Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Land Of The Free and Home Of The...Umm...Well Invested

We're coming to you today from the Happy Days Are Here Again Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. HDAHA is a division of the I Got Mine Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of Vi Bry Sig Om Den Liten Folk, AG.

It seems the current recession/depression/catastrophe is abating...oh wait. This just in:
Great Recession? What recession? The world’s millionaires and billionaires — now totaling 10 million — saw their overall wealth jump 18.9 percent last year, to $39 trillion.
OK, OK, we know that looks like a rich get richer recovery, but a rising tide lifts all boats, right Mr. Reagan?

Oops. Mr. Reagan, he daid.
Meanwhile, 903,000 people jobless through no fault of their own have missed unemployment checks and doctors are getting shorted for taking care of old folks.
Yeah, well "old" means they're probably sick a lot and take up too much of the doctor's time anyway. And as for unemployment? Well, that's for lazy people, right senator Feinstein?  Or druggies, right senator Hatch?

See, because after you buy a house and a few cars with all that free money the government dumps in unemployment on your undeserving,  indolent buttocks what else is there to buy but drugs? OK food, but let's not get picky.

Seem a little harsh? All right, so let's admit that unemployed people were once employed and so could afford to get mortgages and contribute to campaigns and important stuff like that, but let's get real here. The rubes have been fleeced...erm...we mean that market has been exploited. Those folks who lost their jobs, their houses and their futures? They aren't going to be profit centers anymore. They aren't going to contribute to the bottom line. It's time to move on people. Nothing personal, just business.

Look, here's how it is in America. Can't take out a mortgage you can't afford on a house bigger than you need? OK, fine. No increased dividend for the shareholders, no unemployment for you. Besides, you're living in a shelter, how many expenses can you have anyway? Rule Of Business Number One: never give it away. Sort of like hookers, except hookers pay taxes.

See, this is what's called externalities, capitalism, democracy and it's what our forefathers hired Blackwater to fight and die for.

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