South Carolina! Motto: Hey, We're No Crazier Than The Scientologists

What is it about South Carolina? We mean, this state has been Bonkazoid Central almost since before it was a state. They were the last state to let voters actually, you know, vote; then there was that whole nullification thing, followed by Fort Sumter--or Sumpter which may have marked the historical beginning of the wingnuts love/hate relationship with spelling--then after Honest Abe laid the smackdown on the rebels, South Carolina conveniently forgot to enfranchise over 400,000 free blacks, the largest number of any formerly confederate state.

Fifteenth Amendment? Oh, you were serious about that? OK, our bad.

And do we have to tell you about Governor Mark "Appalachian Tail" Sanford, or Joe "Who needs medication?" Wilson?

Didn't think so.

So now we have deputy assistant attorney general Roland Corning who recently fled from police in a car full of sex toys and a stripper.

Or, as they call it in South Carolina, lunch.

Corning, a former state legislator, was in a secluded part of a downtown cemetery when an officer spotted him, according to a police report. The officer stated that he decided to ignore the "If this van is a rockin' don't come a knockin'" bumper sticker when he heard a male voice shouting "Who's your prosecutor now baby! Come on say it! Say it!"

As the officer approached, Corning sped off, then pulled over a few blocks away when an inflatable sheep obstructed the his view. He and the 18-year-old woman with him, an employee of the Platinum Plus Gentleman's Club, gave conflicting stories about what they were doing in the cemetery. "Mr. Corning insisted he had brought the woman to the cemetery as part of a historical tour of famous South Carolina dead people who like to schlup the darkies," Officer Michael Wines wrote. "The woman said they were playing gravedigger and the lonely widow."

Corning gave Wines a badge showing he worked for the state Attorney General's Office. Wines, whose wife also works there, called her to make sure Corning was telling the truth.

Ruh Ro. That can't be good.

Corning and the woman were let go without charges.

Well, of course they were let go without charges. In South Carolina, fleeing from the police is allowed as long as you don't endanger public safety by driving with an inflatable sheep blocking your view. It's a well known state statute.

Wines' wife reported the call to her supervisor, who told Attorney General Henry McMaster.

Pesky wimmins. See, we told you the Nineteenth Amendment was a bad idea, which is why it wasn't ratified in South Carolina until August 22, 1973.

"We received credible information about inappropriate behavior" McMaster said. "And by the close of business, he was no longer working here." Such a trip to the cemetery "would not be appropriate, at any time, for an assistant attorney general," McMaster said. "Why do you think they make motels?"

Well, that is a point sir.

In a related story, the Platinum Plus Gentleman's Club announced they had hired a new corporate counsel.