Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that life is like Halloween without the candy: a futile quest for reward in a dystopian underworld of zombies, monsters and Princess Elsas all covered in glowsticks...erm...we mean know that the overlords have often lamented the burdensome weight which is the fist of uncaring bureaucracy pushing down upon them, keeping them from flying free in the azure skies of unfettered free enterprise, well until that fist is taken away, then it's like Holy Crap! Who's gonna give us money now?

Our point is that the relationship between the overlords and the various boards, commissions and regulators charged with maintaining some semblance of human decency in an industry based on the commodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit is fraught with...well let's just say it's fraught.

When Saul Mays applied for a license to own and train greyhounds in 2002, his rap sheet signaled he was not a model citizen. Convicted of kidnapping his estranged wife at gunpoint in 1988, after taking her into the woods and sexually assaulting her, he had served three years in prison.

Yes, well we don't personally know Mr. Mays, but it seems to us he possibly has some...uh...impulse control issues and perhaps it wouldn't be in the best interests of the dogs, not to mention his fellow kennel employees to allow this man inside the fence, as it were. Wouldn't you agree Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering?

The staff at the Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering recommended Mays application to race dogs be denied, but Mays appealed and was granted a license.

Yes. Well, OK then...paid his debt to society and all. We get that. Plus, we're sure his appeal contained ample evidence of how he had turned his life around and members of the Division went through it with a fine tooth comb looking for even the slightest indication that Mr. Mays would return to his former ways. After all, that is what they get paid for, that is their area of expertise, their raison d'etre as it were. We all just need to take a step back here and trust these professionals to do their jobs and not jump to any conclusions about Mr. Mays simply because he made a few...umm...unfortunate decisions.

A year later in 2003, investigators found evidence that Mays’ dogs were being abused at the Jefferson County Kennel Club. He was investigated at his Monticello kennel then, again in 2005 and 2010, when inspectors found seven “very thin” dogs and others covered with tick bites.

 OK Bub, you had your chance. We were willing to let bygones be bygones, the past is the past and all that, but you blew it. Now  the mighty hammer of righteousness which is the  the Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering is about to come down on you like rain came down on Noah, like Joshua came down on the Canaanites, like Jesus came down on the moneylenders, like third grade math came down on the overlords even though it was their fourth time through. Sorry, ran out of biblical allusions there. Anyway, you thought prison was bad? You'll wish you were back in prison when the Division gets through with you. Well, actually you may be back in prison, so forget that. Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering? Unleash Hell:

In each case, state regulators concluded there was not enough evidence of abuse and no action was taken.

We're sorry this had to happen to you, but the truth is you brought it on yourself, you wait, what?

Mays got his first reprimand in 2012, only after the Washington County Kennel Club in Ebro reported that greyhounds Mays put up for adoption were “covered in ticks” and the dogs “all appeared to be in poor overall shape.”

Oh, OK here we go. Righteous Hammer? Do your thing

But the 2012 penalty didn’t come from the state. It came from the National Greyhound Association, which represents owners and trainers. The organization banned Mays for life from “any further involvement with NGA-registered greyhounds.”

 Oh Come On Now. This guy is such a lousy overlord even the other overlords don't want him around? Jeez, Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering, do something will you? Post an insult to his Facebook page, ignore him at parties, tell all your friends he's a big poopyhead, something.

Florida regulators fined Mays $300 and let him keep his license.

Well, say what you will about the  Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering because whatever you say it's not going to change the fact that they are about as useful as a bottle of sun tan lotion in a coal mine.

Florida’s law gives the Division of Pari-mutuel Wagering the power to revoke or suspend a license of an dog or horse trainer or owner if he has been convicted of a felony or is found abusing animals. But, based on dozens of cases reviewed by the Miami Herald and Tampa Bay Times, the implementation of the rules are lax, and the penalties are often weak.

Oh really? Thanks for the insight Sherlock. What was your first clue?

