Man, it's a good thing god is, well, you know, god and all, otherwise he wouldn't be able to keep up. Last week we told you the state of Kentucky dropped responsibility for their security in his lap, and made him responsible, by law! As if the deity hasn't got enough trouble with the American judicial system. And since most of the lawyers go to hell, we'd imagine god is having trouble locating adequate legal representation.
Here it is god's busy season anyway, what with the war on Christmas and all, plus trying to shop for Mary. Hey, what do you get someone who, literally has everything? And then there's Jesus. Ever since he came back from that whole sacrifice thing he's got a terminal case of the big head. Oh sure, he's all like love thy neighbor this and turn the other cheek that, but try to get him to do anything around the house and you might as well be talking to a Caanaite or something.
But we digress.
Now the Rev. Charles Ellis has gone and dropped the auto industry bailout in god's lap.
With sport-utility vehicles at the altar and auto workers in the pews, one of Detroit's largest churches on Sunday offered up prayers for Congress to bail out the struggling auto industry.
"Oh heavenly father," Ellis intoned before the congregation, "We pray that you'll forget about those cousin marrying hillbillies in Kentucky and lay your holy hand upon the hearts of our Congress. Well, actually a little lower and around to the right, draw us out some of that bailout manna and shower it down upon us like bling at a Lil Wayne concert."
A Ford Escape, Chevy Tahoe from GM and a Chrysler Aspen were parked just in front of the choir and behind the pulpit. "Are they for bingo prizes," one congregant asked. "Doesn't god get around in a chariot of fire?" asked another. "Jesus has three SUV's?" asked a third
Ellis said he and other Detroit ministers would pray and fast until no one was looking. He urged his congregation to take up the slack. "Since most of you out of work, that fasting thing shouldn't be too hard," Ellis said.
Representing the 150,000 unionized workers at GM, Chrysler and Ford Motor Co. UAW Vice President General Holiefield said the industry had made its case for emergency funding as strongly as it could. "We have done all we can do in this union, so I'm going to turn it over to the Lord," Holiefield told the congregation. "Course, I'm keeping my salary, but the work I'm turning over to the lord."
At one point, Ellis summoned up hundreds of auto workers and retirees in the congregation to come forward toward the vehicles on the altar to be anointed with oil. When the oil ran out the reverend switched to anti-freeze, then windshield wiper fluid.
"It's all about hope. You can't dictate how people will think, how they will respond, how they will vote," Ellis said after the service. "But you can look to God. We believe he can change the minds and hearts of men and women in power, and that's what we tried to do today. Either that or turn them into toads if they don't slide us a little of that sumpin sumpin they're dropping all over the bankers."
God's office would neither confirm nor deny that the supreme being preferred Mercedes E class.
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Incredible how many lift their hands to "god" for any voodoo possible.
Pat Boone, one more far right fanatic, just compared Mumbai to Prop 8...and now, he is "hell-bent" in showing the similarities, the causes and with all fingers crossed, the "result".
It just keeps on keeping on. Somebody should outlaw "God" in Governments. It can be far more "heady" than the dollars that most want, and far more frightening, when hailing "it" for war.
If ever there was a very easy way out, it's called "Green Planet". And anyone, going against this objective, should be flogged, tarred, and feathered.
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