Wednesday, August 13, 2008

In Which We Get To Put Six Years Of Catechism Class To Use

In an effort to derail energy and global warming initiatives and ensure the apocalypse, republicans have been doing their level best to impugn efforts by rational people to provide some sort of habitable environment for our grandchildren.

One of the higher decibel voices in this ultra-crepidarian chorus of nihilarians, cumber-grounds and clavuses is Michelle Bachmann, poster girl for the heartbreak of unmedicated bablatrices. We've peaked into her particular corner of the whackaloon universe before. As we recall it was sort of like trying to engage in a conversation about the Baysian roots of epistemology with Homer Simpson. In Esperanto.

But don't just take our word for it.

Apparently Ms. Bachmann recently took it upon herself to regale the more rational citizens in her district with the depth of her theological and scientific knowledge when she opined that "We all know that someone did that over 2,000 years ago, they saved the planet -- we didn't need Nancy Pelosi to do that."

OK, here's where we get to prove we were actually listening that day in catechism class rather than fantasizing about Elizabeth Arden's...uh...secondary sex characteristics. Man, if you'd seen those sweaters...and even better, she had this one white blouse that...Oh, sorry. Where were we? Is it hot in here?

Oh yeah, Jesus. See, Christ didn't come to save the planet, he came to save the people on the planet. In fact, in a demonstration we are sure will impress frequent reader(s) of this blog who are still not institutionalized we will go one step farther with this:
"He sendeth the springs into the valleys, which run among the hills. They give drink to every beast of the field: the wild asses quench their thirst.

By them the fowl of the heavens have their habitation, which sing among the branches. He watereth the hills from his chambers: the earth is satisfied with the fruit of thy works.

He causeth the grass to grow for the cattle and herb for the service of man: that he may bring forth food out of the earth; and wine that maketh glad the heart of man, and oil to make his face to shine and bread which strehgtheneth man's heart.

The trees of the Lord are full of sap; the cedars of Lebanon, which he hath planted; where the birds make their nests: as for the stork, the fir trees are her house. The high hills are a refuge for the wild goats; and the rocks for the badgers."

Psalms 104:10-18

See, Congresswoman Bonkozoid, we're just renters here, and if you want your damage deposit back, well, let's just say the landlord is going to expect that you take a bit better care of the place, capice?

PS: Oh, and that "wild ass" thing. Yeah, we're looking at you.

No comments: