How Do You Say "I Am Not A Crook" In Latin?

OK so popey's got himself a bit of a brouhaha, or as we like to say around here, a brouHAHAHAHAHA!! Not that we take pleasure in another person's suffering, but after all those years of saying other people's churches ain't no churches, brown religion is whack, it's everybody's fault but ours, and tell the wimmenz to shut it we have to admit to just a little sip from the jug of righteous schadenfreude when old Bene answered the knock at his door and got served with a big old subpoena to appear in the court of Karma.

Benedict's papacy has been marked until now by controversies over things he has said and done, such as his criticism of Islam at Regensburg in 2006 or his 2009 decision to readmit four excommunicated ultra-traditionalist bishops to the Church. Now a goal he has failed to achieve -- gain control over the Curia -- has come back to haunt him. Leaks of confidential documents on everything from Vatican finances to private papal audiences make his papacy look weak and disorganized.

 Now, in PopeMasta B's defense we should point out that Jesus has been pretty busy lately trying to keep Teh Gayz from destroying civilization while at the same time making sure all those government sponsored birth control sluts don't abort their fetuses before they get pregnant and trying to convince good christian folks that the Mittbot is not an alien from Kolob and even if he is, at least he's a white alien from Kolob, so just think about that for a moment while you're in that voting booth.

With all that tying up the J man you can imagine how some oversight functions might fall through the cracks as it were. We mean, god's off somewhere doing god knows what and the holy ghost, well he's no help at all being a ghost and all, so everything falls to junior. Boy, sacrifice yourself for the sins of man one time and it's like they never let you forget it, you know? But back to the pope:

The "Vatileaks" scandal has revealed, among other issues, the infighting behind the sacking of the Vatican bank president. The pope's own butler has been arrested on suspicion of stealing documents that have since been leaked to the media.

Actually, we prefer Vatigate which trips more easily off the tongue, but this is Ex Vee I's scandal so he can call it what he wants. We're more interested in who's playing the role of G Gordon Liddy anyway.

The target seems to be Italian Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, the Vatican secretary of state (prime minister), whose critics accuse him of playing politics and blocking their efforts to stamp out corruption and cronyism in Vatican management. "We categorically deny these accusations. They are untrue, unfounded and libelous. Plus the holy father doesn't know a thing," said and spokesperson for the vatican office of corruption and cronyism who asked that his name not be used because there were still warrants open in Calabria. "Just a little mixup with a local...uh...tourist...erm...companion service, that's all. Should be cleared up any day now," he added.

The crisis, which hurts Benedict's image as a leader just as he drives an increasingly conservative line in Church policy, is as much a result of the pope's diffident management style as of the institutional dysfunction of the Curia itself. "We find these unsubstantiated rumors concerning the pope's leadership to be offensive," said a spokesperson for the vatican office of diffident management style and institutional dysfunction.

Benedict, a leading Catholic theologian in his own right, has devoted considerable time in office to writing a major study entitled "Jesus of Nazareth" rather than administering the Church. The first two volumes appeared in 2007 and 2011. "The holy father has determined that what this world needs now in these times of war, famine and widespread suffering is more books about Jesus," said a representative of the vatican book of the month club. "We'll be offering a custom boxed set for a very reasonable price when he finishes the third volume, but until then volumes one and two are available for the low low price of $39.95 each, or $78.50 for both. Uh, that's dollars, not Euros. We may be incompetent, but we're not dumb."

Benedict's aides apparently did not prepare him for the wave of sharp protests from Catholics, Jews and even German Chancellor Angela Merkel to his surprise decision in 2009 to readmit four rebel bishops to the Church after a 21-year schism. The shocked pope had to write a long letter explaining the step and admit nobody in the Curia had done an Internet search for him and seen one bishop was a notorious Holocaust denier. "We tried to tell him that 'to Google' was not a euphemism for sex with underage boys, but he was pretty gun shy if you know what I mean," said a spokesperson for the vatican IT office who added that the pope likes to listen to Boxcar Willie on his Zune. "A lot of people think this pope is old fashioned, but he's right up there with the hep cats."

Hep cats? Wasn't that a harmonica band in Yugoslavia?