Father Alberto Cutie, an internationally known catholic priest who admitted having a romantic affair and breaking his vow of celibacy, is joining the Episcopal Church to be with the woman he loves.
Cutie? Father Cutie? Come on. You really expect us to buy that?
(it's pronounced koo-tee-AY).
Yeah, as in boot tee AY? Right padre? Come on now. Be honest. Just can't keep from giving the big sacrament to the koo tee ays in the parish now can you, you old cornu canis you!
"I will always love the catholic church and all its members," he said at a news conference. "Well, that was part of my problem, trying to love all the members of the catholic church. I have needs, you know? Plus I'm straight so it's not like they can just send me to another diocese."
John C. Favalora, archbishop of the Catholic Church's Miami archdiocese, where Cutie served, said he was "deeply disappointed" by the news. "There aren't that many heteros left," he said. "We'd like to hang on to those we have."
The Cuban-American priest admitted having a two-year relationship with the woman, a long-time friend. She has not been publicly identified. "This is something I've struggled with," he said this month. "I don't support getting caught in the breaking of the celibacy promise. "
Of his relationship with the woman, he said, "Through the photos, it looked like a frivolous thing on the beach, you know, and that's not what it is. It's something deeper than that."Um...padre? We don't think that's what your bosses want to hear.
"Father Cutie's actions have caused grave scandal within the Catholic Church, harmed the Archdiocese of Miami -- especially our priests -- and led to division within the ecumenical community and the community at large," Favalora said in a written statement. "Today's announcement only deepens those wounds."
Well, it's certainly getting "deep" around here.
"Father Cutie is still bound by his promise to live a celibate life, which he freely embraced at ordination," Favalora said. "Only the Holy Father can release him from that obligation."
"Yeah, like that's been a problem for me so far," Cutie responded.
The Episcopal Diocese of Southeast Florida said Cutie will deliver a sermon Sunday at a church that diocese leaders are looking to restore: the Church of the String Bikini in Biscayne Park. Cutie will be a part of this effort to revitalize this church and others, the diocese said.
Oh. So that's what the ecumenicals are calling it these days.
Favalora also had harsh words for the Episcopal church's decision to accept Cutie. "This truly is a serious setback for ecumenical relations and cooperation between us," he said.
Calm down father. Episcopals aren't really in a church, remember?
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