Friday Hound Blogging

Welcome gentle reader(s). As we stand on caboose of the train of time and watch the city of summer slowly fall into the distance, before you sally forth to burn the flesh of animals and consume inappropriate portions of brewed and distilled beverages, allow us to regale you with the tale of overlord Pat Rosney.

But first a little background. Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall the cloudless, infinite vistas of youth, now darkened and constrained by the ominous thunderheads of ever increasing entropy, disillusion and ultimate despair as the heavy weather of the uncaring universe descends upon us...erm...we mean will recall our featured guest of last week, Ms, Kath Harris, an overlord who had taken the first tentative steps away from the shadow of heartless cruelty that is the exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit and into the light of empathy, compassion and justice. Unfortunately the welcoming glow of a truly human spirit was too much for her and she scurried away back into the darkness. Well, truth be told, she was bailing because the dough dried up, but her dogs, ah, not so much.

Back to Mr. Rosney who, perhaps inspired by Ms. Harris, has come forward to declare his own attempt at a resurrection back into the human race.

PAT ROSNEY is on a high. He has two wonderful pups, Newinn Yolo and Swift Hoffman, dominating the betting for Monday's £7,500 Caffrey’s Puppy Classic final at Nottingham – a key event of the year for youngsters. But, at the same time, he also says he feels he is being made a mug of by those running and earning out of the sport. He says: “We take it only because we love greyhound racing too much. We allow our hearts to rule our heads.

 Uh. Mr. Rosney, sir? A point of clarification please. You say "we love greyhound racing too much" and that's very clear, but how do you feel about the greyhounds themselves, you know those dogs back there in the crates, the ones who are injured and die so you can love greyhound racing? Oh, you'll get back to us on that? OK. You were saying?

“But what future is there for a young trainer? Long hours for little reward. Exactly as Kath Harris said last weekend – when she explained her decision to quit Belle Vue.

We feel your pain Mr. Roseny. It must be difficult to spend all that time standing along the rail of a practice track trying to decide which dogs you'll send off to an uncertain future of potential injury and death and which you'll assign to an uncertain future of possible escape, or death.

“Kath is a good trainer who looks after her dogs incredibly well, she represents the type of person tracks need.

Oh, you don't need to convince us, Mr. Rosney. We know an industry built on the commodification of living creatures for (no) profit is best represented by a person who is not willing to subject herself to the slings and arrows of misfortune, but has no qualms about continuing to send her dogs into the fever swamp of this so called sport.

“When the leading trainers, even the likes of Charlie Lister, are losing money, what’s the point? A man who has won seven Derbys and he’s losing money hand over fist.

 Well there is no point Mr. Rosney, no point at all because it's about the money. It's always been about the money, and until the last track closes it will always be about the money. Those greyhounds that run the races for you? The one who live in those crates? The ones who get injured and killed? They're just fur covered ATM's right Mr. Rosney? And when the ATM runs out of money it's no good to anybody.

“We’re hoping for a good year, we’re lucky to have some generous and loyal owners and some fantastic dogs. That’s exciting, the upside, but at the same time, we all feel sick of being taken advantage of by the powers that be.”

 " Taken advantage of by the powers that be.” Right. Hey Ann, you got any thoughts on being "taken advantage of by the powers that be?"

I absolutely love toys, especially the squeaky ones. I am a wonderful, friendly and very inquisitive girl (I want to know about everything). I love to go for walks and do great on the leash. I love everyone I meet, including children of all ages. I am housebroken. I get along with dogs of all sizes. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Reality Is A Harsh Mistress Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. RIAHM is a division of the Wake Up And Smell The Coffee Corporation, and wholly owned subsidy of Glad You finally Saved Enough To Buy A Clue, LLC.

Frequent Reader(s) of this blog know that the siren song of ambition lures us to the rocks of disappointment...erm...we mean know that we have often pointed out the overlords reliance on a less than clear eyed view of their vocation when they try to justify the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit. Another way of saying that is these bozos have moved so far away from reality they can't even get their mail forwarded, so as you might imagine, when we heard of an overlord stepping forward to discourse on the general suckiness of life as an overlord, we were intrigued.

KATH HARRIS is the latest licence-holder to speak out about the acute financial problems that trainers are facing on a daily basis and is threatening the future of the industry. The Bolton-based handler is so disillusioned with the situation that she has handed in notice on her contract at Belle Vue and will leave after the meeting on September 7.

Well, first Ms. Harris allow us to welcome you back to this plane of existence. Speaking as professional educational technicians, and roustabout word mongers we'd also like to comment on the word "disillusioned." We find that verbiage particularly appropriate because in implies that our dear Kath had been, heretofore, laboring under an illusion--an illusion that the wholesale misuse and abuse of greyhounds was somehow justifiable because there was money to be made, and while her sudden awakening has more to do with dollars than conscience, the end result is the same--one less overlord.

She says: “It’s a ridiculous situation. I’m working seven days a week and up to 15 hours a day and have been ploughing my own money into the business just to keep afloat. “Prize-money levels are a disgrace and costs are rising continuously and it’s all work, work, work, and stress, stress, stress.

 We feel your pain, Ms. Harris. And speaking of pain, look at the bright side, at least your bones are not being broken, or your life ended. Now there's some stress for you--know what we're talking about?

“My husband and I recently took our first holiday for years...

Good for you old girl. Tell us, did you take your greyhounds with you, or did they have to stay in their crates. You know, the ones they're in every day for up to 22 hours?

“It’s affecting trainers the length and breadth of the country and something has to be done about it before it is too late.

 Oh Kath, Kath, Kath. Don't drift away on us now. You've come so far. It's already too late. It's been too late for a while now. Let it go girl. Come towards the light.

“Fortunately a couple of people have said that they would like to put open racers with me and my good bitch Starmount Swift, who was runner-up in the Brighton Belle a couple of years ago, is booked to got to Milldean Panther when she comes in season so, hopefully, we will have a nice litter of pups to look forward to as well.

Oh crap. We've lost her.  She knows the industry is dying, but she's still going to send more dogs into it. So close. Such a shame. We were really pulling for her, huh Beat?

I am a very sweet girl. I love attention and love to play with my toys. I run around and throw them up in the air and catch them. I get along great with dogs my size but I have not met any small dogs or cats yet. I am housebroken. I am very friendly with everyone I meet. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Oh overlords, you scamps! You rascals! We take a couple weeks off to organize our Stoli inventory and you go out and make all sorts of mischief. It's almost like you were waiting for our backs to be turned so you could go nuclear with herp, derp and D'oh. On the other hand, nuclear herp, derp and D'oh is kind of your default setting, so maybe these last couple of weeks haven't been that different. Whatever. Let's sample some of the offerings on the overlord buffet.

First up, everyone's favorite sinkhole of despair and futility, Tucson Deathcamp for Greyhounds. Stop us if you've heard this one before (and if you haven't you must have just teleported in from Ishanna V).