Tajiana Ancora-Brown, spokeswoman for the Division of Pari-Mutuel Wagering said the agency has reduced its pending case load by 30 percent in the last year after reorganizing its legal office and hiring an additional lawyer.

"We find we can get through the cases much more quickly if we just ignore them and throw the files in a big pile out behind the building," she added.

Meanwhile, the list of animal abusers in Florida continues to grow. It includes Miami Beach dog trainer Jose Lopez, who lost his license in Arizona in 2008 after being convicted of running a drug and prostitution ring. Lopez was fired in 2011 from the Florida Kennel Compound in Miami, which houses dogs for both Flagler and Mardi Gras race tracks, after neglecting nearly 50 greyhounds by failing to vaccinate them as required by law.
It took the state three years to file charges, during which time Lopez continued to race dogs at the Sarasota Kennel Club. Finally, in July of this year, state regulators repealed Lopez’s license, saying he had lied to them about having been convicted of unemployment compensation fraud in Florida in 1994 and about his 2008 conviction in Arizona.

"He gave us his word and a pinky swear," Ancora-Brown said. "I mean, in an industry that puts profit above everything, even the lives of the dogs, how were we to know he might not tell us everything about him being a twice convicted felon and all? I mean, he dressed well, so you know..."

Another trainer, Jennifer Forsyth, was convicted of animal cruelty in Pennsylvania in 2012 after state officials raided her kennel and found sick and starving animals on the property. Forsyth then moved to Florida, where she held a license to race dogs. It took nearly two years before state regulators figured out that state law prohibited her from operating here. They pulled her license this year.

"Hey, who has time to read all that stuff?"  a member of the Division who asked to remain anonymous because he was interviewed at a strip club said. "Most of us can barely read a Denny's menu. Even with the pictures."

Robert Dawson, a trainer responsible for more than 100 dogs at the Palm Beach Kennel Club, has been cited by state regulators 14 times for violating rules, more than half of which for drugging dogs. He has been fined eight times and still holds a license.

"Well, in his defense we didn't make it clear that we were fining him for drugging dogs,"  Ancora-Brown said. "There's a possibility he thought it was for parking in a handicapped zone."

And then there’s Ursula O’Donnell...

OK, now that's just piling on right there. Sure the Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering is about as useful as Sarah Palin in a Jeopardy Tournament, but bringing up Ursula O'Donnell is just over the line. We mean, this lady has been killing dogs for years. She's probably responsible for the senseless murder of thousands of innocent greyhounds. If heartless cruelty was a caramel and chocolate cookie, she'd be the whole Twix factory (both right and left). And she hasn't even gotten so much as a cold look of disdain from the Division. Ursula O'Donnell is the poster child for the complete irrelevance of the Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering. She's like the queen of Can't Touch This, and the only thing worse would be to make members of the Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering walk around wearing lapel pins with a picture of her on them so they'd be constantly reminded that their unrelenting unbelievable, incomprehensible incompetence is killing dogs every day. You know, on second thought, that's not such a bad idea. What do you think Rosie?

I am a very happy, goofy and silly girl. My foster family had to work very hard to get this photo of me because every time someone wants to take my picture all I want to do is give them kisses. I love to give kisses. I wag my tail all the time because I am such a happy girl. I have been very friendly with everyone I have met. I learned to go up and down the stairs on my first try. I love to play with my toys. I get along great with my foster mom’s Greyhound. I have not met any small dogs or cats yet so I am not sure how I am with them. I have not had any accidents in the house. I love to go for walks but I need to work on my leash skills. I do very well when I’m in my crate. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

Hey, it's been a while since we hopped the pond to see what the old world overlords were up to so why don't we put on our traveling shoes this week and drop in on the old sod? Cheerio overlord McLean, what's the haps?

DIANE McLEAN, who is leading the We Want Wimbledon campaign, on Wednesday said she felt there was a growing view that the Galliards development plan around a football stadium for AFC Wimbledon “was seen as simply impractical given the scale of housing required to fund it.”

