Tuesday, February 05, 2008

BREAKING: Candidate With More Votes Wins

Super Tuesday! Meh. We can't even get excited enough to make up a drinking game. This sort of reminds us of the car dealer who has the Once In A Lifetime Sale, then the following week has The Sale of a Lifetime! Which lasts until The Greatest Sale Evah!!

After 413, 671 "debates," 14 million appearances on talk shows and eleventy hundred "Town Hall" meetings we are tired of these guys, OK? Oh, and media whores? We're tired of you too. Want to know why? Check this:

Media whore says, "Still, it is hard to overstate the significance of the voting Tuesday..."

Feb. 5 "is quite likely to be muddled," says Lawrence Jacobs, a political scientist at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis.

We often find it difficult to overstate the significance of muddle.

Media whore says, "The candidates' views on economic issues – particularly differences on healthcare – may be pivotal for some voters. But another potent theme will be electability, some analysts say."

In other words, people think about stuff before they vote.

Media whore says, "A race that looked at first like a referendum on the Iraq war is increasingly focused on healthcare costs, job security, and the mortgage crisis."

Holy crap! Things change! Who knew?

Media whore says, "Obama is counting on a decisive victory in his home state of Illinois, with 153 delegates, but is otherwise taking broader aim across the electoral map."

In other news, Hillary Clinton is counting on a decisive victory in her home state of New York, with 281 delegates, but is otherwise taking broader aim across the electoral map.

And this just in, Ocean. Pretty deep. Film at 11.

If you need us, we'll be out back, screaming.

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