought East Kentucky was taken) they were explaining their state of the art medical procedures and training methods because you know these dogs are highly trained athletes who have enormous amounts of time and money invested in their development and in order to perform at their best they must continually receive top notch care plus we love and respect the breed and think of them almost as members of the family. Well, if by members of the family you mean like children of your wife's first marriage who never really accepted you and go out of their way to make your like difficult with their constant disrespect, insolence and even though you bend over backwards to get along with them are noting but spoiled brats who should have their pampered little fannies blistered until they have to eat dinner standing up for a week. That kind of family.

Which brings us to today's chapter in Care And Feeding of the Racing Greyhound for Profit (because why else would you want one of these flea bags around?)

The State Racing Commission revoked the license of a Mardi Gras Casino dog track worker for alleged greyhound abuse earlier this fall. Cory Fisher admitted to pulling a greyhound down by the collar and pushing its head in a rough manner on Oct. 23, according to ruling issued by the State Racing Commission. Surveillance cameras allegedly caught Fisher abusing the dog in the paddock area of the racetrack.

"What you call 'abuse' we call standard training protocols," Mr. Fisher told the Commission. "These dogs are not pets," he continued. "They've never been thrown a ball, or given a toy, or allowed on the couch. They have no frame of reference for that experience, so to them being choked and having their faces jammed into the ground is just another day at the office."

We don't know about you Mr. Fisher, but if we worked in an office where our boss tried to choke us it would probably be an indication that someone should call Human Resources. Come to think of it, if our boss locked us in a closet for 18 to 22 hours a day, fed us diseased meat and, at our retirement party tried to give us a lethal injection instead of a watch we might want to have a word with the union Steward too.

Fisher told the commission that he was having a bad day, according to the ruling.

Mr. Fisher, seriously. If you're an overlord you aren't having a bad day, you're having a bad life.

Grey2k USA, a nonprofit dedicated to ending dog racing released a study on greyhound racing injuries in September, finding that 4,700 greyhounds were injured at the state's two dog-racing tracks within the past five years. More than 1,400 of those injuries were catastrophic, career-ending injuries, according to the study.

"Yeah, but those are injuries that happen on the track," Mr. Fisher said. "It really doesn't count when we hurt the dogs off the track, does it?"

Hmmm...so Mr. Fisher is having a bad day and he takes it out on the unfortunate unit who happened to be closest to him. Kind of gives a whole new meaning to therapy dog, huh Dew?

Are you looking for a care free girl that can let the wind blow through her ears (check her in a car with a moon roof!) and is still respectable enough to introduce to your mother? An independent girl but still VERY affectionate? A girl with the usual talents , yet also adventurous enough to try new things, such as a cake walk and walking off with the first prize? Beautiful Dew just might be that special lady to add to your life. She is in foster, doing great with house rules and has been enjoying her retirement. Come meet this special girl. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Occasionally we here in he marbled halls of IM Central have been taken to task by the overlords due to the fact that we refer to them with the rather pejorative term, um, overlords. "Just get to know us," they say. "We're just like everybody else." Well, if by everybody else you mean purveyors of cruelty, spreaders of suffering and connoisseurs of the comodification of innocent living creatures for profit, but let's not quibble over definitions because this week we are going to accept their challenge and meet an overlord.

Kennel operator Brad Boeckenstedt, of Bellevue, said eliminating the requirement for greyhound racing would have wide-reaching consequences, noting that Iowa is home to more than 60 greyhound farms. The industry has created more than 1,000 jobs in the state, he said.

Well, Brad, normally we would take issue with your use of the term greyhound farm as if greyhounds were a crop, like corn that you planted and harvested for profit, which now that we think of it is sort of what you do, only with conscious, living breathing animals. Animals capable of feeling pain, hunger, cold, you know stuff corn doesn't do. But like we said, this is meet an overlord week, so instead let's focus on the 1000 jobs your industry created in the entire state of over 30 million people. What's that, like about two Walmart's worth. Pay's about the same too, huh?

“Our family is greatly invested in our community and in the greyhound business,” Boeckenstedt said.

Again, not to put too fine a point on it Brad, but wouldn't it be more accurate to say your community is invested in you, to the tune of about $4.5 million since 2009? Now, you might say that's not so much over those years, because the Racing Association spent that much just last year to subsidize your kennel and the other overlords who race in Dubuque, but when you think that $55 million has come the way of the overlords in the time since you quit actually turning a profit instead of going to, oh we don't know, soup kitchens, rent and heat subsidies for poor folks, you know, charity? You can see how we might come to the  conclusion that not only are you not invested in your community, you're actually a drain on it.

“This is something when this was brought about, they couldn’t get slot machines without greyhound racing. It’s kind of sad that they want to get rid of us now that they have slots.”

Oh Brad, that's just not true. They don't want to get rid of you because they have slots now, they want to get rid of you because you're a money losing leech on the community that makes a business of killing and injuring innocent animals as you exploit them for profit, which really doesn't exist anyway so you expect the people to take money away from worthy causes and give it to you. That about sum it up,  Willie?

Willie was born pleaser! While he might initially appear shy and a little timid... Give him a minute to get to know you. Best to brace yourself , this boy is big into leaning... add a couple 'good boy's and rub his ears and he will be in Heaven! He is willing to sit next to you while watching the TV, keep you company while slaving over a hot stove, offer moral support while doing the dishes... Whatever you need! He is even willing to commit to your New Years resolution to walk more- unless it's cold... not if it's cold! Then he's committed to keeping a spot on the couch warm for your return. He�s picked up really quickly on house rules. People pleasers R Us! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog understand the futility of expectation...erm...we mean will recall our previous discourses on the state of Florida and its ongoing deliberations to decide what to do with the overlords. (Our suggestion: full ride scholarships to Walmart Greeter School, with a side fund set up to hire the inevitably needed tutors). In the mean time however, those in the sunshine state who have been afflicted with scruples have been attempting convince the legislature to improve the life of the units so devotedly cared for by the overlords as long as they're winning but hey this is a business you know we can't be responsible for what happens when the units are no longer profitable even though we love them dearly and think of them as members of the family oh say have we reminded you we'll need that subsidy again next year?

Animal activists in Florida are calling for measures to protect greyhounds in the state’s large racing industry. Last month, sixteen animal protection organizations sent a letter to the Florida House and Senate Gaming Committees, calling for the passage of two greyhound protection measures. The letter asked lawmakers to pass a greyhound injury reporting law and to eliminate a state mandate requiring gaming facilities to hold live dog races.

Well, we certainly don't see any problems with that. We mean, the overlords have been telling us for years that greyhound injuries aren't really injuries, they're random anomalous events, and as for eliminating state mandates, well the overlords have been arguing for the elimination of state mandates concerning the care of the greyhounds since the first jackbooted bureaucrat stepped foot on the track and said, "Hey. Quit killing those dogs." Should be a no brainer, right Jack Cory, lobbyist and a representative for the Florida Greyhound Association?