Still Wimbledon huh? Seems we've seen this movie before, but whatever, catch us up on the latest there DM.

She explained its enabling scheme, which involves 600 apartments, faced major planning hurdles “due to the major flood plain and transport issues.”

When asked to explain what "major flood plain and transport issues" meant she said she wasn't sure because she didn't understand all that "fancy talk," but she had been assured that those issues wouldn't affect a greyhound track "because reasons."

Paschal Taggart, who is behind a rival plan that includes a world class greyhound track, has now revised his scheme to reflect expert advice.

"Actually the 'expert advice' was to get out of greyhound racing while I still had two shillings to rub together," Taggart told reporters, "but then I thought about all the greyhounds who would be deprived of pain, suffering and death, and all the rubes who would be able to pay their rent on time if I backed out and I just knew this was a thing I had to do being a scruple free, soulless, pitiless economic predator and all."

“I don’t expect AFC Wimbledon to have any chance of success – they need a genie in a bottle to get through the serious problems,” Taggart said.

"I mean football? Really," he continued. "Come on. This is England. Are you seriously going to tell me that football is more popular than greyhound racing? What cave have you been living in?"

His number of planned apartments have been cut from 550 to 348, with fewer car parking places as a result. A greyhound stadium is seen as more viable.

"This is a no brainer," Taggart said. "I mean who wants to live next to a greyhound track? We probably could cut the number of apartments to four and still have vacancies. And as for parking, hey the average attendance at a race is 12 people, and most of them come on public transportation because they're too drunk to drive"

Taggart added that tactically he might not submit an application at all, because he believes the AFC Wimbledon bid had no chance of success and would be rejected straight away.

When asked how that strategy would benefit him Taggart replied that by not making an application, when the AFC Winbledon application was rejected there would be no other applications pending and thus his application would be approved. If he had submitted it. "It's advanced business strategy," he told reporters. "If I have to explain it, you won't understand."

His new plan will be on show at a meeting organized by Wimbledon Park Residents Association – who crucially are backing greyhound racing over football because one of the requirements for membership on the Residents Association is Traumatic Brain Injury.

Well, on the bright side, if they do build the track it will draw the drug addicts, pick pockets and petty thieves so that should make law enforcement's job easier, right Marco?

I am just grinning ear to ear! Foster life is everything I hoped for; soft bed, car rides, yummy food and lots of love! I'm so happy I can't stop my tail from wagging, even when I am drinking! They tell me forever homes are even better... No way! I've got the best foster siblings, I can't stop kissing them! And it's going to get better than this? Oh Boy! For more information about these dogs, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Rose By Another Name Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The RBAND is a division of the Six Of One A Half Dozen Of The Other Corporation, a wholly owned subsidiary of Same Difference, LLC. It seems, in their ongoing quest to remain free of gainful labor, the overlords have adopted a new strategy.

A resolution approved Wednesday seeking legislation to give the state Racing Commission authority to set the number of live racing days at the state’s thoroughbred and greyhound tracks could be a first step in reviving the struggling racing industry in the state, its sponsor said.

"We've put a lot of thought in this," the resolution's sponsor said, "and we feel the best way to bring the industry back is to make it less visible and less frequent. It's advanced marketing theory, you probably wouldn't understand."

“This industry is in serious transition,” Commissioner Bill Phillips said. "If by 'transition' you mean tanking faster than Louie Gohmert at a MENSA meeting."

Part of the resolution calls on the commission to work with stakeholders to come up with proposed legislation to either reduce the mandated number of racing days at the four tracks, or give the commission flexibility to set those numbers.

"To be clear, one of those numbers is 0," Commissioner Phillips said. 

With continuing declines in both live and simulcast wagering, and legislation cutting the state subsidy of racing purses by more than $8 million a year, the racetracks are finding it impossible to meet those mandates, with purses becoming too small to fill racing cards.

"We considered paying off winners with Groupons," One Commissioner said, but we had to chuck that idea when we found out some of the bettors were trying to make bets with them."