Tucson - It may be the worst financial news yet for Tucson Greyhound Park. The News 4 Tucson Investigators have obtained the latest financial investigation report on TGP. It says the track net's loss in 2013 was $544,000. The audit was conducted by a private firm and was part of the track's license renewal process. Other key audit findings:

-TGP did not produce a profit in the last five years
-The track does not have sufficient current assets to meet its current liabilities
-TGP cannot sustain future viability if its Florida owners don't put more money into it

 In other news, duh. TGP is to losing money as ducks are to wet feet, Kim Kardashian is to cameras and the Cubs are to last place. On a personal note, that last example pains up deeply. As young Ironici we spent many a bright and happy afternoon within the friendly confines of Wrigley Field. You should know though, that being a Cubs fan isn't about winning (in other news, duh) it's about...well, it's the Cubs man, our Cubbies. That and the futile struggle for success against insurmountable obstacles and overwhelming forces deployed against you. (Plus, no bullpen)

Where were we? Oh yeah, the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit is a travesty whose time has passed and needs to be consigned to the trash heap of history along with stocks in the town square, bleeding sick people and reading goat entrails. Everybody knows that. Oops, maybe not.

Rather than openly push for the expansion of gambling, many of those behind this effort have pushed for the elimination of live greyhound racing at greyhound racetracks in the name of "dog safety." The real goal is to operate the tracks as mini-casinos with slot machines despite the fact that the tracks were approved only for operation as greyhound racing facilities.

OMG! OMG! CONSPIRACY!  Break out the tinfoil headgear! Somebody call Agent Mulder! It's pretty obvious the the Illuminati are behind this somewhere because as the author of the piece, Mr. Jeff Kottkamp, who was Florida's 17th lieutenant governor (which he said) and lobbyist for the Florida Greyhound Association (which he didn't say)  points out, saying this is all about "dog safety" is pretty much a transparent ruse because it's pretty obvious when it comes to things that are important, "dog safety" is right up there with making sure the kennels are clean and well maintained, the track is attractive and free of unsightly distractions, and the crowds are welcomed.  So if it's not about "dog safety" what is it about? Well, to answer a question like that we're going to need someone with an astute sense of business, entrepreneurial talent and  a nose for profit. Someone like Milton McGregor.

As people nationwide bet less and less money on greyhound races, dog tracks around the country are having to find other ways to cope with that falling revenue. But in Alabama, Birmingham Race Course owner Milton McGregor says his course is at a disadvantage when competing for gambling dollars.

Ha! there it is. The greyhound exploitation industry is being unfairly hobbled in the free market. Nefarious forces are aligned against the overlords and something must be done to allow them to compete on a fair and level field. But what could that be Mr. McGregor? 

"The people in other states who I've talked to are absolutely amazed and dumbfounded that our state government hasn't done something in terms of allowing other forms of gaming for the tracks in Alabama," McGregor, the majority owner of the Jefferson County Racing Association, which operates the course, said.

Of course. It's Occam's razor. The best solution is the simplest. So to save greyhound racing we must allow people to bet on something other than greyhound racing. It's so clear now. Thank you , Mr. McGregor for your trenchant analysis.

Oh, and one last thing before we get back to our Stoli inventory--for those of you who may be seeking employment:

The Iowa Greyhound Association is soliciting resumes for a person to help coordinate greyhound racing in Dubuque next year.

Qualifications will include lack of empathy, low self esteem and inability to read the writing on the wall. Experience as a sociopath a plus. Criminal background check is required, but don't worry, we'll take what we can get.

Hmmm. What do you think Gent? We know you're retired, but do you have any friends looking for work?

I love everybody I meet. I am laid back and not afraid of anything. I will come when you call me. I am housebroken. I love dogs of all sizes. I have not met any kitties but since I love small dogs, I think I would like kitties too. I walk great on my leash. I can go up and down the stairs but I am still a little clumsy so I need a little work. I love to throw my toys up in the air and chase them around the house.
For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

FHB is going to be taking a couple weeks off starting today. Yeah, yeah we know. You're heart broken, but look at the bright side--now you can do something useful with your time like contribute to good causes, foster, or adopt.  You're welcome.

OK, OK. You can have one picture of a skinny dog to tide you over. Yeesh you people are demanding.

This is IM Central hound Sera sending a nonverbal message to her sisters that all the couch are belong to her. Click to embiggen.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that our journey through this life is a crumbling, treacherous footpath up the mountainside of disillusionment to the cliff of despair...erm...we mean know that we have occasionally made light of the overlords' penchant for fleeing from reality like republicans from a library, so you will not be surprised that we were immediately attracted by this headline: Greyhound racing’s days may be numbered. May be numbered? Jeez, ya think? And where do you come down on the whole sun rises in the east controversy? Well, we've never been ones to prejudge here in the marbled halls of IM Central, except when we do, so let's give a listen in, shall we?

As part of his trip to Florida each year to watch greyhound racing, Bob Feijo was making a round at the Ebro track this past Wednesday night. The New Bedford , Massachusetts resident, who was enjoying the races with his friend’s grandson, said there’s nothing like it.The kids love to watch this,” he said. “And it’s not promoting them to want to throw away all their money. They just love to watch it. They really do.

Yeah, uh say there, Mr. Rube sir? We're pretty sure the kids would enjoy watching the dogs run around in your backyard as much as at the track, and you have the added advantage of not having to worry about them witnessing a gruesome death. Just something to think about. As for the money thing, unless you're telling them they have to go to the neighbor's and ask for dinner again tonight because you lost the grocery money, they probably have no idea it is even involved.

The same organizations are at work in Florida to eliminate the sport, which they say is a form of animal abuse. But Feijo and other greyhound racing enthusiasts beg to differ. “These dogs are treated well,” he said. “There is a 95 percent adoption rate. It’s documented.”

About that documentation Mr. Rube sir. You might not want to rely on the word of a fellow whose sole purpose in life is to convince people that the wholesale exploitation, abuse, and abandonment of innocent living creatures, commodified for the purpose of earning (no) profit for the overlords. Now that we think of it though, apparently you think betting on greyhounds is something a so called sentient being should engage in, so your judgement probably hasn't won any awards lately anyway. OK, our bad.

The most recent 2012-2013 numbers show the Ebro track lost $2.63 million on dog racing when expenses were factored in, and made $2.22 million in the poker room, for a net loss of $409,834. “Our poker room has been the bread and butter,” said Rick Hess, whose family owns the track. Hess said the track is making a slight net profit when a more than $600,000 tax credit is factored in. “On paper it looks like (the track is losing money), but we get tax credits that keeps us going,” Hess said.

Umm...Mr Hess sir? Now we're not Harvard MBA's or anything like that, but it seems to us that if the only reason your track is making a profit is that the state gives you free money, you're not really making a profit. In fact, you're leeching money away from the state that could go for other more, let's say beneficial things like lunch programs for poor kids, help with utilities for seniors, mental health programs, you know, stuff like that.

The track employs more than 100 people, and had a payroll of more than $1.4 million in fiscal year 2012-2013.

Whoa, $1.4 mil! Well, that changes things doesn't it Mr. Hess? Now, let's see, about 100 people making about $1.4...OK, if we assume everyone makes the same amount--which we know isn't true because who's gonna get the biggest piece of the pie? Why you are Mr. Hess! Yes you are! Who's the big Kahuna? Who's the big boy? But let's just play all things being equal for a moment. 100 people getting $1.4 million works out to $14,000 a year, or just under $2000 a month per person, or about $300 a week for a full time position which we know you don't have because benefits. Now, if all your workers were to quit and go down to the local Walmart they'd make about $15, 576 a year which is still a little less than $6000 below the Federal poverty level for a family of four, so, like we said, leeching money away...

