Monday, May 14, 2012

And God Sayeth Unto Eve: "Thou Shalt Not Swing On 3 - 1"

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know desire is the main ingredient in disappointment...erm...we mean know that from time to time we like to bring to your attention the latest bag of flaming poo the church catholic has left on the doorstep of polite society. Most of the time these little deposits revolve around the popster's ongoing efforts to bring back the 12th century and secretly we appreciate the antediluvian crowd of funny hat aficionados because we figure the more they can do to draw attention to the fact that they have become increasingly irrelevant to most people forced to live in the present the sooner we can get back to things like progress and stuff.

Occasionally though we run across a pronouncement from the beanie boys which makes complete sense, is logically consistent, and reflects the highest traditions and precepts of the institution. This is one of those times.
Our Lady of Sorrows, a fundamentalist Catholic school in Phoenix chose to forfeit the championship game rather than play a team fielding a female player.
 See, when you run a shop that basically relegates half the world's population to a status just a little above pets, you can't afford to be placing your boys in a situation where the position assigned to them by the big J himself could be threatened because this girl can turn a double play with the best of them. Might lead to some uncomfortable questions if you get our drift, and if there's one thing the church doesn't like it's questions.

Besides, it turns out the girl's team was 9 - 0 and Our Lady of Too Many Men Left On Base was 6 - 3. Now it doesn't take a theologian to figure out that if god wants dudes to be primo, he needs to give them better pitching.
It is not clear whether the school's athletics policy originates with the Society or the school. Nor is it clear if the school accepts male and female students. Calls to Our Lady of Sorrow's athletic director and principal and to the Society were not returned Wednesday. School officials did release a short statement saying they were discussing the matter and will release a written statement "at the appropriate time."
Yeah. Got to wait until Mrs. Bixby the secretary comes back from vacation because typing, you know that's for girls. Says it somewhere in the bible we think. 
"I respect their views, but it's a bit out of the 18th century," said Mesa Prep athletic director Amy Arnold, who is the only woman now coaching a boys high-school football team in Arizona.
 Wait, a girl player and a girl coach? This is freaking Sodom and Gomorrah man! What's next, men and women mixing freely in public? Female orgasms? Where does it end?
Before the forfeit was announced, Arnold had hoped the game would still take place. "What true athlete would want to win or lose a championship game by forfeit?" Arnold asked.
One that plays for TEAM JESUS heathens!!

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