“It would cost the state $22 million dollars in direct revenue,” Cory said. “Hundreds of millions of dollars in indirect revenue, thousands of jobs, and we’d put over 8,000 beautiful greyhounds at risk.”

When asked what he meant by "indirect revenue" Mr. Cory explained that "You have to pay somebody to kill the dogs when we don't want them anymore, then somebody else has to dispose of the bodies. I mean ten years ago Robert Rhodes was getting $10 a pop for helping Florida tracks control inventory, so you can imagine what the going rate is today, and in this economy a job's a job, right?"

He said saving the lives of greyhounds requires more than filing an injury report. “Having a politically motivated reporting process does not stop the injuries on animals or athletes whether it be on a football field or a baseball field,” Cory said.

Wait. Greyhounds play football and baseball? Well no wonder they're getting hurt, they aren't wearing pads, or batting helmets. Criminee  people, what do you think Mr. Cory is, a miracle worker?

“These race tracks really have become poker rooms that happen to have dogs running around in circles with no one betting on the dogs,” Theil said. “A report that just came out by a company called Spectrum showed that in 2012, Florida’s dog tracks lost 35 million dollars on greyhound racing while at the same time, turning in a profit of 39 million dollars on their poker rooms.”

"What's your point Theil?" Cory asked. "If it wasn't for those poker rooms making so much money, you think they could afford to subsidize us like they do? You obviously don't understand the first thing about running a business."

Jody Houston, the Outreach Coordinator of Goldcoast Greyhounds Adoptions said she disagrees with GREY2K and believes the organization may have other interests in mind. “They do suffer injuries,” Houston said. “They are going up to 45 miles an hour. If they trip or if they have a pile up, they get hurt. It’s quite a bit close to the numbers of injuries from professional football or professional baseball.” Houston said.

Ha! See? We told you. If the overlords would just get the dogs pads and batting helmets we wouldn't be having this discussion. Hey Jasper? What size you wear?

Hugs and kisses! Hugs and kisses! I'm gonna get me some hugs and kisses! And treats! I'm gonna get me some hugs and kisses and treats!! And love! If you are someone that enjoys some four-footed company, well, I'm the one for you! I excel at chilling out and being close at hand -wherever you might be. More than one in our family? I would check on each of you (best done by laying my head in your lap). You might be fooled into thinking that's all I'm good at. Rattle a leash or show me a toy, and you'll see how much life there still is in THIS "seasoned" boy! Walks are the best! I love to meet folks and make them feel good. At least, I guess that's what they feel when I lean on them. They call me Velcro dog! what's Velcro? Just LOVE people! Yep, that should do it! Come and get me! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Hello, Office Of Government Responsiveness. Please Hold The Line Until Pigs Fly

Well the holidays are upon us once again. That season of peace and joy when we try to set aside our differences and listen to the better angels of our nature; when we pause to reflect on what is truly important, what really lasts and what actually matters.

We know this because people are being stabbed at Walmart, not to mention beat up, trampled and arrested.

Gives a whole new meaning to the war on Christmas, huh?

Which brings us to the subject of this little missive: Perplexity. It seems some of the people who are first on their block to get the manger scene set up in their front yard next to the 30 foot, lighted flagpole flying the stars and stripes 24/7 are also the ones bopping their fellow christians over the head to get them to let go of that flat screen. This is odd. We're told America is the most medicated nation in the world, but apparently those drugs aren't going where they're most needed.

And that's not all that's perplexing us about christians. Enter Rick Santorum. This guy's been a christian since Jesus was a corporal.  Now, as far as we know, he's not out concussing his fellow shoppers, but he does seem to want to bogart all the birth control.

Former Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum (R) on Sunday insisted that President Barack Obama was imposing his beliefs on corporations and preventing them from exercising their “right” to deny women contraception coverage in health care plans.

 Now, we know that "corporations are people too" but we also know, as Baron Thurlow in England is supposed to have said, "They have no soul to save, and they have no body to incarcerate" so why are you so concerned with their ability to exercise their "beliefs" Mr. Santorum?

“I mean, the idea that the First Amendment stops after you walk out of church, that it doesn’t have anything to do with how you live the rest of your life, I don’t know very many people of faith that believes that their religion ends with just worship,” Santorum explained. “It ends in how you practice and live that faith.”

 See what we mean? Mr. Santorum apparently believes that after services Exxon walks out of the pews, pausing to congratulate the Reverend on an inspiring sermon, then heads out into the day to what? Dump fracking fluid all over the countryside?

Perplexing. Which brings us to Tom Brower whose idea of spreading Christmas cheer is to find homeless people and smash their stuff.

“I want to do something practical that will really clean up the streets,” he explained to Hawaii News Now as he showed off his property destruction skills while sporting an Armani Exchange hat.

 And in true What Would Jesus Do fashion, Mr. Brower explains his incredible act of selflessness during this time of tolerance and brotherhood:

Noting that he’s “disgusted” with homeless people, Brower told the Honolulu Star-Advertiser about his own personal brand of “justice”: “If I see shopping carts that I can’t identify, I will destroy them so they can’t be pushed on the streets.” Brower has waged this campaign for two weeks, estimating that he’s smashed about 30 shopping carts in the process.

 We feel obligated to note that those shopping carts most likely belong to some poor corporation somewhere, no doubt busily singing in the church choir while Mr. Brower roams the city like some unbalanced Don Quixote, tilting at...well, let's just say tilted and leave it at that.

Of course the homeless factor in here somewhere as well, but since they have neither lobbyists, lawyers nor politicians, it's not like they are actual, legal people you know? With rights? Not like Hobby Lobby or something.

We mean, talk about persecution...

Can a company deliberately exclude health insurance coverage of the morning after pill for its employees, in the name of freedom of religion? That’s a question the US Supreme Court could take up on Tuesday when it decides whether to hear a case pitting a chain of craft stores against President Barack Obama’s signature health care law. The Obama administration is challenging the refusal of Hobby Lobby Stores to underwrite coverage for certain contraceptive methods. The family-owned chain based in Oklahoma says it manages its business “in a manner consistent with biblical principles.”

Hey Mr. Brower. Hope none of those carts you smashed belonged to Hobby Lobby. As we recall one of those "biblical principles" was eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe. Just a heads up.

See this is perplexing us because until people like Rick Santorum and such came along we didn't realize  the government isn't allowed t to spend tax money on stuff you don't like. We've been wondering whom to call and say we don't want our tax money spent on blowing up Afghani children, but would prefer it went to some more constructive purpose, like, say replacing the shopping carts Mr. Brower busts up, or even better, getting apartments for homeless people. Can't seem to find the number of that particular department though.