Tracey and Tracee Pope of Rockmart, Georgia came to the track with their young children. Tracey Pope said they have no dog racing where he lives, and the Ebro track is the reason they come here as opposed to another vacation spot like Myrtle Beach.

 OK, we're going to let that Tracey Tracee thing go because they're probably cousins anyway, but Ebro over Myrtle Beach? We bet this guy goes to Baskin Robbins and asks for a sauerkraut sundae, right Pearl?

Prince Eric: "Isn't this great? The salty sea air, the wind blowing in your face. Aaah, the perfect day to be at sea!" Oops! Wrong Disney movie!! Our beautiful Black Pearl doesn't mind. She is on her voyage to find her prince, or princess, or a whole family of them! Yo ho! This gem has been doing great in foster. Pearl is sweet and affectionate. She is curious and ready for adventure! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're in a kind of meta mood here in the marbled halls of IM Central this week, so instead of our usual critical exegesis of a particular overlord, we thought we'd take a step back and look at the whole fetid blister on the buttocks of polite society that is the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit...erm...we mean the exciting and vibrant sport of greyhound racing.

Greyhound racing is illegal in 39 states, and waning interest and profits have shuttered racing in four others. In most of the places where it continues, track operators want lawmakers to boost or continue to boost their businesses.

Well, if by "boost" you mean continue to pour tax money down the racing rat hole while other, more needed social programs and services are underfunded, or don't get funding at all, so yeah, "boost" about covers it in the same way a shoplifter might say "I'm going to boost a Gucci from Nordstrom's."

Two tracks, one in Birmingham and the other just outside Mobile, hold live racing year-round. Each is regulated by a county racing commission rather than the state. The tracks are not required to report greyhound injuries.

Hey, come on, this is Alabama we're talking about, a state that ranks 47th on the list of healthy states. We're sure they'd require reporting greyhound injuries if so much of their time wasn't taken up  reporting their residents' deaths by heart attacks. Let's head over to Arizona and see what's going on.

The state’s lone track, Tucson Greyhound Park, holds live racing year-round. In May, Gov. Jan Brewer signed a bill that requires the track to report dog injuries to the Arizona Department of Racing.

What we have here is the classic good news, bad news situation. The good news is the overlords have to report how many greyhounds they injure trying to keep themselves out of the labor pool. The bad news is they have to tell the Arizona Department of Racing which is sort of like confessing a string of bank robberies to an illegal immigrant who doesn't speak English. And is drunk. And deaf.What's going on in West Virginia?

Southland Park in West Memphis, adjacent to Memphis, Tennessee, opened in 1956. The state’s only track is among the nation’s largest, with capacity to kennel about 2,000 greyhounds and an average of 6,000 races a year, many with nine dogs per field. As is standard at horse tracks, an on-site commission veterinarian examines dogs that are pulled from a race due to injury and decides when they can return to racing.

Well, unless they're dead of course. The overlords generally tend not to race them much after that. Now you might think, what about a dog that is injured and can't return to racing. Like we said, unless they're dead...

The birthplace of greyhound wagering in the U.S. nearly 90 years ago, Florida has a dozen of the nation’s 21 active dog tracks. This spring, the Florida Legislature rejected a bill that would have ended the requirement that dog tracks hold races on-site in order to keep their gambling permits for casino-style games. Lawmakers then considered and eventually also turned down a measure to require tracks to report all dog injuries to the state. Reporting greyhound deaths became mandatory for Florida tracks last year.

Now, if you're an overlord this is a very important distinction. See, if a dog is dead, well, it's dead. Inventory spoilage. Throw it out and get another, but if it's injured, that's different. People are likely to say, OK, the dog is injured, you gonna fix it?  This represents a dilemma for you because of all the hot air you expend telling people how racing is all about the dogs and how much you invest in them and how much you care for them, so these people just naturally expect that when a dog is hurt giving you its all, you would feel some responsibility to that dog. These people just do not understand greyhound racing, so it's better for everyone if they just don't know what happens to injured dogs. Actually, it's just better for the overlords. Let's move on to Iowa.

In May, Gov. Terry Branstad signed a bill that will shutter Bluffs Run Greyhound Park, part of a Horseshoe casino complex in Council Bluffs, by 2016. The compromise law, similar to the one that failed to pass in Florida, will allow the Iowa Greyhound Association to continue operating a track at the Mystique Casino in Dubuque.

 And this is why they say Karma has no menu, you get what you deserve. The Iowa Greyhound Association is going to operate the track in Dubuque on their own dime. No subsidies. No tax breaks. No free money from anywhere, just them and the four people still interested in greyhound racing in Iowa. What can go wrong? Next up, Texas.

Gulf Greyhound Park near Galveston is the state’s only track with live racing, though two other tracks that normally only offer simulcast racing have recently been allowed to hold brief, one-time-only meets.

OK if you can hold "brief one-time-only meets" plural, doesn't that kind of contradict the idea of one-time-only? And what's "brief?" Do the dogs run in their underwear? We're confused. What about you Lester?

I am a joyful and happy boy. I love to play with my toys and meet new people. I love to go for walks and I am learning to do better on the leash. I get along great with all size dogs. I do not mind being in my crate. I am housebroken. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

You know, say what you will about the overlords--and we always do--they've never been a group of alleged people who let a little reality interfere with their belief that if they just hang on a little while longer, if they just kill and maim a few more dogs, if they can just convince a few more legislatures to keep pouring money down their rat hole, that we will eventually make contact with an alien race who thinks that exploiting innocent living creatures for (no) profit is an acceptable activity for a sentient being. Of course this will be a race of lizard people who will eventually enslave the overlords and send them to the lithium mines on Delta Vega, but in the meantime, Money!

Take Stocky Hess, Ebro Greyhound Park president for example.

Greyhound racing will continue at the track in Ebro despite predictions from some racing experts that it is a dying industry, the track president said Wednesday.

"It's not like we have a lot of options here," Hess said. "Have you looked at the job market lately? Outside of bear baiting and dog fighting, not a big demand for our skill set. Working in a slaughter house maybe, but you need a lot of training for that, don't you?"

The owners of many tracks — along with ghost tracks that now offer only simulcast racing — are aiming to survive long enough for states to let them drop dog racing altogether and just run casinos.

"Our first concern is always the welfare of the dogs," Hess told reporters. "If we can just keep enough of them coming to the tracks to replace the ones we've injured and killed until we don't need them anymore, then you can do whatever you want with them...er...I mean then we'll work tirelessly to see that they are adopted into loving forever homes."

Revenues from live greyhound racing have been declining over the years, but track officials say revenues from simulcast racing and poker have eased the sting somewhat. Track owners have long wanted to be allowed to install slot machines at the tracks to bolster their revenues.

"It'd be great if the tracks could just dump these losers, then they could attract some people with real bucks," said Marc Dunbar, a Tallahassee attorney whose practice focuses on gaming and government law. "I mean, have you seen the rubes that bet on greyhound racing? On any given night there might be 15 people in the stands, and only four teeth in the whole group, but you walk into a casino and it looks like an AARP convention. Those blue hairs with their late husbands' insurance--that's where the money is, man."

Some dog owners and trainers say they favor slots going into the tracks as long as the law would require the tracks to continue to have dog races. In fact, they said the slot machines could bolster attendance at the track and the greyhound races.

