Republicans! Motto: We're Thinking Of Changing The Elephant For A Fainting Goat

We're coming to you today from the super reinforced, double secure, reverse air pressure, extra padded anti-super terrorist bunker here in the marbled halls of IM Central. We've been down here since we found out Magneto is coming to New York.

Attorney General Eric Holder is defending his decision to put the professed Sept. 11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed on trial in New York — and urging critics of the plan not to cower in the face of terrorists. "I thought you were only afraid of black people," Holder told the committee.

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. Let's see, is he the guy that can make himself invisible or the one with mind control powers?

Holder is set to testify before the Senate Judiciary Committee, where republican lawmakers are likely to wet themselves over the attorney general's decision last week to send KSM and four alleged henchmen from a detention center at Guantanamo Bay to New York to face a civilian federal trial.

KSM? Isn't that a classic Rock radio station on Portland?

President Barack Obama, meanwhile, said that those offended by the legal privileges being given to Mohammed by trying him in a civilian court ultimately won't find it "offensive at all when he's convicted and when the death penalty is applied to him."

Darn straight Mr. President. Um...Those are the courts where you're innocent until proven guilty, right?

Obama added that he did not mean to suggest he was prejudging the outcome of Mohammed's trial.

OK, sorry. We must have misunderstood "when he's convicted" or something.

Critics of Holder's decision — mostly Republicans — have argued the trial will give Mohammed a world stage to spout hateful rhetoric.

Yeah, we see what you're saying. If there's anybody who knows about spouting hateful rhetoric, it's the republicans. Point of order: Will Mohammed get to carry misspelled signs or posters of Obama as the Joker?

In remarks prepared before the hearing, Holder says such concerns are misplaced, because real life isn't like episodes of 24 and any pronouncements by Mohammed would only make him look like a Palin supporter. "Who you think this guy is anyway, Wesley Pruden?" Holder said.

"We need not cower in the face of this enemy," Holder says. "Our institutions are strong, our infrastructure is sturdy, our resolve is firm, and our people are ready." Several reporters heard a reply to Holder's comments from senator Kyl, but could not understand him as he refused to come out from under his desk.

The president echoed Holder's comments about the New York trial. "Come on republicans," the president said. "Man up."

"I think this notion that we have to be fearful that these terrorists are space ninjas and that prevents us from presenting evidence against them, locking them up and exacting swift justice, is due to the republicans watching too many X-Men movies ," Obama said in an interview with CNN. "And I'm sorry if that makes Glenn Beck cry," the president added.

Opponents of the plan, including Holder's predecessor Michael Mukasey, have accused him of adopting a "pre-9/11" approach to terrorism. When asked to explain what that meant, Mukasey said he wasn't sure but he'd heard Rudy Giuliani use it and thought it sounded "macho."