Friday Hound Blogging

You know, we're beginning to get a little concerned about the overlords. We mean, it's not like they've ever been welcomed as part of the human race, anyway. They're like The Lobster twins, or Werewolf boy, or Percilla or something. You know, total freakazoids that you feel both pity and revulsion for at the same time.

OK, mostly revulsion, but still in the last year or so it seems even people who don't normally pay any attention to the heartless cruelty of animal exploitation for profit have gone out of their way to bash an overlord.

Over a six-year period, the greyhound racing track at the Mardi Gras casino in Nitro reported more than 3,200 injuries to greyhounds to the West Virginia Racing Commission. Of those injuries, 750 involved broken bones. In that time, more than 150 dogs were so severely injured that they had to be euthanized. It's repugnant that injuries are the part of the nature of the sport. Greyhounds are fast but fragile, and races involve much bumping. Why does the state continue to allow such a gruesome sport?

Whoa. Now that's bound to harsh some overlord mellow right there, right Dan Adkins, who serves as the president of Hartman Tyner, the company that owns the  Mardi Gras racetrack?

"If you compared these numbers to the NFL or even horse racing, this would be a very low percentage," said Adkins.

Well, there you go then.  Hey Dan, while we're on the subject, we were just wondering how hard it is to get an NFL linebacker back in his 2 1/2 by 3 foot crate after the game, because we're thinking that's got to be kind of difficult, no? Is lubrication necessary?

Dan has no comment. Well, no matter, it's beginning to look like pretty soon we won't be needing any crates at all, right lobbyist Michael Racy?

Lobbyist Michael Racy first proposed to let the Tucson track drop live racing entirely, a move that could have effectively turned the track and its satellite operations into a strictly year-round OTB operation.

Now, we know what you're thinking, but why shouldn't greyhounds have their own lobbyist? Everyone else does.

Directives by Gov. Jan Brewer to require state regulatory agencies to become financially self-sufficient are requiring track owners to come up with more cash, he added.

More cash? See, now that's going to be a problem, because as the poet once said, "How can you have Mo cash when you ain't got No cash?" Any suggestions Mr. Racy?

Racy said if the bill becomes law, track owners will figure out what days live racing still makes sense. "Candidly, there are some days that are more profitable and some days that are less profitable," he said.

Right. Days that end in Y? Forget it. Other than that, it's like the money is falling out of trees.

The legislation does contain an escape clause of sorts. It permits the track to actually have live racing on fewer than 100 days but only if agreed to in a contract with dog owners and track kennel operators whose business would be affected.

OK, let's see if we have this straight. You want to pass a law that says the overlords only have to race 100 days a year, unless they want to race less? Is that about right? So your initial position was let's drop racing all together, and your compromise is let's have racing 100 days a year unless we don't want to. Brilliant! Bet you wished you been owned by that guy huh, Bart?

Bart is very gentle, quiet, happy, well-mannered and easygoing. He is affectionate. He likes to be petted and he will pick his paw up and place it on you when you stop petting him. He will also lean against you for attention. He loves to go for car rides and even enjoys sitting in the car when it is not moving. He likes to run and play in the yard. Bart would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 10 and up. He is good as the only dog in the home. He has limited experience with other dogs at this time. He would do best in a single family home, because he tends to be vocal when first left in the crate.  For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Silver update: She is gaining confidence in her surroundings. She is spending less time in the crate, which she initially spent a lot of time inside. She is more playful with the family dog and is starting to have more fun. She is a fun girl and has cockroached for the first time and has rooed once, showing her increased confidence. She hides toys in her cage or at a back door collection.

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, one thing you have to say about the overlords is they never lose hope. Teeth, sure, but hope? Never. Witness one Phil Ruffin, overlord extraordinaire, and by that we mean he has tie shoes which he is able to put on and lace up himself. Truly, this man is the Warren Buffett of the greyhound racing world, because he has seen the future gone after it.

