Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will remember the sweet birds of youth chirping in the budding trees of hope caressed by the warm breezes of promise, which have now become skeleton like branches, dark against an overcast sky, empty, except for the single black raven that sits silently watching, like death...erm...we mean will remember that we have often discoursed on the relative merits of the overlord's overseers down in the sunshine state and after extensive analysis, study and reflection have generally drawn the conclusion that basically, they suck gravel through a straw. They are to efficiency as stoplights are to space exploration. They are to effectiveness as waterfalls are to windmills. They are to commitment as helicopters are to hermit crabs. They are...well, you get the point. And in spite of the fact that it has become general knowledge that the office housing the aforementioned regulating body is nothing more than a warehouse for idiots, they don't seem to mind.

"You can't have individuals who have been implicated in apparent cases of Greyhound neglect or Greyhound cruelty or serious cases of Greyhound drug positives like cocaine continue to work in this industry for months or years before action is taken on their case," said Theil who heads Grey2K USA, a Greyhound protection organization. 

 Oh, Mr. Theil, you're so cute when expect results. Of course you can have individuals who have been implicated in apparent cases of Greyhound neglect or Greyhound cruelty or serious cases of Greyhound drug positives like cocaine continue to work in this industry for months or years before action is taken on their case. This is Florida we're talking about. You must be thinking about some place where people actually do the job they are hired to do. 

The Contact 5 Investigators discovered as of July 2014, Florida’s Division of Pari-Mutuel wagering, which oversees dog and horse racing in Florida, had yet to resolve approximately 400 complaints that had been lodged against people who do work at the tracks A closer analysis shows nearly 20% of those complaints had been lingering for over one year.

 OK, you have to look at this from the regulator's point of view. They figure the longer it takes them to actually get out of the break room and go do their jobs, the more likely it is the person they are supposed to be investigating will die of old age, thus saving them time and the taxpayers money. It's advanced regulatory agency management theory. You wouldn't understand.

As for the state’s delays, a spokesperson for the FL Department of Business and Professional Regulation writes, "Although cases appear similar in nature, each case can vary drastically based on the totality of factors involved."

When asked to clarify what a "totality of factors" means the spokesperson said, "Well, it's like this: some folks abuse greyhounds by giving them drugs, some abuse greyhounds by not seeing they get proper medical care, some abuse greyhounds just in the basic way they treat them, and some abuse greyhounds by racing them until they are used up, then tossing them out like yesterday's newspaper. You got any idea how hard it is to keep all that straight?"

Oh we hear you FL Department of Business and Professional Regulation spokesperson, we really do. Maybe if you were to look for some sort of common denominator in all these cases you might be able to, you know,  get a handle on things. Of course, actually leaving your office and going into the field to investigate these incidents would help too. Just spitballing here.

In Robert Dawson's 30-year career as a Greyhound trainer, he's been cited by the state more than a dozen times.  Most in involved issues with dog medication and drug violations. This past January, Robert Dawson became the subject of yet another state investigation. This time, one of his dogs tested positive for procaine- a non-performance enhancing drug. While both his cases remain under investigation, Dawson continues his work with the dogs.

 Now why would we want to deprive the dogs of such an obviously devoted and loving caregiver such as Mr. Dawson just because of some unsubstantiated allegations, huh? Ever hear of innocent until proven guilty, or in Mr. Dawson's case innocent until he retires or dies, but the point is, we all know the overlords only got into the wholesale exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit because of their love of the breed, and to deprive Mr. Dawson contact with his beloved greyhounds would be a punishment many times more severe than any the FL Department of Business and Professional Regulation could dish out. Well, if they actually dished out punishments that is, but let's not quibble over details right now.

His attorney, Jennifer Rosenblum, sent us a copy of an email she sent to other media publications. It states in part, "As a trainer, Mr. Dawson is the person who is the absolute insurer of each Greyhound….and as absolute insurer, will receive notice of whatever alleged violation occurs, whether or not it has to do with anything he actually allegedly did.”

See? There's your answer right there. Just because Mr. Dawson's dogs are strung out on drugs doesn't mean he had anything to do with it. Sure it has happened a dozen or so time whenever he was around but it could be anybody. Personally, we blame Obama. What about you Addy?

I am a very playful, curious and loving girl. I love to give kisses. I love to run and play in the yard and play with my toys. I am housebroken. I get along with dogs of all sizes and am cat friendly. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall the relief they felt when the weight of expectation was lifted from them...erm...we mean will recall last week when we told you the sad and sordid tale of woe befalling the overlords in West Virginia. Well, it seems the intervening week has not improved conditions.

West Virginia’s greyhound racing industry could well be under siege in the 2015 regular session of the Legislature.

OK, here's a quick reading comprehension tip for those of you out there who may have been sleeping in English class the day they talked about foreshadowing. When a word like "siege" is in the lede of an article, expect bad things to happen to the subjects of said article.

There’s the study that’s been commissioned by the Lottery Commission at the behest of the two current Finance Committee chairmen (Sen. Roman Prezioso, D-Marion, Delegate Brent Boggs, D-Braxton) to determine if it would be in the state’s best interest to eliminate subsidies for greyhound owners and breeders (totaling $22.9 million in fiscal 2013, dropping to about $20 million this year with legislation passed in March cutting greyhound and thoroughbred subsidies by 10 percent).

 Now, we're not economists or anything, but it seems to us that wondering whether to stop giving free money to a bunch of losers like the overlords would be in the best interest of the state is like wondering if the pain will stop if you quit banging your head against the wall. But that's just our opinion. We could be wrong.

Given that the new Republican-controlled Legislature is not likely to propose tax increases to balance the state budget, that $20 million will look awfully tempting.

 Another quick comprehension tip: Any sentence that includes the words "Legislature, money" and "temptation" is going to end with somebody trying to scrape enough cash together to make the application fee for Walmart Greeter School.

Meanwhile, Grey2K USA, a national organization committed to outlawing greyhound racing nationwide for humane issues, has hired Rob Casto as their lobbyist this session.
That’s a significant hire, since before starting his government relations/lobbying group, Casto served more than 17 years as a House staffer, rising to assistant to the speaker.

 Casto huh? That's only one letter away from Castro, and that letter is r which is also the first letter in red. Now, we've always known the animal rights wackos were secret lefties, but we think this makes it pretty obvious that this Theil guy is a flaming commie and he's in league with that Casto fellow to turn West Virgina into some sort of socialistic dystopia where all the money goes to things like social programs, education and stuff leaving the poor overlords to sleep in the park with only their faith in the free enterprise system for a blanket.

Sam Burdette, president of the state Greyhound Owners and Breeders Association, has already made overtures for a buyout plan if the Legislature would pass a decoupling bill – eliminating the requirement that the management of Mardi Gras and Wheeling Downs operate greyhound racing as a condition of maintaining their casino licenses.

Oh sure Sam, turn your back on your fellow overlords. Do you really think sucking up to the new politburo will save you a trip to the reeducation camp when their takeover is complete? It's like you're only in it for the money, Sam, unlike your fellow overlords who are part of the wholesale commodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit because they love the breed so much. Nobody likes a sellout Sam.

However, the industry is not likely to go down without a fight, likely with outside money and interests pushing for continuing the state subsidies and racing – particularly from Florida, home of 13 of the nation’s 21 remaining greyhound tracks, and where the industry fought to defeat a decoupling bill in the Florida Legislature this year.

Oh man, talk about outside agitators. Oh wait, we thought the Grey2K animal rights wackos were the outside agitators. OK now we're all confused. This make any sense to you Teddy?

I am a very laid back boy. I love to cuddle. I am friendly and love to be around people. I love to have kisses on my head. I get along well with dogs of all sizes and cats. I can go up and down the stairs. I love to go for car rides. I know how to go to the door and tell you I need to go outside. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the This Will Not End Well Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The TWNEWD is a division of the I've Got A Bad Feeling About This Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of This Can't Be Good, LLC.