Hounds Home For The Holiday

Frequent reader(s) of this blog learned long ago that ambition was a ticket to despair...erm...we mean know that we have a tradition around the marbled halls of IM Central (if by tradition you mean something that we've purposely done more than once) of making a special effort around the holidays to find a couch for one of the homeless needle noses recently rescued from the benevolent care of the overlords.

And speaking of the overlords, we thought that this being a special edition of hound helping, instead of seeking out an example of overlords finding new ways to deal with cognitive dissonance, we'd return to the city fathers of South Tucson featured last week and see how they have resolved their dilemma.

Two weeks after the city of South Tucson decided to back off on a ban to shoot up greyhounds with steroids, the city manager is speaking up to defend their decision.

"You can't really expect us to act on the things the voters want," said City Manager Luis Gonzales. "I mean, vote for me sure, but voting to do things that improve the business climate, the reputation of the city and animal welfare? What do you think this is, majority rules or something?"

The big controversy is enforcement while the people of South Tucson voted in favor of banning steroid use for the dogs at the park. The city manager is telling us that vote had nothing to do with enforcement.

"See when the people voted to ban the use of steroids to interfere with the natural cycle of female greyhounds so they could continue to be profit centers, I was told the enforcement fairies would make sure the track complied with the law." Gonzales said. "Apparently I was misinformed."

Race track officials say they have not been administering steroids that they have been administering. "Look, you can pass all the laws you want," said a track representative who asked not to be identified because his neighbors think he is a used car salesman and he doesn't want to have to move again. "We're going to keep doing what we're doing. What are you gonna do? Close us down? Have you been out to that place recently? It's a morgue man. We'll be lucky to make it to Easter anyway."

Gonzales said the city does care about the welfare of the greyhounds, "but not really enough to do anything about it. Man, if only those enforcement fairies had been real..."

Darn straight Mr. Gonzales sir. Don't you just hate it when people ask you to actually do your job? Hey Shayna, too bad Mr. Gonzales can't find some competency fairies huh? 

I am a real Velcro dog. I am very sweet and want to do everything possible to please. I want to do everything you want me to do. I am not afraid of anything or timid. I would do well with another dog in the home unless you are able to be home a good part of the day with me because I love to be with people. I am not a barker. I can sit on command, I am learning to shake and I can do the stairs. I love to throw my toys up in the air and catch them.With work, I may be able to live with cats or small dogs. Right now I am very interested in my Chihuahua friend that is in the home with me. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Frank Bruni! Motto: Reasons Is Hard

Full disclosure: Even though we may be liberal communist hippie progressive socialist, godless heathens hellbent on making everyone gay marry a box turtle in a giant ceremony at the Abortoplex, we don't actually read the New York Times all that much. The paper kind of reminds us of the guy--you know the one--in the office down the hall who found an accounting error on a balance sheet and saved the company a million dollars ten years ago and has been coasting ever since. Plus, Ross Douthat. Seriously? OK, Paul Krugman too, but given the rest of the ingredients in this journalistic batter, he's the hair in the biscuit don't you think?

Well, all this is by way of saying we ran across the musings of NYT word chef Frank Bruni recently and since he chose to opine on matters educational, we thought we'd give him a go.

At a middle school near Boston not long ago, teachers and administrators noticed that children would frequently return from a classmate’s weekend bar mitzvah with commemorative T-shirts, swag that advertised a party to which many fellow students hadn’t been invited. So administrators moved to ban the clothing. They explained, in a letter to parents, that “while the students wearing the labeled clothing are all chatting excitedly,” the students without it “tend to walk by, trying not to take notice.”

 Hey what do you know? Of the 98,817 public schools in America, at least one has adults who may be overreacting, but we really don't know because all Mr Bruni tells us is the decision part, not what lead up to it like, knowing middle school kids, maybe teasing, classroom disruptions or fights?

Well, no matter that's not the cogent piece of analysis Mr. Bruni wants to impart to us anyway.

I occasionally flash on that anecdote as I behold the pushback against more rigorous education standards in general and the new Common Core curriculum in particular.

You'll have to excuse us a moment Mr. Bruni. We think we threw our back out making that leap from an isolated incident involving one school's dress code to national educational policy impacting every student, every teacher and every school in the country.

And it came to mind when Education Secretary Arne Duncan recently got himself into a big mess. Duncan, defending the Common Core at an education conference, identified some of its most impassioned opponents as “white suburban moms” who were suddenly learning that “their child isn’t as brilliant as they thought they were, and their school isn’t quite as good.”

Whoa! Can you spot the unstated premises in that piece of Duncanse? The Secretary is now the sole arbiter of what makes a kid intelligent and what makes a school rigorous. Also, Mr. Duncan? Not to nitpick an educational expert such as yourself, especially one who knows what makes a kid smart and a school good, but you should have said  “their child isn’t as brilliant as they thought he or she was, and their school isn’t quite as good.”As the person who determines intelligence, we just thought you'd want to know.

Ah yes, Mr. Bruni. You were saying?

It was an impolitic bit of profiling. Gratuitous, too.

No argument there. Actually we even see this as a sign of progress because when poor parents and minority parents were saying some of the same things, they just got ignored because you know, poor and minority, but when the white folks go getting all uppity, well that just will not do. We're glad you saw that Mr. Bruni.

But...

Oh, we should have known there was a but coming.

But if you follow the fevered lamentations over the Common Core, look hard at some of the complaints from parents and teachers, and factor in the modern cult of self-esteem, you can guess what set Duncan off: a concern, wholly justified, that tougher instruction not be rejected simply because it makes children feel inadequate, and that the impulse to coddle kids not eclipse the imperative to challenge them.

OK in Mr. Bruni's defense he does say look hard at some of the complaints, implying that there may be other  reasons for resisting the Common Core. Unfortunately he does not enlighten us us as to what those reasons are, choosing instead to focus on the one easiest to dismiss. Hey Mr. Bruni? Did you take your straw man to lunch after you finished writing this?

The Common Core, a laudable set of guidelines that emphasize analytical thinking over rote memorization, has been adopted in more than 40 states.

Whoa again! Looks like there was a special on unstated premises down at the lazy argument store this week.  "Guidelines that emphasize analytical thinking over rote memorization?" Really Mr. Bruni? Got some folks over here that would like to talk to you about that. And as for the 40 states thing, as our sainted momma used to say, if all your friends jumped off the George Washington bridge, would you jump too?

What’s not warranted is the welling hysteria from right-wing alarmists, who hallucinate a federal takeover of education and the indoctrination of a next generation of government-loving liberals...

Hey, come on now Mr. Bruni. It's not nice to pick on people with special needs. Easy, but not nice.

...from left-wing paranoiacs, who imagine some conspiracy to ultimately privatize education and create a new frontier of profits for money-mad plutocrats.

