Tuesday, May 11, 2010

BREAKING: Pope Thinks Priests May Have Been "A Tad Naughty From Time To Time"

Now, we'll be the first to admit we've been a trifle hard on old Benedicto since this whole Boink the Choirboys thing got into the press. Um...perhaps 'hard" isn't the best descriptor, given the nature of this little contretemps in which the church catholic finds itself. It's just the whole idea of people who purport to be moral and spiritual guardians and guides using their position to take advantage of children in a  most despicable, heartless and damaging way, then being protected by the very body that should have been the first to deplore and punish their behavior has left us somewhat, shall we say vexed? Call us old fashioned.

Anyway, it seems all that is in the past now, because the draped one has finally seen the light.

Pope Benedict blamed the church's own sins for the clerical abuse scandal — not a campaign mounted by outsiders — and called for profound purification to end what he called the "greatest persecution" the church has endured. "In other words, the pope finally realized it wasn't the outsiders doing the mounting," said a representative of the Vatican Office of Trying To Make The Whole Thing Go Away.

Well, better late than never, says us, but that "purification" thing has us a little worried what with the pope's...uh...youthful exuberances and all.

His strong comments placed the blame for the crisis squarely on the sins of pedophile priests (who, he pointed out, are legally not employees of the vatican, but private contractors), repudiating the Vatican's initial response to the scandal, in which it blamed the media as well as pro-choice and pro-gay marriage advocates, sun spots, the economic collapse in Greece and the designated hitter rule for mounting a campaign against the church and the pope.

"The greatest persecution of the church doesn't come from enemies on the outside but is born from the sins within the church," the pontiff said. "The church needs to profoundly relearn penitence, accept purification, learn forgiveness but also justice."

Ah. So the church as been a very, very bad boy and it needs a spanking.

We don't think this is the last we'll hear of this.

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