Wichita businessman Phil Ruffin has acquired an option to buy the idled Woodlands racetrack and grounds in Kansas City, Kan., with an eye toward reopening three Kansas tracks with racing and slot machines.

Well, of course he has. One glance at the paper will tell you what a wise investment this is.

Southern Arizona residents may soon have fewer chances to see live dog racing. But the owners of Tucson Greyhound Park say that will be good for business.

Now, to those of you who may not be familiar with the sophisticated elements of the overlord business plan it might seem that less business would not be a good thing for you. Well, that just shows how little you know about the economics of greyhound racing.

Ruffin already owns unused dog tracks in Wichita and Frontenac, Kansas.

 See what a genius this guy is? He's cornering the market on unused greyhound race tracks. Pretty soon if you don't want to go to a greyhound race you'll have no one to deal with but Mr. Ruffin. A total monopoly! Brilliant! I bet you wish you had been owned by this guy, right Jesse?

Jesse is very friendly, affectionate, and loves everyone. He wants to be near people. He will follow his family around the house. He loves being petted and will lean against you for attention. He likes to snuggle. He is happy; his tail wags often. He is playful and energetic. He likes to play with toys. Jesse would do well in a single family home with well-mannered children. He can jump a standard 4’fence, so he needs a home with a taller fence or with someone who would leash walk him. He would be great in an active working family home that will exercise him regularly. He would make a great jogging buddy, as he has more stamina than most greyhounds. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Silver update:  Silver is learning tricks. She plans to open in Las Vegas this the fall.

You Know Who Else Liked To Be Tickled Besides Elmo? Hitler

So, we're slooshing through the intertoobz searching for "No prescription needed" when what to our wandering eyes should appear but: Iowa senator compares preschool to Nazi indoctrination.

Well, of course he does, thinks us. After all, what else could he say? "Iowa needs job growth?" "We need to restore basic services to out citizens?" "We need to balance the budget with a comprehensive package of tax increases and program cuts?" Of course not. Not when there's fascists in the in the toy chest.

Republican Sen. Mark Chelgren said it’s parents’ responsibility to teach young children. “It is not the role of this government to take that away from families and replace it with an indoctrination process by teachers,” Chelgren, a freshman senator from Ottumwa, said shortly after the Senate gaveled in for the afternoon.

OK. Considering that with legislators like Markie in charge it won't be long before neither parent has a job making it much easier for them to carry out that "responsibility." Course, the fact that they'll be living in a refrigerator box under the highway will present some unique challenges. Hey, we know. The first lesson can be about representative government and how it is responsive to the needs of the people.

Chelgren took to the microphone again to explain that his statement was “not against preschool,” but “about a parent’s prerogative to make decisions about their children.”

Yeah. So when you accuse teachers of indoctrinating children, you're really talking about "prerogatives?"  Did you graduate from the Sarah Palin school of public speaking?

“Every argument made about preschool could be made about pre-preschool and pre-pre-preschool and as far back as you want to go until the day they are taken,” Chelgren said.

Oh. Um...thanks for clearing that up.


Wait a minute, wait a minute. We missed this the first time we read the article: "Chelgren, a freshman senator from Ottumwa, said shortly after the Senate gaveled in for the afternoon." That explains a lot. Some "freshman senator from Ottumwa" must have had lunch with his two favorite constituents, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam. Please read the warning labels on your medication bottles Representative Chelgren.

Texas! Motto: The Solution To Your Problem Is More Guns. Regardless Of What Your Problem Is

We're coming to you today from the Department of Up Is Down here in the marbled halls of IM Central. UID is a subsidiary of the It Would Be Reverse Psychology, If We Were Smart Enough To Use Psychology Company, in partnership with...well...where else? Texas.

Security is newly tightened at the Texas Capitol, but plenty of gun-toting visitors can breeze right through. Concealed handgun license holders walk through a special lane marked "CHL Access" around, and not through, the metal detectors put in place last year after a man fired shots outside the statehouse.

OK, so by "tighten security" they mean let people with guns into the statehouse faster than they got in before?