Wait. You don't think this is about money?  Hey Diane Ravitch, author of "Reign of Error: The Hoax of the Privatization Movement and the Danger to America’s Public Schools" can you come over here a minute? You too Diann Woodard President, American Federation of School Administrators. And how about you too Stephanie Simon? Oh and how about you guys from the United Church of Christ, why don't you come over too? Maybe a higher power is needed here.

By the way, Mr. Bruni, we saw what you did with that whole "right-wing alarmists" and "left-wing paranoiacs" thing. Way to move the argument from the issue to the people making it. We see you called Secretary Duncan's white suburban moms and raised him to alarmists and paranoids. Way to keep the argument on a level you can deal with.

Then there’s the outcry, equally reflective of the times, from adults who assert that kids aren’t enjoying school as much; feel a level of stress that they shouldn’t have to; are being judged too narrowly; and doubt their own mettle. Aren’t aspects of school supposed to be relatively mirthless?

Umm...we're going to go with no. See Mr. Bruni, when a teacher creates a lesson they can make it challenging without being painful (See Dewey, John) or they can make it mind numbingly irrelevant, repetitive and soul crushing (See Prep, Test).

Isn’t stress an acceptable byproduct of reaching higher and digging deeper?

Well, yes Mr. Bruni, but you see there are two kids of stress. There's the stress created by excitement and anticipation, like the stress associated with discovery, and there's the stress associated with If You Kids Don't Do Well On This Test WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!! Hope this helps.

If children are unraveling to this extent, it’s a grave problem. But before we beat a hasty retreat from potentially crucial education reforms, we need to ask ourselves how much panic is trickling down to kids from their parents and whether we’re paying the price of having insulated kids from blows to their egos and from the realization that not everyone’s a winner in every activity on every day.

Yes because there's really no other reason to criticize "potentially crucial education reforms" is there Mr. Bruni? Not sure? Why don't you ask your straw man buddy.

Some high schools have 10, 20 or 30 valedictorians, along with bloated honor rolls and a surfeit of graduation prizes. Many kids at all grade levels are Bubble-Wrapped in a culture that praises effort nearly as much as it does accomplishment.

Yeah. And some schools don't "have 10, 20 or 30 valedictorians, along with bloated honor rolls and a surfeit of graduation prizes" and many kids are not "Bubble-Wrapped" so what's your point Mr. Bruni? Oh sorry we interrupted you. Please continue.

“Our students have an inflated sense of their academic prowess,” wrote Marc Tucker, the president of the National Center on Education and the Economy, in Education Week. “They don’t expect to spend much time studying, but they confidently expect good grades and marketable degrees.”

Yeah, sort of like your inflated sense of academic prowess about what you can accomplish with a set of static standards largely created by non educators and applied externally to the complex, dynamic that is modern education in America.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Philosophy Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The Philosophy Department...umm...because...well...er...because they're the ones who figured out there is something rather than nothing and that means part of the something is sucky blogs, so deal with it OK? We mean, consider the alternative. If there was nothing instead of something then that nothing would be something, so nothing and something are just two variations on a theme, one particular version of which comes with the reality of glasses into which Stoli can be poured. Take your victories where you find them people.

Where were we? Oh yeah, Friday Hound Blogging.

 It seems the city fathers in South Tucson have been presented with an existential dilemma. To wit: If you abandon a law you never enforced in the first place, was there ever really a law? Frequent reader(s) of this blog are aware the truth is out there, and with any luck it will stay out...erm...we mean may recall a while back the local residents--apparently delirious and in the throes of a massive outbreak of empathy--passed an ordinance outlawing the injection of steroids which were used by the overlords to interrupt the natural cycles of female greyhounds so they could keep racing because best treatment and finest care is the overlord code of ethics.

Well, to say the overlords were a bit honked off by this blatant attempt of outsiders to interfere with their efforts to maintain the highest standards of heedful attention and deep regard for the racing units, which is born out of devotion to their furry business partners, is an understatement on the order of believing you could solve Molyneux's problem by flicking the lights on and off. As Tucson Weekly reporter Tim Vanderpool told us:

But even in its twilight, Tucson's track still raises a ruckus. Much of this turmoil dates from a 2008 ordinance passed by voters in the city of South Tucson. Ever since those laws were enacted, the track has relentlessly mocked them.

 Now, as you might imagine, "relentlessly mocking" the duly constituted legal authority in the area did not sit well with the aforementioned authorities, so immediate action was called for:

South Tucson no longer will enforce a ban on administering steroids to greyhounds.

And hence the philosophical dilemma alluded to earlier. How does one attempt to resolve a conundrum of such complexity and intricacy? Perhaps it's time to appeal to a higher power.

The decision came after the city received a letter from Bill Walsh, director of the Arizona Department of Racing, notifying it that state law on racing regulation pre-empts the city from enforcing a ban on steroids.

 Bill Walsh huh? OK not the first name that would come to mind when contemplating a being that engages not in feeling, but thinking, and he himself is the object of his contemplation and is thus unaffected by the world in any way, but we'll hold that thought in abeyance right now and give you the benefit of the doubt. How has the apparently spiritually inspiring Walsh communicated his wishes to you?

In an email statement to the Arizona Daily Star, Walsh said: “The law itself was poorly written and failed to make clear who is responsible for enforcing the ban. To have a ban of this sort, some agency must have both the authority and the ability to run the testing program, which carries with it a considerable cost, if it is to be effective.”

We see. And of course the Walsh has the resources to effectively enforce the ban even though it "carries with it a considerable cost," correct? Especially now that the Walsh has been kicked off the state budget and forced to rely the kindness of those the Walsh "regulates." Maybe the Walsh can do a loaves and fishes thing with the budget. We'll have faith.

What's that you say Jenks? Faith can never be a matter of objective certainty; it involves no reckoning of probabilities, it is not an intellectual acceptance of a doctrine at all. Faith involves a submission of the intellect. It is not only hostile to but also completely beyond the grasp of reason? Oh. Well, guess the means it's an objective certainty the female greyhounds at TGP will still be injected.

I am a wonderful boy. I can be a bit rambunctious as I am very young, but I have calmed down since I have been in my foster home. I love to be wherever my foster Mom is. I love to go for walks and I do very well on the leash. I have toys but I haven’t learned how to play with them yet. I sleep through the night. I am completely housebroken. I love the other Greyhound that is in my foster home, but I don’t do well with small dogs or cats so I won’t be able to live with either. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know hope is the bullet train to the city of disillusionment...erm...we mean know over the years we've used a lot of pithy Anglo Saxon expletives to describe the overlords. Heartless bags of wasted protein has always been one of our favorites. Semi-sentient black holes of cruelty. We liked that one too. And who could forget soulless ticks, sucking profit from the lives of innocent creatures. But there's one adjective that we've never applied to our noun phrase modifications and that is optimist. Perhaps cockeyed optimist, more likely delusional optimist.

Though scores of greyhound tracks across the country have closed in recent years – including venues at Canterbury, Ramsgate, Rochester and Maidstone in Kent alone – there is a view the bad times that have dogged the sport in the past could finally be at an end.

