Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Oh, And That Whole 'Big Bang' Thing? Never Happened

OK, so what does Al Gore do when the Supreme Court votes him out of office? Act like any self respecting politician and join a lobbying group? Let his friends hire him for some seven figure do nothing job? Nope. He goes back to a cause he's been working on for most of his professional life. One that could make the difference between keeping the human race percolating along until Captain Kirk can be born, or getting all of us inducted into the Dinosaur Memorial Hall of Potential Fossils. You just can't trust a guy like that can you Senator Inhofe?

Inhofe, believes that man made global warming is "the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people. It's right up there with evolution, germs cause disease, and Bush is a competent president," he said.

The Oklahoma Republican is chairman of the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee which is kind of like having Alfred E. Neuman in charge of the space program. Inhofe insists that he feels even stronger about taking on what he sees as the current hysteria about global warming than he did several years ago when he first uttered that now-famous hoax statement. "What? You think I'm supposed to change my mind just because a bunch of pencil necked science geeks have done a couple of studies? OK over 900 studies, but are you going to trust the word of some college trained beaker monkey who probably believes Noah didn't sail in the Ark, or me, a life insurance salesman?

In an interview, he heaped criticism on what he saw as the strategy used by those on the other side of the debate and offered a historical comparison. "It kind of reminds . . . I could use the Third Reich, the big lie," Inhofe said. At that point the interview was stopped while Senator Inhofe was awarded a certificate of appreciation for his dedicated support of Godwin's Law.

Inhofe insists that the number of polar bears is not dropping and that some of the glaciers in the national parks are actually getting bigger. "How do I know this, you ask? Because were it otherwise, my world view would be discredited, and I know Jesus wouldn't let that happen."

As for the Kilimanjaro glacier, which reportedly is disappearing, Inhofe said the loss can be blamed on the cutting of trees, which once held the moisture. "See, the moisture is trapped with little moisture elves in the trees when the tree is cut down. The glacier elves used to trade leather goods for water and when the tree elves are gone the market dries up and the glacier elf colonies move away. Sort of like out sourcing. That causes the glacier to shrink. It's basic economics any school boy would know if we could teach the evolution controversy in our schools."

"One by one, you can refute everything they are saying," Inhofe said. "You just have to believe whatever the voices in your head tell you."

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