"Think about it," said Teresa Duncan, who owns several dogs that race at Ebro. "Would you rather be in an air conditioned casino, sitting down at your favorite slot machine with your roll of quarters, or whatever while a server brings you drinks, or stand around outside trying to figure out how to read a racing form, watch a 30 second race, then stand around for a half hour waiting for the next 30 second race? It's a no brainer."

Joe Watson, a trainer of dogs that run at Ebro, said he is concerned about the future of dog racing. “I’ve got over 100 greyhounds,” he said. "If they end racing those dogs will be totally worthless. How am I going to recoup my investment? Oh sure, I could sell them to the Chinese for pennies on the dollar, but I'd still take a bath. Uh...I mean, how will I ever find that many greyhounds loving forever homes."

Well now, see Ivy? That's the kind of commitment we've come to expect from the overlords. We don't know why you were so worried when your career ended. 

Sweet-natured little Ms. Ivy enjoys being with people whether it's time to play or time to relax. Did someone mention getting out the squeaky toys and a ball or two? Ivy never misses an opportunity to have fun, and will need a home with a 6' fence so she's not tempted to find fun outside of her yard, and even helps tidy up afterwards by taking all toys to her bed. R&R time is good too, best done with her close by--naturally-- since you never know when something might come along which would require some needle-nosed attention. Great company, that's our Ms. Ivy!! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Hounds Home For The Holiday

Every once in a while it occurs to us here in the marbled halls of IM Central that we have done things more than once, and no, the staccato nature of our memory is not due to the long term partnership we have with our blogging partner, Mr. Stolichnaya, or maybe we should refer to him as Dr. Stolichnaya because he is just the prescription for getting along in a country where abstract legal entities are free to worship as they see fit, (we're guessing worshiping Mammon fits them nicely) but living, breathing actual humans who happen not to have a y chromosome are more regulated than guns in Georgia. See what we did there? We call him Dr. Stolichnaya because he prescribes. Play on words. We crack us up.

Where were we? Oh yeah, traditions. OK, since anything we consciously do more than once around here we consider a tradition, and since we plan to spend the actual holiday cowering in the bathroom with three very nervous skinny dogs while our neighbors reenact the barrage of Fort McHenry, we thought this would be a good time to bring back Hounds Home for the Holiday, or as we like to call it, H³.

And this is a very good day to do an H³ too, because we just found out overlords have feelings! Now we always knew they were capable of exhibiting previously unrecorded levels of greed and callousness, but we never really considered those actual feelings. Now we find out that overlords have feelings just like you and those feelings can be hurt.

First a little back story. A few weeks back the overlords closed down a kennel in Arkansas and gave the owner the boot. A bunch of units...er...greyhounds were evacuated from the kennel. Holy Crap, you're thinking, the overlords acted in the best interest of the dogs? Well, maybe, maybe not because instead of sending the canine refugees to forever homes, they sent them to auction. This prompted well known animal rights wacko Carey Theil to question whether the overlords really had the greyhounds' best interests at heart, or whether it was just a question of some money needing to get from where it was into someone's pocket.

Now we have to tell you that overlord Gary Guccione was shocked we tell you shocked that Theil would question his motives and so he took to the overlord website to express his dismay.

When the National Greyhound Association (NGA) evacuated dozens of neglected greyhounds from an Arkansas farm in May and later banned its owner from greyhound racing for life, greyhound welfare advocates around the country applauded. At least, the real greyhound welfare advocates applauded. But not Carey Theil, Grey2K’s top mouthpiece. Instead, Theil condemned NGA’s humane intervention.

OK, but to be perfectly clear there Mr. Guccione sir, he really didn't condemn your intervention, he condemned the fact that you sold the dogs you took off the farm to the highest bidder. You kind of left that part out.

Animosity is surely what drove Carey Theil to condemn NGA for “not pressing charges” against the Arkansas breeder, knowing full well that only the county prosecutor had the authority to do so.

Yeah, except you told the prosecutor not to press charges and said you wouldn't cooperate if he did, so that sort of tied his hands, you know? We're not certain, but we think that's what Theil was upset about.

It was certainly “promoting hostility” when Carey vilified NGA for offering 21 of the evacuated greyhounds at auction, despite the fact that this was required under Kansas lien laws.

Umm...about that "lien" G. You never really explained what that was about, produced the actual document, or clarified how a legal contract between two people who aren't you meant you got to insert yourself into the situation and sell the dogs. Enquiring minds want to know!

The FBI defines hate groups as those whose “primary purpose is to promote animosity, hostility and malice” against people of a particular race, religion, disability, sexual orientation, ethnicity/national origin, or other “immutable characteristic.” Although the Grey2K attacks on greyhound racing aren’t based on any of those “immutable characteristics,” they are certainly filled with animosity, hostility and malice.

OK we think you just said this is how the FBI defines a hate group, but Grey2K doesn't do that, so they're not a hate group as defined by the FBI. Uh...Thank you?

For instance, one Grey2K supporter posted this response to news that a long-time NGA member had died: “I’m sure there’s a special place in hell for him.” A follow-up comment expressed the view that the deceased man’s family members would likely join him there.

 Not really following your thought here big G. How does the opinion of one person commenting on a Grey2K site relate to selling dogs you don't own? Besides, if you want to talk about inappropriate, we've got two words for you, Rory Goree.

Grey2K calls it “education.” We call it “hate speech.”

Hmmm...You might have a point there G².When people see innocent living creatures treated as commodities, put knowingly in harm's way, mistreated and abandoned when they no longer perform...well, they hate that stuff, so if they talk about it. We guess you could call that hate speech in a way.

It’s not about the greyhounds. It’s about the money.

 Again, just to be clear, you are saying that to attack Grey2K and not because it's the industry motto, right? Which way did you take that Abby?

Abby is a very sweet young lady that just wants to be loved. Is that so wrong? She is shy but not afraid to lean into the people she loves. This sweetheart gets along very well with her foster sisters and brother. The kitty was a different story the first few days despite the fact she's a gazillion sizes bigger. Can you say petrified? Gentle is her middle name. Who has love enough to fill this young girls heart? For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog remember the boundless vistas of youth, now a barren and dessicated landscape of broken promises and abandoned hopes...erm...we mean remember overlords James Bloom and James Grace who made the news a while back for their innovative treatment of injured greyhounds. Like all ground breakers and paradigm shifters though, they were mocked and shunned by the establishment. In fact, the backlash against these death track Galileos, these disposable dog Louis Pasteurs, these just walk it off Ignaz Semmelweises has become so bad, it has apparently forced them to go on the lam.

Authorities believe two men accused of abusing an injured racing greyhound have fled prosecution. “I can only assume based on the circumstantial evidence that they left as a result of the investigation that was ongoing,” Brooke County Prosecutor Joseph Barki said Monday afternoon.

Hey, come on there Mr. Barki. That's a bit of a stretch don't you think? Why would you flee when truth is on your side? Everyone knows the overlords place the care of the units...uh..the greyhounds above all else. If you question their methods it's because you don't know what they know; you don't understand the complicated and sophisticated nature of exploiting innocent living creatures for (no) profit...um...we mean investing copious amounts of money and time to develop superior athletes who, perforce, must receive only top notch care if they are to perform to the full potential of their skills. Why it's entirely possible that they've gone on a mission with their church to Belize, or Guatemala, or some other third world nation that doesn't have an extradition treaty with the US.

James P. Grace and James E. Bloom are accused of denying care to an injured greyhound.

