Tuesday, August 23, 2005

God Gave Me A "Get Out Of The Commandments Free" Card

We'd be the first to admit that paying attention in Catechism class was pretty far down on our list of things to do, but we're pretty sure that assassination is not exactly what God had in mind when he said love your neighbor, wouldn't you agree Reverend Robertson?

Apparently not.

Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson suggested that American operatives assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. "We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability," Robertson said. "God told me it's all right because Chavez is a Catholic."

"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it," Robertson said. "It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war. Besides, God wants us to have that oil anyway. Why do you think he told the president to invade Iraq?"

"But Iraq is costing us a bundle," Robertson continued, "We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one taco bender. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with. Just like on the A Team. Boy I liked that show."

Robertson, 75, founder of the Christian Coalition of America and a raving paranoid schizophrenic, accused the United States of failing to act when Chavez was briefly overthrown in 2002. "We could have popped a cap on that bozo back when he was out of office and that would have been the end of it. Now we'll have to explain God's will to all those beaners after we off their president. Probably affect contributions to my ministry from that region too, but I'm willing to sacrifice."

Robertson has made controversial statements in the past. In October 2003, he suggested that the State Department be blown up with a nuclear device. He has also said that feminism encourages women to "kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

"That was taken out of context," Roberstson said. "I was willing to give the State Department a two hour warning, and as for the feminists, well, OK I did say that, but only because uppity women scare me."

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