Well, actually there's quite a bit that could be further from the truth, but that's not our point right now. What we're getting at is that we do possess the capacity to be supportive, empathic and grateful.
For example, employment. You may have noticed in these last desultory days of western civilization that a lot of people are out wandering the streets who are not zombies. They are what the government so politely refers to as job seekers, a subset of the group commonly referred to as the former Middle Class.
We are particularly attuned to these distinctions here in Michigan where there are only six jobs left anyway, and thus are particularly grateful and appreciative of ours. Which is why, even given our...um...misgivings about his administration--not to mention his penchant for unsupervised use of power tools--we are happy to receive the news that George Bush has found post presidential employ as a carnival barker.
OK, we may not have that quite correct. According to the flier, which apparently is being put on the windshields of cars in suburban Wal-Marts, our beloved walking Malaprop is a "Special Guest Speaker," or as we like to call it out here in flyover country, Rube Magnet.
Mr. Bush has apparently been able to clear his calendar of high school graduation speeches and will lead an all star team into the AT&T Center in San Antonio to "Get Motivated" on your droopy white behinds. Let's take a look at the team, shall we?
First up, Zig Zigler, "America's #1 Motivator. Now, we may be quibbling here, but if Zig Ziglar is America's #1 motivator, and he speaks, why do you need anyone else? We mean, how much motivation is it going to take out there in San Antonio? Are you people, or egg plants?
Next up Terry Bradshaw who will discuss the motivational aspects of running around a field in tight pants trying to throw a $45.00 inflated bladder to another similarly dressed human while being paid millions of dollars. Most relevant to the people in the audience who had leftover rat for breakfast.
Then we have Dr. Robert Schuller who will tell you why children can be such a disappointment...er...we mean inspirational.
After that there appears to be a bit of a fall off. It's Tony Parker who made a million dollars--dude, we can do better than that in the Lotto; Not Bill Gates from Microsoft; a lady with a wolverine on her head, and a token black man who used to work in government.
Still, we do have the former president who, say what you will about the flaming bag of dog poo that was his administration, was one of only 44 men to hold that job in the entire history of this country. That ought to count for something huh? So how much are the tickets? $500? We figure it's got to be up there because Bill Clinton makes $300,000 for one of his speeches. Ticket prices got to be pretty hefty to cover prices like that, right?
Oh. That's...uh...that's...um...Well, nice of you to invite the whole office. Hey look at the time, gotta go.
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