Schoolchildren and tourists, meanwhile, have to walk through metal detectors and put their bags and keys through scanners.

Yes, well...let's see if we have this straight. The people least likely to have guns are put through comprehensive security, while the people who actually have guns are invited right in. Is that pretty much the strategy we're talking about here?

Richard Robertson, a concealed handgun license holder who visited the Capitol on Saturday, is glad guns are allowed in the statehouse. "It's not the Wild West mentality where I'm hoping to get into a fight, but if some lunatic tries something, I'd feel better having the means to put an end to it," said Robertson, general manager of a construction company in Austin.

Ah, well that explains it then. If you're going to let people with guns into the statehouse, chances are pretty soon one of those people is going to be a lunatic and you got to be ready to drawn down on those Mo Fo's. We can see that. Say, did anyone ever consider just not letting anyone have guns in the statehouse? We mean, it's not like you're going to need to shoot a bear in the restroom or anything. Just a thought.

"Around here, it's not that big of a deal (to have a gun at the Capitol). Someone from out of state may think we're a bunch of yahoos."

Yahoos? Sir, you flatter yourself. Brainless dolts with penis issues maybe, but Yahoos? Never.

"It's not like they just whoosh on through," said Tela Mange, a spokeswoman for the Texas Department of Public Safety.

Oh, we never would have expected a "whoosh" Ms. Mange. More like a "Zip" or a "Zoom." By the way, what kind of name is Tela Mange? Is that your real name, or just the one you use so no one knows you work for the Texas Department of Public Safety? Hey, here's a riddle: What's a bigger oxymoron than "Military Intelligence?" Give up? Texas Department of Public Safety.

We crack us up.

Lobbyists, and even some journalists, have signed up in droves for the $140 licenses, even if they have no intention of carrying a weapon into the statehouse.

Makes perfect sense. Why wait in long lines for a security check if you're no threat. Position yourself so you might be a threat then you can whoosh right through.

Excuse us. we meant zip or zoom. No one whooshes. That wouldn't be safe.

Last year, Republican Gov. Rick Perry, who opposed the metal detectors at the Capitol entrances, had his .380 pistol with him while jogging in the Austin area and has said when he came across a coyote, he shot it dead.

Why didn't you say so in the first place. Now it all makes sense. The Texas Statehouse was in danger of being infiltrated by Coyotes and governor Perry, manly man that he is, was just putting the safety and well being of the legislators first. We'd do the same thing if we were in his shoes. Wait. we take that back, if we were in his shoes he'd probably shoot us.

Friday Hound Blogging

Sir Issac Newton taught us that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.Well, taught you maybe. Physics was never a major interest of ours except for the ballistics part when we got to build a catapult. It was just a desktop catapult, but still, that poor science teacher learned an important lesson about adolescent boys and the ability to launch projectiles in an enclosed area. We heard he took a job as a long haul truck driver after he finished his therapy. On the bright side, the Principal learned never to walk into a classroom without knocking first.

We tell you this because it seems Sir Issac's law is also applicable to the overlords. See, for the last, oh we don't know, twenty years or so, they've been taking a beating from people who have souls due to the fact that to be an overlord means you are basically a tick on the body of society. Now, we don't mean to insult ticks or anything, but you have to admit, when you take the oldest breed of dog there is, a dog who has been the companion of Pharaohs and Kings, a dog celebrated in literature and art, and you turn it into a commodity just so you can avoid working for a living, then, when that dog has given you everything it has you toss it aside like yesterday's newspaper, or worse, well, you got to believe that's going to upset some folks.

Anyway, enough is enough of that stuff, and now the overlords are pushing back. First of all, they want us to know they have standards:

PLANS to sponsor greyhound races as part of the Australian Sex Party’s Broadmeadows by-election campaign have landed the party in the dog house. The party, which is fielding candidate Merinda Davis in the February 19 Broadmeadows by-election, was told yesterday by Greyhound Racing Victoria it could not sponsor two races at this Saturday’s meeting at the Broadmeadows Greyhound Club.

