Oklahoma! Motto: Pew Pew Pewpewpew, KaBOOM!

We have to admit to a certain fondness for the militias. Probably hearkens back to our days as little Ironici and the enjoyment we found in a rousing game of Army. Sometimes Marines, but mostly Army as we hadn't learned to swear quite well enough to handle the role of Gunney. Don't quite remember who the enemy was, maybe Germans, or Japs, or White Sox Fans, we're kind of fuzzy on the details, but those long, lazy summer afternoons spent slithering through the underbrush in the local park, then bursting up to charge the enemy pillbox all the while supplying our own sound effects will always remain a treasured memory. Plus we were great at dying. Break your heart to see us go down. "Gasp. Wheeze. You guys take that hill for me will ya? Grimace. Tell Lucy not to forget me. Wheeze. Cough. Sigh."

So all this is by way of saying that we have an understanding of  the attraction of militias, and feel we can sympathize with why a young, undereducated unemployed person would be unwilling to leave those carefree days of chasing Nazis, Imperialist Asian hordes, or American League fans out of the neighborhood. That being said, we need to tell you that we still don't quite understand what's going on in Oklahoma. 

Frustrated by the fact that they can only attract crazy people, tea party leaders and some mentally handicapped members of the Oklahoma Legislature say they would like to create a new volunteer militia to help defend against what they believe are improper federal infringements on state sovereignty. "We've already designed the uniform," said Al Gerhart of Oklahoma City, who heads an umbrella group of tea party factions called the Oklahoma Constitutional Alliance. "It's really cool too. My mom knows how to sew and she said she'd make one for me."

Tea party movement leaders say they've discussed the idea with several unmedicated lawmakers and hope to get legislation next year to recognize a new volunteer force. They say the unit would not resemble militia groups that have been raided for allegedly plotting attacks on law enforcement officers. "Well, unless they try to enforce a federal mandate, say like the Head Start program," said one tea party leader who asked not to be named. "Then all bets are off."


Thus far, the discussions have been sporadic, particularity after Gerhart forgot to take out the garbage and was not allowed to come back outside after dinner. Even the proponents say they don't know how an armed force would be organized nor how a state-based militia could block federal mandates. "We considered taking a copy of the Health Care Bill out back and shooting it," Gerhart told reporters," But mostly we'll probably just wear our uniforms a lot."

Critics also asserted that the force could inflame extremism, and that the National Guard already provides for the state's military needs."Yeah, but you got to pass a test to get into the Guard," said one prospective militia volunteer.

The militia talks reflect the frustration of some grass roots groups seeking new ways of fighting recent federal initiatives, such as the health reform plan, which requires all citizens to have health insurance. "The government just wants to keep you alive longer so you'll pay more taxes," said one tea party leader. "Besides, why can't people just get the Medicare like I did? Nice feller down at the Social Security office told me about it after I hurt my back and had to quit work."

State Sen. Randy Brogdon, R-Clozapine, a Republican candidate for governor who has appealed for tea party support because most people who can read have come out against his candidacy, said supporters of a state militia have talked to him because he's the only one that will listen, and that he believes the citizen unit would be authorized under the Second Amendment to the Constitution."That's the gun one, right?" Brogdon asked.


Tea party leader J.W. Berry of the Tulsa-based OKforTea began soliciting interest in a state militia through his newsletter under the subject Buy more guns, more bullets. "It's not a far-right crazy plan or anything like that," Berry said. "This would be done with the full cooperation of the state Legislature."

Oh. Well, as long as the legislature is involved we're sure it's fine.