 "Bad times that have dogged the sport."  HAHAHAHAHA! See what he did there? Pretty funny Mr. Writer sir. Hey, you know what else is funny about greyhound racing? Dogs being bled to death when they aren't fast enough to win anymore.

But back to our story.

Keith Hougham is acting stadium manager at Sittingbourne. He is no stranger to the sport, having been involved for more than 40 years and once owned racing dogs. “Greyhound racing is certainly not at its peak,” he admits. “The amount of greyhound stadiums that have closed throughout the country in the last few years is shocking.“We only have one stadium in London now, which is at Wimbledon, and there are lots of adverse comments about its future too.“At one point you probably had more than 10 in London. But a chequered past involving animal cruelty cases, and constant claims of corruption, have led large sections of the public to turn their back on the sport.

Well Keith, when you put it like that it's hard to see how racing became unpopular in the first place. So what's your plan to put the heartless exploitation of living creatures for profit back on everyone's to do list?

The Swale Borough Council-leased stadium are determined to bring “a night at the dogs” into the 21st century with a clean cut, wholesome and transparent approach. This starts with enticing a new clientele.

Um...Keith? You sure that's a good idea? We mean, unless the new clientele you're planning to entice are sociopaths, psychotics and serial killers the less people know about greyhound racing the better. Particularly that transparent thing. Mass graves have a way of really harshing people's mellow.

Mr Hougham said: “From a spectacle point of view, it is still one of the most exciting sports you can go and see. It generates a lot of enthusiasm from both young and old and you haven’t got to spend a lot of money to come racing. “But it is not based just around betting; it’s a social occasion, a night out where you can have different things going on, family parties, stag nights, hen parties and corporate evenings.”

OK we're going to have to stop you right there Mr. Hougham. If you're going to entice a 21st century clientele to come out to the track by telling them they can have stag and hen parties, you really need to get out a little more often. See, it's not that you aren't a real swinging hep cat or anything, it's just the the Lawrence Welk teevee show went off the air about thirty years ago and the rest of us have kind of moved on, you know?  Hey Applejack, can you help this guy get on Facebook?

Big bag of bacon-flavored dog treats: $9.00 Routine squeaky chew toy: $12.00 Love from our happy, playful, people-pleasing, well-mannered, house rules-following, loyal, obedient, and just ridiculously sweet "cinnamon toasty" Applejacks: PRICELESS! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Oh No You Din Nit Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central.ONYDN is a division of the Furnish The Butt For A Beatin' Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of 'Bout To Come Upside Yo Head, NA.

It seems that people in Florida who happened to be burdened by souls passed the Greyhound Welfare Act a while back which basically says to the overlords, "Hey, you know how you're always telling us you treat the dogs like members of the family because they represent such a large investment of time and money? How you make sure they get the best care at the track and are adopted into loving homes when they retire? How about doing that FOR REALS!"

Well, as you will no doubt be unsurprised to find out, when the overlords were confronted with doing what they say they do and business as usual they chose...guess what? Business as usual.

Greyhound racing resumes today with the Sarasota Kennel Club appealing to state regulators for a waiver to save its season. In May, Florida's Division of Pari-Mutuel Wagering passed new rules ordering all racetrack operators to house their dogs in metal cages instead of wood. On Oct. 25, SKC alerted the Department of Business and Professional Regulation — which oversees Florida's pari-mutuels — to its inability to comply.

When asked what caused this "inability" when the track management knew for years this was coming a spokesperson for the track who declined to give his name due to outstanding warrants said, "Perhaps 'inability' isn't the right word. Apathy might be better. Indifference. Lack of concern. You know, stuff like that. Oh, and don't forget greed. Those metal cages aren't cheap."

Gotcha Mr. Overlord sir. And we might throw in stupid too because wooden crates absorb urine and are bacteria farms. Plus they attract ticks and since greyhounds represent such an enormous investment of time and money and since it just doesn't make sense to put them in situations which may result in them not being able to perform at their best, if you've got wooden crates...you're dumb.

You're also dumb for waiting until the season started to ask for your waiver. This is a state agency, dude. What are you thinking? It's going to take them weeks if not months to decide what to do with you. Meantime you're sitting on your hands waiting and all those people who don't come to the track anyway are...um...not coming. So dumb and lack foresight, right Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering Committee Chairman Rep. Robert Schenck?

Florida's regulation of dog racing is so lax that a Sarasota greyhound track was allowed to start its racing season last week in defiance of a state rule that bans the use of unsanitary and dangerous wooden crates.

 Well there you have it Mr. Overlord. This is what happens when you ignore state agencies whose sole purpose is to keep things on the up and up in the industry. This is Florida taxpayers' dollars at work right here. You've got no one to blame but yourself so you might as well...wait what?

"In all our years of covering regulatory agencies, I can’t quite fathom a regulatory agency allowing this to occur,''said Michael Diamond of Spectrum Gaming, a consulting company hired by Florida lawmakers to complete a report on gambling in Florida.

Oh now that's a little harsh, don't you think Mr. Diamond? After all, we're just talking about putting a few dogs at risk here, something that's done at greyhound race tracks all the time. Let's not make this a bigger problem than it is, OK?

The failure to regulate costs taxpayers money. Although the division is supposed to be self-sufficient, making up in fines and fees what it spends in oversight, lawyers and investigations, Spectrum found that the net cost to taxpayers to regulate dogs is $4 million. Diamond said he spent six months looking at the agency and concluded the regulation is “inadequate” in part because of the way the state laws are structured and in part because of the agency’s reluctance to enforce the laws. Horse and dog tracks consistently understate their revenues from simulcasts, resulting in millions in unaccounted for and unregulated wagering. Gulfstream Racetrack in Hallandale Beach, for example, reported $102 million in simulcast and intertrack wagering in 2012 but failed to report another $605 million, the report said.

Wow! That's some serious change that's floating away there Mr. Diamond. We bet you got the Committee's attention now, huh Representative Schenck?

But if the lax oversight by the governor’s agency was news to legislators, it didn’t seem to matter. The reaction from the committee to Diamond’s report was silence.

Umm...could that be stunned silence Mr. Schenck?

When pressed after the meeting by a reporter, Committee Chairman Rep. Robert Schenck, R-Spring Hill, said the examples are evidence “why we’re taking a look at it comprehensively and why we’re talking about regulatory structure.”

Oh. Uh, talking. Ok, erm...Let's see. Ah. Take that Sarasota. You want to defy state regulation? Hey Gulfstream Racetrack. You want to disappear $605 million while the people of Florida pay $4million to watch you do it? Well, you go right ahead because we're going to talk about it. Yes sir and you can be sure we'll talk about it a lot.

Sometimes you just have to come down hard on people, right Peter?