Well, there you go then. We'll let the dogs get horribly injured, we'll starve them, we'll abandon them, we'll sell them for medical research, we'll even kill them, but expose them to nekked people? No way.

After all, greyhound racing is "a golden opportunity."

It never ceases to amaze me how people locally seem too often first focus on the negative. To me this project would give another first class leisure facility to Towcester and give a much-needed boost to the local economy.

Oh speak it brother man. We mean, sure dogs are going to endure heartless cruelty and meaningless death, sure people are going to lose the rent money and end up eating cat food in a refrigerator box, and sure the government is probably going to end up subsidizing the whole shebang like it does everywhere else, but is that any reason to back away from a "first class leisure facility?"

Yes there are some obstacles to be overcome...

A few, we would say, but we need to “forget about the mindless noise made by negative souls”.

LONG-time Murwillumbah greyhound enthusiast Cyril Boylett has urged towns- people to welcome a plan for a modern greyhound track as great news for small business, tourism and the community.

Darn straight. It's a well known fact that Social Security recipients, the disabled and people on fixed incomes often travel the world in search of the excitement of greyhound racing. It's a cash cow, man!

Mr Boylett said he and other trainers were devoted to their greyhounds.
“We have two old brood bitches that live mainly in the house,” he said.

Ha! Well there it is then. Is there any stronger testament to the commitment the overlords make to the units...er...the dogs. We mean, this guy's been in greyhound racing for thirty years or more. He's gone through hundreds of dogs, and two of them sort of live in the house. What more needs to be said huh Opie? 

Opie is a happy-go-lucky guy who is still young at heart. He is friendly, trusting, affectionate, and playful. He follows the foster dad everywhere. He will put his front legs on the bed in the morning and paw at you to be petted. Opie looks especially cute when he is feeling very alert and points both ears straight up with just the tips curled over. He also loves to sit when he thinks he hears someone near the cookie jar. Opie would do well as an only dog or with other dogs. He has lots of energy for a senior and appreciates going for a walk or playing outside. He would be happy in a working family, or one that is home more often. He would probably do well with well-mannered children. He loves to be outside, so a family that would include him in outdoor activities would be great. His size would allow him to fit well in a smaller home or condo. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Silver update: Silver's Vet check was perfect, all shots up to date, teeth cleaned and ready for some serious couch time.

Say Ten Hail Marys And Four Our Fathers KTHXBAI

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that the only sensible response in the face of a cold, chaotic indifferent universe is acquiescence...er...we mean know that we were raised in Peter's posse yet, in the intervening years drifted from our brothers and sisters in Christ due to the fact that it slowly dawned on us during our adolescent years (which may still be going on by the way) that we weren't living in the 13th century.

Not that we didn't enjoy the whole dominus vobiscum, save the pagan babies by selling over-priced statues of the virgin Mary, try to get Dolores Bratvakowski to give us a smooch in the coat room after CYO experience, because we really did. Well, except for the part where Dolores ratted us out to the Monsignor and he gave us the speech about how you couldn't mess with the wimmenz until you married one, then you could make her do whatever you wanted and god was OK with that.

Intriguing as that possibility was, it was shortly after that we ran into Mary Margaret Chilanewski, who apparently hadn't gotten the memo about the proper stand off position she was supposed to take vis-a-vis people like us and, well one thing led to another and pretty soon the only thing we used our extensive Latin vocabulary for was exclaiming O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!

We tell you this by way of introducing what may be the harbinger of the church's entrance in the present age, namely confession by iPhone.

It seems as though the Catholic Church really really wants us to go to confession, so much so that apparently it has sanctioned a new iPhone app aimed at bringing some of the wandering sheep back into the fold. You can now wipe your slate clean with Confession: A Roman Catholic App, available through iTunes for $1.99.