It seems the West Virginia version of the Dunning-Kruger experiment has noticed that all the money they've been funneling to the overlords in the last few years has yet to come back to them. Who could have predicted? Anyway, like good bureaucrats everywhere they have decided to do something about the situation by initiating a study. Hooray for procrastination!

A contract could be awarded this week for a study to determine the fiscal impact of state subsidies for greyhound racing — and the potential costs and benefits of eliminating those subsidies.

 Uh oh. The Legislature has put a contract out on the overlords. HaHaHaHa! A contract and a "contract." Play on words there. Get it? You people really shouldn't read this blog until you've had your coffee.

State Lottery Director John Musgrave said “We were asked by the two present Finance chairs, through the Department of Revenue, to do a study to assess dog racing, and make a determination to see if decoupling is viable”  West Virginia is one of several states that require racetrack casinos to also offer live thoroughbred or greyhound racing. With “decoupling,” the casinos are no longer obligated to offer live racing, or use casino revenues to subsidize racing purses.

Well, it depends on what you mean by "viable" there Mr. Musgrave sir. If you mean cutting loose the cash sucking overlord albatross from around the necks of the casinos and the state then sure, it's viable. If you mean subsidizing the overlords' reluctance to get jobs, then not so much.

“It seems like greyhound racing is on a path of destruction,” Sen. Roman Prezioso said. “They’re losing money, and we’d like a study to see how much money they’re losing and what they can do about it.” Prezioso said that in tough budget times, it’s difficult for the state to keep directing millions of dollars a year to what appears to be a failing industry. “We’re supporting that industry, and it just doesn’t seem right,” he said. “We can’t keep subsidizing an industry that’s failing.”

Here's a little financial tip for you Senator Prezioso: If an industry is losing money they don't "appear" to be a failing industry, they are a failing industry. See, because the whole idea of being in business is to make money. Hope this was helpful.

In September, Sam Burdette, president of the West Virginia Greyhound Owners and Breeders Association, told a legislative interim committee that, between the reduced purse fund subsidies and an ongoing decline in wagering on live races, the greyhound industry in the state is struggling to survive. He said at the time that only about three of the 17 kennels racing at the Mardi Gras Casino and Racetrack in Nitro were making a profit, citing weekly revenue reports from the racetrack.

"And the only reason those three are showing any profit at all is because the trainers make the kennel help sell plasma down at the Red Cross," Burdette added. Geez, Mr. Burdette, that's a bit extreme don't you think? What about bake sales, or  auctions? On second thought, to have an auction you'd need to have something people want to auction off and since most people don't want to have anything at all to do with the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit, it might be hard to attract bidders. Plasma might be the way to go after all. What do you think Frank?

I am a head-strong boy but I am easily re-directed if I need to be corrected for something. Nothing upsets me. I love to cuddle. I am friendly. I love to be around people. I have met all kinds of new people and love them all. I enjoy getting kisses on my head. I am housebroken. I can go up and down the stairs. I love to go in the car. I get along with dogs of all sizes and kitties too. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Hounds Home For The Holidays

We thought we'd try and catch you before you head off to the annual Turkey bake, gravy lake, tummy ache, for heaven's sake, big mistake, give us a break Uncle Jake football wake and see if we could convince you to offer your couch on a long term lease to a homeless skinny dog. Also, we plan to be in a tryptophan induced coma ourselves, at least until the Lions game--and depending on how they play, maybe during.

And speaking of induced comas...Stoli.

But what conversation with you our esteemed reader(s) would be complete without mention of everyone's favorite social pariahs, the overlords. But in the spirit of the coming War on Christmas which unites us every year in the annual holier than thou national freakout, we thought we'd forgo our usual expedition to Dimholt forest and leave the overlords to their holiday feast which we believe is comprised of the souls of innocent children. We could be wrong about that. Anyway, for a change of pace, let's go visit an animal rights wacko and see how she's spending the upcoming festivities. No doubt drinking green tea and polishing her Birkenstocks with organic macerated tree bark, no?

Ellen Schmidt is one of 40 greyhound activists who plan to protest today in front of the Naples-Fort Myers Greyhound Racing and Poker Room in Bonita Springs. The protesters want state legislators to pass a greyhound injury reporting law that would require Florida's 13 dog tracks to notify the state of every injury at their facilities. The activists also want legislators to stop a Florida law that forces dog tracks to race greyhounds in order to keep their poker room permits.

 Obviously Ellen hasn't any knowledge of greyhound racing or she would know that the units...erm...dogs are given the highest level of care possible if by some almost statistically impossible chance they are injured, the tracks are expertly maintained by a crack staff, and no expense is spared in making their off track lives comfortable. 

The "decoupling" bill is expected to see the House floor this spring. Naples-Fort Myers track owner Izzy Havenick supports the bill because greyhound racing is losing him about $2 million a year as fewer and fewer bet on the old sport.

 OK, here's our dilemma: Mr. Havenick is obviously an overlord, yet he wants to end the commodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit, so does that make him an animal rights wacko? On first blush, one might say no, because he's only in it for the money, yet regardless of his motivation, the outcome would be less greyhounds doomed to a life of potential suffering, injury and death. Does Mr. Havenick's means, justify the end? Would Ms. Schmidt count him as a colleague even though his reasons are suspect? Will Batman escape the Joker's trap? Stay tuned.

"Decoupling is part of a much bigger picture," said state Sen. Garrett Richter, R-Naples, who headed the Senate's gaming committee in the last session. "There is an entire debate that transpires over gaming, dog racing, and destination casinos. That whole subject has to come into that context and probably be considered for all its components."

"And before you ask why we don't just spin off the greyhound issue and deal with it separately because from a legal standpoint decoupling wouldn't materially affect the bigger gambling issue, remember this is Florida you're talking about." Senator Richter said. "We never met a straight forward, uncomplicated issue we couldn't screw up."

"We have been saying for years now that the Legislature needs to do something about dog racing," Havenick said. "At least allow the market to dictate how much we can race rather than using an antiquated law."

"Well, we have been trying to do something," Richter replied, "But why try and solve one problem when you can lump them all together  and do nothing about anything? I mean, why did the people elect us anyway?"

Well, you may have a point there Senator Richter. Look all around the country today at almost any level of government and it seems the whole idea of politics is to shout loudly and warm a chair. Really talented politicians can actually do both at once. Pretty impressive huh Hunter?

I am very attached to people and love to be around them. I am a low-key girl. Since I have been in my foster home, I have had a bath and had my nails trimmed and I was not fazed at all by any of it. I can go up and down the stairs. I am a very smart girl. I am housebroken. I don’t mind being in my crate if nobody is home but I love to be around people so much that I don’t want to be in it if someone is home. I get along with dogs of all sizes and I am also cat friendly. I love to go for walks and go to the dog park to run and play.For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from an undisclosed location here in the marbled halls of IM Central which is definitely not down in the cocktail supply room in the comfy chair that's in front of the 60' plasma. So don't even bother looking there. Seriously. Waste of time. The reason we've gone dark is so we can report to you on some big time 007 stuff those pesky animal rights wackos recently carried out on the overlords. Now, you might think why would anyone want to surreptitiously surveil the overlords, what with the poor personal hygiene, unpredictable psychotic episodes and chronically untied shoes.

Ha. Well that just shows you why you aren't in the spy business. What if all those unsavory characteristics are just a front? A ruse to keep the public's prying eyes out of their business. A subterfuge to divert attention from their nefarious activities. OK, they're not. Overlords are really like that, but it's the only way we could segue to this week's post.

