Monday, April 23, 2007

BREAKING: Catholic Church Caves To Pagan Baby Lobby

See, this is why we never listened in Catechism class. Well, that and the fact that our teacher Sister Victorine was deaf and whenever she would ask a question you could say whatever you wanted and she would think you were answering her. Example: SV: "Billy, do you know why we say the mass in Latin? Billy: Because that was the language they were speaking that last time anyone paid attention? SV: Very good Billy. Now, who can name the seven deadly sins? Tommy: Donder, Blitzen, Dasher, Dancer Prancer Cupid, Comet.

The other problem is if you do take the time to learn something, they change it.

The Roman Catholic Church has effectively buried the concept of limbo, the place where centuries of tradition and teaching held that babies who die without baptism went. "It was getting to be too much of a sideline," said a Vatican spokesman. "Used to be we could charge big money for indulgences to get the kids out, but lately we make more on Bingo."

"The conclusion of this study is that there are theological and liturgical reasons to hope that infants who die without baptism may be saved and brought into eternal happiness especially now that they have formed a union," the document said.

Noted Catholic Theologian Bill O'Reilly concurred. "Finally this Kraut Pope gets something done. Now let's go after all that standing and kneeling at mass. It's like high school PE all over again except no one stuffs me in my locker after."

The document stressed that its conclusions should not be interpreted as questioning original sin or used to negate the necessity of baptism or delay the conferral of the sacrament. "We killed limbo and we can bring it back if anyone starts getting all uppity on us, like your religion is better than ours and stuff, " said a Vatican spokesman

The study was made all the more pressing because "the number of nonbaptised infants has grown considerably, and therefore the reflection on the possibility of salvation for these infants has become urgent. It was like they needed FEMA trailers up there," said one Vatican official. "Or down there. We were never really sure where limbo was. Some said Kentucky, but that was never proved."

The Church's International Theological Commission said limbo reflected an "unduly restrictive view of salvation," said an aide to Pope Benedict. "Well, that and people kept getting it mixed up with the dance."

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