Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Well, In His Defense, The Underpants Did Come From Victoria's Secret

It's not often we find ourselves in agreement with The Man. OK, truth be told we don't even know who The Man is, but we have to admit that Long Beach High School Principal Nicholas Restivo, who may or may not be The Man, did the right thing, even if it was for the wrong reason.

Captain Underpants has battled talking toilets and Professor Poopypants, but he was no match for a high school principal who banned students from dressing up as the children's book character on the school's Superhero Day. "Look, I have enough trouble around here with Biker Trash Day and Pirate and the Librarian Day. I don't need this kind of grief," Restivo said.

Three 17-year-old girls wore beige leotards and nude stockings under white briefs and red capes. "Yes, I know they weren't naked," Restivo said. "But I didn't know that at first and I almost killed myself getting down there to...uh...check out...I, yes, assess the situation."

Chelsea Horowitz, one of the dressed-up girls, had a problem with that logic. "They're not see-through or anything," said Horowitz, an honor student and softball player. "All the teachers thought it was cute, especially Mr. Dillard. He just kept taking pictures until his flash burned out."

But Restivo decreed that no underpants would be visible in his hallways. "Sure we find them in the back of the school buses, and occasionally in the library, but nobody is wearing those, so technically that doesn't count."

Yes, well his diligence is to be commended, but our concern is not with the potential disruption caused by a few, shall we say students dressed contra fashion, but more with the fact that this is election season, and you never know when there's going to be a republican in the neighborhood. We hear they can sense ripples in the ether caused by the emergence of secondary sex characteristics.

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