An undercover investigation by Panorama has caught a trainer revealing how he doped greyhounds in order to rig bets - which he claims have paid out up to £150,000.

How can this be, you ask. We know the overlords put the health and welfare of their furry charges above all else. As professional athletes the units...erm...dogs have to be kept in tip top shape, fed the best food available and kept in posh surroundings so that they can compete at the highest levels. Plus, there's the whole we lurvvves our hounds part of racing which is why the overlords decided to subject innocent living beings to the commodification required to make them into (no) profit centers in the first place. So, is this just some cunning plot by the animal rights wackos to besmirch the overlord's otherwise spotless reputations? What do you think overlord Chris Mosdall?

Chris Mosdall, has raced at a number of tracks but most recently been racing weekly at Wimbledon Stadium, home of the English Greyhound Derby - the most prestigious race in the sport. He told the undercover reporter that he doped dogs in his care despite knowing the risks to their health. He said he must wait a couple of months before doping a dog for a second time as the practice messed her system up. "You will burn her kidneys out," he said. And despite boasting that he was known as "the biggest crook in Wimbledon," he revealed that he had long been able to get away with cheating, saying: "It's been ten years since I've been caught."

And there you have it. It seems the animal rights wackos will stop at nothing to concoct fabrications that show the overlords in a bad light. It's almost like they wait, what?

Panorama bought a dog from Mr Mosdall, which he continued to kennel and train, and covertly filmed him showing the drug he used to alter the dog's performance.Three days later he said he had used the drug to dope two dogs before they raced and correctly predicted the effect the substance would have on their placings.

What we have here is the classic case of the "bad apple." An obviously unscrupulous, heartless and uncaring person such as Mr. Mosdall will now face the full wrath and fury of the industry.

The GBGB have apparently been repeatedly warned by other trainers in the last two years that some dogs at Wimbledon showed signs of having been drugged. But Mr Mosdall was only stopped after the GBGB was alerted about the undercover investigation.

Now, two years may seem like a long time to followup on complaints that were coming from other overlords, but you have to take into consideration the industry-wide competition among the various regulating bodies in greyhound racing to be designated the most ineffectual and useless there is, with bonus points for actually making greyhounds less safe while under the benevolent protection of the overlords. Right now the GBGB is only three points behind Florida's Department of Business and Professional Regulation and there's still two months to go in the season.

We also examined the record of the regulator - the Greyhound Board of Great Britain (GBGB) - in dealing with trainers whose dogs tested positive for drugs, including substances such as steroids, beta blockers or cocaine. In some instances, trainers have accumulated multiple positive tests while being allowed to retain their licences and continue racing their dogs.

 Oh yeah baby! Suck on that Florida! Time to make room for that trophy on the mantle. GBGB! GBGB! GBGB!

The trainer said he treated his dogs with love and care and that he would never do anything to harm them. He said that he regretted the admissions he had made to the undercover journalist, and said that he had only been trying to convince him that he could give his dog an advantage.

Oh...um...well, sorry Mr. Trainer sir. Our mistake. We've obviously been misled by the animal rights wackos and their stated agenda of turning us all into tofu eating, Birkenstock wearing, green tea drinkers because if you can't trust the word of an overlord, who can you trust, right Carlo?

I am mellow, laid-back and very friendly. I am a very lovable boy. I am housebroken. I get along great with dogs my size but I have not met any small dogs yet. I am learning to play with toys. I am also learning to go up and down the stairs. I do not mind being in my crate. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will remember the dulcet melodies of youthful songs sung among the bright fields of flowers bursting like petaled fireworks now become the gray chant of age echoing in a graveyard forest with trees so bare they don't even dream of leaves...erm...we mean will remember last week we reported on the overlords in Iowa and how they had petitioned the state gaming commission to grant them license to maim and kill greyhounds until they blew through the $36 million casinos had thrown at them to go away. As an aside we'd like to point out that based on their average salary in Iowa, $36 million would cover about 700 and some teachers. Just making an observation.

Well, as we predicted, the Gaming commission said "Sure, go ahead, whatever Jerry Crawford wants."

Live dog racing could have a home in Iowa for the next few years, a state commission said Thursday in issuing a license that gives a trade group authority to run the soon-to-be last dog racetrack in the state.

Boy, that's a ringing endorsement, huh? The continued commodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit could be happening at the last track left in the state because the state commission said yeah, whatever. You can feel the excitement.

Commission administrator Brian J. Ohorilko said the IGA will need to update racing officials on several key issues before they can be operational on Jan. Among those conditions is updated information on security plans and how they will maintain the kennel compound and racetrack. The IGA has also not entered into any agreements for simulcasting.

IGA president Bob Hardison said he couldn't comment on how the group will ensure it meets all the required conditions."We haven't decided yet how best to burn through that $36 mil the casinos gave us," Hardison told reporters. "Salaries, of course, that's a biggy, and I guess we'll at least have to put some windows in the kennels and get the furnaces working again. Wouldn't want to get too carried away on stuff for the dogs though, we figure the place will go belly up in a year or two."

It means the IGA will have $36 million to operate the racetrack. The group said in its application that "this dedicated fund is more than enough to cover operations for live racing for the first five year lease the IGA will enter regarding the facility." Despite this, Ohorilko said further proof of adequate financing still needs to be met, "just to make sure that they have the means and wherewithal to do what they're telling us that they want to do."

"Well, what we want to 'do' is get our hands on that $36 mil," Hardison said. "You think we want to stand in line with the rest of those losers who are splitting up the other $36 million? Oh, and continue giving the exciting, fun world of greyhound racing to the families of Iowa, so come on out and bring the kids. Nothing is more fun for a nine year old than watching a dog tumbling down the track then screaming in pain until someone comes and kills it."

Hmmm...Hard to argue with that marketing plan...if you're a sociopath, huh Italy?

I am an inquisitive girl. I am very friendly. I am adapting well to new situations and being in a home. I am housebroken. I love dogs of all sizes and I am cat friendly. I have met so many new people while in my foster home and I just love everybody. I walk well on my leash. I absolutely love playing with toys and chasing the ball. I learned how to go up and down the stairs on my very first day in my new foster home. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Edward R Murrow wing here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The Edward R Murrow wing is located just across from the Fox Is To News As Oatmeal Is To Bird Poop Center for the Study of Analogy which is housed in the Bafflegab Building. We're down here filing a report from the road trip we recently took Des Moines, Iowa to see the sights. Ha Ha, just kidding. There are no sights in Iowa. We were there to attend a couple of meetings between the overlords and the powers that be concerning how  $72 million the casinos paid out to get greyhound racing off their backs was to be distributed. The overlords' first suggestion was  unmarked, non-sequential, small denomination bills, but the Iowa Racing and Gaming Commission took issue with that because they didn't think the G-strings of the girls at local strip clubs would support the influx of cash causing them to fall down and thus violate one of the city's decency policies.

The Iowa Racing and Gaming Commission is the body responsible for regulating all aspects of gambling in the state. It is composed of six people, all white (hey come on, this is Iowa) four men and two women. Commissioner Delores Mertz is on the panel because she has the unique distinction of dating Robert E. Lee when they were in high school together and Commissioner Kris Kramer, who never spoke through any of the proceedings is on the panel because someone has to wear a short skirt. It's in the bylaws, you can look it up.

Anyway, the first order of business after Commissioner Jeff Lambert--who is also the Coordinator--called the meeting to order, along with the assistance of Commissioner Carl Henrich--who is also a Coordinator because you can never have too many coordinators--was to hear representatives of the Iowa Greyhound Association explain why they should be granted a license to race in Dubuque and take $36 of the $72 mil and continue to kill and maim greyhounds there. This was actually their second request for a license. Their first request had been for a permit to pile the cash in the center of the Dubuque track and just set it on fire, but it was denied because the Dubuque Fire Department couldn't guarantee they wouldn't cause the whole city to burn down.

