In The Spirit Of Bipartisanship I Will Work With Bill Ayers' BFF

Hey, remember that presidential election we had, what, six months ago or something? You know the one where the old man and the crazy lady ran against Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson? It was in all the papers.

Anyway, now that we're officially a socialist country we got to wondering what had happened to the losers. We seem to remember being told that dissidents in socialist countries are sent to reeducation camps where they are shot until they accept the party line. This worried us a little because we always believed that as long as you kept Teh Maverick away from sharp objects and nuclear launch codes the most dangerous thing about him was old man farts. Well, those and his running mate, but we heard she was actually an inflatable so we assume she's been quietly deflated and packed away by this time.

So, that and the fact that our newspaper dropped Boondocks sent us off into the toobz this morning to see what we could see.

Speaking to ABC's "This Week," McCain was asked whether Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin could count on his support. "I can't say something like that. She didn't even have my support when she was on the ticket."

Now that may not be entirely true because earlier in the campaign McCain admitted that he didn't actually remember running for president. "There was this black guy following me around," McCain told reporters. "I didn't want to go straight home and let him find out where my house was so I kept moving around. Finally lost him in early November."

"I think you're going to see the governors assume a greater leadership role in our Republican Party," he said. He then mentioned governors Poison Pill of Minnesota, Francine's boy in Utah. Oh, and don't forget the Exorcist."

McCain was pressed on why he couldn't promise support for the woman who, just months ago, he named as the second best person to lead the nation. "Have no doubt of my admiration and respect for her and my view of her viability, but at this stage, again ... my corpse is still warm, you know?" he replied.

Wait, is he saying one of the other governors will kill him if he supports Palin? Now if he were talking about Romney we might believe it, but Jindal? He thinks he's being chased by spooks. Huntsman? Obviously whipped. Pawlenty? Well, he has been known to murder a Bambi or two. We'll get back to you on that one.

McCain rejected complaints from the Republican National Committee that Obama has not been transparent about his contacts with Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich. "Who cares about Blagojevich?" he said. "Now Ayers. There's a story we haven't heard. And what about Wright? You people in the press just aren't doing your jobs. No barbecue for you."

Despite the heated nature of the race and attacks both former candidates lobbed at each other, McCain emphasized that he plans to focus on pushing lawmakers past partisan politics. "I think my job is, of course, to be a part of, and hopefully exert some leadership, in the loyal opposition. But I emphasize the word loyal," McCain said. "Unlike my opponent whose only loyalty is to his Imam back at the Madrasas."

Later McCain's office issued a statement saying the senator's comments had been taken out of context because he said them while conscious and the McCain looked forward to working with the "black Marxist."