God Bless America. Well, Some Of It Anyway

You know, just the other day we were sitting around here in the marbled halls of IM Central having a communistic socialism conversation about what christian holiday President B. HUSSEIN Obama should issue a fatwa against first, when it occurred to us now that Jerry Falwell is dead, who's going to tell us why god hates us by sending hurricanes, tornadoes and gay pride days. Well, hates some of us is probably a more accurate statement.

Pat Robertson immediately came to mind, but hey, this election was all about change, and anyway that whole god wants to kill Hugo Chavez kind of put a dent in his holy cred for us, you know? We mean, Chavez is a catholic and aren't catholics like, god's homies or something?

Then we got to thinking about that guy Rick Warren. You know, the head shill at Saddleback (there has to be a gay innuendo in there someplace) church that had McCain and Obama over for a panderfest back during the campaign. Now, we know McCain would have gone anywhere he thought at least two people might listen to him, even if one was deaf, but Obama didn't have to go.

Hmm...thinks us. Maybe there's something to this guy. After all, he doesn't think showering with your son will prevent Teh Gay, or date the whore of Babylon. So we highed ourselves off to the inter toobz to see what we could find out.

Turns out he's a fairly harmless fellow. Wrote a book about the purpose of driving or something; wants a civil culture; hates gays and wants Ahmadinejad dead.

Wait, what?

On the program, host Sean Hannity had asked Warren if expressing the need to "take out" Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was “advocating something dark, evil or something righteous.” “Well, actually, the Bible says that evil cannot be negotiated with. It has to just be stopped,” the Southern California pastor responded before being cut off by another question. “By force?” Hannity asked. “Well, if necessary,” Warren replied.

Dang. Chavez, Ahmadinejad, The Red Sox. God's hit list is longer than John Gotti's. Well, luckily Warren's just some backwater preacher who's had his fifteen minutes and now that the election is over he'll fade into the background like Haggard at a NGLTF meeting when the 60 Minutes cameras show up.

Wait, what?

President-elect Barack Obama Wednesday for chose evangelical pastor Rick Warren to deliver the invocation at the presidential inauguration next month.

Now we have to admit that upset us a little when we first read it, but then, after a Stoli or two it occurred to us that maybe Obama is just throwing the Bubbas a bone. Sure, it hurts that it's a bone he broke off the gay community, but still...OK, we used bone and gay in the same sentence. We're going to lie down now, you're on your own.