But Ma! Billie's Mom Let's Him Fight On The Side Of Jesus

We can sympathize with Jacob Ward. From washing behind your ears, to cleaning your room, to eating your peas, moms can sometimes be real irritants.

Police in tiny Huron, Ohio, said they became alarmed about Jacob Ward last July after his mother confiscated his guns.

See, now that's just out of line right there.  And there's no point in taking the grievance up with dad either because he'll just cave when mom gives him that look. Appeals to reason fall on deaf ears too. We're sure Jacob had a perfectly reasonable  need for his firearms, right?

Police reports indicate Ward wanted his AK47 and .45-caliber pistol back because an Ohio crime family was after him for trying to marry a Macedonian woman who had been held captive on an island in Lake Erie by another crime family.

Uh...we're not sure what surprises us more, that Ohio has a crime family, or Lake Erie has islands. Still, Mrs. Ward, a guy's got to have his Little Friend, you know? Since you won't let him have a dog that's pretty much all he's got. What do you say now mom? Come on. Maybe just the pistol?

Ward's mother told police she seized the guns because she was worried about her son's mental state, reports said.

Whoa! Mrs. Ward that's cold! He's your own kid and stuff.

The 33-year-old former mall janitor -- who is jailed in Michigan on charges of conspiring with a Lenawee County militia group to declare war on the U.S. -- wanted police to pursue criminal charges because of the confiscated guns and was irate when the cops refused, Huron Police Chief John Majoy said.

What! You called the cops! On your mom! Dude, suck it up. We mean, when our mom took away our bike for a week because we ran over our sister (twice) we were pissed, but we knew we'd get it back. And what's with "former" mall janitor? Couldn't keep up with the technological changes in floor maintenance or something?

We gotta go with your mom on this one man. If you have trouble with the Sanitaire Model SC6015 industrial grade floor polisher, you don't need to be toting around no AK 47.

And gangsters holding women prisoners on an island? Wasn't that a movie back in the 90's? Starred Steven Seagal or something. We think.