Monday, June 01, 2009

And A Playa To Be Named Later

Frequent readers of this blog know that the future is a big seagull about to poop on your shoulder...erm...we mean, know that we spent our formative years under the wise if somewhat inebriated tutelage of the church catholic, or more specifically the brothers christian. And as a result we don't have much good to say about our brothers and sisters in Christ, or in this case in Miami, except to bemoan the fact that no one explained to us that we could have put in for a transfer rather than subject ourselves to one more guilt trip from Sister Victorine because we didn't make our sales quota of plastic virgin Marys for the dashboard.

Father Alberto Cutie, an internationally known catholic priest who admitted having a romantic affair and breaking his vow of celibacy, is joining the Episcopal Church to be with the woman he loves.

Cutie? Father Cutie? Come on. You really expect us to buy that?

(it's pronounced koo-tee-AY).

Yeah, as in boot tee AY? Right padre? Come on now. Be honest. Just can't keep from giving the big sacrament to the koo tee ays in the parish now can you, you old cornu canis you!

"I will always love the catholic church and all its members," he said at a news conference. "Well, that was part of my problem, trying to love all the members of the catholic church. I have needs, you know? Plus I'm straight so it's not like they can just send me to another diocese."

John C. Favalora, archbishop of the Catholic Church's Miami archdiocese, where Cutie served, said he was "deeply disappointed" by the news. "There aren't that many heteros left," he said. "We'd like to hang on to those we have."

The Cuban-American priest admitted having a two-year relationship with the woman, a long-time friend. She has not been publicly identified. "This is something I've struggled with," he said this month. "I don't support getting caught in the breaking of the celibacy promise. "

Of his relationship with the woman, he said, "Through the photos, it looked like a frivolous thing on the beach, you know, and that's not what it is. It's something deeper than that."

Um...padre? We don't think that's what your bosses want to hear.

"Father Cutie's actions have caused grave scandal within the Catholic Church, harmed the Archdiocese of Miami -- especially our priests -- and led to division within the ecumenical community and the community at large," Favalora said in a written statement. "Today's announcement only deepens those wounds."

Well, it's certainly getting "deep" around here.

"Father Cutie is still bound by his promise to live a celibate life, which he freely embraced at ordination," Favalora said. "Only the Holy Father can release him from that obligation."

"Yeah, like that's been a problem for me so far," Cutie responded.

The Episcopal Diocese of Southeast Florida said Cutie will deliver a sermon Sunday at a church that diocese leaders are looking to restore: the Church of the String Bikini in Biscayne Park. Cutie will be a part of this effort to revitalize this church and others, the diocese said.

Oh. So that's what the ecumenicals are calling it these days.

Favalora also had harsh words for the Episcopal church's decision to accept Cutie. "This truly is a serious setback for ecumenical relations and cooperation between us," he said.

Calm down father. Episcopals aren't really in a church, remember?

5 comments:

Seeing Eye Chick said...

That was funny. Them Episcopals--Always sticking their thumb's in the Vatican's peach! You know the great schism, left one other old head church intact and it's priests can still marry before ordination and remain that way after the fact. See Orthodox Church.

Funny, they are still a real church.

scripto said...

Some sects have all the luck. I'd be a Protestant if I hadn't suffered that tragic accident at birth. The heretics had fun in their youth groups. Boys and girls together - in the same place! I can only imagine.

Anonymous said...

I think it's fabulous that Cutie is indeed a cutie and he looks healthy like hell! When one looks at the Pope, all we see is something half-dead, fully cold, and so old and uninspiring ,Catholic is starting to look really "nasty-stupid-German".
Time to join the planet and embrace all people for a change, and if it happens to be your wife, even better.
Maybe only husbands can teach condoms and for that, Cutie should set up shop in Africa, at minimum. just the same, Florida needs more like him.

Anonymous said...

Dr. Tiller is dead because of all the extreme outlaws , illegally inciting hatred among those using their rights and having an abortion to prevent health issues for the mother, baby or further hardships due to poverty and even rape. Where is the Church , today, condemning the violence upon doctors merely doing their jobs? Have they no empathy particularly with the last Pope 's brush with assassination? All the junk from tiny, sexist minds, must be banished if the Catholic Church wants to maintain its "power". Only third world countries follow the Pope 100% and this breeding on an already overpopulated planet is probably the most harmful step the Catholic Church forces upon every living soul. A priest who is human, you say, is going to marry? God. Is it any wonder USA no longer believes and Yoga is exploding.

scripto said...

"...and Yoga is exploding." And who's going to be left to clean it up?