So If We Got Rush To Leave The Country Would His Fans Go With Him Then Too?

By now you've probably heard that the NFL is prejudiced against fat white guys with drug problems, so they won't let Rush Limbaugh into the locker room. Frankly, we don't have a problem with this because there's already enough fat white guys in the locker room, we mean, have you seen Glenn Parker?

Ha ha ha ha ha, just kidding Mr. Parker sir. Please don't squash us.

Anyway, what the NFL didn't realize at the time is that by bouncing a commercial grade bigot like Rush from an organization composed of 65% minorities, they were signing their own death warrant because once Rush's loyal minions found out what had happened to the rotund racist, NFL stadiums would start emptying out like Uncle Clem's Truck Stop and Gizzard Shack when the grease caught fire.

Well, it has begun.

Mark Muller -- a husband, father, businessman, and football fanatic -- is giving up on the game he loves, he said, because the National Football League let him down. "Bigotry, intolerance and ignorance made Rush the man he is today," Muller said. "Now you're telling me that's a bad thing?"

Muller, a Kansas City Chiefs season ticket holder since the 1980s, said the NFL’s refusal to defend Limbaugh’s right to try to participate in the bidding was disgraceful. He said the league’s “silence was deafening. Well, except for all those players who said they wouldn't play for a team owned by Rush. But those were just the darkies weren't they?"

“They’ve ruined it,” Muller said. “How could you take something so pure as football and ruin it? I mean, the corporate greed, the idiot owners with more money than brains, the disdain for the welfare of the players, that's what America's all about, right? The reason I went to my first NFL game is because of listening to Rush Limbaugh talk about how great the NFL is, especially the white quarterbacks.”

That first listen was accidental. Muller, then a struggling small business owner, said he was traveling through the Midwest making sales calls when he stumbled on the conservative host's radio program. "Up to that time I'd been listening to Jonah Goldberg and Bill Kristol. I started as a road salesman, working 70-80 hours a week, and I was getting very, very discouraged, because nobody would buy my roads and I wasn’t related to anybody important.” Muller said he was inspired by Limbaugh’s message of hard work and personal achievement. "If you want something, you have to work for it. That was a revelation to me."

That accidental bit of inspiration also got Muller hooked on professional football. After hearing Limbaugh describe the NFL with the same zeal with which he described his trip to the Dominican Republic, Muller took his wife to game and then the couple decided to give up virtually all their other leisure activities to free up funds to buy season tickets to their hometown team: the Kansas City Chiefs. "My wife really enjoyed watching the players run around in those tight pants, and bought me a pair for my birthday. It wasn't really the same though and we had to go back to Fed Ex guy and the bored housewife."

Muller’s devotion to his team and to the NFL was so deep that on Sundays he was either in church or at an NFL stadium somewhere in the country. When asked how god might react to his decision to go to a football game rather than church, Muller replied that he had it on pretty good authority that god was "a Cowboy fan. Besides, if we can TiVo a game and watch it later, can't god TiVo a service and get worshiped at a more convenient time for him?"

“This isn’t about Rush,” said Muller. “I don’t even listen to him anymore, but I know he isn’t racist. He just says racist things. It's like his trademark or something. You know, when you're as ignorant as he is, and so proud of it, you're bound to say things that tick people off from time to time. Especially if those people have an IQ higher than corn flakes."

When instead of standing up for Limbaugh, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said that he would not want to see divisive remarks such as Limbaugh’s coming from an NFL owner, Muller decided he would never attend another game, a decision that left his football-loving family heartbroken and his wife in tears. "She really liked watching the guys run around in those pants," he said.