Now, we figured this was pretty much a done deal being as the Commissioners probably knew if the overlords didn't get their way they were going to start holding their breaths until they passed out and stuffing beans up their noses and nobody wanted that, so we were trying to decide if we went to the water cooler in the back of the room and acted like we were getting a cup of water would anyone notice if we slipped a little Stoli into the mix, when up to the microphone steps overlord Dean Miner.

"The IGA are power hungry greedmeisters whose only intent is to rob and plunder the good citizens of Iowa, or more specifically, us. And I can prove it," he said, holding up a three ring binder that looked like it had about four reams of paper in it. Later, I got a look at it. It was called "Opinion, evidence, documents and proposal" which tells us he doesn't know the difference between a list and a title. Obviously overlord Miner hadn't done this himself which meant he was the leader of a rebel alliance. And who was Emperor Palpatine to his Luke Skywalker? A fellow named Jerry Crawford who was the attorney for the IGA. Yes, you heard that right, an overlord and a lawyer. Wow, thinks us, this guy has to be about 14 different kinds of evil. All of a sudden we were paying full attention, which, as an aside, isn't something we do very often, just ask Mrs. Maximus.

Anyway, overlord Skywalker, uh, Miner launched into a chronicle of Crawford's evil ways that went way past his allotted time to speak. In fact, Commissioner Ohorilko, who was tasked with keeping the speakers on schedule signaled Miner several times that he had run out the clock, all to no avail. He fired a small cannon, threw fruit at Miner, but finally gave up and shot himself. Two other commissioners died of old age during the presentation. Commissioner Lambert declared a short recess while the bodies were removed.

Well, needless to say we were quite intrigued by all this. Overlord on overlord conflict, this was better than watching republicans try to explain why they don't believe in climate change (Pro tip for republicans: just say "because I'm stupid." Saves time for everybody). So we were trying to figure out where all this might go when suddenly the room became noticeably colder and the lights dimmed. A man, although we weren't sure it was a man at first because we couldn't see the face clearly due to the hood, stepped up to the podium to speak. He said a single word, "approve" and by the way the Commissioners began clutching their throats and gasping for air we knew the speaker had to be Jerry Crawford. Then the room went totally dark and when the lights came on again he was gone and there was a distinct order of sulphur in the air. Commissioner Lambert thanked everyone for coming, reminded us to be grateful we were still alive and adjourned the meeting.

The afternoon session was a meeting with a representative of Spectrum Gaming, which was the company the Iowa Racing and Gaming Commission had hired to determine how best to distribute the $36 million the IGA wasn't wasting in Dubuque to the rest of the overlords and the dogs. Overlord Miner rose to speak but before he did Commissioner Lambert asked for time to call paramedics so no more Commissioners would be lost. Overlord Miner explained that would be unnecessary as his comments were going to be brief which precipitated a mass exhale of relief from the attendees. Miner explained that however the money was divvied up some should be reserved for employees of the kennels who were currently not included on the list of folks getting dough. Now, we always knew that the overlords would dump a dog like a hot rock once it quit making money for them, but we weren't aware they felt the same way about the humans who worked for them, so to hear Miner's proposal was doubly impressive, coming as it did from an actual overlord.

Next up was overlord Bob Rider who had broken everything down by percentages, which impressed us because we were unaware the overlords even knew about percentages. Overlord Bob kept saying his plan wasn't going to make anyone rich, but it was fair, thus equating fairness with not getting rich, which seems and apt correlation to us as, given the nature of what the overlords do, not getting rich at it seems only fair. Another interesting thing about overlord Bob was that he was a double amputee, having lost both his legs somehow.We point that out for no other reason than during his presentation he said his dogs had paid for one of his prosthetic legs which caused us to wonder how many of his dogs' legs he had paid for.

Next overlord Jorene King spoke. She represented an industry adoption group and she just wanted the fellow from Spectrum to know she didn't know anything about anything when it came to what would happen to the dogs, but thought it would be useful to speak and waste everyone's time for a bit. Although she did mention that however the money was allocated, since everything came from the same pot, some overlords would be hesitant to submit their dogs for adoption figuring that the more money that went to saving dogs, the less would be left over for them.

After that came well known animal rights wacko Leslie Forys who gave an overview of the plan her group had submitted to Spectrum Gaming before the meeting. She talked about the network of 189 adoption groups around the county who stood ready to accept refugee greyhounds, the projected costs of veterinary care, transportation, food and housing until a permanent home could be found, and various other aspects involved with evacuating dogs from the area.

All in all a very illustrative experience, thinks us. Overlord infighting, money grubbing and oh yeah, guess we'd better do something to help the dogs all rolled into one day in Iowa. We were packing up our stuff and wondering where the closest happy hour was when James Flanagan rose to speak.

"My name is James Flanagan and I represent Grey2K," he said and immediately one of the overlord ladies in the back went into seizure. Overlord Bob began speaking in tongues. "I just want to remind everybody that we all have a common purpose here and that is to help the dogs," he continued, but by then the overlords had all gathered in a corner of the room and were chanting something we didn't quite catch. After a bit one of the overlords stepped forward and said, "I'll never let one of my dogs be adopted be an anti-racing group, even though they are the only ones who apparently care enough to come up with a plan." After that the overlords regrouped and slowly backed out of the room eying Flanagan warily.

So that was our great adventure in Iowa. It was educational, but you know what? It wouldn't break our hearts if the next one was in some place where you couldn't see from one end of the state to the other. Iowa is so flat it doesn't even have puddles, know what we mean Lotus?

I'm a white hot mess! Just kidding! Okay, truth is I am just new at all this and its confusing. Like slick floors-- who thought that was a great idea? And that dog in the shiny wall? She always growling at me when I am eating my supper. Of course I growl back and then the people laugh at me. I have also discovered the joys of animal crackers, and peanut butter! Toys are fun! People around me describe me as "so sweet and loving." Well, I HAVE gotten the knack of kissing. I am a great kisser! I will clean your ears, face, neck, etc., for you! Who can resist with my sweet little face? Give me a bit of time to adjust and and I am gonna WOW you with my best stuff! For more information about these dogs, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that life is like Halloween without the candy: a futile quest for reward in a dystopian underworld of zombies, monsters and Princess Elsas all covered in glowsticks...erm...we mean know that the overlords have often lamented the burdensome weight which is the fist of uncaring bureaucracy pushing down upon them, keeping them from flying free in the azure skies of unfettered free enterprise, well until that fist is taken away, then it's like Holy Crap! Who's gonna give us money now?

Our point is that the relationship between the overlords and the various boards, commissions and regulators charged with maintaining some semblance of human decency in an industry based on the commodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit is fraught with...well let's just say it's fraught.

When Saul Mays applied for a license to own and train greyhounds in 2002, his rap sheet signaled he was not a model citizen. Convicted of kidnapping his estranged wife at gunpoint in 1988, after taking her into the woods and sexually assaulting her, he had served three years in prison.

Yes, well we don't personally know Mr. Mays, but it seems to us he possibly has some...uh...impulse control issues and perhaps it wouldn't be in the best interests of the dogs, not to mention his fellow kennel employees to allow this man inside the fence, as it were. Wouldn't you agree Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering?

The staff at the Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering recommended Mays application to race dogs be denied, but Mays appealed and was granted a license.

Yes. Well, OK then...paid his debt to society and all. We get that. Plus, we're sure his appeal contained ample evidence of how he had turned his life around and members of the Division went through it with a fine tooth comb looking for even the slightest indication that Mr. Mays would return to his former ways. After all, that is what they get paid for, that is their area of expertise, their raison d'etre as it were. We all just need to take a step back here and trust these professionals to do their jobs and not jump to any conclusions about Mr. Mays simply because he made a few...umm...unfortunate decisions.

