Hey Buddy, Can You Spare 700 billion?

Now, the Stoli is safely tucked away in the freezer and the only foreign substance coursing through our circulatory system right now is caffeine, so why are we so confused about whether we should be thinking about that timeshare in Boca, or gathering nuts and berries for the winter?

Let's review:

Wall Street is crashing, Boo!

We're saving Wall Street, Yay!

No we're not, Boo! but Yay!

Now mix in there McCain rides to the rescue, Yay!

No he doesn't, Boo! Or maybe Yay! because he thought he did. But he didn't, Boo! Or Yay, Or meh.

Wow. We needs us some o' that big time leadership right now. Where have you gone Mr. President, a bankrupt nation turns its eyes to you...oh...there you are.

President George W. Bush said the economy was depending on decisive action from the government on a financial bailout plan or the economic damage could be "painful and lasting. Hey. I think I just summed up my legacy," the president added.

You mean like that "government action" that got us into this mess in the first place?

"I assure our citizens and citizens around the world that this is not the end of the legislative process," Bush said. "It's the end of the legislative, executive and judiciary processes. IT'S THUNDERDOME PEOPLE!! SAVE YOURSELVES!!! I'm sorry, that wasn't very presidential. Where was I. Oh, yeah. I'm moving to Paraguay."

Bush pledged that his economic advisers would press ahead this week with talks with key lawmakers. "Of course my economic advisers are about as useful as a screen door on a submarine, so don't hold your breath."

House Republicans, in particular, balked at spending so much taxpayer money just before the November 4 U.S. elections. "Well, that was until we realized we don't have any taxpayer money," said House minority leader John Boehner. "What we're really doing is spending Chinese taxpayers' money."

Bush said he understood the objections of some members of Congress, including many in his own Republican party, to the financial rescue package, but insisted action was urgently needed. "I've made a career of acting without thinking and look where it got me," Bush told reporters. "OK, bad example."