Thursday, August 05, 2010

You Know Who Else Rode Bicycles? Hitler.

OK we think we've got this figured out. Osamabama--who is black by the way--the stealth Mussleman Kenyan pseudo-president planted by the Islamofascistcommieninjashadowwarriors is not the real problem. In fact, he's no problem at all, but merely a dodge to draw attention away from the real threat to god, democracy and happy motoring in this here home of the brave and land of the Walmart SuperCenter.

See, while everyone is watching comrade Barack Hussein go through the motions of trying to take your guns away and make you gay marry your health care provider or be sentenced to...uh...recycling by the local death panel, the real erosion of what the founding fathers went to Divinity School to create is happening at a much lower level and in a much less obvious way.

But no more! Right Colorado Republican gubernatorial candidate Dan Maes?
Maes is warning voters that Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper's policies, particularly his efforts to boost bike riding, are "converting Denver into a United Nations community."
In. Your. Face. Hickleblooper, or Hickenhopper, or whatever your name is. Sounds German to us. You know who else was German? Hitler. OK. Austrian, but who cares you United Nations community loving, bike riding, United Nations, threat to fossil fuel Americans everywhere guy you.
Maes said in a later interview that he once thought the mayor's efforts to promote cycling and other environmental initiatives were harmless and well-meaning. Now he realizes "that's exactly the attitude they want you to have."
Oh, thank Eight Cylinder Jebus for Dan Maes we say. He sees through the curtain of confusion they have thrown over their nefarious plans. He knows what they are thinking and he understands how they are fooling with us, tricking us into thinking what they want us to think.
"This is bigger than it looks like on the surface, and it could threaten our personal freedoms," Maes said.
 OK Dan, you're going to have to tell us how big this looks on the surface because we're looking here and we just don't see it.
"These aren't just warm, fuzzy ideas from the mayor. These are very specific strategies that are dictated to us by this United Nations program that mayors have signed on to."
 Mayors? Mayors? As in more than one? Cripes Dan, you've uncovered a national conspiracy here. Are you being careful man? Are you taking precautions? These people obviously will stop at nothing bike paths and you have become the biggest threat to their agenda. You got to be careful man, or you may find yourself walking down the street one day and suddenly you're surrounded by a bunch of UN Ambassadors on Trekbikes. Just saying.
Maes said in a later interview that he was referring to Denver's membership in the International Council for Local Environmental Initiatives, an international association that promotes sustainable development and has attracted the membership of more than 1,200 communities, 600 of which are in the United States. Maes said ICLEI is affiliated with the United Nations and is "signing up mayors across the country, and these mayors are signing on to this U.N. agreement to have their cities abide by this dream philosophy." The program includes encouraging employers to install showers so more people will ride bikes to work and also creating parking spaces for fuel-efficient vehicles, he said.
  Showers at work? What is this, Soviet Russia? This is a gonzo slippery slope that could mean America would get clothes lined, go endo and do a face plant in the death cookies Dan and we commend you for having the courage to step forward to warn your fellow non-institutionalized patriots. Who knows where this could lead, maybe Day Care Centers at work? Complete with a picture of Joseph Stalin on the wall no doubt.
"At first, I thought, 'Gosh, public transportation, what's wrong with that, and what's wrong with people parking their cars and riding their bikes? And what's wrong with incentives for green cars?' But if you do your homework and research, you realize ICLEI is part of a greater strategy to rein in American cities under a United Nations treaty," Maes said
 Oh, you've sold us Dan. Despite the fact that only the Federal Government can make treaties, and we think you're right not to trust that nice doctor fellow who wants you to take those pills.


Anonymous said...

What the fuck is this?! Holy Fuck Me Batman is every goddamn politician out there nuttier than squirrel pants or what?

Bicycling a Communist Plot of the UN? Well you know IM, only abortionists, Gay Kitten Juggling Atheists, and Pagans ride bicycles to work. Just sayin.

You know what this looks like to me? A conspiracy by Big Oil for sure. Guess who doesn't want any competition?

Why the people who want to drill and frack in your back yard so they can sell you price fixxed Propane and Natural Gas, and fresh caught shrimp marinated in Corexit.

My old man who spent over 20 years in the Military, sometimes rides his road bike to work and back. I suppose that means we are secret satanists or something? And you know there are bike clubs all over the country that hold charity events for cancer treatment of women, and children, and fund raise for all sorts of projects, and that help maintain biking AND hiking trails.

This asshole from Denver really needs to get a fucking clue already and stop whining out both sides of his ass.

I am really sick of the Batshit Crazy Tin Foil Hat Brigade.

Amy said...

I love your blog, it brightens my day. Today especially, I needed this :)

Anonymous said...

and another thing, My old man used to ride his road bicycle to work while he was still active duty military.

So bad news for you sunshine! We have infiltrated the military. We are everywhere!