BREAKING: People Not Voting For Obama, Still Not Voting For Obama

Full disclosure: We are not professional journalistic reporters. Did not receive intensive training at a leading school of journalism, nor did we do years of internships and apprenticeships at the feet of giants in the field learning our trade over the years, building up experience and expertise so we may be missing some of the nuance in this headline:

Poll: Obama’s gay marriage stance could hurt him

Now, as unsophisticated readers we look at the headline and say yes, that's true, of course it could just as easily be said that Obama's gay marriage stance could not hurt him, or that it could do a little of both, and all those positions would be true, which does nothing to enlighten the reading public. No, to appreciate the true substance of this piece, you have to carefully parse the contents, for example:

Most of those polled say the president's position will not impact how they vote.

 So what have we learned so far? That a poll that says something could be, but maybe not, and it doesn't matter anyway because most people don't care, is superfluous and a waste of time? Well, if that's what you think you are only embarrassing yourself with your ignorance.

Also troubling for the president is that a majority of voters suspect that his decision was politically motivated. Sixty-seven percent said they thought Obama's announcement was made "mostly for political reasons," while 24 percent said it was "mostly because he thinks it is right."

See, see? Nuance man, nuance. And if you're asking yourself do people really care why Obama  took this position, or are they more likely to be influenced by the fact that he took it at all, well...um...OK we'll have to get back to you on that, but there's an implication there and only the hopelessly out of touch think journalism rests on facts. Implication, dear reader, it's the new truth.

The economy remains by far the most important issue to voters, with 62 percent naming it their top concern, followed by the budget deficit at 11 percent and health care at 9 percent. Just 7 percent pick same-sex marriage as the most important issue in the election.

 Now we're sure there are some hard core dead-enders out there who are saying, hey if the economy is the most important issue on people's minds, why are we reading about gay marriage? And to you we say have you learned nothing? The economy is complicated, multi-faceted, subtle and plastic. In other words, hard. You think professional journalistic reporters who received intensive training at leading schools of journalism, did years of internships and apprenticeships at the feet of giants in the field learning their  trade over the years, building up experience and expertise have time for all that? Not when there's homos to write about! And the Kardashians, don't forget the Kardashians. The Pulitzer committee loves that stuff dude.