A year later in 2003, investigators found evidence that Mays’ dogs were being abused at the Jefferson County Kennel Club. He was investigated at his Monticello kennel then, again in 2005 and 2010, when inspectors found seven “very thin” dogs and others covered with tick bites.

 OK Bub, you had your chance. We were willing to let bygones be bygones, the past is the past and all that, but you blew it. Now  the mighty hammer of righteousness which is the  the Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering is about to come down on you like rain came down on Noah, like Joshua came down on the Canaanites, like Jesus came down on the moneylenders, like third grade math came down on the overlords even though it was their fourth time through. Sorry, ran out of biblical allusions there. Anyway, you thought prison was bad? You'll wish you were back in prison when the Division gets through with you. Well, actually you may be back in prison, so forget that. Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering? Unleash Hell:

In each case, state regulators concluded there was not enough evidence of abuse and no action was taken.

We're sorry this had to happen to you, but the truth is you brought it on yourself, you wait, what?

Mays got his first reprimand in 2012, only after the Washington County Kennel Club in Ebro reported that greyhounds Mays put up for adoption were “covered in ticks” and the dogs “all appeared to be in poor overall shape.”

Oh, OK here we go. Righteous Hammer? Do your thing

But the 2012 penalty didn’t come from the state. It came from the National Greyhound Association, which represents owners and trainers. The organization banned Mays for life from “any further involvement with NGA-registered greyhounds.”

 Oh Come On Now. This guy is such a lousy overlord even the other overlords don't want him around? Jeez, Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering, do something will you? Post an insult to his Facebook page, ignore him at parties, tell all your friends he's a big poopyhead, something.

Florida regulators fined Mays $300 and let him keep his license.

Well, say what you will about the  Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering because whatever you say it's not going to change the fact that they are about as useful as a bottle of sun tan lotion in a coal mine.

Florida’s law gives the Division of Pari-mutuel Wagering the power to revoke or suspend a license of an dog or horse trainer or owner if he has been convicted of a felony or is found abusing animals. But, based on dozens of cases reviewed by the Miami Herald and Tampa Bay Times, the implementation of the rules are lax, and the penalties are often weak.

Oh really? Thanks for the insight Sherlock. What was your first clue?

Tajiana Ancora-Brown, spokeswoman for the Division of Pari-Mutuel Wagering said the agency has reduced its pending case load by 30 percent in the last year after reorganizing its legal office and hiring an additional lawyer.

"We find we can get through the cases much more quickly if we just ignore them and throw the files in a big pile out behind the building," she added.

Meanwhile, the list of animal abusers in Florida continues to grow. It includes Miami Beach dog trainer Jose Lopez, who lost his license in Arizona in 2008 after being convicted of running a drug and prostitution ring. Lopez was fired in 2011 from the Florida Kennel Compound in Miami, which houses dogs for both Flagler and Mardi Gras race tracks, after neglecting nearly 50 greyhounds by failing to vaccinate them as required by law.
It took the state three years to file charges, during which time Lopez continued to race dogs at the Sarasota Kennel Club. Finally, in July of this year, state regulators repealed Lopez’s license, saying he had lied to them about having been convicted of unemployment compensation fraud in Florida in 1994 and about his 2008 conviction in Arizona.

"He gave us his word and a pinky swear," Ancora-Brown said. "I mean, in an industry that puts profit above everything, even the lives of the dogs, how were we to know he might not tell us everything about him being a twice convicted felon and all? I mean, he dressed well, so you know..."

Another trainer, Jennifer Forsyth, was convicted of animal cruelty in Pennsylvania in 2012 after state officials raided her kennel and found sick and starving animals on the property. Forsyth then moved to Florida, where she held a license to race dogs. It took nearly two years before state regulators figured out that state law prohibited her from operating here. They pulled her license this year.

"Hey, who has time to read all that stuff?"  a member of the Division who asked to remain anonymous because he was interviewed at a strip club said. "Most of us can barely read a Denny's menu. Even with the pictures."

Robert Dawson, a trainer responsible for more than 100 dogs at the Palm Beach Kennel Club, has been cited by state regulators 14 times for violating rules, more than half of which for drugging dogs. He has been fined eight times and still holds a license.

"Well, in his defense we didn't make it clear that we were fining him for drugging dogs,"  Ancora-Brown said. "There's a possibility he thought it was for parking in a handicapped zone."

And then there’s Ursula O’Donnell...

OK, now that's just piling on right there. Sure the Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering is about as useful as Sarah Palin in a Jeopardy Tournament, but bringing up Ursula O'Donnell is just over the line. We mean, this lady has been killing dogs for years. She's probably responsible for the senseless murder of thousands of innocent greyhounds. If heartless cruelty was a caramel and chocolate cookie, she'd be the whole Twix factory (both right and left). And she hasn't even gotten so much as a cold look of disdain from the Division. Ursula O'Donnell is the poster child for the complete irrelevance of the Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering. She's like the queen of Can't Touch This, and the only thing worse would be to make members of the Florida Division of Parimutuel Wagering walk around wearing lapel pins with a picture of her on them so they'd be constantly reminded that their unrelenting unbelievable, incomprehensible incompetence is killing dogs every day. You know, on second thought, that's not such a bad idea. What do you think Rosie?

I am a very happy, goofy and silly girl. My foster family had to work very hard to get this photo of me because every time someone wants to take my picture all I want to do is give them kisses. I love to give kisses. I wag my tail all the time because I am such a happy girl. I have been very friendly with everyone I have met. I learned to go up and down the stairs on my first try. I love to play with my toys. I get along great with my foster mom’s Greyhound. I have not met any small dogs or cats yet so I am not sure how I am with them. I have not had any accidents in the house. I love to go for walks but I need to work on my leash skills. I do very well when I’m in my crate. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

Hey, it's been a while since we hopped the pond to see what the old world overlords were up to so why don't we put on our traveling shoes this week and drop in on the old sod? Cheerio overlord McLean, what's the haps?

DIANE McLEAN, who is leading the We Want Wimbledon campaign, on Wednesday said she felt there was a growing view that the Galliards development plan around a football stadium for AFC Wimbledon “was seen as simply impractical given the scale of housing required to fund it.”

Still Wimbledon huh? Seems we've seen this movie before, but whatever, catch us up on the latest there DM.

She explained its enabling scheme, which involves 600 apartments, faced major planning hurdles “due to the major flood plain and transport issues.”

When asked to explain what "major flood plain and transport issues" meant she said she wasn't sure because she didn't understand all that "fancy talk," but she had been assured that those issues wouldn't affect a greyhound track "because reasons."

Paschal Taggart, who is behind a rival plan that includes a world class greyhound track, has now revised his scheme to reflect expert advice.

"Actually the 'expert advice' was to get out of greyhound racing while I still had two shillings to rub together," Taggart told reporters, "but then I thought about all the greyhounds who would be deprived of pain, suffering and death, and all the rubes who would be able to pay their rent on time if I backed out and I just knew this was a thing I had to do being a scruple free, soulless, pitiless economic predator and all."

“I don’t expect AFC Wimbledon to have any chance of success – they need a genie in a bottle to get through the serious problems,” Taggart said.

"I mean football? Really," he continued. "Come on. This is England. Are you seriously going to tell me that football is more popular than greyhound racing? What cave have you been living in?"

His number of planned apartments have been cut from 550 to 348, with fewer car parking places as a result. A greyhound stadium is seen as more viable.

"This is a no brainer," Taggart said. "I mean who wants to live next to a greyhound track? We probably could cut the number of apartments to four and still have vacancies. And as for parking, hey the average attendance at a race is 12 people, and most of them come on public transportation because they're too drunk to drive"

Taggart added that tactically he might not submit an application at all, because he believes the AFC Wimbledon bid had no chance of success and would be rejected straight away.

