Put Down The Juice Box And Step Away From The Tricycle

It can be said that we were not the most conscientious of students during our days as inmates in our local educorporate training facility. There was the Levi Ben Hur episode that sent the sub back to rehab...and there was the time we learned that applying voltage to a frog's leg could make it move so we tried it on Sally Konkolevski's...er...derriere. Then there was the unfortunate combination of super glue and our History teacher's desk drawers. OK, maybe we were bad, but that's not the point. One of the reasons we were so emboldened was we knew our teachers couldn't do half of what they would have liked to have done to us without incurring the wrath of the authorities. Times, apparently, have changed.

Police in a small Indiana town hauled a six-year-old from his elementary school and charged him with battery and intimidation after he kicked and threatened Principal Patrick Lumbley, police said on Wednesday.

 Umm...here's a career tip Principal Lumbley: If you're the principal of an elementary school, and kindergarteners intimidate you, perhaps it would be better if you went back to long distance truck driving. Just a thought.

The Indiana student, who had been suspended from school recently for biting and hitting principal Lumbley's body guard, threatening to hold his breath until he got his way and premeditated acting like a spoiled brat who needs his little fanny paddled, was arrested April 18 at Hendricks Elementary School in Shelbyville, which is about 30 miles southeast of Indianapolis. "This was not an isolated incident," Shelbyville Police Lieutenant Michael Turner said. "We're pretty sure the kid has ties to Al Qaeda."

School officials called police, reporting that the student, who was not identified, had kicked Principal Patrick Lumbley and told him and Assistant Principal Jessica Poe that he was going to kill them, a Shelbyville police report said. "We have to take these threats seriously," Turner said. "Indiana respects the Second Amendment as much as Florida and it is legal for six year olds to carry concealed weapons in the state."

The student was yelling and screaming and lying on the floor of Poe's office when police arrived, the report said. Later that report was corrected to read that principal Lumbley was yelling and screaming and lying on the floor of Poe's office when police arrived. The student was in the library watching a video of the Lion King.

Poe led the student to a police car where an officer placed him in the back seat, buckled him in and drove him to the police department, the report said. He was not handcuffed and the SWAT team was taken off alert. The officer reported that the student asked if he could turn the siren on. It was not allowed.

Turner said he hoped the filing of juvenile charges would help get the child needed help. "Putting him into the system can open up avenues perhaps the parents don't have," Turner said. "Such as charging him as an adult."