Oh sure, that's what you say, but didn't the church also say Galileo was wrong?  Didn't the scientific community refuse to believe Pasteur's explanation for  fermentation?  Didn't Ignaz Semmelweis' colleagues refuse to believe him when he said washing hands saves lives? Face it, you're on the outside looking in and what appears to you on the surface as abuse, may be only the tip of a complicated and sophisticated treatment regimen which is beyond your capability to fathom. Why do people always react so negatively to things they don't understand?

“I told him that I thought she should go to the vet. Her leg was bleeding, dangling, she couldn’t put weight on it,” Bloom said, referring to Grace, in a statement to commission investigators “It looked broken, she was wobbly, she’d try but she couldn’t.”

OK, bleeding and dangling. We have to admit that looks pretty bad. Now, we know aspirin helps with headaches, but bleeding and dangling? Even overlord Bloom had his doubts about that one.

Barki said his office reviewed the information provided and concluded, after their own investigation, there was enough evidence to charge both men with misdemeanors.

Yeah. Now we're as much into innovation and discovery as the next guy, and we think we're pretty open minded when it comes to things we don't fully understand, but bleeding and dangling? Think we're gonna have to go with Mr. Barki here fellas. 

"However, both men have fled this area, with addresses now unknown, and have yet to be served with these criminal complaints.” Barki said. Law enforcement looked at other addresses affiliated with the men but didn’t have any luck, Barki said. Their names have since been entered into a national criminal database for outstanding warrants. It’s not uncommon for people facing even misdemeanor charges to flee, Barki said. Many in the greyhound racing industry aren’t originally from West Virginia either.

Well, in Bloom and Grace's defense, when you're a pariah you do tend to move around a lot. Sort of like pedophiles, you know? People tend to get testy when they find out they're living next to an overlord.

Attempts by the Daily Mail to contact Grace, Bloom and Cardinal Kennel owner Robert Mackey were unsuccessful. Myers, the commission’s acting director, and Sam Burdette, head of the West Virginia Greyhound Owners and Breeders Association, didn’t immediately respond to a request for comment.

Holy crap, everybody's disappeared! This may not be a simple case of fleeing justice. We could be talking about...Alien Abduction! What do you think Gareth? Seen any bright lights in the sky lately?

I am a very playful and gentle boy. I like to bark when I play because I am so happy and having so much fun. I am very calm. I love to be around people but I’m not clingy. I just like to know someone is there. I am safe with kitties and dogs of all sizes. I am housebroken. I am working on going up and down the stairs but I have not quite mastered it yet so I may need a little help learning. I do not mind if I have to be in my crate. I get along great with kids of all ages. I actually love everyone I meet and I love to give kisses and be petted.  For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're coming to you today from the Mixed Message Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The MMD is a division of the Wishful Thinking Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of LALALALA WE CAN'T HEAR YOU, Inc.

First up, the overlords, not really known for their tight grasp on reality, or their ability to see the writing on the wall until that wall comes crashing down on them. Take it away, Gary Dura.

After a wonderful week off work, one filled with relaxation, chores and greyhound racing, it’s time to work up a list.We’ll take a look at five of the tops dogs at Dubuque Greyhound Park thus far.

Mr. Dura, it seems, is quite excited about the ongoing exploitation of innocent living creatures at the Dubuque Deathcamp for greyhounds, particularly one specific unit designated Superior Product.

Superior Product. He’s back. The Dubuque Inaugural champion has 10 races, going 6-2-0-1, all in Grade A. Right now, he’s the cream of the crop.

We're not sure whether it says more about the mental capacities of the overlords in general, or Mr. Dura's abilities in math, but 6-2-0-1 equals nine, not 10. Perhaps Superior Product is Schrodinger's greyhound and both raced and didn't race in that 10th contest, but leave that for now, that's not important because there is about to be a healthy (for the greyhounds anyway) dose of precipitation applied to Mr. Dura's cavalcade of cruelty in the form of the Iowa Legislature.

State regulators have set the process in motion to get the casinos in Council Bluffs and Dubuque out of greyhound racing.

 This is what's known in the profession as an owie. But wait you say, surely this can't be all there is to it. Why would the good people of Iowa turn their backs on the commodification of living creatures for (no) profit? It can't be as bad as you say, Ironicus. There must be an alternative, a bright spot--if you can call the continued death and injury of hundreds of greyhounds a year bright.

Well, you are correct astute reader(s).

The legislature passed and the governor signed a bill that shuts down the Council Bluffs track and shifts the management of dog racing in Dubuque to the Iowa Greyhound Association.

In the strongest evidence we've come across yet that there is a god--and he has a wicked sense of humor--the overlords have been given complete control of the Dubuque track. No subsidies. No tax breaks. No handouts. Just overlords warming themselves with large piles of cash set on fire by their stupidity and callousness.

The deal reached in the legislation has the Council Bluffs casino pay $65 million over the next seven years, and the Dubuque casino will pay one million dollars a year into the fund. Half of that money goes into the retirement fund and the other half can be used by those who remain in the industry to run the Dubuque Greyhound Park.

 "[T]hose who remain in the industry to run the Dubuque Greyhound Park," or as they are more commonly known, those who possess the intelligence level and business acumen of gefilte fish. Perhaps that's a slam against gefilte fish who probably would have been smart enough to TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN. Well, if they had legs that is. Still, if we have inadvertently defamed any members of the poached mixture of ground boned fish, such as carp, whitefish or pike by implying that their mental capabilities are on a par with those of the overlords, we sincerely apologize.

Back to Mr. Dura.

Dubuque has the first round of the King and Queen stakes Friday night. It features 24 males and 24 females in separate brackets, three qualifying rounds and the top four from each bracket making the July 4th finals.

 Well, providing none of the units are injured or killed, but Mr. Dura's enthusiasm seems to be genuine. Apparently he is convinced that since no one came to the tracks before and they were forced to suck money off of the casinos like a black hole with an eating disorder just to keep from folding like a bunch of girl Scouts at an origami class, people will come out to the tracks now that the overlords have to reach into their own pockets to make sure a bunch of helpless greyhounds remain in harm's way.

There seems to be a flaw in that line of reasoning, don't you agree Quigley?

I am a handsome boy who has a lot of great energy and I love to play. I get along great with the other Greyhounds in my foster home but I have not met any small dogs yet. I sometimes like to chase my foster kitties but when my foster dad tells me “no,” I stop chasing them. I have loved everyone I have met so far. I walk very well on my leash. I love to play with my toys. I am housebroken.
For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

We're going to take a time out this week from our usual slog through the twisted and stunted dystopia that is the blasted landscape of greyhound exploitation and tell you about a very good friend of ours whom we never met. She was a tireless advocate for greyhound freedom recognized around the world by people in and out of the racing industry. In addition to her work for greyhound liberation, she was also a professional athlete and fashion model.

Even though she didn't become active in greyhound advocacy until later in her life, she participated in many anti-racing campaigns, including the Massachusetts ban on greyhound racing in 2009, and the campaigns in Rhode Island and New Hampshire to name a few. Everywhere she went she drew crowds and became the living embodiment of the future greyhounds deserved and the increasing possibility that working together we could achieve that future for all the greyhounds still held in captivity. Earlier this week she lost her battle with cancer. She will be well and truly missed. Below is our favorite photo of her:

Oh, Zoe is the one on the left. We think she's looking at a picture of Rory Goree walking around the track at Tucson in his bare feet.

