Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Hounds Home For The Holiday

Yes, reader(s), it's once again time for that long standing tradition that we remember from time to time here in the marbled halls of IM Central: Hounds Home for the Holiday **scattered applause, and what could have been a belch**

Regular visitors to this blog have learned to live with lowered mean know that during this festive time of year we expand our regular Friday Hound Blogging feature in an attempt to put a few more needle noses on a few more couches.

But first, let's see what the overlords are up to.
Are you trying to make a living from the dog track? Or maybe you're just trying to supplement your retirement income or make up for lost income from the tough economic times we're going through right now.
Then you probably have the IQ of a Dung Beetle, but that's not going to stop me from trying to sell you something. In fact your lack of the common sense god gave a wood chip is probably the reason I'll be successful, proving that uniquely American article of faith that there is no one in this country too dumb to make money off of.
If you look at greyhound handicapping as a career, it's obvious that you need some training.
And by training I mean years of institutional care accompanied by large quantities of psychotropic drugs administered at regular intervals by hulking men with burly arms in white uniforms.
When you decide to be a professional handicapper. You don't just quit your day job and start going to every racing program. You start out by learning the ropes and getting better at handicapping.
To accomplish this, find a building with several flights of metal stairs and throw yourself down them repeatedly until the ringing in your head is loud enough to be heard by a person standing next to you. Now you're ready for the track!
Find a mentor, if you can afford it, or a good greyhound handicapping system.
See, I say if you can afford it because if you walk up to someone on the track who's probably eating cat food three times a week and say teach me to win at greyhound racing, you might as well have "Please Take All My Money" tattooed on your forehead. Which leads me to the real point of this article...
To win at the dog track, you need a winning system. You can learn the basics of handicapping from a program or online, but to really make good money at the dog track consistently, you need proven Greyhound Handicapping Systems.
Yes, rube, what I really meant to say is forget all that other stuff I said. If you're dumb enough to think you can actually win money betting on greyhounds, you're already a pretty big loser and you might as well just send me your money instead. At least I'll give you something to show for it:

Bonus #1 is a Quiniela Rating System that finds over-bet and under-bet combinations the crowd misses.

Bonus #2 reveals Secrets of Handicapping Route Races with some surprising revelations about how most bettors handicap route races completely wrong.

You get the complete system and the two bonuses for the low price of $35. (The sections are also available separately without the bonuses for $15 each.)
Look, at least I'm smart enough to figure out that the only way to make money at greyhound racing is by taking advantage of the idiots who think they can win, which means I'm already smarter than you. So what do you say? Come on , it's only $35. You can always tell the kids Santa was shot down over Iraq and won't be coming this year.

On the other hand, if you buy this and actually win, we hear that pine scented car air fresheners are only .99 cents down at the Quickie Mart. You could buy one, take it home and hang it in the living room for an old fashioned Christmas, right Day?

Day is very sweet, curious and likes to check everything out. She is playful and puppy-like. She is very affectionate and she loves to be petted. She approaches and nuzzles for affection. She gets really excited when her foster mom first wakes up, so she can go outside. Day would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, ages 10 and up. She is good with other dogs and would probably be fine as an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.


Anonymous said...

There are no secrets "in handicapping"...look at any "rescues". Broken ankles, feet, etc, are a dime a dozen.
Let's get all these Greyhounds home, period.

mberenis said...

This is a good blog, thanks for sharing.

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