When asked how that strategy would benefit him Taggart replied that by not making an application, when the AFC Winbledon application was rejected there would be no other applications pending and thus his application would be approved. If he had submitted it. "It's advanced business strategy," he told reporters. "If I have to explain it, you won't understand."

His new plan will be on show at a meeting organized by Wimbledon Park Residents Association – who crucially are backing greyhound racing over football because one of the requirements for membership on the Residents Association is Traumatic Brain Injury.

Well, on the bright side, if they do build the track it will draw the drug addicts, pick pockets and petty thieves so that should make law enforcement's job easier, right Marco?

I am just grinning ear to ear! Foster life is everything I hoped for; soft bed, car rides, yummy food and lots of love! I'm so happy I can't stop my tail from wagging, even when I am drinking! They tell me forever homes are even better... No way! I've got the best foster siblings, I can't stop kissing them! And it's going to get better than this? Oh Boy! For more information about these dogs, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Rose By Another Name Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The RBAND is a division of the Six Of One A Half Dozen Of The Other Corporation, a wholly owned subsidiary of Same Difference, LLC. It seems, in their ongoing quest to remain free of gainful labor, the overlords have adopted a new strategy.

A resolution approved Wednesday seeking legislation to give the state Racing Commission authority to set the number of live racing days at the state’s thoroughbred and greyhound tracks could be a first step in reviving the struggling racing industry in the state, its sponsor said.

"We've put a lot of thought in this," the resolution's sponsor said, "and we feel the best way to bring the industry back is to make it less visible and less frequent. It's advanced marketing theory, you probably wouldn't understand."

“This industry is in serious transition,” Commissioner Bill Phillips said. "If by 'transition' you mean tanking faster than Louie Gohmert at a MENSA meeting."

Part of the resolution calls on the commission to work with stakeholders to come up with proposed legislation to either reduce the mandated number of racing days at the four tracks, or give the commission flexibility to set those numbers.

"To be clear, one of those numbers is 0," Commissioner Phillips said. 

With continuing declines in both live and simulcast wagering, and legislation cutting the state subsidy of racing purses by more than $8 million a year, the racetracks are finding it impossible to meet those mandates, with purses becoming too small to fill racing cards.

"We considered paying off winners with Groupons," One Commissioner said, but we had to chuck that idea when we found out some of the bettors were trying to make bets with them."

On Wednesday alone, the commission approved a request to cancel seven racing days at Charles Town in November and December, and approved Mountaineer’s request to cancel racing in December because of a lack of purse funds. “We said, when you run out of money, you don’t have to run races,” Commission chairman Joe Rossi said of the latter decision.

"What do you think of our plan?"  Rossi asked. "We figure if we keep letting tracks close because they're broke, in a year or two none of the tracks will have any races at all. Now is that revitalizing, or what?

We like it. What about you Thad?

I am an extremely sweet boy. I am a little goofy and silly. I love to lay on my back and roach. I am very playful but a little timid. I just need a lot of encouragement and I will be fine. I have already gotten better in the week I have been in my foster home. I have not met any small dogs yet so I am not sure about them but I love dogs my own size. I absolutely love kids. I love to “hug” them and give them lots of kisses. I am housebroken and I do not mind being in my crate. I like to go for walks but I need reassurance that loud noises are not scary, like cars going by. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that confronting time, the dragon mounted pillager of youth, will leave them singed and dispirited...erm...we mean know that we have often used our pixels on this page to discourse on the plight of the overlords.  Hapless creatures, it seems, storm tossed on the sea of free enterprise and left abandoned on the rocky shoals of indifference, disgust and disdain.

Or, put another way, no one wants these bozos within a parsec of them. Regular people don't want them; track owners don't want them; even legislators--whom we must admit have standards only slightly above pit vipers--don't want them. So what is a poor, besieged overlord to do? The application deadline for Walmart greeter school has passed, and even though they have their certificate of completion from the third grade, employers seem to think that the ability to exploit innocent living creatures for (no) profit, then abandon them to an uncertain fate when they no longer produce is not an appropriate skill set for those who wish to use their labor to make a contribution to the betterment of society.

Truly a dilemma wouldn't you say? OK, you probably wouldn't say. Like us, you'd probably say "Welcome to the Karma Restaurant doofus. There is no menu. You get what you deserve," but let's set that aside for a moment and consider the situation from the overlords' perspective. Point number one: Your "sport" is about as popular as an Ebola outbreak in Central Park. Point number two: You are about as welcome in human society as a steaming hot bowl of chlamydia soup. Point number three: Your ability to obtain and maintain gainful employment outside of the wholesale abuse and neglect of greyhounds industry is on a par with the efficacy of flying cement trucks. Add it all up and only one conclusion is possible:

You need to start your own track.

The Iowa Greyhound Association has formally requested a license to operate a dog racing track in Dubuque next year.

When asked why they thought a track would be successful in a climate where tracks are closing all over the country and revenue from greyhound racing is dropping faster than Scott DesJarlais drops his wedding vows, a spokesperson for the IGA who did not want his named used due to outstanding warrants, replied, "Because."

An official from the Iowa Racing and Gaming Commission tells the Telegraph Herald the license application was received Wednesday, the final day an application could be submitted.

"We were all just getting ready to go home, the official said, "when this shabby looking fellow rides up on an old bicycle and asks if this is the Racing Commission Headquarters. I thought he was some sort of panhandler and I was about to give him some change when he says he's the president of the IGA and hands us this grimy envelope.  All I can say is it's a good thing spelling doesn't count. Oh, by the way, before he rode away he did ask us if anyone had any spare change."

Reporters requesting an explanation from the IGA as to why it took so long to complete the application were told Rory Goree had been hired as a consultant. "He charged us $37.50," a spokesperson said. "We're hoping the track will generate enough profit in the first five years so we can pay him."

Hmmm. What do you think  Silver? Mr. Goree probably shouldn't make any plans for that money huh?

I am a very easy going, sweet boy. I am happy, very smart and obedient. I absolutely love to be around people. I have discovered the toy box and love to play with toys. The other dog in my foster home can come right up and take the toys from me and I do not growl or snap. I am housebroken. I do not like being in the crate. I walk very well on my leash. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here. 

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the It's Never So Bad It Can't Get Worse Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The INSBICGW department is a division of the When It Rains It Pours Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of If It Wasn't For Bad Luck You'd Have No Luck At All, NA.

 Now, if you're an overlord you've probably gotten used to being a social pariah. People crossing the street when they see you coming, covering their children's eyes, the petitions from your neighbors demanding you move, all that stuff is pretty much par for the course at this point. But there was always one place you could go where people didn't get up and move away if you sat down. One place where you could be pretty certain no one was going to fling a flaming bag of dog poop at you. One place where you could be with people as heartless and unfeeling as you were, and that was the track. It was your oasis, your respite from people with souls, your calm from the storm of disgust that rained down upon you everywhere you went, if you ignored the cries of the injured and dying greyhounds all around you that is, but that was never a real problem for you was it? Well, Bucko, we don't mean to be the bearers of bad news but...

Of the 21 greyhound racing tracks left in the United States, 12 are located in Florida, all are losing money, and many track owners want out of the business.

 We know what you're thinking: "Where's the loyalty? All these years we exploited innocent living creatures for money until we used them up, then threw them away like yesterday's newspaper, and now, just because the track owners aren't making any money they want to toss us out into the streets? Is there no justice?" Yeah, it is a puzzler. In an industry that puts profit ahead of everything else--even life if you happen to be a greyhound--we really don't know where attitudes like that come from.

