It's Not A Bailout. It's A Redistribution Of Liquidity Upward

OK, we're no experts on political theory, couldn't even play one on the tee vee, but even we know that when liberals and conservatives come together to vote something down, it has to be a bill that is so bad it makes you throw up a little in the back of your mouth. So apparently we know more about politics than we think we do, either that or there really is veritas in well, Stoli. It sounds better in Russian. Anyway, it seems all those years of getting our news from the Daily Show are finally paying off.

Now, after telling the middle class to stock up on canned goods, what sort of compromise will our elected leaders come up with to save all those CEO mansions in the Hamptons?

Senate leaders have scheduled a vote for Wednesday on the $700 billion Wall Street rescue plan rejected by the House.

Yeah, baby. 'Bout time the adults took over. The Senate's got some serious problem solving mojo going on. Whatcha gonna do fellas?

Majority Leader Harry Reid and GOP Leader Mitch McConnell say, however, that they're going to add a tax cut package already rejected by the House on Monday.

Right on. Take that you House of Unrepresentatives. Now we're...wait a minute. You've got to spend 700 billion more than you thought you were going to have to spend a month ago, from a budget that's already redder than a monkey's butt and your solution is to reduce the amount of money coming in even further? That's not economics we can believe in.

The bipartisan move caps a day of behind-the-scenes binge drinking on Capitol Hill over what sweeteners to add to the bill to attract votes from House Republicans. Oh, well lord knows we want to attract republicans. We mean, after all, it's not like they got us into this mess in the first place so we're sure they'll have some good idea on how to get us out.

Senate and House leaders, President Bush and the two rivals to succeed him all rummaged through ideas new and old, desperately seeking to change a dozen House members' votes and pass the $700 billion plan.

Ah, president Bush is involved. We feel much better now.

Congressional leaders hope the half-dozen changes under discussion will be enough to persuade as few as six House Republicans and six Democrats to undo Monday's stunning vote.

Here's an idea: Take out the part that rewards those greedy Bozos for being stupid enough to think they could get away with what amounts to a massive Ponzi scheme in the first place.

Bush renewed his efforts, speaking with McCain and Obama and making another statement from the White House. "Congress must act," he declared. Bush was talking about everyday Americans on Tuesday, not banks or other financial institutions. And no supporters were using the word "bailout."

Right. Because if you call a pig a fox, then people understand why it's wearing lipstick.

Hey, what are you looking at us for? That makes about as much sense as this:

The legislation under consideration, would allow the government to buy bad mortgages and other deficient assets held by troubled financial institutions. Woo Hoo! Got worthless crap? Sell it to Uncle Sam.

Belize is looking better and better.