Introducing Peter, a 9 year old brindle love bug. He is currently living with both large and small doggies, and cats in his foster home and is also good with kids. He seems to prefer the small doggies in his foster home over the big ones but gets along well with everyone. He loves having a fenced yard so he can walk around and sniff and mark every blade of grass. He likes to ride in the car, seems to be somewhat particular with his food. Sleeps on his back w four feet in the air (Roaching) and is an all around relaxed, good boy. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Well it looks like the animal rights wackos have their organically grown, all natural no GMO panties in a bunch because the overlords have gotten together at their semi-annual mutual admiration society meeting in Abilene and while they were there engaged in a little old fashioned horse trading. Um, actually it was greyhound trading, and there's really nothing old fashioned about it because they do it every year.

But the thing that really put the frost on the wacko's pumpkin was

Greyhound breeders claim that they love their dogs. However, reading through this year's official Fall Auction Program, it seems that the dogs are nothing more than products.

"Hey, what else are you going to call a highly trained athlete you've invested a lot of  love and care into and who is practically a member of the family," said one overlord in attendance who declined to give her name because her family thought she was at a used car sales convention and she didn't want them to find out what she really did.

Darn straight anonymous overlord. Why, earlier this year we commented to a friend that if the Detroit Lions were to improve this year they would need some better products on defense. But don't get us wrong, current defensive players can stay. We're not suggesting selling any of them for medical research. Besides, as one other overlord was heard to comment, "These are working dogs. What should they be called? It's not like they're members of the family or anything."

For example, the entry for a three-year-old female greyhound named WW's Fly Away indicates that she is being sold as part of an "overstock reduction sale."

Hey, what a coincidence. The Detroit Tigers are having an overstock sale too. Jhonny Peralta anyone? Take your time. It's not like we're going to shoot him if there's no interest.

One of the greyhounds being auctioned off for breeding was nine years old, and at least seven other dogs were eight years old.

Yeah. So what's your point? Nine years old in dog years is only about 61 in people years. That dog couldn't even get Social Security. Well, if they had Social Security for greyhounds that is, or any retirement plan for her short of being used until she dies. But hey, that solves the problem of what to do with her when she got too slow to race anymore, right?

Another entry, for eight-year-old Flying Brookside, states that she "offers the opportunity to own a Kiowa Sweet Trey daughter" and adds that two of her sisters have "been excellent producers."

That gives us an idea. Anyway the Lions could get an option on Peyton Manning's kids? But only if it looks like they've inherited Dad's arm. If not they can stay at home. We wouldn't suggest culling them or anything just because they can't play football. Maybe they could be sportswriters, or if they lack even that much talent, color commentators.  Hey Walt. How many choices for a career did you get?

Walt is a 9 year old Brindle boy who is a very content doggie. He gets along very well with his foster brother and sister and is very calm, cool and collected as any cool dude should be! Adopting a senior is such a rewarding experience--why not give it a try. Walt is dark brindle in color and has a distinguished white face. We don't think kitties are his style but he really loves his walks and chasing his greyhound sister in the yard for fun. Walt is up to date on all shots and is looking for his forever home--hope you'll give Walt some consideration because he's got a lot of good livin' to do! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know the slow unraveling of days and the soft whisper of deflating hope...erm...we mean know that Florida is the epicenter of  heartless exploitation of living creatures for profit as home to 13 of the remaining 22 greyhound death camps in the United States. Recently the state legislature commissioned a study of the entire gambling infrastructure in the state with an eye towards coming up with a comprehensive set of policies for all aspects of the gaming industry.

As far as the overlords are concerned, a critical part of that policy would have to do with decoupling which simply means the state would say, "race or not, we don't care." Now, you might think this would be cause for great celebration amongst the overlords as they finally get the yoke of government regulation and interference in the exercise of their free market rights removed. Yeah, well no. Really. No. Seriously.

OK flash forward to now and the state is holding hearings to let people who will be affected by these policies come and have a say. Let's listen in, shall we?

One speaker, Randolph Goodman, stated that he supported the decoupling of racing and casino licenses in order to expose the financial weakness of greyhound tracks, which rely on subsidies for purses and operating expenses, he said. “There is no demand for greyhound racing any more,” Goodman said. “If you decouple, you will see.”

Oh now that's a little harsh, Mr. Goodman don't you think? We mean think of all the benefits that accrue to the state from greyhound racing. Why just recently a study was done that analyzed racing contributions. As the author's wrote:

Greyhound racing is a “dying sport” that has been hemorrhaging revenue for years, according to a study of commissioned by the Florida Legislature.

See? When you...oh wait, that's not the quote we were looking for. Just a second...ah...over...yeah, here it is:

The first 307-page report, released last week, gave an overview of all aspects of the state’s gaming industry, but painted a particularly bleak picture for facilities that offer greyhound racing. “Handle,” or the total amount wagered, has plummeted over the past two decades. “Total handle for the 13 facilities that ran greyhound racing fell from $933.8 million in [fiscal year] 1990 to $265.4 million in [fiscal year] 2012, a decline of 67 percent,” the report read.

Oops. That's not it either. OK, look we'll have to get back to you on that. Did you have a comment Michele Lazarow, Hallandale Beach city commissioner?

"Being housed in a small cage for 20-23 hours a day is a life that no one should have to endure. "Do you allow your dog to be treated that way?...It seems that forcing a business to race is not practical. It's time to move away from this archaic thinking into the 21st Century."

Now, Ms. Lazarow, it's not the purpose of this hearing to get into the treatment of the dogs. Besides, since they represent such a great investment of time and money, and since their thought of as practically members of the family, their care and comfort is first rate. Just ask Ron Williams, or Ursulla O'Donnell, or Ritt and Steinmann. And no, Ms. Lazarow neither are we going to discuss greyhound doping, or transportation issues. You are out of order.

Hey Darla, we bet you're thinking it's not just Ms. Lazarow that's "out of order" huh?

Meet Sweet Darla is available for adoption! She has just turned 9 years old, brindle in color and as sweet as can be. She's great with kids, cats and is a real lover. She's friendly, healthy and waiting for a new home (and couch) to call her own. She's living with 2 other greyhounds in her foster home and loves them to death but would like her own couch and yard to call her own. She likes attention, as any dog does--probably a more quiet household would be Darla's choice. Could Darla be the doggie for you and your family? For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Girl Scout Cookies. Harmless Treat, Or Lesbian Mind Control Pills?

Full disclosure: We luuuurvvvves us some Girl Scout Cookies. Samoas, man, they are like little disks of chocolaty, carmely crack. Can not get enough of those bad boys. So imagine our surprise when we find out that in all these years scarfin' Samoas, as well as the occasional Thin Mint, Tagalong and Dulce de Leche (which is Spanish for "Eat me by the handful")  we have been unknowingly SUPPORTING THE LESBOS!!!gasp!!