On Wednesday alone, the commission approved a request to cancel seven racing days at Charles Town in November and December, and approved Mountaineer’s request to cancel racing in December because of a lack of purse funds. “We said, when you run out of money, you don’t have to run races,” Commission chairman Joe Rossi said of the latter decision.

"What do you think of our plan?"  Rossi asked. "We figure if we keep letting tracks close because they're broke, in a year or two none of the tracks will have any races at all. Now is that revitalizing, or what?

We like it. What about you Thad?

I am an extremely sweet boy. I am a little goofy and silly. I love to lay on my back and roach. I am very playful but a little timid. I just need a lot of encouragement and I will be fine. I have already gotten better in the week I have been in my foster home. I have not met any small dogs yet so I am not sure about them but I love dogs my own size. I absolutely love kids. I love to “hug” them and give them lots of kisses. I am housebroken and I do not mind being in my crate. I like to go for walks but I need reassurance that loud noises are not scary, like cars going by. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that confronting time, the dragon mounted pillager of youth, will leave them singed and dispirited...erm...we mean know that we have often used our pixels on this page to discourse on the plight of the overlords.  Hapless creatures, it seems, storm tossed on the sea of free enterprise and left abandoned on the rocky shoals of indifference, disgust and disdain.

Or, put another way, no one wants these bozos within a parsec of them. Regular people don't want them; track owners don't want them; even legislators--whom we must admit have standards only slightly above pit vipers--don't want them. So what is a poor, besieged overlord to do? The application deadline for Walmart greeter school has passed, and even though they have their certificate of completion from the third grade, employers seem to think that the ability to exploit innocent living creatures for (no) profit, then abandon them to an uncertain fate when they no longer produce is not an appropriate skill set for those who wish to use their labor to make a contribution to the betterment of society.

Truly a dilemma wouldn't you say? OK, you probably wouldn't say. Like us, you'd probably say "Welcome to the Karma Restaurant doofus. There is no menu. You get what you deserve," but let's set that aside for a moment and consider the situation from the overlords' perspective. Point number one: Your "sport" is about as popular as an Ebola outbreak in Central Park. Point number two: You are about as welcome in human society as a steaming hot bowl of chlamydia soup. Point number three: Your ability to obtain and maintain gainful employment outside of the wholesale abuse and neglect of greyhounds industry is on a par with the efficacy of flying cement trucks. Add it all up and only one conclusion is possible:

You need to start your own track.

The Iowa Greyhound Association has formally requested a license to operate a dog racing track in Dubuque next year.

When asked why they thought a track would be successful in a climate where tracks are closing all over the country and revenue from greyhound racing is dropping faster than Scott DesJarlais drops his wedding vows, a spokesperson for the IGA who did not want his named used due to outstanding warrants, replied, "Because."

An official from the Iowa Racing and Gaming Commission tells the Telegraph Herald the license application was received Wednesday, the final day an application could be submitted.

"We were all just getting ready to go home, the official said, "when this shabby looking fellow rides up on an old bicycle and asks if this is the Racing Commission Headquarters. I thought he was some sort of panhandler and I was about to give him some change when he says he's the president of the IGA and hands us this grimy envelope.  All I can say is it's a good thing spelling doesn't count. Oh, by the way, before he rode away he did ask us if anyone had any spare change."

Reporters requesting an explanation from the IGA as to why it took so long to complete the application were told Rory Goree had been hired as a consultant. "He charged us $37.50," a spokesperson said. "We're hoping the track will generate enough profit in the first five years so we can pay him."

Hmmm. What do you think  Silver? Mr. Goree probably shouldn't make any plans for that money huh?

I am a very easy going, sweet boy. I am happy, very smart and obedient. I absolutely love to be around people. I have discovered the toy box and love to play with toys. The other dog in my foster home can come right up and take the toys from me and I do not growl or snap. I am housebroken. I do not like being in the crate. I walk very well on my leash. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.