But in order for the money sucking tracks to fade out for good, it will take the State House and Senate agreeing on a bill that will officially untie the tracks from profitable poker rooms and rescue thousands of dogs who advocates say, are living as hostages.

"Money sucking tracks?" Oh come on, that's just piling on right there. We mean, it's almost like you are saying the overlords are parasites or something. Well, OK they are parasites, but still, have a little decorum will you? And what's with rescuing dogs that are "hostages?" What about the overlords? Don't they need to be rescued too? Aren't they hostages? Oh sure they went into the business willingly and they get to go home at night, plus they don't die as often as the greyhounds who were born for the singular reason of making someone else money, but still, other than that...

“We lose money on live racing. It would actually improve my bottom line if we stopped racing,” said Pat Biddix , partner and general manager of the Melbourne Greyhound Park.

Ouch. That's got to hurt. It's like Mr. Biddix walked up to an overlord and said "You're a loser, dude. Why don't you get lost?" OK, it's not like overlords haven't heard that before, starting with their third grade teacher when they repeated for the fourth time, but when it comes from the guy whose moral fiber is only slightly more firm than overcooked linguine, it's got to give you pause and maybe cause you to reflect over your life choices.

Biddix is in favor of the decoupling bill because he wishes to keep and grow his business with profitable forms of gambling.

Now Mr. Biddix, it sounds like you're saying greyhound racing isn't profitable.

“The truth of the matter is it’s time to quit racing dogs. What we’re doing is a little bit barbaric, we know that,” Biddix said. “For us, decoupling means stop running a business that has been losing money for about 11 years. That’s not right. We should have the right to get out of it.”

Truth? Hey come on Mr. Biddix, if there's one thing the overlords don't need right now it's truth. By the way, how can you be a little bit barbaric? Isn't that like say yeah, he makes Attila the Hun look like Mother Theresa, but he likes flowers, so it's all good.

Coming from two very different sides of the issue, Carey Theil, executive director for Grey2KUSA and Biddix both agree the best way to keep the decoupling bill from falling on deaf ears is for the public to speak up.

Hey, there's an idea. The public should speak up for the dogs because they can't speak for themselves. What do you think Dauntless? Sound like a plan?

HMS Dauntless the Magnificent! A fine looking fawn. He actually looks like a "fawn"! He is tall and lean, majestic, just like the ship he's named after. Dauntless is just an all around happy guy! He gets so excited when someone visits him or gives him attention he will wiggle and wag his entire body. He thinks the world is an adventure and he would love to share it with a family. He does great with understanding what you want him to do at the kennel. He is doing great at the kennel but he has not been in a foster or a home yet , so he will need to adjust to that. He is very smart and wants to please and he adores people! Plus... Canine Blood Hero... Ask why that makes me special! For more information about these dogs, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall the deep, cool lake of days in which you swam in your youth now that you look upon the barren shores of the now and feel the desiccating wind of time on your face...erm...we mean will remember overlord extraordinaire and friend of the blog James "Barney" O'Donnell. When last we looked in on James "Barney" he had gotten himself in a bit of a pickle with the local Gendarmes due to his creative approach to complying with state regulations and his rather loose interpretation of required vaccinations.

"Well, I'm sure the Vet would have signed the forms if he hadn't up and died," James "Barney" told reporters at the time. And as for the anabolic steroids, including testosterone, boldenone, and androstenedione, how am I supposed to tell that stuff apart? Have you seen the print on those little bottles? Who can read that? I'm 84 years old, you know. My eyes ain't what they used to be."

OK, that is a point James "Barney." And since the retirement plan for overlords is only slightly better than it is for the greyhounds, in that you get to live, we understand why you're still trying to suck a couple bucks off your fellow senior citizens instead of playing Bocci Ball and flirting with the ladies who still have most of their teeth at the local retirement community. Still, rules are rules and if you do the crime you have to do the time, right  Department of Business and Professional Regulation?

Since 1995, O'Donnell has been charged with nine public (noncriminal) complaints, including animal abuse. He's been either reprimanded or fined three times, according to state records.

Ouch. This isn't good James "Barney." We understand that being a serial screw-up is the price of admission to a career as an exploiter of innocent living creatures, but here on the outside where people with hearts bigger than raisins live it's not commonly considered a positive trait. We're afraid you're about to feel the hammer of justice come upside your empty overlord head. "DBPR, what say you?

On July 3, the state renewed O'Donnell's license to race dogs for three more years.

We're sorry James "Barney," but you brought this on yourself. Now you can look forward to a few years of saying "Welcome to Walmart" until you finally...wait, what?

Three years after the allegations of forgery, the case status remains "open." The steroid case was closed with no action taken. According to Carey Thiel, president of the animal-rights group GREY2K, this is caused by a lag in the system that's unique to Florida. In any other state, he says, an investigation would take about two months...

"In most states it's innocent until proven guilty,: Thiel said. "In Florida it's innocent until everyone either dies or moves away."

Tajiana Ancora-Brown, director of communications for the DBPR, chalks the lag up to due process. "The timeline is dependent upon the Administrative Procedures Act and other external factors," she says.

When asked to detail those "external factors" Ancora-Brown said, "Well, the staff is drunk most of the time. Add to that the fact that they don't really know where the tracks are because they've never been to any of them and it gets to be a real challenge."

Yeah, we see your dilemma. Still you're kind of letting us down you know? If the state won't step in and do its job where are we to turn?

O'Donnell's reputation has been ruined. He's been banned from working at Mardi Gras Casino in Hallandale Beach, for instance, as well as at Best Bet in Jacksonville.

Oh that's just piling on right there. We mean, when you're such a lousy overlord that even the other overlords don't want you around anymore it's time to start that new career as a returnable can and bottle collector.

On July 3, the state renewed O'Donnell's license to race dogs for three more years.

Right. We forgot about that. So the overlords don't want James "Barney" around, but the state says he's good to go. Looks like somebody has some 'splainin' to do, don't you think boys?

 

 

 Have you ever wondered the effect Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum had on Alice when she sees them in a forest? Twins are very close and seeing that greyhound style is delightful. Clyde & Omar were littermates and have been together for most of their nine years, so wherever you find one, the other one is usually close, doing the same thing whether it's keeping you company while watching TV, asking for some much appreciated TLC, or enjoying the yard outside. And do they ever enjoy the cooler weather as they can help their foster brother survey the property from a shady spot and keep those pesky rabbit neighbors under control! Then rattle those leashes and they are more than ready to head out and keep you company on a walk - you never know when one of those neighbors might actually be The White Rabbit! Clyde and Omar are true "make you feel good" boys, gentle and affectionate, just being with them is enough to make you smile - perhaps even like a Cheshire Cat! Canine Blood Heros...Ask why that makes them special! For more information about these dogs, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Ah, free enterprise. The vitamin that makes America strong; the steel in her steely gaze; the jaunt in her jaunty step; the pot of gold at the end of her rainbow; the catcher in her dream catcher; the awe in her awesome; the wind in her sails; and on president's day, the wind in her sales. Get it? Sails and "sales?" We crack us up.

Anyway, the point is that here in these United States we believe that a man (if you're a republican) or a woman (if you're virtually anyone else) should be able to pursue their fortune free of intrusive government regulations. Let the chips fall where they may, we say. With great risk comes great reward and the only drawback we see is that the word entrepreneur is French. How that happened we haven't a clue. We blame Obama. And no class of entrepreneurs (for lack of a more manly sounding word) epitomizes that can do spirit; no group of plucky adventurers rises more to the call; no collection of ne'er do wells, felons, and other unsavory characters more epitomizes these qualities than the overlords. Now, frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall that acquiescence is the balm of age...erm...we mean will recall that the overlords have long railed against the onerous hand of government regulation bearing down on them like a paperwork run away train. "Set us free," they cry. "Let us fly." "Cut this albatross of government from around our necks." And there has been no more eloquent champion of the overlord desire for freedom from government than Sam Burdette, president of the West Virginia Greyhound Owners and Breeders Association.