Wish you could have known her Kiowa. Her ability to inspire people was a big reason you're now heading for a couch.

I am very puppy like and a little mischievous. I am very curious of everything around me. I love to stick my nose in everything and investigate. I am very playful and sweet. I love to be rubbed and petted. I love to run and play outside with all the other Greyhounds in my foster home. I got along great with the neighbor’s small dogs. I have absolutely loved everyone I have met. I am housebroken.
For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging (Thursday Edition)

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know that the one constant in this life is decline...erm...we mean know that above all else we strive for egalitie here in the marbled halls of IM Central, along with libertie and fraternite which is pretty much all we remember from Mrs. LePage's 11th grade French class, except for the week we spent learning to say "ne 'on veut sortir avec moi," which we then tried on Elizabeth Arlen in the hopes that we could impress her with our European suaveity. She instantly replied "Jamais de la vie perdant," which sent us excitedly back to our French to English dictionary...and then to the local grocery for our favorite comfort food, RC Cola and a package of Snowballs.

What was our point? Oh yeah, egalitie--equality, balance, fairness. Our rumination along these lines--aside from reviving an unfortunate high school memory--brought us to the realization that since we were late with our usual FHB last week, being early this week would restore the stars to their proper orbits, the seasons to their proper balance, and America to the nation it once was, instead of a fever swamp populated by creatures with small minds and even smaller hearts.

OK that last one may be a bit much to hope for. Apparently endless war tends to bruise one's humanity--permanently. And speaking of bruised humanity (Segues. Gotta love 'em) let's head down to Tucson Deathcamp for Greyhounds and check on the superior level of care and support the units...erm...the highly trained athletes,who are the beneficiaries of large investments of time and money, are receiving today.

Record heat in Tucson Monday led to some questions about whether it was safe for greyhounds to race.

Now, frankly we're surprised that this is even still an issue because a few years ago, roustabout scientist and friend of the blog Rory Goree put this whole issue to rest by walking around the track on a hot day in his bare feet. So, overfed, undereducated, middle aged doofis strolling around the track on a hot day, sweating from every pore on his body equals greyhounds running flat out with only panting to cool themselves. It's science people. You can't argue with facts.

Tucson Greyhound Park would not comment Monday.  But the Arizona Department of Racing listed several reasons why racing could continue.

"Well, the biggest reason is if they don't race they don't make money," said Bill Walsh, Director of the Arizona Department of Racing. "Of course when they do race they don't make money either," he added, "So I guess they have to race, but racing isn't profitable, so if they didn't race everyone would be better off, especially the dogs, but by racing they don't make money and the dogs are put at risk, but they need to make money so they keep racing which doesn't make them any money. I've lost my train of thought."

Oh that train's not lost Billy boy, it's lying in a smouldering heap down at the bottom of the ravine.

"Give the dogs a break, for gosh sakes, if the ADOR cared, they'd issue this edict themselves but that's what I would prefer the track do, show that they do have a little bit of concern for the dogs' well-being," said Ward 6 Tucson City Council member Steve Kozachik.

Hey come on Mr. Kozachik, haven't you been listening? They need to race, which doesn't make money, so racing is the only way they can make money. We can't make it more clear than that, right Dahlia?

Dahlia is an eight year old brindle female who likes cats and small dogs, but could also be an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging (Monday Edition)

Oh Friday, you mischievous scamp you! How did you manage to slip through the marbled halls of IM Central without notice? Our backs were turned but for a second it seemed and you were gone like the first bird song wafted away on the breath of dawn. A half remembered dream, a vague, sliver of an image caught between the fleeing shadows. Where are you Friday? You have disappeared into that vast remoteness of before and now even your memory slips from us, vanishing into the now, like the mist over the sun wakened fields.

Yeah, yeah, we know what you're thinking. "Man up Ironicus. You blew the one thing that gives this blog even the hint of a socially redeeming value and now you're trying to hide behind a bunch of purple prose."

Come on. What do you want from us? It's not like we're being paid to do this, you know? When's the last time you clicked on the 'Donate Now' button? And don't give us that there is no donate button either because that's just the kind of little technicality we'd expect you to try.

And speaking of donate, let's donate some time to the overlords (Segues. We love 'em). For those of you keeping score at home, Iowa Governor Branstad signed the Greyhound Freedom Act which means that the last two tracks in Iowa will be closed by the end of next year if not before. Oh, there was that one part of the agreement where the overlords want to run the track at Mystique on their own dime without subsidies or tax breaks. Like we said, the last two tracks in Iowa will be closed by the end of next year if not before.

Well, as you might imagine this was a lot for the overlords to process, what with going from two non-profitable tracks to no non-profitable tracks in such a short period of time and it prompted overlord Leon Giguere to take to the airways with some deep thoughts.

Overlord Giguere tells us he has "mixed emotions" about the agreement because his preference would have been to keep "all" the tracks open instead of just the one that will flame ingloriously out within a year. Look on the bright side Mr. G. They're only closing half the tracks. The other half will remain open and losing money just like before.

The G man is also concerned about his fellow overlords and what might happen to them when they can no longer suck a buck off a pup. This is a valid concern and one we would share were it not for the $64 mill the casinos are forking over to get out from under the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit. Don't worry too much about it Leon. Think of how long it would have taken the industry to come up with $64 million on its own drawing two bucks a pop off social security recipients. Your retirement plan just got a lot more flush.

Hey Ivy, what kind of payout did you get when you retired?

Ivy is a six and a half year old brindle female who's not into cats, but doesn't mind small dogs, likes Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain, is not into yoga, and has half a brain. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

It occurs to us here in the marbled halls of IM Central that we may have made a strategic mistake. All these years we've been writing about the overlords and their unlucky associates, the units...erm...we mean the inventory...no, that's not it...highly trained athletes in which copious amounts of time and effort are invested. Yeah, that's the one. Anyway, the problem, as it now occurs to us, is that we've been writing about the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit when everyone knows a picture is worth a 1000 words, plus you don't have all that pesky grammar and spelling and making sense and stuff. Always a challenge when one's blogging partner is Mr. Stolichnaya.

So this week we present for your edification and enlightenment the equivalent of 1000 words on the life and times of a skinny dog sans his overlord. Now, for those of you of a suspicious bent, we know what you are thinking. "This doesn't sound like you Ironicus, except for the part about trying to get out of work so you have more time to spend with your blogging partner."

Oops. Looks like you got us there perceptive reader(s). Well, as long as you don't click on the photo that is. Would not click on that photo. Nope don't do it. Do not click on that photo. No good will come of it.

Nice hat, huh Tyler?

Snuggly and smart, this handsome fellow is very inquisitive. He's playful and very good company. Tyler has a passion for food, so never trust him, no matter what he tells you!! This boy should be in sales with his schmoozing! ! Did we mention smart? Tyler has been busy learning home etiquette and rules. He's getting along nicely with his foster sibs.  For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

One thing you can say about the overlords...well...there are a lot of things you can say about the overlords, but this is a family blog, so we're not going to say most of them. The one thing we do want to say is they never let an attack on the tick-like existence they lead go unanswered. This isn't as hard as it seems though, because no matter what you say to them their response is always the same.  We have to kind of admire that because it's much simpler to just ignore the reality of death and injury you cause and keep repeating the same talking points over and over like some sort of incantation that will magically cast a spell over people with souls and cause them to forget that you exploit innocent living creatures for (no) profit. We mean, what's the alternative? Face up to the fact that you're responsible for the injury, death and abandonment of hundreds, perhaps thousands of greyhounds? Man. Imagine looking in a mirror every morning and seeing the faces of all those dogs you put in harm's way, who died trying to earn you a trailer payment. Obviously, deluding yourself is the only way to get through the day.

