We Will Support You With Our Lack Of Support

Speaking of things that drive us to the Stoli cabinet (besides days in which the sun goes down, not to be confused with days in which it comes up) we've also been monitoring this whole President Obama is an alien contretemps. If by monitoring you mean staring in disbelief as at a senior citizen rave.

For those of you caught up in the Henry Louis Gates in imbroglio, or the Michael Jackson brouhaha, we understand that there are so many important stories abroad in the country today no one person can keep track of them all, so allow us to elucidate.

But first a bit of an aside. Last night, through no fault of our own, we were sober enough to watch the evening news. Naturally we turned to CBS and Katie Couric because it's more fun to imagine her reading the news in the nude than Brian Williams. Lead story: Gates. Second story: Michael Jackson, then, oh by the way...health care. Plus she was wearing too many clothes. Still it's a good thing she's a highly trained, experienced (and paid) professional journalistic reporter journalist anchor, reader and stuff or otherwise we might have thought she only took the job because she couldn't get on with People or Us magazines. Or Drudge.

Now back to our alien President. Apparently there is a group of people in this country who, aside from being the best reason ever to increase the availability of mental health services, have convinced themselves that President Obama is not a citizen of these here United States because his dad was Altarian, or Arcturian, or something, we really aren't sure because frankly we're afraid to get too close.

OK, so President Obama produces his birth certificate that says he was born in Hawaii, which, even though it's made up of mostly brown people is still considered a part of the good old U S of A. Not good enough say the spittle fleckers. That's a Certificate of Live Birth, not a Birth Certificate. Now that's like saying it's not a Chevrolet Impala, it's an Impala made by Chevrolet thinks us, but what do we know?

Anyway, the president gets elected; the terminally aggravated sue; and the courts throw out their lawsuits because, well, because the courts need like, evidence and stuff and it's hard to get the voices in your head to testify. Consequently most of the people in the country not in need of massive does of psycho-pharmaceuticals smile and move quickly away when they see one of these people on the street.

So what the buggin' posse spose to do? Who will take up their cause? Who will champion their er...buggery?

Republicans, naturally. Well, them and the main stream media like CNN's Lou Dobbs, whom we definitely don't imagine reading the news in the nude.

Sorry to put that image in your head. Here, try this. Um...and for those of you on the distaff side.

OK, back to our story. This little controversy continues to roll about the deck on this great ship of state like the marbles these people have lost, but important things are afoot like the aforementioned Gates and Michael Jackson, so the story just can't get the traction it deserves.

Enter Neil Abercrombie (D-HI) who introduces a resolution in the House that celebrates Hawaii's 50th anniversary as a state andohbythewaypresidentobamawasbornhere.

Gaak! What's the wingnut baiting republican to do? On the one hand, only people who thinks Rush Limbaugh makes sense will vote for you, but on the other if health care reform passes, these people are likely to be medicated, and there goes your base, unless you can reach out to voters who at a very minimum are less wacko than Ann Coulter. (insert joke about setting the bar pretty low here).

Well, Abercrombie put the republicans between a rock and a sane place, and since the republicans don't really give a rip about actually doing something for the people who support them (See: Christians, Evangelical; Majority, Moral and Voters, Value) they did what republicans are best at, turned their backs on the bonkazoids and voted for the resolution.

So, end of story, right? Wrong.

Katie, are you getting all of this? Oh, and lose the jacket.