Now, is that pope guy a hep cat or what? No more dragging your hung over carcass to the church Saturday afternoon to get your sins forgiven by the equally hung over Padre, only to go out that night and collect and butt load more.  Now the enterprising miscreant can almost wipe 'em as he does 'em. It's like 24/7 absolution man, as long as you've got service. We'd recommend purchasing the Verizon model iPhone because you'll need at least three bars consistently to reach heaven. Besides, ATT? That's for Lutherans.

We have to admit this almost has us considering retuning to the fold. We mean, what's in the pipeline? Angry Cardinals? Smite the evil pigs and send them over the cliff, just like Jesus did. Judasbug? See if you can hop Iscariot all the way to heaven before god notices. This could be the thing that brings the church back from that whole pervy thing, right Father?

A spokesman for the Vatican, Federico (Freddy Spoons) Lombardi said:  ‘I must stress to avoid all ambiguity, under no circumstance is it possible to "confess by iPhone because even the most cursory glance at the bible will convince you that Jesus was totally an Android guy.’

Dang! Well, wonder if we still have Mary Margret's number around here anyplace...

Just Wondering

Hey, remember Wikileaks? Didn't all the media tell us that supposed to be the end of civilization as we knew it? Weren't we all supposed to have been overrun by screaming hordes of anarchists, or socialists or something because someone actually reported stuff the government didn't want reported, you know like journalism and whatnot? Did that happen, because we really haven't been paying attention. Did the terrorists win?

We have to believe something like that would have made the papers, but sometimes we only read the comics so it's possible the collapse of western democracy could have slipped by us. We quit following the story after Sarah Palin chased all the hackers off her porch and back to Russia, because when it's no longer about Sarah, it's no longer news.

Did anybody ever figure out if Jullian Assange was the anti-christ, or is it still Obama?

America! Motto: Dunning Kruger* in 2012!

Well well well. The new class of citizen legislators are all in their seats and eager to right the ship of state. So, how we doing so far?

U.S. Rep. Ann Marie Buerkle, who voted to repeal the health care reform act, was twice asked about the health insurance she receives as a government employee. At first she said she couldn’t understand why people were so interested in her health insurance, and that taxpayers didn’t pay anything for it. She later corrected herself after being handed a note from a staffer. Like most employees, she pays for a portion of her insurance and her employer, the government, pays the rest, she said.

OK, let's get this straight. The nice lady decides has career as a homeopathic faith healer isn't taking off like she'd hoped and gets herself a job with the Federal Government, whose major source of revenue is...for those of you playing at home, say it with us...taxes. Her new employer graciously promises to cover her health care with what has been called by some a very generous benefit package.

With us so far?

Now, the nice lady goes back to her district after voting to disallow health care supported by taxes. Twice. She tells her constituents that her health care isn't being supported by their tax dollars, until an aide, who obviously graduated from high school, passes her a note explaining how the government supports itself.

Now, to see if you've been paying attention here's a quiz. Which of the two following statements would cause the founding fathers, were they still alive, to take the first ship back to England:

1. This lady was convinced by the voices in her head that she was qualified to serve in the Congress of the United States of America.

2. Enough people agreed with her to get her elected.

When you're done, just leave your paper in the box on our desk. We'll be down in the basement looking at real estate brochures from Belize.

*Dunning Kruger

Friday Hound Blogging

Hey, you remember the old Batman series? No, not the movies with the dark,conflicted, taekwondo, Eastern mystic poseur Batman, the other Batman, the one with the ill fitting costume and the substance abusing writers. Yeah, that one. Mmm...and Batgirl...

Where were we. Oh yeah, Batman. One of the things we really liked about that show was Catwoman...mmm...Catwoman...no wait...uh...hang on...the graphics. We really liked the graphics. Whenever Batman would get in a fight there was always a big BAM! on the screen or a POW! when he decked the bad guy.

Well, we tell you this because upon perusing the intertoobz this week we have come to the conclusion that the overlords must be feeling a little like the Joker when the Caped Crusader finally cornered him in his hideout. We join this week's episode already in progress:

BAM!!