Which brings us to one Elenore Sobel, the Florida Legislator who tried to get the Greyhound Sanity Act through the legislature, and almost succeeded until she ran into weapons grade doofus Will Weatherford. Now Senator Sobel has penned an editorial in which she respectfully asks Mr. Weatherford how many time he was dropped on his head as a child. We're going to go with one more than necessary to produce a man with the mental acuity of dental floss, but  our interest here isn't so much with Mr. Weatherford's inability to tell his elbow from a hole in the ground as it is with the comments of the overlords who come to his defense. For example, overlord Rich Borgadus opines:

Since this completely inaccurate letter is most certainly satire, my only question is how much money "Senator" Sobel lined her pocket with in writing such obvious fallacies.

Now, we all know "Not True!" is a common overlord response when presented with a truth about the heartless barbarity of their "sport," but what makes this iteration of an overlord talking point remarkable is the comment immediately before in which overlord Leslie Csokasy declaims:

I actually have each and every report since May 2013. From May 2013 - Dec 2013 there were 73 deaths. In January - March, 2014, there were 28 deaths total. Over half of these, iwere(sic) on track and many could have been mitigated by the three point safety plan. The remainder of the deaths that occurred were from real life illness or congenital issues...

 So, just before overlord Bogardus dismisses Seantor Sobel's argument as "inaccurate" overlord Csokasey explains its accuracy. What are we to make of this, other than overlord Borgardus is too dumb to read what he's commenting on. Perhaps overlord Csokasey failed to read the memo detailing how arguments against the humanity of sacrificing sentient living creatures at the altar of (no) profit should be dealt with by obfuscating, dissembling and distorting. Pay attention at the meetings Csokasey. Overlord Conway, the next commentator doesn't want to have to explain to to you again.

But before we move on to overlord Conway's comment, we'd like to take a moment and discuss the "3 point plan" Overlord Csokasey refers to. Now, we've dealt with this before, but never really got to the crux of the question which is, why do the overlords think they need legislative action to have a 3 point plan? Well, the short answer is because the mean track owners won't spend the money to upgrade their tracks, thus forcing the overlords to race their dogs in unsafe conditions. It's not like the overlords could refuse to let their dogs run or anything, you know boycott and stuff. Besides, it's just the dogs that get hurt. You can always get another dog.

But back to overlord Conway:

Do human athletes have a call book so we can ban them from running? DO dogs playing in parks keep records of injuries? The greyhounds lead a wonderful life. They are pampered, massaged and allowed to run free for great chunks of the day. When they want to rest, they rest. When they want to play, they play. Go and LOOK with your own eyes the incredible close relationship between dogs and trainers. Happy dogs win. Unhappy dogs don't run.

 Now see overlord Csokasey? That's how its done. A whole paragraph in response that doesn't come within a parsec of the point Senator Sobel was making. Why, the only taking point that's missing is the one about how the dogs love to run in a circle chasing a lure so their owners can afford a happy meal on the way home. Did we get that right Aster? You've probably heard it more times than we have.

Handsome Aster is a silly hound. He dreams of being a guard dog! This big boy is not your ordinary guard dog. He will alert you to emergency and law enforcement presence by howling (sometimes called singing) along with the sirens... in case you were in doubt. He is only good at this in emergencies... LOL. Okay, he's not any kind of a guard dog. He runs to the door to sing with TV sirens too. Goofy boy! And guard dogs cannot be caught running from the garbage can when the sensor opens it ! Aster is in foster learning house rules and busy exploring new things. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Frequent reader(s) of this blog will recognize the flash of awareness that leads the low rumble of futility drawing ever closer...erm...we mean will recognize the name Rory Goree, long time friend of the blog, knockabout scientist and High Commissioner of the Arizona Department of Racing, donut procurement division. Well, it seems Mr. Goree has a problem. No not that problem. That's not as much a problem as a character fault. Mr. Goree's problem is that in the past few months he has  penned at least two  columns using evidenced based logic--if by evidenced based logic you mean innuendo, unsubstantiated claims and sweeping generalizations--challenging the animal rights wackos to come clean and admit they aren't really in it for the dogs, but just want to tap into some of the sweet, sweet muneez that swirls around greyhound rescue. This brings up an interesting point. Mr. Goree seems to believe that there is a lot of cash around when it comes to greyhound rescue, but apparently, there's no filthy lucre when it comes to racing itself. Now, if we were cynics we might come to the conclusion that Mr. Goree is just jealous that people are willing to spend buckets o' dollars to save innocent living creatures trapped in the clutches of a barbarous, heartless industry, but when it comes to dropping some of those Benjamins on the overlords themselves...not so much. If we were cynics we might believe that. Just spit-balling here.

But back to our story. So the Gorster throws down the gauntlet to the animal rights wackos and what response does he get? Bupkus. Nada. Crickets man. Now, in our defense, Mr. G, we must point out that we did respond to your first missive. OK, we missed the second because we have lives. Our bad. Well, Rory Goree may be a lot of things, but he is not a person you can just ignore, so once again he has taken to the interoobz to excoriate and just generally dismantle those who think that by saving greyhounds they are actually saving greyhounds.

If you listen to the “humane advocate protectors” (aka the ones who are constantly collecting money and dolling out paychecks, travelling around the world, handing out awards, enjoying perks) you would think they have struck the death blow to greyhound racing in one particular state.

Which "particular state" are you referring to there Mr. Goree? Iowa? Arizona?  You're going to have to be a little more specific. Maybe you mean Colorado where they don't have any operating tracks left, but they outlawed greyhound racing anyway, just to make sure it didn't come back.

If you are anti-greyhound racing and have surrendered your hard earned cash to the “humane advocate protectors” hopefully you realize it is most likely spent to fund personal hobby excursions, travel in style, wine & dine and keep files more extensive than the NSA on anyone and everyone. However you may be shocked to know they actively supported a bill that expands the ability of greyhound racing revenue stream. And now that the bill they supported which expands the ability of greyhound racing to make money the “humane advocate protectors” have now informed the world that this law must be removed. (insert donation button here???)

 Well, all we can say is given the results, they must be wining and dining the right people, but that phrase "actively supported a bill that expands the ability of greyhound racing revenue stream" seems to be missing a word or two. The Bill expands the ability of (the) greyhound racing revenue stream to do what? Maybe that's why the “humane advocate protectors” want the Bill removed: it makes no grammatical sense. By the way, have you trademarked “humane advocate protectors” yet? It's sure to catch on just like Crystal Pepsi.

I’ve been crisscrossing the country the last few weeks (on my own dime) and have heard those in the inner circle of the “humane advocate protectors” admit that particular individuals are only in it for the paycheck and have done nothing to help the anti-greyhound racing movement.

OK. Little tip for you G.  You are one of the most recognizable overlords around. When you were United Greyhound Racing Director of Welfare and Advocacy you personally oversaw the disappearance of 140 greyhounds, the cruelty scandal at TGP and the heatstroke deaths of at least eight dogs during transport. If you think the “humane advocate protectors” are going to take you into their "inner circle" we'd like to talk to you about a great business idea we have--starting a strip club in Riyadh. Dude, there isn't even a bar in that town! Plum ripe for the picking man, that's all we're saying.

