Milk Carton Mark

OK, think about this: If you were a republican wouldn't you want to disappear right about now? We mean, come on. "Less popular than Dick Cheney"? We don't care how delusional you are, that has got to hurt. So why the big brouhaha when South Carolina governor Mark Sanford went walkabout?

Governor Sanford was in Argentina during a days long unexplained absence, not hiking the Appalachian Trail as his staff told the public when state leaders raised questions about his whereabouts. "Argentina, Appalachia, whatever," said an aide to the governor. "The guy's governor of South Carolina, not chair of the Geography Department at Harvard."

The Republican governor said he decided at the last minute to go to the South American country. Sanford explained he had considered hiking on the Appalachian Trail but wanted to do someone exotic.

The governor's wife, Jenny Sanford, told The Associated Press she had not seen him since Thursday but was not concerned because he'd told her he wanted to get away and do some writing.

"Writing." So that's what the kids are calling it these days.

The governor's spokesman, Joel Sawyer, said Sanford wanted to get away to clear his head after the legislative session, during which he had to stay sober for over two weeks. "Leave us to our privacy," Jenny Sanford said. "And if you hear all kinds of yelling and screaming and dishes breaking when that good for nothing, no account, lazy cracker gets back here, ignore that too."

When asked at the airport why his staff said he was on the Appalachian Trail, Sanford replied, "I don't know. Maybe when I told them I wanted to be on Amanda Françozo they misunderstood. "

Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer said he was concerned that the governor's staff lied about Sanford's whereabouts, adding that if they didn't know where he was they should have said so. "For his staff to lie to the people of South Carolina and say he was one place when in fact he wasn't, that concerns me," Bauer said. "Course, I've instructed my staff to say I'm in a meeting when I really passed out drunk back behind the Grounds keeper's shed, so maybe it isn't that big of a deal after all."

Sanford has been a fan of Argentina for years. While in Congress and since he's said that nation's Social Security system has a model the U.S. should follow.

Um...that would be this social security system?

The governor has long been known as a loner — bucking GOP leadership during three U.S. House terms and casting the only dissenting vote on Medicaid coverage for some breast and cervical cancer treatment.

"Really?" asked Jenny Sanford. "I did not know that. When did you say he was getting back again?"

Who was in charge became the political and practical question. Essentially, Sanford's staffers said they'd decide who to call if an emergency popped up and the governor couldn't be reached. The state's constitution says a temporary absence would give the lieutenant governor full authority in the state.

Hey, come on, this is South Carolina," said Senate President Pro Tem Glenn McConnell. "Most of the time we're down by the crick fishing anyways. Something was to happen, might be a day or two fer we heard about it anyways."

Well, whatever. There's an easy way to verify the whole story: LET'S SEE THE STAMP ON THE PASSPORT DUDE!!!1!!!

And we mean the real passport too, not a copy from the department of fake documents in Hawaii like that alien Muslim communist who tricked us into being president.

Update: Wow. We were just riffing on that whole family values republican horn dog meme with that "...but wanted to do someone exotic" thing. Turns out we were right. Dang! We have got to blog sober more often! This could be a career!

Nah.