Representatives of thoroughbred and greyhound breeders told West Virginia legislators Wednesday that cutbacks in state subsidies of racing purses are devastating the racing industry in the state. “For all of us, it’s been disastrous,” said Sam Burdette, president of the West Virginia Greyhound Owners and Breeders Association, discussing cuts in racing subsidies, the most recent being a 10 percent reduction enacted during the regular session.

Right on Sam the man! Speak truth to power. Demand the shackles be cut, the chains undone. You tell them...wait, what?

Burdette provided members of the Joint Standing Committee on Finance with charts comparing total greyhound racing purses at the Mardi Gras racetrack for the first week of September in 2010, 2012, and 2014, showing how they’ve fallen from $98,041, to $84,839, and down to $61,721 this year. Meanwhile, he said, the share of weekly purses going to greyhound owners has fallen from $34,685 in 2010 to $18,161 this year.

OK, so if we're hearing you right Sammy, you're saying the state needs to give you more money or you'll have to stop having races that nobody comes to. That about right?

Burdette said it takes a minimum of $3,000 a week to operate a greyhound kennel — and only three of the 17 kennels racing at Mardi Gras reached that amount last week. “Only three of 17 kennels made enough money to exist,” he told committee members, adding, “Most of you understand you cannot run a business on less than $3,000 a week, and that’s the result of this legislation.”

 Well, you certainly have made that very clear, Sammy, and we understand completely. Our question though, is why is the state responsible for keeping your overlord butt afloat?

Sen. Clark Barnes, R-Randolph, noted that the management of the state’s four racetrack casinos were conspicuously absent — both at Wednesday’s interim meeting and during legislative debate on the 10 percent purse subsidy cut-back this spring.
“What I see seriously lacking here today and throughout the legislative process are the tracks themselves. I don’t see the tracks going to bat for you guys,” Barnes said. “Rumor has it, they would like to get rid of it.

 Umm...Senator Barnes sir? Are you sure that's just a "rumor" you've heard?

Barnes said afterward it appears the casino management would not be upset if racing became unsustainable because of repeated funding cuts.

Yeah. That's what we thought.  So, to recap: The people don't want to see innocent living creatures exploited for (no) profit; the track owners don't want to keep reaching into their pockets to keep the overlords out of the labor pool; and the legislature is tired of pouring money down a rat hole so the rats can keep up the wholesale abuse and neglect of helpless greyhounds. That about cover it Nebulosity?

I am a very laid-back and calm boy. I am very subdued. I am gentle and sweet. I am getting more confident and learning what home life is all about. I am housebroken. I ride great in the car. I love to go for walks and I am a very good boy on the leash. I love to run in the yard and play. I am good with dogs of all sizes. I don’t like being by myself so I need to be in a home with another dog or with someone that doesn’t work. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Cry Me A River Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The CMARD is a division of the Talk To The Hand Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of Get Over Yourself, LLC.

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall the freshening breeze of youth that once blew across the bright fields of promise and has now become the desultory wind of disappointment pushing crumpled dreams across the blighted landscape of relentless entropy...erm...we mean will recall that for the last few weeks we have been featuring come to Jesus stories of various overlords who, at least to a degree greater than they did before, have become dimly aware that the wholesale exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit is not the path to fame and riches they were led to believe it was. This week we bring you the story of the overlords in West Virginia who seem to be running out of people willing to prop up an industry that died long ago.

The arrival of slots in the 1990s was a jackpot for West Virginia’s fading dog-racing industry. As in many states, lawmakers here allowed new casinos to open only in conjunction with existing dog and horse tracks and steered a cut of their winnings to purses at the track. “It was kind of a golden age after that,” said Sam Burdette, head of the West Virginia Greyhound Breeders Association.

Ah, those were the days, Sammy boy you are absolutely right. Casino operators so greedy they'd do just about anything to get at the rubes, and legislators so scruple free they'd agree to enable that greed as long as they could get at some of that sweet, sweet campaign cash. What a time, what a time.

But now, an explosion of casino gambling is strangling the greyhound industry that it once rescued. The bettors have largely migrated to the faster-paced gambling inside; the dogs are running in front of mostly empty stands, and the marriage between the bing-bing-bing and the bark-bark-bark is heading for divorce. “We’ll be done in a couple of years if nothing changes,” said Harvey Maupin, 50, a longtime West Virginia greyhound trainer who races at both of the state’s dog tracks, in Charleston and Wheeling. At one time, he and his wife, Loretta, operated two kennels with a dozen employees. Now they are down to two workers and are about to let one go.

 Oh the humanity! Oh rending of garments and tearing of hair! How can this be? How can a so called advanced civilization allow this to happen? How will Walmart handle the influx of applicants to greeter school? We feel your pain, Harv. Of course it's not the same as a broken leg on one of your dogs, and at least you're not going to be electrocuted by a malfunction on the track, but hey, it's all relative, right?

“People want instant gratification these days,” lamented Burdette, a retired civil engineer who raced dogs as a sideline before becoming head of the greyhound lobby. “It’ll take you half an hour to lose $50 at a racetrack. You can do it in five minutes sitting in front of a slot machine.”

Yeah, uh Sammy? We understand that you are trying to convince people that greyhound racing is something supposed sentient beings with souls should engage in, but we're not sure telling them they'll lose money slower doing it is the best approach. Just spit-balling here.

“I honestly think they’re working against us,” said Rod Monroe, who raises about 100 dogs on a farm near Wheeling. “I think they want to make it hard for people to come out to see the dogs.”

What Ho! A dastardly plot is afoot! It's elementary Watson. Tracks are disappearing like spit on a hot griddle all over the country, and the world. Obviously someone is behind it. We blame Obama.

Danny Adkins, a senior executive of the company that owns both the Charleston casino and another in Hollywood, Fla., published an op-ed with Humane Society President Wayne Pacelle that called for allowing casinos to get out of racing on animal welfare grounds. Adkins, in an interview, said he does not consider the racing itself to be cruel. But as the money dries up, he said, it’s fair to ask whether kennels can still afford to provide the dogs with proper care. In the op-ed, he cited the case of a kennel that falsified vaccination records to cut expenses. “When we were making millions of dollars, they were making millions of dollars,” Adkins said of the kennels. “Now I wonder how they’re paying for it.”

Umm...Mr. Adkins sir? We don't mean to be impolite or anything, but we think if you reflect on what you just said for a moment, you'll find you answered your own questions, and the answer is they're not paying for it. It's kind of obvious.

“He didn’t think greyhound racing was inhumane when he was making millions from it,” said Charleston-area trainer Tim Byrnes.

Now, Mr. Byrnes, we understand you're upset with the prospect of having to go out and find a real job and all, what with your lack of marketable skills and such, but if you'll just calm down for a minute you'll see the Mr. Adkins still doesn't think the commodification of innocent living creatures for (no) profit is inhumane. What he is saying is that in an industry based on money, money is the only thing that matters and when the money dries up people start to notice things. What about you Daisy? When did you first notice there was no money in racing?

I am a very sweet, playful, and overall good dog. I love to play with my toys. I do really well when I go for car rides. I haven’t tried to go up and down the stairs yet so I’m not sure about them. I am housebroken. I love to go for walks and I don’t even pull on my leash. I need a little coaxing to go in my crate but once I’m there, I’m fine. I love the two other Greyhounds in my foster home. I have seen little dogs through the fence and I am fine with them but I would have to meet one in person to see how I get along. I cannot live with kitties. I love everyone I meet and I’m not afraid of anybody. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.