Time for those who truly are against greyhound racing to stop bankrolling the “humane advocate protectors” gravy train and find new leadership? If the liars have been exposed and they have, why keep supporting them? The time has come that you reclaim the donations and either give it to local greyhound adoption programs or just continue supporting those wasting money on salaries & lobbyists, generating paperwork, expense accounts and maintaining secret files Till that day, many in the greyhound industry would like to give a big thank you to the “humane advocate protectors” who helped support and pass legislation that expands the ability of greyhound racing to make money and to those of you who support them – THANK YOU. The greyhound racing community couldn’t have done it without you!

 Now, admittedly we tend to indulge in the occasional adult beverage here in the marbled halls of IM Central so it's entirely possible that "legislation that expands the ability of greyhound racing to make money" slipped by us, but given the fact that greyhound racing is going down faster than hot dogs at a Nathan's Famous contest, we think we would have noticed a Bill that improved life for the overlords. What do you think, Ambrosia? Looks like it's the G man who has some "splainin'" to do, huh?

Hoarders! Who can't get enough of that show. Ambrosia's secretly been watching the show when her foster family is out! Collecting treasures is her retirement hobby! Anything left in reach; socks, pants and even towels will end up in bed with her. (If we can just teach her how to use the washing machine!). When questioned on the matter, Ambrosia charms you with her toothy smile, and you can't be mad at her, after all no harm done. She has been doing great with her foster siblings and with house rules. Who needs help picking up around the house? Come meet Ambrosia! For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here and here.

Friday Hound Blogging

Last week we paid Iowa a compliment by pointing out that when it came to the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit, they were indeed smarter than Florida. This was what our old daddy used to call a left handed compliment because being smarter than Florida is not much more difficult than falling down, but the point is the far seeing legislators in Iowa at least had the neuronal capability to understand that the dead industry of greyhound racing was dead and acted appropriately, unlike the myopic gaggle of special needs Neanderthals who inhabit the Legislature in Florida (when they don't get lost on the way to work) and whose philosophy when it comes to greyhound racing we have pictorially represented below:

But back to Iowa.

So, all the interested parties got together, agreed to dump a boatload of money on the overlords to get them to  go away, to which the overlords replied thank you very much, but instead of closing both tracks, please allow us to take a fair amount of this money down to Dubuque, pile it up in the center of the track there and set it on fire. Well, everybody was fine with that because in Iowa there is no law against being weapons grade stupid, so the deal was done.

Now it seems some of the overlords are having buyer's remorse, or perhaps, given how subsidized the overlords have been, a better term might be moocher's remorse.

Some Iowa greyhound owners are skeptical about a measure approved by the Legislature that would make millions of dollars available to the industry in return for closing one dog-racing track and changing ownership of another.

The problem seems to be with the distribution of whatever is left over after the smoke clears in Dubuque. "Look, these guys have spent their whole lives in an industry that runs on exploitation, greed and callous disregard," said Melissa Schmidt, a kennel owner from Bellevue."You really think they're suddenly going to become paragons of virtue when it come to giving a ton of money away?"

John Filipelli, a greyhound kennel owner from Council Bluffs, has similar concerns. "I've spent my whole career cutting corners, dodging regulations and ignoring laws. And I'm one of the good guys. Now you want me to trust these Bozo's with millions of dollars? What, are you from Florida or something?"

The measure gives the Iowa Racing and Gaming Commission authority for establishing a payment process.

"We would get that input and handle it like we would any other time we adopt a rule, which is obviously to send it out to all stakeholders and get input from all parties, have all of those discussions at public commission meetings prior to passing any rules,"  Brian Ohorilko, the commission's administrator, said. "By the time that's all done though, I figure most of the money will have gone down the rat hole in Dubuque and the rest...well...let's just say the Board members of the Iowa Greyhound Association have...umm...expenses and leave it at that."

Hmmm. Overlords turning on overlords over money. Whodathunkit, huh Dew?

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Friday Hound Blogging

OK, we're going to get right to the point. How stupid is Florida? More specifically, how stupid is the Florida Legislature? More specifically still, how stupid is state senator Jack Latvala? Apparently, more stupid than Iowa, but not as stupid as Christopher Grieb. We mean 20,000? Come on Griebster man, nobody says that. Use your Google dude. Check it:

Thousands of dogs are killed every year when they are no longer profitable Thousands of greyhounds are still killed every year. Because several states do not keep adequate public records, there are no verifiable statistics on the number of dogs killed nationally. Estimates range from 3,000  to 8,567.  In 2011, the National Greyhound Association acknowledged that there are “no cumulative annual records” available regarding the ultimate fate of racing greyhounds.

That's what Grey2K says. And the reason they say that is because the National Greyhound Association, which was founded in 1987 "to ensure the welfare of racing greyhounds on the farm, at the track and upon retirement" doesn't really know what happens to greyhounds after their careers as profit centers are over. Of course, as authors of a blog whose connection with reality is tenuous on a good day we understand that making stuff up is a lot more fun than actually dealing with the facts. Our excuse is Stoli though. What's yours?

But back to our story.

Florida had a chance to get out from under greyhound racing which pretty much everyone in the state thought was a no brainer. Well, everyone except that Latvala guy.

Suddenly, Latvala — a Clearwater Republican — called for a point of order. He told chair Joe Negron, R-Stuart, that the amendment wasn’t germane to the bill and that it violated a “single-subject” requirement. Negron turned to Rules chair John Thrasher, R-St. Augustine, who agreed with the call. Based on Thrasher’s ruling, Negron then struck the amendment from consideration.

 "Hey, don't blame me" Latvala told reporters after the session. "I just learned about points of order and I was trying it out. My son got me a copy of Robert's Rules for Christmas. Did you know meetings have rules? Crazy huh?"

Yeah, well we're all for education here in the marbled halls of IM Central there Mr. Latvala, but in this case we're thinking you might have been better off if you'd stayed stupid because now, instead of giving the state a chance to get out from under the heartless exploitation of innocent living creatures for (no) profit, by leaving in the injury reporting part, you made it so even more people will learn how cruel, callous and barbaric the "sport" is. Don't expect a Christmas card from the overlords this year bud.

See, you should have taken your cue from Iowa.

A bill that would end greyhound racing in Council Bluffs but allow dog owners to continue operating a track in Dubuque was placed on the legislative fast-track Thursday.

"Fast track." Did you catch that part? Iowa is all like, we're gonna drop racing like a hot rock, like a bad habit, like third period French. You're going down like a blind roofer, like a fat kid on a seesaw, like a one legged man in a butt kicking contest, like...well...you get the picture. Everyone gets the picture. Um...almost everyone.

The other $36 million will be used to help the Iowa Greyhound Association lease the dog racing track in Dubuque and attempt to keep greyhound racing alive in Iowa. The current racing arrangement with the Dubuque casino would end in October. The greyhound association would then negotiate a five-year lease for the track and begin running it; the group would have an optional five-year extension.

 "Optional five year extension." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Greyhound racing without subsidies? Without tax breaks? Without customers? Oh wait, you don't have any customers now. Our advice? Forget the lease and just pay week to week. That way you won't be so far behind when you close down in June, right Shotgun?

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