If state lawmakers agree to let casinos end live dog racing in Iowa, greyhound owners and kennels would be paid a "soft landing" fee and the state treasury would get an extra $10 million a year, according to a proposed bill.

 Oh, that's gonna to leave a mark.

POW!!!

An independent poll of 501 Iowa voters finds that a majority would support legislation to end greyhound racing in Iowa. The statewide survey, conducted between Jan. 24 and Jan. 27 by Hill Research Consultants of Auburn, Ala., found that voters by a margin of 57 percent to 28 percent would support a bill to allow the closure of Iowa’s two dog-racing tracks. Fifteen percent were unsure.

Holy Last One Leaving The Track Turn Out The Lights Batman! 57%! Every bad guy knows you can't get anywhere without your minions. Got to have the minions. But wait! Batman thinks you're knocked out and he's turning away. Now's the time to conk him with a vase!


SOCKKO!!

GREYHOUND Racing New South Wales (GRNSW) has dismissed claims by the Friends of the Hound that a proposed $5.6 million greyhound racing facility at South Murwillumbah would not deliver economic or social benefit to the region. GRNSW chief executive Brent Hogan said Tweed Heads is classified as one of the fastest-growing greyhound racing regions in the state.

Oh No! Our hero is down and at the mercy of the evil overlords. Will this be the end for Batman?

BLAMMO!!

On Friday last week David Montague, chief executive of the 66,000-home association, met with millionaire Bob Morton, who wants to buy the site, as well as campaigners opposed to L&Q’s plans. Local MPs Stella Creasy, Iain Duncan Smith and Waltham Forest council leader Chris Robbins also attended. Mr Morton wants to fund a scheme which would include a dog track and homes, but L&Q last year rejected his £4 million bid for the site. Following Friday’s meeting Mr Montague said Mr Morton’s plans would not work.

 Ah Ha!  Robin has freed himself from the evil clutches of the Riddler and saved the day! (We forgot to tell you Robin was in the evil clutches of the Riddler).

So it looks like justice will triumph, right Batdog...er...Bill?

Bill is really sweet and loving. He is a quick learner, with plenty of energy. He follows his foster family around the house and LOVES to be with people. Bill likes to find people who will pet him whenever he can. Bill is confident, sweet, playful and cuddly. He wants to be around everyone all the time. Bill is comical when he burps out loud like a person and his tail wags up and down rather than side to side. Bill jumps in the air & does a 360° turn and pounces down on his toys. He is so funny and entertaining. He leaves mismatched slippers all over the house.  Bill would do well in a working family home with another dog to keep him company or with a family that is home most of the time if he is the only dog. He is good with well-mannered children, 5 and up. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Silver update: Silver enjoys her foster home, but does not like snow drifts that are taller than she is.

We Are Wal-Mart. All Your Neighborhood Are Belong To Us

Oh look, the boys of Mordor are back. As if we don't have enough trouble.

Wal-Mart's lengthy struggle to open in New York City has hit fresh problems -- a controversial report that said America's biggest discounter does not just sell cheap, it makes neighborhoods poorer.

But...but...79 cents for half a ton of one ply toilet paper...

The report concludes that Wal-Mart, the biggest U.S. private employer, kills jobs rather than creates them, drives down wages and is a tax burden because it does not give health and other benefits to many part-time employees, leaving a burden on Medicaid and other public programs.

Oh sure, it sounds bad when you put it like that, but what about all the good things Wal-mart does, like provide jobs for immigrants and women? They are often first adopters of technological innovation and cutting edge scheduling techniques as well as forward looking labor/management relations.

The New York City Council will hold a public hearing on the impact a Wal-Mart would have but the retailer has declined to attend. "Well, truth be told we're really tired of this whole public input thing," said Wal-Mart spokesman Steven Restivo. "I mean, this is Wal-mart for crying out loud. Where do you people get off telling us what's good for you? Umm...I mean JOBS!"

