Monday, November 13, 2006

Daddy Never Lets Me Do Anything By Myself

Ah, nothing like a little eat your own post election house cleaning is there? Rummy, hit the road. Rovester, don't buy anything on time. Dicky boy, that ticker's acting up on you is it? Maybe a nice long rest in, say Outtasightistan is the thing for you. And even the old head master hasn't gotten off completely unscathed.

President Bush met with a bipartisan group because his daddy made him seek consensus on a new approach for the war in Iraq amid widespread agreement that the administration's current efforts have not worked well enough or fast enough.

Ya think?

White House press secretary Tony Snowjob described the meeting as a conversation, except the part where Bush had to shut up and listen. "This is not a deposition," Snowjob said. "That'll come later, right before the president flees to Paraguay."

"The president looks forward to sharing his thoughts with the Iraq Study Group," said Gordon Johndroe, spokesman for the National Security Council, on Sunday. "We figure that'll take about two minutes, unless someone distracts him with a shiny object. Then all bets are off."

Bush talked in the Oval Office with members of the Iraq Study Group, headed by people who have an actual connection to the real world. "I look forward to hearing the perspectives of people from the Study Group," he told reporters. "Of course I"ll be heavily medicated at the time, so I"m not sure how much I'll remember."

The study group was spending the day at the White House speaking with members of Bush's national security team. "We'll spend most of the day helping them get their passports and resumes in order," said an aide to Iraq Study Group, head, former Secretary of State James A. Baker. "But if they ask us we'll explain why when you start a war you're supposed to win it."

Meanwhile, General John Abizaid, head of the U.S. Central Command, met with the Iraqi prime minister to "reaffirm President Bush's commitment" to success in Iraq, the government said. "And by 'success' I mean Thursday," Abiziad added.

The study group, which is co-chaired by former Democratic Rep. Lee Hamilton of Indiana, was to meet not only with Bush, but also with Vice President Dick Cheney and National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley. "They've all gone on a field trip to the zoo," said a spokesperson for vice president Cheney. "So we'll reschedule sometime after hell freezes over."

Talks were set separately with Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, National Intelligence Director John Negroponte and CIA Director Michael Hayden. "Yeah. Like I'm going to give a rat's patootie about their ideas now," Rumsfeld said. "Besides, Monday is Condi's shopping day."

"We clearly need a fresh approach," said Josh Bolten, Bush's chief of staff, making the rounds of morning talk shows. "Boy, these guys really pick up on the little nuances, don't they?" asked Senator Carl Levin incoming chairman of the Armed Services Committee.

Baker has indicated the recommendations will fall somewhere between the troop withdrawal strategy that Republicans like to say Democrats favor and the stay the course policy until recently used by Bush and widely ridiculed by Democrats. "We're really hoping for the success of our negotiations with the Pleiadians," he said. "If we can get our hands on their freeze ray technology, we're golden."

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