A conservative pastor and radio host, who thinks "feminism has been devastating to the country," begged his listeners not to buy Girl Scouts Cookies because he claims the "wicked" organization promotes lesbianism and abortion.

"And on top of that,"  Pastor Kevin Swanson grumbled, "If you go to their website you'll see they're supported by Michelle Obama, so add angry radical feminist to the list. Oh, and black. Make that angry black radical feminist."

Swanson upbraided the Girl Scouts for not promoting a biblical vision of "godly womanhood" and asked — if you absolutely must purchase the treats — to cross out every reference to the youth organization on the box with a black magic marker.

OK, let's get this straight. It's fine to buy and eat the cookies as long as you deface the box they came in. We're not sure the Rev has thought this whole non-support thing through.

The Girl Scout Cookie Program aims to introduce girls to business and financial skills, a goal Swanson and his co-host, Dave Buehner, faulted.

"The last thing we need in this world is more competent people," Swanson said. "Mark my words, it will be the death of the Republican party, not to mention what it will do to our uniquely American institutions like voting. I mean, you let women get a foot in the door with the  19th amendment and now look. You got women Senators, women Governors, women mayors and state representatives. Where does it all end? Hillary was a Girl Scout you know."

Buehner added, "Are you trying to create a woman who's gonna compete with men in the marketplace, or are you trying to create a woman to be a helpmate to a man so that he can compete in the marketplace?"

Umm...Both?

"Understand what a biblical approach to raising sons and raising daughters is all about, and be very, very careful how you do it," said Swanson.

Gotcha Rev. And remember, first rule of the biblical approach to raising daughters is women are good for two things: Making babies and sammiches and ain't nobody selling Girl Scout Sammiches, get it?

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, we were thinking, as the latest example of what passes for governance here in post rational America drew to a close and the federal government prepared to open--until the next time it closes--that what we need in this country is a hero. Someone who can step forward and wield a sword in the face of the dragon of ignorance, to take up arms against the dark forces that even now are marshaling in the shadows...waiting for an opening to leap at the very throat of our civilization. Someone like Harry Findley.

THE millionaire looking to bring greyhound racing back to Oxford Stadium says he is ready to stump up £1.2m to snap up the site.

Huzzah for Sir Harry! HUZZAH! Just when the overlords had resigned themselves to the fact that this rusted, dilapidated hulk of pain, injury and death was about to be consigned to the ash heap of history and replaced by 220 homes for low and moderate income families, who should appear on the horizon like Helios in his chariot but Harry Findley. Huzzah! We say again. Huzzah and well met sir.

He said he believed the stadium was worth £1.2m in its current state, and he was prepared to pay it. He said: “I can’t wait to get my hands on Oxford. I know it’s going to be packed three nights a week.”

 Oh dawning promise of bright tomorrow! Oh sweet, joyous song of what's to come! Oh...wait. You do know there are seven nights in a week, right?

“I’ve got a massive advantage in that I’ve already got all the best trainers at my track in Coventry ready to come down to Oxford.Findley said."

Uh. Not to be nit picky  or anything, but the problem with the track wasn't the trainers, it was the fact that no one came to see the dogs risk their lives at two bucks a pop. It's beginning to look as if Mr. Findley hasn't thought this all the way through.

“They have certainly shown it can only be run as a greyhound track and I’m their man.”

Again, not to be disrespectful or anything because if you have £1.2m to set on fire you must be a very smart man, but the fact that it's closed and about to be demolished is because people tried to run it as a greyhound track.

Oxford East MP Andrew Smith said: “Three things have to happen now. One – the Government must refuse them permission to demolish the stadium. Two – the city council must turn down the planning application for housing, which I am sure they will, and three – the Government has to turn down any appeal against that refusal. “Then the owners will have to sell or lease the stadium as a stadium, and it can get up and running again in new hands.”

Oh. Well, when you put it like that it sound like it's a done deal then, right Charlie?

Charlie is playful, happy, and curious about the world around him. He is very affectionate, adaptable, and loves to go on walks/car rides and is very happy meeting new people at meet and greet activities. Although Charlie gets along very well with his two other doggie roommates, he is not currently prepared to be introduced to a home with cats or other small animals. Charlie would do best with another dog and an active family (without young children) that will include him in their activities. He has a problem with sleep startle and his foster family is working very hard with him to overcome this problem. Charlie is looking for a patient, loving, stable, and committed forever family that will be invested in helping him reach his fullest potential. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, we've been thinking about our old buddy Tom Taylor a lot lately here in the marbled halls of IM Central. Say what you will about Tommy (and we often did) he could always be counted on for a bit of dissembling, some avoidance of the issue, or just out right lies when it came to the treatment of the units down at Tucson Death Camp for Greyhounds. But since he was unceremoniously dumped it's like a light has gone out of our lives. If by light you mean pustulating horror of cold, empty, silent blackness, sucking the humanity from your very soul.

Anyway, we got to wondering what was going on at the TGP injury and death factory post Tommy so we took to the interwebs and what before our wandering eyes should appear but:


 Whoa! Income drops 21% in just one year? Bet you wish you had old Tommy back now, huh nameless behind the scenes absentee owners of the park who prefer to remain anonymous but whose initials are Joseph Zappala and Robert Consolo Jr?

Well, desperate times call for desperate measures, so what are the plans to keep the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for profit going when no one seems to want it?

A high-ranking state administrator is asking the city of South Tucson to consider rescinding a 2008 voter initiative banning steroid injections for racing greyhounds. Arizona Department of Racing Director Bill Walsh sent a memo to South Tucson two weeks ago asking the city to revisit the law.

OK, first of all we feel obligated to point out that referring to Bill Walsh as a "high-ranking state administrator" is like referring to Ted Cruz as a far sighted philosopher-politician, but more to the point, is this the best you can do? Let's start shooting up the dogs again and everything will be all right? That's your big solution?

Walsh said state law designates the Racing Department as the sole regulator of horse and dog racing in Arizona. By implementing the measure, South Tucson subverted the department’s “power and authority to regulate the industry and the property on which the races are conducted,” Walsh wrote in the memo.

Oh. Excuse us. This isn't about the dogs at all. Little Billy got the hurt fee fees 'cause mean old South Tucson took his ball away. Poor baby.

Even though South Tucson’s attorney hasn’t issued an opinion yet, South Tucson City Manager Luis Gonzales said it’s unlikely the council will overturn the voter-approved ordinance when it discusses the topic at Wednesday’s meeting. But the council might decide to amend the animal-control agreement with Pima County to eliminate the enforcement provision for injecting greyhounds with steroids at Tucson Greyhound Park, Gonzales said.

Now, let's make sure we have this straight. You pass a law that says you can't shoot up the greyhounds and interfere with their natural cycle just so you can suck a few extra bucks off them, now you're thinking about passing a law that says you can't enforce the first law--which by the way is still on the books. Isn't that sort of like saying you're having safe sex with a condom made of cheesecloth Peter?