Restivo said a store would bring good jobs and good shopping for fresh food to locals. To push its case, Wal-Mart launched a public relations blitz in mid-January with radio and newspaper ads and a website, www.youwillbeassimilatedNYC.com, which features positive coverage of the company. "It's true because it's on the Internet," he added.

 Wal-Mart has been trying to open in New York since 2005 but various plans floundered on objections from the community and union activists. Now the company is reported to be looking at locations including East New York and Brownsville -- Brooklyn neighborhoods known for high unemployment, crime and drugs. "Well, you don't think people are actually going to let us build in an area that has property value do you?" Restivo said. "Besides, these people are already poor, how much worse can we make it?"

"It would be a disaster," said Mark Tanis, owner of an East New York shopping market about three miles from a proposed sites. "It would have a detrimental impact on our area." Tanis said he fears a product he sells for $20 could sell for as little as $12 at Wal-Mart and drive him out of business.

"$12? Try $8.95," Restivo responded. "Hey Mark, I'll save a place for you on the janitorial crew. Don't bother packing a lunch though. You don't get lunch! HAHAHAHA! That's a little Wal-mart humor right there."



Courtney Laidlaw, 22, who lives near the two possible locations said, "We have become a society of bargain shoppers and having a Wal-Mart locally will definitely be beneficial. "The small businesses that can adapt to the socioeconomic times that we live in will find a way to survive. Wal-Mart is just an alternative destination, not the only destination."

"We may just be an 'alternative destination' now, Courtney, but give us a year or two," Restivo said. "Resistance is futile."

Mitt Romney! Motto: What's A Guy Gotta Do To Be President Around Here?

Hmm...Looks like the Mittster is going to take advantage of Palin Free February to get his all positions all the time campaign back in the news. 

Former governor Mitt Romney, in a new introduction to a book somebody wrote for him, strongly criticizes President Obama, writing that “my worst fears about the president have come true and it looks like he could get re-elected which means I'll have to wait another four years to get into the White House.’’

Life is hard, Mitt. If you don't believe us, just ask your dog. On the bright side, the fact that you've had every position there is on the issues means you won't need to do much updating for the voters. "Yeah, me too" should about do it.

In the book’s new introduction, Romney gives an apparent nod to the Tea Party movement, criticizing Democrats in sharp populist language for pushing a greater role for government.

Oops. Forgot about that one. Since there wasn't a Tea Party during the 2010 election, you'll have to explain how, as the moderate governor of a progressive state, you've always been a Tea Partier at heart, right? So what's your opening gambit?

“Like the monarch the revolutionaries rejected, they have no limit on the amount they would tax the people and their enterprises,’’ he adds. “Rather than admire the heritage of peaceful assembly and petition, they ridicule and demean assemblies of ordinary citizens who protest their grand health care plans, takeovers, and bailouts.’’

Ooo. Palin-speak. We like it. A fresh word salad of unconnected ideas phrased pretty much incomprehensibly, but spelled right. You're the thinking man's patriot Mitty boy. What else you got?

Romney also strongly criticizes the president’s health care law, which is bound to become a sticky argument, since the national plan was largely based on the one Romney steered to passage in Massachusetts.

 Yeah, that's a toughie. If only Massachusetts had fallen into the sea after you were governor this would be much easier. Gonna take some careful planning here to distance yourself from your own record. Don't want a repeat of New Hampshire.

“They have enacted 2,000 pages of health care legislation, and while the politicians did not take the time to read it before they voted, small businesses will have no choice but to read and comply with every one of its new mandates and provisions,’’ Romney writes.

HAHAHAHAHA!! That's pretty funny. Romney actually thinks politicians read the bills they pass. Hey Mitty, ever hear of the Patriot Act? 

And as for small businesses, yeah...except no.

Romney had nearly 412 different opinions in the final five weeks of 2010 and starts out this year with more positions than a Yogi on speed, according to newly filed "Keeping Up With Mitt" disclosure forms. His political action committee — called the Please Let Mitt Be President PAC — begins 2011 with more flip flops than any other prospective presidential candidate.