Peter is a 9 year old brindle love bug. He is currently living with both large and small doggies, and cats in his foster home and is also good with kids. He seems to prefer the small doggies in his foster home over the big ones but gets along well with everyone. He loves having a fenced yard so he can walk around and sniff and mark every blade of grass. He likes to ride in the car, seems to be somewhat particular with his food. Sleeps on his back w four feet in the air (Roaching) and is an all around relaxed, good boy. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Alabama! Motto: We Need To Get This Nickname Thing Firgured Out First

OK, OK so you're reading the title of this little missive and you're thinking, "Alabama? Come on Ironicus, that's a bit too easy isn't it? Even for you."

Well, first of all we resent your implication that the easy way out isn't the first choice around the marbled halls of IM Central, but in this case we have been drawn to the...uh...the...OK we were going to use Alabama's state nickname here for the sake of variety, but it turns out they don't have one. That could explain some things. Anyway, what drew us to Alabama, specifically Daphne, Alabama was a story in the local press about some concerned parents.

Daphne High School is offering Arabic language classes instead of French classes this fall, taught by Sanaa El-Khattabi, a former University of South Alabama professor.

You know where this is going, right? What's somebody with a name like Sanaa El-Khattabi doing in Alabama to begin with? The only thing we can figure is he must have been passing himself off as an African American. Or maybe Hispanic, although to get away with that he would have had to open a Lawn Care business, which would have conflicted with his teaching position at the university. But anyway, back to our story:

But some Daphne residents are upset that the Baldwin County school system is permitting its students to learn what they call “a culture of hate.”

Oh here we go.

“When you teach Arabic, you have to teach the culture along with it,” said Chuck Pyritz, whose two sons, Isaiah, 17, and Isaac, 14, attend Daphne High. “The culture is intertwined with Islam.”

When asked where he came by his knowledge of how foreign languages were taught, Mr. Pyritz explained that he often rode the bus to work with the hispaniards. We'd also like to point out that it probably is significant that Mr. Pyritz's sons are named Isaiah and Issac, two deeply Christian names which means Mr. Pryritz and his family are no doubt steeped the tolerance, love and forgiveness for which that religion is famous.

So what does the school district have to say about this underhanded attempt to sneak Sharia law into the nicknameless state of Alabama?

School officials believe the class will help prepare students to succeed in a global economy.

"Now most people would say Chinese is the language to learn if you want to succeed in the global economy," said Alan Lee, superintendent of the Baldwin County school system. "But we thought with that there Muslin sympathizer in the White House, this might give our kids a better chance at surviving when we're invaded by Iran."

“This is America, and English is our language, and while I understand the alleged premise of offering Arabic at our high school, I don’t agree with it,” said Michael Rife, who lives in Daphne. "And since this is a democracy, y'all have to do what I want. Just like in Washington."

Pyritz cited the case of jihadist Omar Hammami, who grew up in Daphne, as a compelling reason that school systems should not offer courses in Arabic. "He grew up here before Arabic was offered in the high school. Attended the school but then dropped out," Mr. Pyritz told the Board meeting. "Good lord people, can't you see the connection here?"

“It is not just another language; it is a language of a religion of hate." Added Mr. Rife. "Unlike English which is the language of a religion of love and tolerance."

Multilingual job candidates will have an advantage in the Alabama job market, given the variety of international companies, Lee said, including Airbus Americas (French), ThyssenKrupp (German), Outokumpu (Finnish), Toyota (Japanese) and Hyundai (Korean). "Now can you see why we want to teach Arabic?" Lee asked.

Why does Alan Lee hate America?

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Mixed Messages Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The MMD is a division of the Words Is Hard Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of What Part Of Loser Do You Not Understand, LLC.

But first a little background. Frequent reader(s) of this blog know accomplishment is the path of increased expectations leading to the valley of disappointment...erm...we mean know that here in post rational America there are two groups of our fellow citizens whom we occasionally single out as examples of why head injuries should be taken seriously, namely the overlords and legislators. In most cases we deal with these unfortunate examples of the results of being given paint chips as an after school snack separately, but occasionally they come together in what can only be called a singularity of stupid. This is one of those times.

This last week the overlords were confronted yet again with yet another dope slap from reality when yet another study was released that said one more time what every other study of the institutionalized exploitation of innocent living creatures for profit has said, namely, get a real job losers. Or more precisely,

A new study on gaming in Florida predicts six dog tracks, including Ebro Greyhound Park, will end live racing if the state eliminates a law requiring tracks run a minimum number of races to operate a poker room.

OK, pretty straight forward, right? Well, that just shows how little you know about the advanced state of data interpretation practiced by that particular subset of society which we respectfully refer to as semi-sentient bags of wasted protein. (bless their hearts) Take it away Mark Hess, associate manager of Ebro Death Camp for Greyhounds:

Hess said as long as greyhound racing is profitable, Ebro will continue to run the dogs. And he believes racing will continue to make money, even if decoupling passes.

Now, if you have the brains god gave a spinach plant  you might have a bit of a problem following that train of logic past the we're only in this for the money part, so let's listen as Mr. Hess elucidates his analysis further:

“We don’t know for sure (what would happen),” Hess said. “We would have to take a good look at it, and we’re not really going to spend the time to look at it until decoupling really exists.”

So, to recap: We're only in this for the money. Decoupling will not affect the money. We don't know what will happen because we haven't been paying attention, therefore PROFIT!!

Right now you're thinking Ha Ha Ironicus, that guy's pretty dumb so what's new? We want to see the dog of the week.

Oh we are so not there yet gentle reader(s). Enter Senate Gaming Committee Chairman Garrett Richter, (R-etard).

A $400,000 gambling report will be delayed because it is too confusing and needs to be reviewed for accuracy, according to Richter.

"Have you looked at that thing?" Richter asked. "It's nothing but words and charts and graphs. What am I supposed to do with that? I'm a politician, not a dictionary."

Understood Mr. Richter, but could you be a little more specific as to the nature of your confusion? Surely you have staff that could help you with the big words.

“There is absolutely nothing in the report that either satisfies or dissatisfies me,’’ Richter said.

We see. So what is it in the report that is confusing, yet neither satisfying nor dissatisfying?

Although he had not seen the report, Richter said he learned it was confusing and supported the delay.

Understood. Again, to recap: The report is confusing. That doesn't affect me one way or another. I have not read the report, therefore DELAY!!

OK, now we can meet the dog of the week, but you'll have to stop weeping for America first.

Doc is a handsome, 3 year old fawn. He is playful, loving and curious. Doc enjoys his food and playing outside in the yard with people and toys. He gets along with the 8 and 9 year old humans that come to visit and with his foster brother grey. Doc sleeps through the night in his crate and doesn't seem to be bothered by storms. It is as though he has always lived with a family in a home. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.